how long can you safely sit?

// // 31 Comments
j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Shat On asks:

It never fails. Once a month I get home from work, race to the mailbox and grab a precious periodical know as National Geographic (the ultimate bathroom book). I settle in for a movement and no sooner as I am through the first article than my wife is banging on the door, telling me I am going to get hemorrhoids. How long can the average person sit and read without harming themselves?





Dear Shat On,

Thanks for the question.

I know a lot about hemorrhoids, as I have had the distinctly unfortunate experience of having them cut out.

DO NOT SIT AND READ ON THE CAN. Limit your visit to ten minutes, TOPS.

Don't strain, eat plenty of fiber, and drink lots of water.

And really, tell your wife to mind her own business. It's your problem, not hers.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












31 Comments on "how long can you safely sit?"

Shat On's picture
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Thanks for the advice, (I read your story)
....2 things,
1. you have ruined one of the few joys I have in life.
2. I am cancelling my subscription to NG.....OMG! like.....OUCH!

Slim Jim Junkie's picture
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Put a bookmark a few pages in NG. The bookmark should have a clear warning to get off the crapper IMMEDIATELY and finish the magazine later.

I'm not sure how to style it, or how the warning should read. Use your imagination, and combine your worst fears when making the book mark.

poo-obsessed's picture
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i am always having problem with my poop, and i have seen many doctors and read many articles about poop, and the one major point that everyone seems to agree on - if it takes you longer than 5-7 minutes to take a poo, then something is wrong and you should see a doctor. if it won't come out, it's not ready to come out and you should go about the rest of your day and try again later. sitting on the toilet too long puts a lot of strain on your anus: your butt is in a hole, so your anus is the lowest part, putting the majority of your weight on your anus. your butthole was not meant to support your fat ass, it's only supposed to empty it. if you want a good read, go sit in a chair somewhere. if you want to be alone, drive your car down the block and sit in there and read for 20 minutes.

frag's picture
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eat more psyllium for good times on the potty for poo poo the pleasure is intense... then do the "doo" LOL

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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This is total bullshit! Your wife doesn't know what she's talking about. My brother-in-law reads on the toilet for hours and he has never had a hemmeroid in his life!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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If someone has done the study relating time sitting on the pot to hemorrhoids, could you direct us to it, Poonurse? I really doubt that this 10 minute rule is anything but a hunch or the workings of people (like wives or husbands) trying to scare someone like me out of the john. I log many minutes (probably on average 30) on the pot each session and to date (knock on poo) have had no problems. It's peaceful in there -- no distraction.

Logjam

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I agree with Logjam. I know many people, including my mother, who spend a long time on the pot and never have problems.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Which I so aptly stated above Logjam. Some things said in the health business are so stupid. Like urine therapy, raw-fooding, and other such crap.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous drawoc's picture
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Well, 10 minutes sounds like a rule of thumb, but I cap mine at 3-5.

I have hemorrhoids and I'd have to say, being only 17 it sucks ass.

If you can't poo the few minutes you're on the toilet, don't sit there, it's truly a waste of time and CAN cause damage.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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That pain in your ass is not a hemorrhoid. It's your wife. Read on.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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When you start getting numb in your legs, it's time to get off the pot. That's the best way to tell how long.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Two years is too long.

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Am I the only one who plus oned sittingpretty?

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Aw man thats the one place where i enjoy Popular Mechanics! Now I shall never get through that DIY article.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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It's not the sitting for long periods of time that cause hemmi's, it's the straining to the point of almost having a stroke.

If you have to strain that hard to take a shit, try adding a little fiber to your diet, and leave us potty readers alone.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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So the veins shouldn't be popping out of my neck when I shit?
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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No, and the top of your head shouldn't blow off either.

Tim Haight's picture
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NEVER strain!, I had diarriah from crones disease for 30 years that turned into almost incurable constipation, from straining.

I use to love to sit on the tolite numerous times a day reading and straining to get all the diarriah to come out. I had no idea what I was doing...

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Tim......I have had exactly the opposite experience, I have to strain to keep the diarrhea from coming out prematurely as I do the penguin walk to the toilet.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Thank you, Shit Volcano!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Poothagoras's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Every morning I sit and read for a while, so today I decided to take note of any possible issues.
Other than the shock I got when my asshole touched the water, I didn't notice anything.
_______
Every poop is not to be told to every body.

Every poop is not to be told to every body.

Crapola's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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My doctor strongly advised NOT to sit and read on the toilet. I never do, but I got a Category 4 hemorhhoid from running! You can read my Poop Report about it here. I also got one from sitting in the car for a 10 hour trip! Sitting is never good for your ass.


_______
Piece Out!
Crapola

Piece Out!
Crapola

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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I drop my load and leave as soon as possible, there are much more comfortable places in my home to sit and read.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I drop my load as soon as I sit down. I can't stand sitting on the seat forany length of time. If there isn't any action forthright, I'm outta there. Like Chief, there are other more comfortable places to sit in my house.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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If you have to ask how long to sit, you are probably sitting too long.

shitake boy's picture
l 100+ points
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I always sit on the toilet anywhere between 10-20 minutes depending on how bad I need to go, and how many waves I have.
Additionally I do not read or anything while I am on the toilet, so there is no "reading time" factored in there. Usually, after the last wave I always sit an additional 5 minutes or so on the toilet, so that I am sure that I am finished. With the IBS, my shits are unpredictable.

_______
In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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It finally occurred to me why I've never had a hemorrhoid even though I sit and read for long periods of time: it has to do with the type of toilet you have.

Think about it. If you have a plain regular round shaped toilet, your ass will sink down into the opening in the seat, which very well could cause those veins to pop out of your ass.

Now, if you have an elongated toilet, like I do, some of the excess weight is taken off your ass by your legs, which are also sitting on the bowl.

So there you go. Problem solved. If you want to sit and read, get a toilet with a bowl big enough to support your ass and thighs.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Postman ... That is a demonstration of why you are such a worthy member of the illustrious DTI. Your wisdom brings tears to my eyes.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Thanks Chief. Maybe the R&D team at DTI can come up with some kind of support system for ass challenged people with a small toilet who want to sit there all day. Maybe like a hammock they can hang over the toilet seat or something. I'll get right on it.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Most of the time, I wait to go to the toilet until the urge is quite strong. That way, the actual extrusion can be fairly prompt. On the other hand, occasionally it takes longer; but I have never noted any bad effects from sitting for longer periods. After all, I sit at the computer every day. Further, if the b.m. is fairly hard (or begins that way), it will require some straining and pushing to get it going. The only time I don't strain a little bit is when the poop is ready to leave without permission (i.e., diarrhea). Straining a bit to get things going is normal; if it just came out on an as-ready basis, one would have to wear Depends.

You'reAnIdiot 's picture
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Your advice was poop particularly about couple dynamics.