why do I wipe so much?

j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

The Shit Volcano asks:

I used to have a major problem when I was younger with what I call a "million wiper". I think you know what I'm talking about. You wipe and you wipe and you just can't seem to get clean. Finally, after using half a roll of toilet paper, three million wet wipes, and washing your bung hole out in the sink, you leave with a sore, itchy ass. This went on for years until one day about two years ago when it suddenly stopped cold. What causes million wipers in the first place? And why would they suddenly stop and start happening at random? Note: I stopped eating red meat two years ago because of iron toxicity. (If I spelled it right!) Maybe this had something to do with it but I don't know how.

Hi Shit Volcano!

Your instincts are, as always, right on. The major cause of sticky poo and thus the need to wipe more is grease and fats in the poo. This is probably well documented somewhere, but frankly I don't have the time to look into it.

Curiously enough though, if you lean forward when pinching it off, you may notice very little if anything to wipe.

Thanks for asking!

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?

411 Comments on "why do I wipe so much?"

craptrina's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I've found that eating junk food brings on the MW's for me. Especially really fatty, greasy food. Or things with lots of tomato sauce in them. Someone once told me that million wipers are caused by oily shits, which in turn are caused by excess stomach bile or fat. That would explain both the grease factor and the tomato thing with me. It's irritating, so I stopped eating both!

poopalina's picture

I sorta feel better that I'm not the only million wiper out there. Misery loves company. I think dairy is the most common culprit and I'm going to cut it out for a week and see. I'll keep you posted

Anonymous Coward's picture

So this thread has been going for almost 2 years and there's no definitive solution... shitty.

WaterCleaner's picture

Has it occured to you guys that maybe wiping isnt the solution and cleaning it with water is the way to go? Have been doing it for 30 years now with amazing success. How to get water in there is probably a longer story...but then I like staying clean..

Brownie McShittles's picture

I wipe a lot too. Then again, I'm just picky about having a clean ring. I even use wet wipes after I wipe. Ha ha. I guess I'm just anal about it. (pun intended). That toilet paper better be white as hell when I do the follow up check.
Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is!

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is!

Always One Wipe Short's picture

Right now I'm trying an elimination diet to see if my MWS issues are specifically diet related. I'm down to drinking herbal teas, rice milk and eating bowls of chick peas and until this morning I've been more constipated than ever (I stopped using Metamucil as part of the diet).

Does anyone associate this problem with constipation? I poop at least once a day, so it doesn't seem like I'm technically constipated, but the MWS gives me the uncomfortable feeling of being plugged up.

Does anyone also experience bouts of diarrhea at times too? A doctor in England diagnosed me with IBS, and mine seems to fluctuate between constipation (with the MWS in full effect) and diarrhea (when my insides decide to freak out and purge themselves of the weeks of build up).

Here are some tips that I've found so far...

- Leaning as far forward while I poop seems to help.

- Using a psyllium husk bulking agent (eg, Metamucil) three times daily seems to help.

- Drinking lots of water seems to help, especially when I'm using Metamucil.

- Staying away from greasy foods and red meats helps.

- It seems that staying away from wheat seems to help, but I'm not sure about that one yet.

- I'm not very active, so I wonder if exercise would be more helpful for me. When I walk it seems to move things around more than when I don't. I'm about to try P90X. They say that lack of exercise is a main contributor to constipation.

One problem I also have, which seems related, is that I'll often have painful ejaculations (at least half the time). Urologists have concluded that it is a pelvic floor muscle or nerve related thing and so I wonder if the MWS is related to that.

Finally, is there a technical term for this problem? This is the only place I can find where people are talking about it. I think it's different than "incomplete evacuation," but maybe I'm wrong.

So glad to have found a site of fellow kindred spirits. What a sad plight we share.

