I could maybe actually believe this one.

Glad this week is over.

The bathroom smells bad, so I'll just crap right here under the table. Absolutely brilliant solution!

_______
Holy skid marks Batman!

Uh- who would not just tell her boyfriend, you know what? We gotta leave cuz I don't feel so good....
Why would she just pull her pants down and crap on the floor in the booth at her restaurant?
If this is true, she's got a brain as small as a flea.
But, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and ASSUME she made this up!

_______
Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

I like how it was their first date in the first paragraph, but by the sixth paragraph he was her boyfriend. Note to people trying to pull one past me: consistency helps!

She discreetly slid off her pants underneath the table. She craps on the floor and the boyfriend says,"Whoa, you better check your pants." Who writes this dialogue: adult film screenwriters, high school dramam clubs? I could almost hear the cheesy bass guitar in the background.

This girl was frustratingly stupid. I really hope this was a fake story.
This week has been tough.
Between grammar so bad it made me go cross eyed to brain numbingly boring stories I'm glad this week is over.
Dave please go back to "normal" and give me some real crap.

I have to agree with Queen Mary.I never will understand why someone would rather shit in their pants then use a toilet that does not meet their standards.It's better to pull your pants down in public,shit on your clothes,the seat and in the guys car.I don't think so.

Now I know why Sam doesn't like women.

And if it WAS true, she didn't even EAT any actual MEXICAN food, except the salsa. Salad? There's salad at EVERY restaurant. A quesadilla? Cheese, and a torilla. Okay, tortillas can be considered Mexican food, but they're only made of flour & water.

If you're going to make up a story about MEXICAN FOOD SHITS, please look at a MENU.

Man what a shitty week, literally. My week wasnt much better than the poop stories here. My week sucked so bad, Im glad its over.

_______
(insert ziggy boogy doog here)

Glad this week is over too! Some of these stories really made me just want to shit and get it over with (like I'd rather go shit than try to finish reading the story first).

Has anyone else noticed that all these users only have enough user points just for their story?

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

"I'm glad this week is over." Come on people, suck it up!! Anyone who has plowed through this week's worth of bowl-splatter must have come away with a greater appreciation of Dave's editorial efforts. I can see him now, with elbow-length surgical gloves, kneading his way through his in-box; discarding all of these pieces of corn in search of the yellow diamonds that make it to the homepage. Granted, some of the stones are of higher quality than others, but after reading this drek all week I'll be a little less likely to lame a "real" story. Kind of makes me wonder - what's the corn-to-gem ratio, Dave? And, do you ever need to plunge your mailbox?

Fudgepump is right! Dave, you have the patience and dedication of a saint. Thanks for donning those hip-waders and gas-mask all year to save us from these "bowl-splatters"-- you have our sympathy and appreciation....

_______
'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

This sounded like an episode of Seinfeld, with George Costanza being the first date/boyfriend. Can't you just picture George rolling into Jerry's apartment with: "Well, my date did it."

Jerry: "She did what?"

George: "I took her to a Mexican restaurant and she crapped on the floor."

"She crapped on the floor!" (Imagine Jerry's wide eyes and that obnoxious 'shocked' voice.)

"She crapped on the floor."

Kramer runs in. "Hey."

"Kramer, my date/long term girlfriend crapped on the floor."

Insert lame Kramer line with his arms flying all over the place with his fingers all twitchy.

And then hilarity ensues while they talk about it for the next 21-and-a-half minutes (somehow all their neurotic obsessions seem to last exactly 21-and-a-half minutes).

If it's not obvious, guys, I don't like Seinfeld. And this story seems to go perfectly with the show.

I love Seinfeld, and I also enjoyed your version. Opinions left out, it DOES read like a Seinfeld moment:

"Can't you just picture George rolling into Jerry's apartment with: "Well, my date did it."

Kramer line with his arms flying all over the place with his fingers all twitchy."

Funny! But, then, it takes all kinds. Conan vs. Letterman, and all that.

Kramer: "Yeeeeeeeeow!" (arms flying all over the place with his fingers all twitchy).

Jerry: "So she's a..."public pooper"?

George: "A public pooper!" (angrily confirms).

Kramer: "Tdtdtdtdtd" (stutters and shudders).

Jerry: "A public pooper." (amazed they exist).

George: "A public pooper." (shamefully resigned).

Kramer: "Public pooper." (frightened whimper).

That was an awesome and incredibly accurate piece of writing. Really accurate.

I believe Coward has just been nominated for an Emmy for his/her writing on Seinfeld. It's so good, he's getting nominations nearly a decade after the show ended.

"Come on. How was your date?"

"Oh, the date. The date."

"Yeah, how was it?"

"Interesting."

"Really."

"Oh ya."

"Why, what happened?"

"Let's see .. how shall I put this."

"Just put it."

"She pushed it out."

"She what?"

"She pushed ... it out."

"She pushed WHAT out?"

"It."

"She pushed it out?"

"Yessiree Bob."

"She couldn't."

"She did."

"Well you were involved in some sort of sanitary..."

"Noooo."

"You mean she just..."

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh, quite."

"There was no mistaking it?"

"Jerry."

"So you were talking, you're having pleasant conversation, and then all of sudden..."

"Yea."

"It."

"It."

"Out."

"Out."

Gerry "So Biff, does this mean this is the last we will hear of the pied pooper?"

George "No, I wanted to leave right then but she had gone into a big spiel about would I love her in old age and through thick and thin and me being the idiot I am said yes, so I figure I have one more week of her then I can dump her and then use this as a great bit of proof that I can stay committed to someone through thick and thin"

Gerry "but she pooped in a restaurant"

George "and none of your dates have?"

Gerry "moses smell the roses!"

Kramer "George...you're beaming me up"

Awww! The first great comment tag I get and I was too lazy to sign in! That'll teach me.... I'm going to NBC and demand that emmy for my stellar Seinfeld writing now....

_______
'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

I'm not gonna lie. This is one of my favorite poop story comments pages ever. I think we should start adapting poop stories to sitcoms on a regular basis.

Yay! Yes! Turdle, I think you're on to something! Finally my seemingly useless knowledge of sitcoms would pay off!

Really, when I wrote that, I could hear the tones and inflections in the character's voices and see their physical mannerisms. That they were talking about shit woulda been hilarious! The same could work for "she's a shameless shitter?" "A shameless shitter".

OR another sitcom: "Could she BE any more shameless?"

OR: "She was shameless." "She was without shame?" "This is what I'm saying."

OR: "Ehh! You do realize she shit on the floor, don't you. And not in the funny way you did last year." "D'oh!"

Ok, I gave you that last one, but brownie points for those who guess the others correctly! :)

As they say.... fun with feces....

_______
'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

Let's see... Friends is the first one, and Mad About You is the second. I had to google that one, I'll admit.

I've got two:

TV Show #1:
"I was on this date last night and my date crapped on the floor!"
"You think that's bad? Remember that time I helped administer an enema to Suzanne Somers?"

#2:
"My date pooped on the floor of the restaurant last night."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"I mean, SERIOUSLY?"
"Seriously."

(The second one isn't a sitcom.)

Toots, I wish there was some way I could get paid for my useless knowledge of television shows.

lets get to the real problem here. why are there always lines at the ladies room. men just do their thing quickly, no matter how nasty, loud or smelly, and get out of the way for the next guy. the ladies have to do the same function without the noise, splashing or smell. this is a delicate and time consuming affair. the answer must be either more stalls or ventilated/soundproof ones. (i smell patent). ladies rise up and demand your rights, and tragedy such as this sad story will never happen again.