I get lots of strange IMs. Sometimes people are looking for poop advice, and sometimes they want to have a serious intellectual conversation about a particular article or issue.

However, usually most people say either a) "Why do you like shit?" or b) "Do you like to eat shit?" or sometimes c) "I like to eat shit."

So I'm used to my share of weird and annoying people. Usually I play along until I get bored with them or they get bored with me. And that's the last I hear of them.

But every so often, I get a real winner. This particular person (whose name has been changed to protect her privacy) completely deserves to be held up to ridicule.

2/27/02 5:58 PM
DaMaTo1113:    hi
PoopReport:     good evening
DaMaTo1113:    lol
PoopReport:     hahaha
DaMaTo1113:    dude u freak me out
DaMaTo1113:    i wanna see a pic
DaMaTo1113:    of u
DaMaTo1113:    describe urself
PoopReport:     hell no
DaMaTo1113:    whyy
PoopReport:     i don't share pics with strangers
DaMaTo1113:    but im not a stranger
DaMaTo1113:    i ll give u my pic
DaMaTo1113:    please
PoopReport:     give me your pic if you want, but you're creepy
DaMaTo1113:    WHY
DaMaTo1113:    do u sY THAT?
DaMaTo1113:    im 18 f
PoopReport:     because you want my pic! that's messed up
DaMaTo1113:    and im a good catholic skool girl
DaMaTo1113:    why i sthat messed up
PoopReport:     yeah right
DaMaTo1113:    OMG
DaMaTo1113:    i swear
PoopReport:     you're 48 and a guy
DaMaTo1113:    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOo
DaMaTo1113:    OMG
PoopReport:     and you get off on my pic
PoopReport:     nasty
DaMaTo1113:    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo
DaMaTo1113:    Im 18 f
DaMaTo1113:    from CT
DaMaTo1113:    i swear
DaMaTo1113:    ill show u

(She attempts to create an IM Image Connection, but I'm at work, behind a firewall, so it fails.)

DaMaTo1113:    o too bad
DaMaTo1113:    ur computer sucks
PoopReport:     yeah right
DaMaTo1113:    yah
PoopReport:     you did that on purpose
DaMaTo1113:    NOOOOOOOOoo
DaMaTo1113:    OMGGG
DaMaTo1113:    how could i do that
DaMaTo1113:    see
DaMaTo1113:    i connected
DaMaTo1113:    now lets see what it does smarty
DaMaTo1113:    WHYY
DaMaTo1113:    did u cancel
PoopReport:     hmm doesn't seem to owork what a surprise
PoopReport:     i didn't
DaMaTo1113:    sheesh i told u so
PoopReport:     email it to me
DaMaTo1113:    No
DaMaTo1113:    then u will use it in ur web pages
PoopReport:     i knew it
DaMaTo1113:    adn shit
DaMaTo1113:    ULL USE IT AGAINST ME
DaMaTo1113:    i kno u
PoopReport:     whatever
DaMaTo1113:    i kno how u act
DaMaTo1113:    lol
DaMaTo1113:    ur 25 just chill
DaMaTo1113:    u shuld be getting married soon
PoopReport:     and you expect me to trust you with my pic when you won't trust me?
DaMaTo1113:    geezus
DaMaTo1113:    OMG
DaMaTo1113:    ok fine ill email it
DaMaTo1113:    whats ur frekin email
PoopReport:     poopreport@poopreport.com

DaMaTo1113:    ok
DaMaTo1113:    expect it soon
PoopReport:     sure
DaMaTo1113:    ok
DaMaTo1113:    its on its way
DaMaTo1113:    DONE
DaMaTo1113:    check ur email
DaMaTo1113:    and u better send me one
DaMaTo1113:    of u
PoopReport:     yeah hold on
DaMaTo1113:    ok
PoopReport:     www.poopreport.com/poopreport.jpg
PoopReport:     that's me
DaMaTo1113:    ok
DaMaTo1113:    this better not be a pic of some shit
PoopReport:     don't worry
DaMaTo1113:    DUDE SHUT UP

DaMaTo1113:    thats not u
PoopReport:     brb
DaMaTo1113:    thats not u
DaMaTo1113:    and dont block me
DaMaTo1113:    that is noooot u
PoopReport:     you have as much proof that that's me as i have that yours is you
DaMaTo1113:    OMG
DaMaTo1113:    ill send i another of me
PoopReport:     hey, i can send another of me too
PoopReport:     it won't prove anythihng
DaMaTo1113:    fine then ..i kno thats nit u
DaMaTo1113:    thats ben affleck
DaMaTo1113:    and not u

(At this point, I got bored, and it was time to go home.)

PoopReport:     hey, i have to go
PoopReport:     brb
DaMaTo1113:    bye

Auto response from PoopReport:
PoopReport:     Hi DaMaTo1113, I'm in a meeting.

-- Dave

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