Any thoughts?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I was coming to this conclusion on my own and now I'm even more convinced after reading some of the responses on here. I've had stick poo that sticks to the bowl and takes a million wipes. I even carry wipes in my purse in case I have to go in public. I started taking an anti-fungal (oral not topical) for my skin (mainly my feet) called terbinafine. After about a week on this my sticky poo problem cleared up. I thought maybe the terbinafine cleared something out of my system and I read people on here talking about candida. Googled terbinafine and candida... turns out terbinafine clears up over growth of candida. Haven't talked to the doctor yet but it's something you should check into. 1-2 wipe poops are amazing! So glad to have them back and not have to hear my mom complain about my excessive use of toilet paper.

the lord of the o ring's picture

I too have been stricken with irritable ass syndrome. For me it's not so much rim hangers, it's just hard to get that fresh lasting feeling. I don't believe there's a single solution to this plague. My strategy has been trying to time my shits before my daily shower. When thats not possible, I keep an extra loofa in my shower affectionately known as the "ass loofa" to wash my dumper between showers, which works better than wetted down tp. I think we have to realize, there's no cure for this disease, but with the right battle plan you can live with it.

lye's picture

The answer to skidmarks-less is right under our noses and yet no one here seems to see it. WATER! Wash after pooping. May wipe with tissue or toilet paper and then rinse with water. Soap is optional as water usually does the trick. In countries where a water hose is next to the toilet then it is very convenient. Otherwise fill a small bottle of water or if no bottle is available then wet a wad of paper . Wipe with dry toilet paper then rinse. A little soap on a smaller wad of paper, if desired, will help to soap before rinsing.

Don't forget to rinse after peeing too, dry wipe is not enough. You will have odour free crap-hole and clean underpants all day long

A Jones

A Jones

Sitting Wiper's picture

In our family we have brought up our children - 2 boys and a girl - on a high fibre, low fat diet. This means they are very 'regular', and as waste matter doesn't linger in their bowels and is 'emptied' out in the mornings, there is usually little smell after they have been on the toilet. Our bathrooms are 'gender specific', and unless we have visitors, we don't lock the door.

The 'boys', as my wife and daughter calls us - and my sons call them 'the girls' - have stools which are easy to pass, but often as they are soft, we use a lot of toilet paper. I have told the boys that they should wipe squeaky clean, which they do. They would like to 'go' when they get up, before getting into the shower, but they can't 'do it' until after breakfast, and then there isn't time for a shower before they go to school. During a school holiday, they tried to alter their routine. After getting out of bed and having a cup of tea, they went into the bathroom and one sat on the toilet, and the other on a chair, and they played scrabble, and then they swopped over. Neither of them was successful, and after a week they gave it up. Their dad (me) can't either.

Over Easter, we went to an 80th birthday celebration for my wife's grandmother, and there was a very rich buffet, and we ate much more than we usually do, more than is good for us, but it was a special occasion.

We didn't have any tummy upsets or quick visits to 'drop trou', but the next morning our evacuations were very smelly, and we used more than a roll of toilet paper. I went first, and told them not to go in for a few minutes. Of course, they had to go in and rag me about it. I opened the window, and then after a few minutes sprayed with air freshener. Our younger one had put in a new toilet roll the day before, but it hadn't been used. As he was the one to follow me, and found that he was as smelly as I was, and noticed that I had used a lot of paper, and by the time he had finished wiping his bottom, there wouldn't be much left for his older brother (who by now was shouting 'Hurry up'. and getting desperate.) When he had flushed, he told his brother he could come in and get started while he washed his hands, and went to get another toilet roll for him. One roll, for three sittings!

It took another day until our smell was back to normal.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Easy - take Metamucil once a day and you will be squeaky clean. No shit stains. If you eat a really fatty meal just take a little more of the stuff.

Poopmaster General's picture

My people...!

I have been dealing with the MWS for some years now, much to my chagrin. I eat lots of fiber daily (whole grains, beans, fruits, and veg), no red meat (just chicken in modest amounts), and the only dairy I indulge in is plain yogurt. I don't think the ol' toilet fish look off in general. They're brown and loggy (what more do you want?) but sticky and relentless. I release one into the wild every morning after breakfast, usually without effort, but spending upwards of 20 minutes on the loo is godawful annoying, embarrassing, and wasteful.
I've actually wondered if I'm eating too much fiber, which is resulting in extra-gooey loaves. I must admit I eat a lot of spicy food, however, because I love to cook curries and spicy chili. I think I'll try cutting down on the heat (is it just chiles, I wonder, or could other seasonings be a problem?) or yog and report back.
I don't have insurance or much $ so I can't really see a doctor at this point, and I think I'd be much too embarrassed even if I could.

Fingers crossed.

