The Colostomy Bag: Mail From Readers

PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

TO: Dave

FROM: Colin Charles

DATE: 8.16.02001


This is from the author of The Transcendence of Shit: A Global Perspective. I don't really know what it's supposed to mean, but it's art. --Dave

poop pics

TO: Dave

FROM: Adam S.

DATE: 10.26.02001


I, too, had to go for a rectal. (He's referring to this. --Dave)
It was an experience I'd like to avoid
repeating. But your information on rectals and all things "poop" provided me with much
comfort in what was a difficult period for my bum.

Many thanks.

Adam S*****

Assistant Professor of Political Science

P***** University

TO: Dave

FROM: Trevor

DATE: 10.24.02001


I think flaming poops is worthy of Poop Reporting.


trevor has sent you a special Halloween greeting.

Just click on the URL and stomp on the offering!

10/15/01 10:45 AM

S1ndustries: u r sux

PoopReport: sorry?

S1ndustries: better be

PoopReport: uh oh are you flaming me?

S1ndustries: yes

PoopReport: why?

S1ndustries: shutup

PoopReport: oh, good point

PoopReport: can i help you?

S1ndustries: yes by shutting up

PoopReport: are you going to say something?

PoopReport: or will there just be an awkward silence

PoopReport: (awkward silence)

S1ndustries: awkward shutup

PoopReport: uhhh

PoopReport: why did you IM me then?

S1ndustries: because your website sucks

PoopReport: based on what?

S1ndustries: the worlds opinion

PoopReport: wow, you know the whole world's opinion? man, i wish i had met you earlier, before i embarked on this foolish endeavor

S1ndustries: ch3a

PoopReport: ?

PoopReport: come on cletus, let's stop this a-fussin and a-fuedin

PoopReport: well? i just extended the olive branch

PoopReport: are you ignoring me?

Automated Response from S!ndustries:

S1ndustries: I will be right back.

PoopReport: oh, ok, i'll wait

PoopReport: so you run ursux?

PoopReport: i miss you... we were really making a breakthrough on our friendship.

PoopReport: well?

PoopReport: this is the most boring flame war i've ever engaged in

TO: Dave

FROM: adam

DATE: 10.22.02001


once i ate my own shit

TO: Dave

FROM: Stinkie

DATE: 10.19.02001


I shit on wolves.

TO: Dave

FROM: Sue M.

DATE: 10.9.02001



the first use i've found of poop in web advertising!

TO: Dave

FROM: Lance

DATE: 10.2.02001


Years ago there was a product that came out of a can that was a foaming
version of poop. You could spray long yards of it. It looked and glistened like
real poop.

Does anyone know the name of this product or where you can get it? It would be
great for any number of gags.

TO: Dave

FROM: shitty smelly ass bastard

DATE: 9.23.02001


I like shit, shit ass!

Eat shit, it is good for the teeth and it saves sugar.

I need shit pictures, especially camel shit if possible. I want to make a
powerpoint presentation of bin Laden and Camel poop would certainly apply to this smelly
shitty mother fucking prick face ass-hole with cheesy balls that smell like
fucking hell, ya know (hell = afganistan BTW)

TO: Dave

FROM: anonymous insecure poop fan

DATE: 9.7.02001


One question: Am I wierd to be such a pooper? I mean, there aren't many
chicks that think poo is not only not a big deal, but also quite funny. I
mean, I'm not a total poop freak like I don't think it is funny to eat it or
anything...but sometimes I just wonder...why do I think poop is so funny? Do you ever wonder?

PoopReport Responds:

you're asking the guy who runs PoopReport if you're weird for enjoying
poopreport? Obviously you're about to get a biased response.

I think most people think its funny, guy or girl. and once they get over their
initial revulsion, they like the site. It's just very shocking for people at
first. But I've won over my parents and my girlfriend...

i'm with you. i think shit eating and all that fetish stuff is nasty. I just
think theres a lot of humor in it, which is why i run the site. What makes it
funny is that it's so universal -- everyone does it, everyone can relate to it.
It's funny to think that George W Bush or Michael Jackson or The Queen of England
goes through the same trials and tribulations in the can as you or I. WHen it
comes to pooping, the richest person is as helpless and silly looking as the
poorest. there lies the humor.

so no, you're not wierd, you just get the joke.

TO: Dave

FROM: Chip Brown

DATE: 8.28.02001


The lords of potty punk post this pathetic website. But take it from me,
these guys will rock frothy brown export wine from your puckered starfish!

TO: Dave

FROM: Chris

DATE: 8.17.02001


The home page for Operation Poopy Pants which includes a photo gallery and true
stories of placing Poopy Pants. Coming soon is the story of Skidmark America, how
one man quit his job to drive across the country to distribute pairs of dirty
underwear. Also a true story.

TO: Dave

FROM: dg

DATE: 8.14.02001



Are you still buying your fake

poop the old fashioned way?

Buy Online!

Not mass-produced corporate poop,

it's customized intelligent poop.

Poop with a message!

Poop for the people!

You have a right to be heard, send 'em a turd.

More than a right... it's your civic dooty!

Here's what you get...

A discreetly labeled gift box,

.....shipped anywhere in the world for FREE*

Each includes ...

A "Cerdefecate of Authentishitty"

A tastefully tasteless and realistic turd

Your choice"pretzel" or "log!"

Include one of over 100 Greeting Cards, for FREE*

Or you can customize your very own

..... special greeting online right now

TO: Dave


DATE: 8.8.02001


Dear Dave,

You may already know about this but in case you don't here is what helps poos
in a big way. Biiiiiiiiggg.

Put your feet on a stool about 9 - 12" off the floor (so you are sort of
crouched). As my fiance and I say "you just don't understand".

Another thing that helps - fruit first thing in the morning. Before anything
else and no fruit after.




TO: Dave

FROM: thomas fecess

DATE: 8.8.02001


Take your daily poop and lay it on some
plastic wrap. Roll it up and tight a knot at one end and cut off the long strip
of unused plastic wrap,slide one condom over the end and fill the condom with your
daily poop. Put into storage where it is warm and in about 2 weeks you will have
a collection of poop that has types of smells,load these condoms into your
plastic diapers and enjoy the comfort as each condom breaks and sends
forth a different type of thick or slick poop to lubricate your privates. Enjoy!

6 Comments on "The Colostomy Bag: Mail From Readers"

Charlie's picture

You people are sick as hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shitting in your pants. DISGUSTING!!! Nothing I'd like more than a stinky shit smeared all in my pants YEAH???
Maybe a few pieces of corn as well?????? GET A LIFE!!!

Adam's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

the site is shit and you are all a load of wankers

Scott Samson's picture

I Scott Sampson swear over my dead body that I wil shit the biggest load of crap. I chalenge the if they dought my honer.

Travis's picture

hehe secret

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Isn't it funny what kind of comments this section attracts?

Anyway, how do you put up with these sick e-mails all day? The last one was particularly disgusting. Probably more disgusting than the guy who posted his wife-shit-eating fetish in the "Ask Poonurse" section. It was so unbelievable that I had to laugh.

The lamest flame session in the world was hilarious!

I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

*Gagging*, that last post was rocious. Dave, you are a true saint to be able to hold your patients with some of these posts.


I've said it before and I'll say it again. It takes all kinds.

Now, I'll go take some Brioschi before I hurl.
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

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