I love the way the teacher did nothing. Yeah, that would happen. Hell, if anyone whispered to the person next to them when I was in school, the teacher was all over them like a fly buzzing around cowplop.

We would have been afraid to fart even once in our classrooms. Funny thing. I can never remember smelling or hearing a single fart throughout my entire high school career.

But then, I used the toilets when I had to go in-between classes or whenever.

This story is clearly the product of an MTV-er who is used to seeing events like this televised on that network.

Think I'm kidding? Watch Spring Break stuff this year.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

I agree. What makes this sound fake is that if there were audible farts in the class, the teacher would surely tell someone to take a hall pass and come back when they were empty.

I remember smelling a few farts in the classroom, and people would start giggling and looking around, but order was usually restored pretty quickly.

How the hell can you differentiate between fake and real stories? This story doesn't seem like fiction any more than Dumpster's girlfriend pooping in the bathtub or someone getting diarrhea and pooping the cat's litterbox. All of them are outrageous.

pooping *in the cat's litterbox

I've read a million stories, as you can imagine. One of the biggest distinguishing factors is the tone. Usually if someone does something terribly socially unacceptable, they couch it in language that acknowledges how society must perceive them. They either talk about how shamed they felt, or go balls out in how little they care about society. This one didn't have that, which makes it sound like someone making it up to me -- they can imagine the circumstances, but they can't really imagine the emotional truth that surround the circumstances. In genuine stories, the emotional truth always shows through.

Also, and in this case, the physical circumstances were ridiculous. "A fart must be audible, smellable or tactile to count. 'Tactile' meant (in situations where one insisted that he had farted and the other denied) that the doubter would feel the farter's seat, and if heat was detected the fart would be awarded." A: They couldn't do that in class without being shunned by their peers ("Dude, why is Jimmy putting his hands on the seat under Bobby's butt all the time?") B: The seat would be warm from the heat of the butt sitting on it, so it's not an accurate measure of whether a fart took place. If they really had that fart contest, they would know that.

And it's certainly worth repeating: no teacher would ever let any of that go on.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

This story is very dubious. A room full of students would not put up with this. When I was in 8th grade this fat kid named willy cranked out some true filth in social studies class. I can tell you that within 3 minutes the entire class was gagging and the teacher sent me to get the Dean. He cracked up and balled poor Willy out. A bit of overkill I admit, but more true of what would actually happen.

This story is fake, but don't underestimate the deterioration of order in public schools. Nowdays, it's perfectly plausible that if a teacher reprimanded a student for farting, the kid would knife the teacher in the hallway. The kid's parents would go assault the recouperating teacher in the hospital. And then the ACLU would sue the teacher and the school district for violating his "digestive rights." The teacher would be fired (but get full benefits). All the school employees would have to spend two days in sensitivity training. Then, John Stossel would tell us how wrong it all is.

Sad but true Dungdaddy. Radical individualism seems to be the thing these days. And some twit suing over "digestive rights" definately seems plausible. Better yet, blasting one off will be a "relegious right" in the church of feces.

I don't see how 2 guys could fart 90 times in 15 minutes.The story teller had a shit coming on.He would have shit in his pants well before the contest ended.This story could have been titled Two Fart Fellows or Stranger Then Toots.

"...a last gesture of respect to two asses which were to be woked harder than ever before."

It reads a lot funnier if you substitute "poked" for "woked."

It depends, really.

I remember back in high school, This kid Seth would always sit in history class and go "Hey Anthony. Fart". Me being anthony, without fail I would be able to at least jam a squeeker out. while I never farted 45 times in one class, Im sure I did at least 10 times in one sitting.

A few points:

First, as Dave mentioned, the 'tactile fart' rule is ridiculous. The seats would be warm from their butts sitting on them and the other students would have noticed them reaching under the other's bottom.

Second, no one who feels like they are going to crap their pants can forcefully fart 46 times without losing control. It's impossible. As soon as he pushed, the poo would have slid out his bum.

Third, DungDaddy is absolutely right. People these days are sue-happy and stupid.

My last observation is trivial compared to others. What an accommodating mom to cook whatever he asks for dinner! Is it weird that my mother didn't do that? It was just unheard of to tell my mom what to cook. She prepared what she thought was good for us and we either ate it or she told us to cook our own darn meals if we didn't like her food.

The contest definitely seemed to be a farce. I mean, how could 2 people sync up their flatulence to such a degree that they could summons repeated farts in a tennis match volley? And not get noticed by others in class? And not get noticed by the teacher? And how could the author honestly shit himself in order to win the contest? It would seem that in a genuine duel of bunghole trumpeting shitting oneself would be grounds for disqualification!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

They actually do have farting contests, but they take place while standing, not sitting, and must always be audible. Smell cannot be measured in a large room, especially when there are two people farting at the same time.
Therefore, this story is bullshit. And also, the "tactile rule" is ludicrous.
Also, anyone I was in school with would have died before admitting that they were the ones who farted.

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Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

Yes, I agree with the others on this story. Dave called a fake when he saw one. I love how he left the bad grammar and spelling in.

There were a few things that struck me as odd. How does one swallow air and then suddenly produce a fart? Usually when I swallow air it either comes back up as a burp or hangs around in my stomach and hurts... then comes back up as a burp.

Secondly, I assume these boys were supposed to be in high school. What are high school boys doing with "cheap supermarket Vodka"? Do they have fake I.D.'s or something? There was a plot hole in this story bigger than Kevin Kostner's asshole.

Third, how does shitting yourself in the middle of a high school class count as "cool". In my high school this would have been considered a disgrace and the said boy branded for the rest of his (high school) life as a pants-shitter. And probably a perv.

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

It looks to me as if this person put some genuine research into this "piece." I did a quick Google search about "what causes farts" and, viola!, pages listing the exact food items he ate to prepare for his pseudocompetiton, and even pages suggesting that farts can be caused by, (you guessed it) swalling too much air.

All of the previous evidence of fakeness not withstanding, I can say that in my school, there probably wouldn't have been as much of a "stink" put up about farting in class as there would've been about munching on nachos all day.

You could probably get a knife in the front door and to your locker, but God help you if you were caught with food or gum in the hallways.

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Holy skid marks Batman!

"We decided to have a rematch."

What? The first match didn't detonate the entire room like an NYC walk-up in an action film?

I agree with all that the scenario itself is ridiculuous and that the tone is insincere.

Maybe by French class, the author meant "how to French" and not "how to speak French." If their universe is bizarre enough that they were learning how to French each other, then a fart contest in the middle of class suddenly seems within the realm of the possible.

Either that or they were learning how to act like Parisians on Le Metro.

This is a teriffic story. It has everything, imagination, humor, and originality.

You should have gotten an extra ten points for pooping in your pants. "I can't believe I just said that, yuck".
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I am winter's hurricane, I am the great blizzard of 1899, and no body shall be exempt from my wrath.

H1, you do know it's fake, right? Nobody really pooped their pants.

I've got it!

This story can be real if both contestants are Joseph Pujol's retarded children.

as the parent of a retarded child i am offended by your comment asshole.

As the child of an asshole, I am offended by your retarded...

Wait... that didn't work out quite...

Ah, well.

Turdle Dove wrote, above: "This story doesn't seem like fiction any more than Dumpster's girlfriend pooping in the bathtub...."

Believe me, my friend, I wish it had been fiction. The event left me scarred for life.

As the cousin of a retarded adult whom I love very much, I think you should get over it.

Everyone knows it is not a REAL fart contest unless a BIC lighter is used.