Clarke Kent's picture

after reading all these comments i am quite disgusted in the way in which most of you guys say you clean yourself. reusing rags and cloths etc seems to me to be very unhygienic and dangerous to you and other people. don't you people know you get diseases from coming in to contact with shit.
so i'm going to give you some tips. first of all get your ass waxed it makes it 100 times easier to clean. next instead of washing with wet toilet paper use kitchen roll. wipe the excess off with toilet paper then fold up a piece of kitchen roll in to a square and wet it with warm water and then dab yourself and then dry with toilet paper. trust me this is most effective. if you have to repeat this action more than once then you have not cleared your bowl completely. if so try using an ennma. i recommend you all do this at some point or go for a colonic.
i have i.b.s does anyone else have it.spicy food sets mine off. i have noticed that sometimes if i eat nothing but flap jacks the wiping problem completely goes away.
i have been told i have possible bile salt mal absorption and been given questran for it. i tried it for a week but stop because it causes stomach cramps. i didn't hardly notice any improvement while taking it.
i would appreciate any feed back on my comments. thanks.
oh yeah another tip you can take kitchen with you any where you go if you fold it up and put it in your back pockets. also use a lucozade sport packet to keep with you to fill with water when your out so you can wash any where and aloe vera pocket wipes to be used to leave you feeling fresh and clean afterwards.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have had this issue for a few years now. I have changed my diet several times, added more fiber, took probiotics etc and nothing worked. Today I came across a possible cause for this. I think I am being overly aggressive when it comes to wiping. I have mild ocd and I wipe until it is totally clean. I guess over the past few years I would wipe my ass more and more until I was wiping past my schincter. This is where my problem is because I am cleaning an area not meant to be cleaned. I definetly went overboard and it will take time for me to eventually stop wiping past my schincter and letting it go. I am not sure if this is an issue for anyone else, but try to stop wiping past your schincter if you are doing this, it will cut down alot on wiping time.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear AC: You may very well have found your solution. Most of us, though, don't have schincters. Speaking for myself, I have sphincters, and I do clean up inside my external anal sphincter whenever I can. Happy pooping!

Monte Cristo 87's picture

Well I too have the “million wipe syndrome” but it happens randomly there are perfect days that I only wipe a few times. But what I’ve observed is that I get the MWS when I start exercising and eating more healthy foods, logically I would say its due from my body trying to remove my body fats and greases to untoxicfy my body. It’s like if I pooped a ball of grease which creates bunch of smears in my ass making it hard to wipe off. Tips I use is to spread ur butt cheeks so when ur poop is leaving ur anus it has more room to exit and free from the butt cheek walls and leaning forward when ur pushing ur shit out as it raises ur butthole higher for clearance. Then again make sure ur body has finished taking a dump its obvious if u cut ur snake shit half way and start wiping the rest inside of u is going to continue coming as u wipe so its like u wipe> poop comes>wipe>poop comes>wipe…its never ending until the other half shit comes out. And if ur constipated “slow traveling poop” and ur pushing and pushing…EAT FIBER it speeds ur poop and u wont have the “wipe> poop comes>wipe>poop comes>wipe” thing happen so make sure u know ur DONE before wiping.

Another one's picture

I feel so relieved that I am not the only one with this problem. First of all, I think many of you have an anal skin tag, like me, and don't even know it. That makes it harder to clean your butt. Second of all, having a hairy ass doesn't help either. Now, a lot of you think your diet has something to do with this problem. It certanly does. Do you know why doctors always say you need fiber? To make your poop softer. So if you eat a lot of fruit and veggies, as you should, it means you are getting plenty of fiber and that is causing sticky poo. I've noticed that when I don't intake enough fiber, my stool is hard and one wipe is enough, and the TP is clean. Unfortunately that is not good for your digestive system and general health.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Clarke Kent ... here is the feedback you asked for in your comment. Colonics and colon cleansing are ways for the gullible to be separated from their hard earned cash for the most part. Here is what a gastroenterologist from John Hopkins has to say about it.

Spend your money on something that is more fun, like maybe a case of wine.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

TrufflePoop's picture

I got sticky shit...
It's pretty nasty and when i wipe more than about 8 wipes, my arse starts to bleed. I don't know if it's me wiping too hard, I'm wiping in the wrong place, or I'm using a bad brand of toilet paper. I take a shit before school and it takes me more than 30 minutes to wipe my dam arse. Someone help me.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear Truffle: Try wetting the toilet paper for your 2nd or 3rd wipe. Use only a few drops of tap water, or spit on the paper. That may loosen some of your sticky poop. Then use some skin lotion or cleanser (Noxzema maybe) on the t.p. and wipe with that. It does clean.

