uncontrollable farts

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Ashley C asks:

Do you know of any disease or ailment in which some people have no control when it comes to expelling gas? I have control of this, and I just cannot understand some of the men that I know claim that they have no control when it comes to releasing a fart. Are they pulling my leg? I'd really like to know the answer to this. If someone does not have control, is there an operation, or medication that they could take? Thanks!





Dear Ashley,

You have hit upon one of my pet peeves; people (insert the word MEN here if you so choose) who fart without consideration for others. (In fact, they seem to do it MORE often when they are around others, and then laugh like idiots while saying they can't help it.)

If I can control my farts after giving birth to two nine-pound children AND having hemmorhoid surgery, I personally believe that anyone can control them if they try. The fact is, men (sorry to be sexist, but the truth hurts) believe that farting is hilarious and no one can convince them otherwise.

Mr. Poonurse will actually go so far as to stalk people in stores such as Target or Wal-Mart. He will choose a victim (usually an elderly person), stand next to them while appearing to be innocently browsing the nearby merchandise, and let loose either with an SBD, or a loud blaster -- depending on his whim at the time. Then he will nonchalantly return to me and propel me into the path of the wafting funk to observe the victim's response. Many times, the intended victim will look at ME as if I was the one who let the fart. This pleases Mr Poonurse, who now get TWO victims for the price of one.

There is no surgery that I know of to help people control their gaseous odors. There is a type of charcoal they can take orally to make farts less stinky, but you'd have to convince the person to take it, which I doubt they would as it might dampen the purpose of their fun altogether.

Good luck!

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












82 Comments on "uncontrollable farts"

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Bilge, it's beef and potatoes, chicken and stars and pork 'n beans.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

fish and chips...yeah, I know all that, but they are great at the same sitting. I really wonder how I stay so thin.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Get a large snow ball stuffed with ice cream and topped with condensed sweet cream. That will put weight on you.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

SP, yes those things TASTE good together, but they can be not so good for your body when consumed together. It's been difficult to modify those old habits, but the results for me so far have been, well, incredible really. I have more energy than I've had in a very long time, evidenced by an almost bouncing-off-the-walls type feeling, higher mental clarity, and my dancing around the kitchen while making dinner after working all day. I used to belch and fart a lot after eating a meal, not anymore. And the quality of output? Thick, solid, one-wipers. I was starting to think those were a thing of the past for me.

The company I work for had a catered party over Labor Day weekend, and while I tried to observe the rules, I did screw up by eating dessert immediately after dinner. Can I tell you that it was literally on the second bite of that dessert when my stomach started flipping? I ate the rest anyway, stupidly, and we had to leave the party very soon afterward as the gastro-contractions got louder and closer together. By the time we got to the car, I was cramping up so bad that I wasn't sure I would make it all the way home before having a blowout. Luckily, I did make it, but it was a bittersweet homecoming as I spent the next 45 minutes doubled over in pain on the toilet while my insides all came out. At least that's what it felt like...

I kinda want to do an experiment to see if the same thing would happen again, except that I don't want to go thru the end result again to find out!
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Help for IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Here is some interesting information you may want to consider before you adjust your diet.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I just ate Chunkie sirlion burger veg soup with Louisiana hot sauce for breakfast. Those two really taste good together, however, my stomach doesn't agree.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

SP, it may come as a surprise, but in northern Alaska they don't sell much ice cream. Most of the people just scoop fresh snow and mix in sweetened condensed milk or cream. I like to add a drop or two of vanilla. Yummy.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

You are teasing, right? I thought Bilge was texting from a lake in Arizona, not northern Alaska.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I live in NJ, but spend about 1/4 of the year in Ak.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

PD are you in AK now--eating snow cones.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Currently in NJ eating calzones.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Calzones for breakfast,yummy. Wait... i haven't eaten a calzone.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

You must come up here some time and enjoy the Italian food (among many other cuisines). A calzone is a pizza dough empanada type pocket stuffed with mozzarella, ricotta and any other pizza toppings you want to add. Baked in a pizza oven till golden brown.

