i've had 2 endoscopic procedures during which they pump your stomach full of gas so they can look around. all that gas combined with the anasthetic wearing off, and i can assure you that my farts were definitely uncontrollable, and i am a girl so you can't use the men-love-flatulence excuse. on the other hand, even though i am a girl, i firmly believe that flatulance is an endless source of entertainment.
i also have a particularly extreme case of GERD, and i had a new procedure done called "enteryx" (very new, less than a year old) and afterward i couldn't control my burps for 6 weeks.

I had to laugh at Mr. Poonurse. I, too, stalk unsuspecting victims in stores.

Oh dang ur married Poonurse! I was going to ask you to marrie me next month but now all my dreams are broken waaaa!!!11

When I eat enough of the right food I can actually fart in a vibrato!

People with IBS can't always control their 'farting'. Just as some people can't blush on cue. The human condition is far too complex to
peg anyone as to what they can or can't control.
Suprise at you Poonure, you should have known better regarding your comments about everyone
should control their farts etc.

poonurse...i have to agree with justwondering. i too am suffering from ibs and uncontrollable farts. they have charcoal filters that you can tape to your underwear in case someone is about to commit suicide

regarding filter....type in flat-d on your browser and you will get the website. fyi to all of you that think this is funny or ridiculous....this problem has actually destroyed peoples lives and has disabled them from living normal, healthy lives. Just be happy that you do not experience this.

I have this idea for a curse in which the victim farts without control and definately long and loud. Thought it would be wonderful to curse one of those stuck-up TV models to this problem. Or maybe Martha Stewart.

Gotta love Mr. Poonurse. As a guy I find it ok to fart around male friends but not female.

ok here is my problem... i get gas alot, and when i fart it smells bad. i mean it smells bad that my friends tell me that there is something wrong with me. and sometimes when i am in the car and i fart, i cant stand it and i have to role the window down. i have to role the window down for my own fart. !?? im not sure but that cant be right. i mean they stink soooooooo bad. i cant explain it but they are like toxic sometimes. i think its funny but is there something wrong with me?

Dude, that is a normal issue, not a problem. A friend of mine told me a story tonight how he had such a rank car fart that rolling the windows down and driving fast could not abate it, but instead he had to pull over and get OUT of the car. This is the same friend who stunk up my entire 1000 square foot apartment. He was drunk at the time and did not believe me and the rest of the people who were there how bad it smelled. Now he says he believes me. You, sir, are perfectly normal. Maybe lay off the beer if you drink it; my methane-rich friend is a heavy beer drinker.

I get really bad wind and can't hold it more than a couple of mins sometimes, and they nearly all smell REALLY bad, killer, and it is SO embarrassing, esp 'm a girl, and a nurse, and when I work nights, it gets even worse. There's only a certain number of times you can blame it on the patients! Anyone any ideas on how to cure it?

I've heard a cork in the btt will assist in holding back flatulance. Just a rumor though!

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Have a Gasseous Day!! Poop Shooter!

Poonurse (may she rest in peace) says above, "there is no surgery that I know of to help people control their gaseous odors."

Except a lobotomy, PN.

The title of this thread is "swallowing gum".
Why?

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SamDamnit!
Presidential Overlord
Of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

When the site was transferred to its new system something happened to the Ask Poonurse section. If you look through the threads there are a lot of letters that do not match to titles, or sometimes to comments.

I imagine this problem has not been corrected yet because Dave is very busy right now and this will take a long time to sort out.

Rats! I was hoping that you would say that swallowing one's chewing gum can act as a cap on on overyly fruitful bung hole.

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SamDamnit!
Presidential Overlord
Of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Blowing bubbles has never been so much fun!

TSV is right. Let me know if you see any other mistitled Poonurse columns.

Uh..ok.. Swallowing gum...Farts....you moderators see things I don't....Was a SQL JOIN on WHERE poonurse is LIKE chewing on Dr adams INNER gum problem...and @fart=UNION plugging things up?...nerds...
No injection intended....

Anyway...I hope this thread is about "uncontrollable farts".
I'm a system ANALyst in this area!
Like Bunga, I will try not to fart in front of females. Its about respect, unless they RIP first! I will buy extra drinks for that level of confidence. A rare find, if they know discretion, and they usually do.