Winnipooper's picture

I'm fixed now! Story below:

Hi all. This site saved the say. I've been a million wiper for 10 years. It has led to lots of issues. I have to take a shower after every poop. This makes life complicated and stressful sometimes, especially for travelling or back-country camping.

These days I don't eat red meat and I have hardly any processed foods, very high fiber. But in the last 10 years I've had all sorts of eating habits, drinking habits, smoking, coffee, etc, and this was always a problem. It was a problems on the Atkins diet (all meat), and it is a problem on a nearly vegetarian diet.

I read this entire thread, and then I started 1) handful of dried apricots per day 2) Metamucil twice a day 3) leaning forward on the toilet.

I am fixed.

I have had a couple million wipers in the last 4 weeks since trying this. I think the million wipers I had were because I forgot the prunes or metamucil here and there. Otherwise, almost all are 0-2 wipers, with a few 5 wipers (0 wiper means I wiped but it was clean). My life is way better. Thanks all!

Anonymous Coward's picture

New insight...

I live in a very dry climate (Vegas) and I have this horrible problem probably 80% of the times I take a shit. The funny thing is, I never remember it happening when I've lived anywhere else.

So I just went on vacation in the pacific northwest and guess what? Perfect bowel movements every day, no need to wipe more than a few times. Then, I get home and the problem returns immediately.

For me, at least, it seems to be something about Vegas and not my diet at all. Perhaps it's the climate, perhaps it's the horrible hard water, perhaps it's something I'm allergic to. I don't know. But I can honestly say that if I can confirm that this is the case, I won't hesitate to move the hell out of here. I'm sick of having to hose down my asshole and being anxious about taking a shit in public.

I'd love to know if anybody else has had a similar experience.

Anonymous Coward's picture

my solution to this problem is:

I shit first thing each day when I get up, then I have a shower... I put the shower on 'jet mode' squat down and hose my ass-hole for a minute or so - my ass has never been cleaner, no problems whatsoever, in the future I'll just buy a bidet.

Seriously if you're a million wiper just try it.

Shiitake Boy's picture

I've been averaging about an 80% MWS rate in the past 12 to 14 years. It's nice to find an informative (and funny) place to talk about one's shit!

In my case, no matter what I do when I take my daily shit, it feels like there's something obstructing or smearing it on its way out. I confirmed that I have 'roids (or at least inflammation of the anus) that seems to come and go. My doc told me to start taking citrucel daily. Problem is, I get explosive gas and severe discomfort (cramping) in my gut when I take citrucel. Just so you know, citrucel is very similar, if not identical to metamucil.

Anyway, my problem is that around 3/4 of the time I'll take a MWS dump. As others have pointed out, the residue is sticky and smeary....even CHALKY at times. I also notice that I leave a lot of dingleberries on the toilet seat while I'm wiping. This holds true even when I use baby wipes in conjuntion with TP. No matter what, I'll have to do a follow-up wipe a short while after I'm supposedly clean. As another poster pointed out above, we have no cure at this time but there are a few things we can do to take it by the horns and live with it:

Technique: 2TP+1BW+Flush+1BW+1TP+Flush
Timing: If possible, postpone the dump until just before you take a shower.
Equipment: Get yourself one of those hose attachments for the shower that has a "jet" or "massage" setting. Bend over and let the water jet do its thing. If you aim it just right, you'll not only clean up on and around your corn hole...you'll actually clean out an inch or so of the inside of the rectum.
If the shower's out of the question: take a few baby wipes with you to work (or wherever) and when you come up to the baby wipe phase, fold it in half at least once - twice if they're extremely cheap or very thin. Take the BW and wrap it over your index finger like a collapsed umbrella. Take the umbrella and CAREFULLY insert it into your anus. You'll certainly need to wiggle the finger a bit to get it in to at least the first joint. If you succeeded in doing that, you can remove your finger (but leave the BW in place. Take the 'skirt' of BW that's exposed and twist it a little bit then pull the BW STRAIGHT OUT. The tip of the BW will reveal the gooey gloop that disrupts our lives! PLEASE BE AWARE that if you suffer from 'roids or any type of irritability, this method will certainly irritate them more. On the other hand, your ass, undies, and conscience will be clean, fresh and worry free at least until the next BM.