The only problem with Italian food is that you're hungry again in 2 or 3 days.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Mmmmm...yummy. You probably eat alot of tums with that. Well, I know I would have to as I just took two for the tomatoe based soup I just ate. OOOH I gotta go poo...BRB>
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I'm not eating hotsauce for breakfast ANYMORE.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Chief, from what I understand of this, foods that are at least 15% protein are classified as such, foods with at least 20% carbohydrate composition are classified as carbs (or something like that). Most single foods are compositions of various proportions, and the stomach can easily process a single food that is part starch, part protein, etc. The problems can happen when we eat more than one kind of food at a time, as we typically do in a meal--but especially when those foods require very different digestive processes. Here is a link to one of the myriad articles explaining this theory.

Combining the food in more compatible ways is supposed to help you digest and assimilate the nutrients better, which also results in less digestive upset.

I can only attest to the positive changes I have personally experienced, as noted above. And I've only been trying to eat this way for about 2 weeks now. I was already eating very healthfully: lots of fruits n veggies, mostly whole foods, very little if any processed/junk/fast food. Just changing around the order in which I eat the very same things has made a huge difference in my digestive issues... which is why I suggested it for Ted.

But who are we kidding? His post is 5 months old, for crying out loud! Wish I'd have noticed that earlier... LOL

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Oh hell, I just shovel it all in and let my stomach and asshole figure it out.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Thanks for the link IBSalot, I read the very well written article but have elected to take the prarie doggin approach and shovel it all in together.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Maybe I should write some articles.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Just go for it, PD, and write a book.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Chief&PD -- That used to work for me too, and then suddenly it didn't anymore. I went from having normal healthy movements, with the occasional bout of crampy diarrhea, to the exact opposite--seemingly overnight! (Looking back, the "occasional" bouts did come gradually more closely together, over years, but then there was a definite day where it switched from mostly good to mostly bad.)

Now I'm just not the kind of person who believes there is no choice but to take pills for the rest of my life, so I've been researching and trying different things over the years, some with limited success, but even still the attacks were pretty frequent and I almost never had a nice healthy dump.

Then I stumbled onto food combining. Starting literally DAY ONE on this style of eating, the gas, bloating, cramping, diarrhea, etc., completely disappeared (with the exception of the aforementioned party where I messed up and paid the price afterward).

So, the party incident notwithstanding, today is my 16th day of being "back to normal." Can you imagine what it's like to be so thankful for 16 whole days of good poop and no abdominal pain? Can you imagine what it's been like to not know 16 whole days in a row of good poop for the last 5 years??

So, naturally, I want to help others by sharing... that's just the way I am. :)

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

No IBSalot I can't imagine what it's like to have a normal BM with no pain. It is my prayer to know what it is like.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

upper decker's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I eat a lot of soluble fiber and it ferments in the GI tract causing more gas than normal (extra smelly too!). I can hold the farts in, but not forever. I wouldn't say it's involuntary, but they have to come out sometime!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

SP, I thought I would never have normal, painless BMs ever again... but thank goodness I was wrong! Have you ever tried following food combining principles before? Certainly, eating healthy foods in a specific order is something that anyone can try and see the results for themselves. (As Chief noted, diabetics may want to eat a little protein if they have a concentrated carb [beans, bread, pasta, potatoes, rice], but stick with plant proteins [avocado, nuts/nut butters, olives] in lieu of any protein from animal sources.)

If you're interested, there's a ton of free info on the web regarding food combining, which is supposed to resolve or relieve the symptoms of many various digestive issues including acid reflux, gastritis, constipation, IBS, heartburn, diverticulosis/diverticulitis, diarrhea, colitis/Crohn's (IBD). At the same time, eating this way causes the body to use less energy digesting the food you eat, so it can utilize that saved energy to heal and repair itself (replacing/repairing bad tissue, cleansing toxins and flushing excess fat).

I know, it sounds WAY too simple and certainly too good to be true, right? It seems almost ludicrous that simply changing the order in which you eat your food could possibly have so many benefits. Butt, I am here to tell ya, I am seeing the results for myself, and the improvements started instantly. No joke.

I had gotten pretty good over the years at avoiding the instant attacks like the one I mentioned from the company party, but even still I used to start every single morning with diarrhea--sometimes two or three rounds of it--and then almost anything I ate upset my stomach, causing gas and discomfort to varying degrees. I was miserable pretty much all day, every day.

I am now back to being regular, even pooping at the same time of day as I used to before IBS! As of this morning, I am down 7 pounds and 5% body fat, and my hydration is UP (again, this is if my fancy scale that measures these things thru my bare feet is to be believed), and still no IBS attacks--just normal, healthy, regular poop. And all these benefits in only 17 days so far.