BTW....
Sleep does NOT count! WTF!
I have booted out of bed for two things:
Snoring and farts.
OK...maybe three...

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

Shit...
Should have typed "I have been booted..."
Those old memories..:)

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

We all laugh at someone else's mistakes or accidents but when it is your turn is it so funny. At 25yrs old IBS will ruin your career and life. But please post your comments of humor at my expense.

Seeing as I'm a teenager AND a guy, farts are my own little Utopia. Females just wouldn't understand. It's a man thing.

But as for men letting loose with their girlfriend, well, let's just say I thought my generation was screwed up.

While I have had my fair share of "rotten" men in the past, I have been with the current Mr Motherload now for just over a year. He has no problems with my interest in PoopReport, or the work-related events that I bombard him with concerning poop. He even tells me if he has some kind of interesting or unusual occurance of his own regarding his bowels. He is a very kind, considerate and decent man. I don't know how he has managed to do it, but he has NEVER farted in my presence. It would not bother me in the least, as I am used to having wind in my face at work, but even though I have told him to "feel free", he has maintained this modecum of respect. I, on the other hand, have so far "slipped" in his presence 3 times. All while laughing hysterically at something I read on PoopReport.
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Always looking out for number two!

I think I'm going to call you Mom-Lo. :)

I fart about 4 times a minute. I try to hold back but can not stop. Worst of all they all F*#King stink. It is uncontrollerable but the smell can be reduced by taking charcoal tablets. For me I don't bother as I may as well eat a burnt out tree.

beano..... i take this every time i eat broccolli or indian food and the results are fabulous! but you gotta do the liquid. my problem this last month is there is a secret ingredient somewhere in my diet that has been making me fart all the time, super stinky, and unexpectedly. i sell my own product in an open air market, but talking to customers and trumpeting at the same time kills my sales....oatmeal maybe??

help help i have had gas/farting for over a year of very real nasty stinker types.. does anyone know of any cures, i have tryed all the meds like gas -x email me with replys please help help i need to stop before i blow my ass off

Let me tell you something. There is a procedure to seal the anus. It is called the anusmisdirectomy. I recommend this surgury as it forces the human to store the flatus and feces in the stomach until seven months after death. At this point it seeps through the decomposing abdominal wall and becomes what was medievally referred to as diet of worms. This is the shit explosion foretold in the Bible and Koran. This is why Muslims eat shit on a daily basis. This explains the translation of the name Muhammed as "the big shiteater." Alumi suck a long one, towel wrappers! Listen, the Holiday Inn called. They want their towel back assholes!

My farts sound like little ducks quacking.

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Eating lots of dark blue frosting turns your poo green!

So THAT'S what happened to the Aflac mascot!

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What if everyone farted at once?

Nice post! Don't go thin on those proteins. As a veggie myself, I can tell you how different I feel when my diet's balanced.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Poonurse: you suck.

i'm a guy and i can't control my farts and i don't think it's funny at all. i fart in front of chicks and it's embarrassing. i don't know HOW to control my farts. i'm not fucking stupid. i try but i don't know what the fuck to do. my friends tell me to just squeeze my cheeks.. i don't think i can control those muscles or something.

you should probably look into something before you pretend like you know what you're talking about. it pisses me off that you think guys like me just don't fucking care.

Extreme Farting rules ! A Big Poop to Everyone.

Eure Arschfurzrakte

Whether your male/female what difference will THAT make? um none, duh!!! LMFGDAO!! You people taking the mickey out of IBS sufferer's can go live in outer hell. You obviously are wasting your time being immature and amateur. You know nothing of what we go through! So get off this forum and go scrub the toilet for mummy!!

My guy friend farts all the time. Like, I went on a walk with him the other night and he farted at least twice in one hour. And what makes it more awkward is that he just ignores it and doesn't say anything about it. And then we just stand there and I walk away and he doesn't follow, just standing in his own stench. I assume his farts are uncontrollable, because he's a really nice guy that's respectful and everything. It just seems weird. And we don't talk about it or anything. I don't know what to do. And I sort of like him too. But I have this fear that if I ever kissed him or anything, he would fart and ruin the moment. This may seem funny, but the whole thing is really serious. And I feel bad for him but what is there to do? I'm so confused and weirded out and...yeah. Help?