paper waster's picture

Its good to know I'm not the only one who suffers from this. I actually didn't know MWS wasn't normal until I lived with someone and she asked why I took so long in the restroom,kept flushing and used so much TP. I'm a 30yr old male. I'm in good shape, I walk about 8 miles a day during work plus I work out 4-5 days a week. I have a high metabolism and I eat a lot. I generally eat healthy lean protein,fruits,veggies. I don't eat a lot of greasy or salty foods,I do not eat many carbs. I hate pasta and try to avoid white bread. I do eat a lot of spicy food though.
I don't know if I have a LOT of hair between my cheeks but I never thought this could be a problem until reading this thread. How does one shave this area???

9 times out of 10 I have to do the million wipe technique. I've found that sticky poop tears the expensive soft quilted TP. Some TP tears no matter how gently or firmly I try to use it. Cheap paper works better for me. I use Marcal Small Steps (the 1ply variety cuz the 2 ply version rips) and I follow up with adult flushable wipes.

I don't see how just using TP is hygenic nor is using just water (like in a bidet or something) You can't wash your car with a dry sponge nor can you just spray water on it,You have to wipe it with something moist! I almost ALWAYS poop at home so I take a shower immediately after cuz I'm OCD.If I don't shower after pooping my bum itches sometimes,especially if the weather is humid. I don't have any issues with having to rewipe again after I've pooped. However I sweat much more than the average person,especially in the groin area so even if I've showered my underwear get stained if its a hot day but I think its more oil from my skin as opposed to fecal matter because the majority of it is in the area where my testicles rest inside my undies.
I've noticed that when I'm constipated(which is rare) I don't have to wipe much at all. When I have a hard turd that drops into the water and splashes me I only have to wipe once or so. It hurts coming out sometimes but it sure is faster than wiping for ten minutes! Any thoughts?

Anonymous Coward's picture

Metamucil and LOTS of water.
And I will never understand why americans don't use BIDETS. They will change your life.

Americans's picture

We don't use bidets because we don't have bidets. The only time I've ever seen them is in a hospital for washing up old people and in a hotel room in China.

Dennis in PVB's picture

This is my first outing at investigating the cause of this problem. It was interesting to see that it inflicts so many of us. I am a biologist, so my discussion with be more clinical than most. At first I thought it was principally a dietary problem that contributed to the greasy, sticky quality of my fecal material, but after tinkering with my diet, nothing changed, and besides, my diet had been very consistent for eons, i.e., same wife preparing my meals for 36 years.

Secondly, I do not have hemorrhoids, internal or external, so that is not inhibiting my ability to clean myself. I am not gay, so nothing strange has been roaming around in my rectum.

My condition began rather suddenly about 4-5 months ago, and I expected it would resolve itself, but it has not. I am a 76 year old male, I have a colonoscopy every three years and I have had no abnormal diagnosis at the Mayo Clinic except two benign polyps.

I am going to check for occult blood with the little mailable specimen containers as I know that blood in the stool can change its color and consistency.

I take a number of Rx drugs everyday that may be involved in my problem, but I have been taking them since October 2006, years before my problem began! The Rx's include: Prilosec, Imuran, Zoloft,
Prednisone, Lopressor, and Lipitor. I also take I-caps, and a number of OTC supplements, but again, nothing that I have not taken for as long as 25 years.

I have had two major surgeries in my life, a repair
of my aortic anuerysm in 1998, and a spinal repair of a badly ruptured 8th cervical disc in 2007. I mention these only because in both cases, the general anethesia had an adverse effect on my gut by making both small and large segments less vital and responsive.

The human anus is guarded by two sets of circular muscles, one more internal and one more external. Both of these muscles can be easily felt and controlled, particularly in our younger days. If the outer one loses its tonus,then the small area between the two muscles which can contain fecal material can become accessible to a wiping action. We buy the best, most highly embossed toilet paper in hopes that it has the properties that provide extra cleaning power,and we have used flushable wipes since they came on the market. My problem is not related to the wipes or to my technique, it is purely related to the fact that my fecal material continues to be accessible after an interminable amount of time and use of both dry and wet wipes. I am not speaking of a small stain,I am talking about a substantial amount of poop that continues to appear with every wipe, a process that fails to achieve any level of expected cleanliness. Finally, in disgust, one gives up, gets up, pulls up his or her underwear with the complete knowledge that our basic fundament will now share it's contents with your underpants producing racing stripes that are visible though the garment. Only a shower will take care of this nasty condition.