I've been using this same scale once per week since January, and even though I had previously lost 20 pounds, the body fat and hydration readings hardly changed in that 8 months. Since I started food combining, hydration is going up and body fat is going down (along with weight!). I also keep a food diary, so I can see that I'm eating less, but not because it's a "diet"--I am simply not as hungry anymore. I've read this happens because when your body digests the food better, you absorb more of the nutrients that were previously wasted by not being digested properly, so less food is needed. I have to say I'm a believer!

I already ate healthy food, so the changes I had to make were only ones of habit: no bread or potatoes with meat, less cheese on stuff, eating fruit only alone and on an empty stomach. The starch/meat separation has been the most difficult change for me--I love sandwiches! And meat with potatoes! But I've decided I love NOT having bowel problems a helluvalot more than the taste of starch and meat together.

Here's to hoping you find whatever works for you!

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

It does sound very positive and I'm happy for you that it works. I feel so overwhelmed lately that I don't even go to the grocery. I would have to get into a new habit of going to the grocery. I have been on lactose free glutin free diet in the past and it didn't help. When I am able to focus on improving my diet I will ask you for those links. I don't have a computer at home, although I can search some things via the Palm Treo. I have only been in my house for 4 months and it is still not ready for visitations. I still have to deal with the contracter and the insurance company to get more money so I can get the outside finished. I am not getting any help and my body won't let me go any faster. Plus, I would have to learn how to cook. I don't look forward to cooking ever. I guess I'm making excuses because I'm not ready to make that committment to myself to eat right. That is what you are doing, eating right.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Thanks, SP! Yes, I've been "eating right," as in eating more healthy whole foods and less processed junk, for a few years now. If you currently eat mostly processed or junk food, then yes, food combining will be a huge commitment to change your eating habits. (I suggested it for Ted because he was already eating healthy food but still having nasty farts and poop; it wouldn't have been such a huge change for him). Butt seriously, any kind of improvement--be it by surgery, pills, or diet alone--will require some level of commitment to change your eating habits for the better.

Even though I was eating healthy and eating in ways to prevent IBS attacks, I was still having the daily-rrhea and way too much painful gas. Plus... and maybe I'm just weird... but can you FEEL your digestion? I can. And mostly it hasn't been a very pleasant sensation, often feeling like a baby kicking or a fish flopping around inside me (that's my super-sensitive spastic colon for ya!).

Observing the principles of food combining changed all of that in one day. In One Day?!?! I'm still amazed, myself, at how wonderfully it is working. Guess that's why I'm blabbing on and on about it... sorry for writing a book for that last post, but I just feel the need to shout it from the mountaintops, so to speak! :)

I hope your tribulations with the contractor and insurance company end favorably for you soon. As for links, just type "food combining" into any search engine and I'm sure you will find more than enough info.

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Thanks, IBSalot. I'm guessing it will take another four years to get it all straight. >br<_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ninjamonkeyz's picture

I have a friend who lets out farts all the time and is unaware she is doing this. She will deny it to the end of the earth but it happens in 15 min intravals just in one sitting. What should i do they really smell awful. Please help me!!

Intolerant Female Farter's picture

I just like to say that I have had problems with uncontrollable farts for most of my post-pubescent life. I have slowly discovered that I have food intolerances to almost everything and this causes bloating and other gas related problems.
Now, I am not saying that I never have control. But often enough to be worth noting, a laugh or a forceful statement or a bending over has resulted in a loud fart that I had no idea I even had waiting there for me.
So I wouldn't completely jump to the conclusion that every fart is deliberately delivered.

norm's picture

I have gall stones and one of the symptoms is tremendous amounts of gas, some times it is expelled regardless of now much you try to control it. It is usually a urgent sign of the need to have a bowel movement.(you have little time)This mostly occurs with elderly people.

So not all people conspire to make others uncomfortable.

Anonymous Coward's picture

There are people like myself who cannot control flatulence. It is terrible that so many people believe that everyone can control it and feel we are doing this on purpose. It is very embarrassing and often causes people to not go out in public for fear of ridicule. I just wish people would be more understanding and less critical.

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

AC, I think that people will never be more understanding and less critical of farts. Because farts usually disrupt any situation (shopping, driving, sex...)
For me they can cause uncontrolled laughter.

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