Having read a number of the offerings above, I have concluded that quite a few are similar to my problem, and therefore, I think this is a basic failure of the anus muscularity itself. Kegel exercises may help, but I will probably end up seeing a proctologist at Mayo. I wish you all the best.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Thanks Dennis, some detailed and medical analysis is what we need.

I'm just continuing with my shower method, and nothing else seems viable.

I am definitely going to buy a bidet in the future.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Okay...so...for the last month or so I don't need to wipe after I poop. I don't get it. It comes out so cleanly that there is nothing on the paper. Any ideas?

MR X's picture

i have had this problem for a few years now.
i was actually going to make a post a couple of years ago but i decided not to but here i am now.
i spread my but cheeks on the toilet to limit the chances of making a mess. i have recently waxed my butthole to help aswell.
these have helped alot but the problem is still there.
as Dennis said, about the muscles depreciating, well i have been thinking this for quite sometime as i can easily clean quite deep in my hole.

according to this website dairy is bad, but i need milk with my daily 10 wheatbix

so i feel im getting pleanty of fibre but i still have the issue.
i am a tradesman and i have left my trade as i am too embarrassed because if i work up a sweat i stink
the hot weather is starting to arrive where i live so it will be an issue once again but luckily i have an office job

i went to a doctor about a year ago and gave a sample but i am too embarrassed to go back and have someone talk to me about my poo

i often get a whif of myself when sitting and standing and i stink but there is nothing i can do, i even shower after all toilet visits when possible.

luckily i have a supportive partner, who denies the fact that i stink. i know i do sometimes, she thinks i have OCD but i dont think so.
i am happy for the lucky ones out there that have found their cure

im only a 22yo male, life is horrible with this problem :(

poor pooing pain in the gutz 's picture

I have also suffer this annoying arse irritating issue. I have found though that using some sorbolone cream on the toilet paper helps to clean the area and stops your arse being sore and itchy afterwards. I even keep some handy at work because I cant just jump in the shower there..

Also I have read a lot about it and if the sticky stuff is very mucuosy it could be piles and I don't know what to do about that..

randomshitter's picture

Leaning over doesn't work for me. Cleaning up my diet doesn't work for me.
One thing has worked.
I saw someone on here post that they shit every 3 days or so and that works. Well I tried it out.
I skipped one day, it was agony, but I soldiered through it. Next morning I wiped and there was nothing there! After the morning shit I still kind of had to shit for the rest of the day, but I held it back. I shit again the next morning and it was clean again. I shit again that afternoon and the sticky million wiper was back. So I think when I stayed one shit behind everything worked out cleanly. I can't imagine getting in a routine of shitting every other day, though.

Also, when I wipe between the legs sitting down, I seem to have nothing there, I think this is because my hole is closed when I wipe this way. When you lift one cheek up, you're opening the hole so you're actually wiping inside the hole. I dunno if this is bad.

poopoopeedodo's picture

I haven't read all these posts but I did start with 2004 and went up to 2007. My issue, and I'm not sure if this is being addressed or has been, I can't get a clean pinch off, meaning there is a major portion of crap still waiting to drop, shake or no shake, but never will without manual, ie, using a three folded, four to five squares of charmin and reach under and grab the up to golf ball size mass, (I have to look to see what I've landed) and drop the paper immediately into the bowl with a shiver. Then comes the "I wish I had stock in Charmin" million mile wipe. I do use wet wipes when possible for the final clean up,(the poop de gras if you will) but my insecurity of cleanliness still remains. I can't be alone on the pinching and not dropping problem, I need a little or lots of love here so I don't feel alone. I'm guessing it is not a diet problem but a sphincter (sp) problem. Is there a doctor in the house? Is there something that can be done to eliminate this problem-surgery is not an issue with me.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Poopoopeedodo -- There are two things that can be done to correct the problem: eat carbs at separate meals from animal proteins, and eat more fresh fruits and veggies.

Doing these two things will have you pooping like a champ (with no "lefteovers") in no time.


When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Poopoopeedodo, don't listen to IBBY. I make a lot of money supplying scrap paper to pulp mills that make toilet paper. I need more people like you.

Sheesh IBBY, you trying to put me out of business?

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

You're right, PD... sorry!

Poopoopeedodo -- keep eating the way you always have and just get yourself a diaper.

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

pretty girl with shit woes's picture

I need help too!! young healthy 26 year old girl that has million wipes like 2x a week!!! I can use all tissue wipes and shower! I come out shower and dry off and it's shit stains all over my nice white towel! So embarrassed I'm afraid to have a boyfriend in fear he notice it :(

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear pretty girl ... Are you washing your asshole when you shower? Just letting the water run through your crack isn't good enough.

Dirty old men need love too!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Listen to Chief there pretty girl. He sometimes straddles the Cumberland River and still doesn't get his crack clean.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I was banned from cleansing my crap crusted crack in the Cumberland by the health department. Boy, talk about your alliteration!

Dirty old men need love too!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Poop Benedict XII's picture

I figured I'd let people know some important info on how I went from TMW to a half dozen wiper. Switched to Healthy Life whole grain bread, eat oatmeal a few times a week for breakfast, fish oil with dinner, Ultra Man vitamin with breakfast, AND (what I think is most contributing factor) I quit eating refined sugar. Have to watch all your ingredients for that sugar/corn syrup/maltitol/sorbitol/etc. and STAY AWAY from it.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I get a stomach ache every day and I know that sticky poo is sitting really low down in my bowels.The trouble is that unless I help it along it can sit there for hours.Normally I have to dig it out with my fingers until it is empty as far as I can reach.Quite often after that I feel a ruh coming on and I am able to have a fair dump.The biggest problem apart from the abslutely putrid,disgusting procedure I have to go through is getting rid of the smell on my finger.I was my hands vigourously about 10 times and sometimes a faint poo smell still lingers,yucky

Mr Dip's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I switched to a diet consisting solely of shredded cardboard mixed with Vaseline. The cardboard acts as roughage and the Vaseline acts as a lubricant for my bowels and sphincter. For wiping I use a rag doused in Kerosene to be sure I am clean. Important not to try the lighting your farts on fire gag directly afterwards though.

Seriously though, this is a fascinating discussion. Back in High School my friends and I discovered a book called "The Bowel Book", kind of a bible for the bathroom. It had some interesting concepts in it on how to achieve the perfect dump. When someone in our group took what we dubbed a "no-wiper", it was a real badge of honor. When we had a bad one we called it a "40-wiper", although sometimes a "million-wiper" would have been more apt.

Interesting to know how many other folks suffer physically from a itchy, leaky butthole at times- and have strong negative mental reactions (i.e. paranoia about odors, feeling "unclean") as well. And here I thought I was some sort of freak! I feel validated now.

Krusty Starfish's picture

I have no problem with excessive wiping whatsoever. I gave up wiping several years ago. I am now a social outcast whose only friends are dogs and they only knock me down and roll on me.

Now please excuse me while I check out the itchy ass thread.

Down Bowser, down Rover, go away Fido!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have an issue like this, although mine feels like it's taken to extremes. I can take anywhere from one hour to two hours plus just constantly wiping and believe me, it's not paranoia that leaves me there that long. It's getting worse and worse over the years and i've really had it, it's really affecting my life in that i don't feel like i can do anything ever, despite not smelling at all afterwards. I do feel like i haven't completely finished my business, but i honestly can't go anymore...

I'm going to have to see a doctor, i'm just seriously afraid that it's something really bad or not fixable at all. But just out of curiosity i was wondering if any of these can cause such a problem, as these are the only difference in my lifestyle as of the past few years.

-I hardly eat. I'm not starving myself, i just don't eat a lot. I generally skip breakfast because i have an abnormal sleeping pattern compared to most, eat dinner and maybe a snack during the night. My diet isn't the best but i don't eat much junk food, no way near what i did as a child and i never had this problem as a young boy. The days i do eat a lot i never feel better, but i was thinking it could be because i don't have regular meals.

-Lack of exercise. I go out daily but i have trouble finding appropriate times to get down to full on exercise.

I'm honestly at my wits end and take can't too much of this anymore. I found this topic and figured i'd just type this out, i feel a little bit better writing about it, but tomorrow will be the same story, it's the same thing every single day.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I've had this sticky, can't wipe enough problem twice. Both times it went on for a couple of years, and both times it immediately cleared up when I took antibiotics for an unrelated problem. This last time my doctor gave me a 5 day zpack for sinusitis. Problem solved. I was so excited that I told both doctors about the results...both times the doctors shrugged it off like they never heard of it before. Also, this last time I had taken erythromycin about a year into the sticky stool problem, but it didn't solve the problem. The 5 day Azythromycin solved it.

So Embarrassed! 's picture

I have suffered from this problem for years and years. It only just occurred to me that I ought to do a web-search for some advice.

First, let me assure everyone that I do not have a hairy ass, nor am I an unclean or lazy person, nor am I overweight or unhealthy in my eating habits. I am a cute, fit young woman. Hygiene is of the utmost importance to me as is my health. I eat more veggies than almost anyone I know. I walk everywhere, several miles a day. I practice yoga. I eat a very well-balanced diet heavy on the whole grains. I stay hydrated. It makes me crazy that I have this problem.

Wet wipes don't help. Pinching off in any pose only makes it worse. A whole roll of toilet paper aggravates my hemorrhoids but doesn't clear the problem. The hand-held bidet sprayer I installed on my toilet is some help, but it's not like my poop is just sticking to me like crazy glue, more like it's still hiding in my anus, thus sometimes even soap and water aren't enough. I relate to the person who compared his anus to a pen.

I find it humiliating. I'm so OCD about it that I wash my butt at least 5 times every shower I take, and though I shower every morning, I usually shower after poops and/or before bed every day too. I just never feel clean.

I'll try the Metamucil, but I feel as though I already get a lot of fiber. I could also try cutting dairy, I guess, but I do love it. Anyway, thanks for the recommendations, all.

Living a life's picture

I've had a problem similar to the ones being talked about here. My problem is that when I go to make poo, (sounds so dirty) I have a hard time getting a perfect ending. Usually it does not come all the way out. I can wipe squeaky clean, but I know there is still something sitting at the door not ready to go in or out, but just hang around.

Usually the problem is that I can get it clean in a few wipes, but I will have to come back to the bathroom every ten minutes or so a few times to wipe again and make sure it's still OK back there. Sure it doesn't take long, and I can make up some excuses now and then to justify using the bathroom so much, but it is very degrading, especially in public.

Usually my bowel movement affects a major part of my day. If I am just going to sit somewhere after I use the bathroom, I don't have to go back as soon, but if I am walking around or moving too much, whatever was left in there starts to come out quicker. It is usually over in two or three more restroom visits after the initial visit, but if the planets aren't aligned up right and I can't make it to the bathroom, then things get messy and I get paranoid.

Some of the worst times are when I am having to get ready for a big event and have to decide to either hold it in all day so there are no after wipes, or to try and go. The stress of forcing myself to go also aids in my work getting stuck at the door. It's a pain on my lifestyle because I don't want to walk anywhere, exercise, get dressed, or meet anybody until I am taken care of.

One trick I use is to moisten the toilet paper after I am off the toilet and give myself a good clean wipe, to get rid of any odors and feel a little cleaner. I have some hair back there, but I know it's not something sticking to it, I can tell when I am clean. Taking a shower afterward doesn't seem to help, because while that does leave me clean, if it is still feeling like something is waiting back there, I will still have to return for a few more visits to check and take care of it.

One thing I am trying to change is my diet. The theory of greasy foods causing it does make sense, and recently by eating better things aren't so bad. I think for the peace of mind, changing a diet will be worth it.

toostinky's picture

Immediately following a colon resection, I got the mud butt, million wipe blues. Suffered 4 years. In that time, went vegetarian, used wet wipes, butt ointments (didn't know about noxema!), Citracel, etc, but nothing helped much.

I was amazed when given the antibiotic Cipro, that the problem did go away for a short time, only to return. Another time, got a bug, took antibiotics, excited to see if it would go away, and yes it did! I think the problem comes from bacteria in the gut. Bad flora, otherwise the antibiotics wouldn't affect, it right? Since I can't stay on antibiotics forever to avoid millions wipers I kept searching for a solution, and ended up here!

REPRIEVE AT LAST- two months ago we hooked up a cheap bidet to the toilet ($55) and I think I've saved at least that much in TP since. I use a soft cloth to dab dry. No more leaky butt all day, good bye pain and itch, bye bye million wipes. Don't wait, just take 10 minutes and hook up a cheap toilet bidet. It really worked for me.

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