poopreport : The Colostomy Bag :



The Colostomy Bag: Mail From Readers

Posted 08.04.2003 by Dave (11998)



TO: Dave
FROM: Dave J
DATE: 10.3.02003
SUBJECT: Picture from Scotland for you
==============================

I just got married, and just returned from our honeymoon to Scotland. While there, I saw this "game" in a shop, and thought of you and the guys here at the site. When I saw it, I got all excited, but then, after reading the box, I was just confused. Check it out!



TO: Dave
FROM: andrew sheldon
DATE: 9.2.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

well jeff,

i love to eat my own feces..if anyone have any stories about eating poopoo or would like to swap feces then call me ANYTIME (313) xxx-8239
luv u all XXOO



TO: Dave
FROM: anonymous coward
DATE: 9.8.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

when i enterd "fishfinger used bedpan gang info" into google search engine this is the only site that came up.Its known as a GOOGLE WACK.Enjoy your fame _CURRY_



TO: Dave
FROM: brian bjorklund
DATE: 9.10.02003
SUBJECT: POST THIS ONE!
==============================

HELLO,

I HAVE BEEN CONSITPATED FOR ABOUT 4 YEARS, WELL, I POOPED ABOUT ONCE A WEEK IF THAT.I FINALLY WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND HE TOLD ME I HAD 50 POUNDS OF BACKLOG IN ME. I WEIGHED 180 POUNDS THEN, I HAVE TRIED SO HARD TO LOSE WEIGHT AND I JUST COULDNT.MY BOYFRIEND USE TO TELL ME I WASNT FAT, JUST FULL OF SHIT. SO THE DOCTOR TOLD ME TO TAKE ALL THIS CRAP AND IT SHOULD WORK. I SHIT 7-10 TIMES A DAY, 2-5 POUNDS EACH. WELL I NOW WEIGH 115 POUNDS!! NOW AINT THAT FUNNY.

FULL OF SHIT



TO: Dave
FROM: Dave Davis
DATE: 9.13.02003
SUBJECT: ask dr adams
==============================

I love to think about hot girls pooping. What is wrong with me?



TO: Dave
FROM: Jason
DATE: 10.1.02003
SUBJECT: Holy Flying Animal Dung
==============================

Ok heres the story, I have this friend and one day we were over her house and he dog I guess had been really sick. well we are just sitting there watching tv, And the dog started making all these noises then all of a sudden he quit and a tidal wave of shit phewed out all over the walls and the carpet. And another story the same friends grandmas cats rectum fell out one day and they had to take it to the vet to get it sewed back in.



TO: Dave
FROM: Shameful pooper
DATE: 10.7.02003
SUBJECT: techniques
==============================

Does anyone have weird fantasies about poop?? I don't know why but somehow pooping with a friend sounds kind of fun!



TO: Dave
FROM: anonymous coward
DATE: 10.7.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

One morning I was leaving a crap at a rest stop along the interstate. I wasn't far into the project when someone entered the stall next mine. I could tell he was frantic because of the way the door banged shut and locked and the whimpering and groaning noises he made as he undid his pants and the thump and groan of relief that he emitted as he got seated. He let loose an awesome barrage of shit. I could tell by the sounds and smells that it was one of those loose, messy jobs that occur as a result of a night of cheap beer and greasy food. It was the kind of shit that sprays all over your cheeks and splashes water from the toilet bowl back up onto your ass. When this happens to me, I usually just head for the shower because of the clean-up needed.

Anyway, his joy and relief soon turned to despair. I heard him groan and swear. After a few seconds, he bumped on the stall wall and asked, "Hey buddy, is there an extra roll of toilet paper over there?". I had to answer negative. A few seconds later he asked, "Could you spin off a big wad of paper and shove it over here?". Unfortunately, I had to answer negative again. There was barely enough toilet paper for me to finish my own business. As I was wrapping things up he asked, "Hey buddy, can you give me five ones for a five dollar bill?".



TO: Dave
FROM: Bloody ass
DATE: 10.8.02003
SUBJECT: for the blog
==============================

Hey I pooped today. It wasn't coming out. I squeezed harder and harder, until red. Finally, a thick, hard, raw juicy green log came out. My ass was bleeding, while green drops continued to drip off my hair rectum. What should I do?

Signed,
Bloody Ass



TO: Dave
FROM: Jennifer Chantelle
DATE: 10.9.02003
SUBJECT: story
==============================

When I was on my way to work one morning, I usually don't usually stop for coffee, but I did that morning. So I am on my way to work on a bus of crowded people, when my bowels start a rumbling. I try to hold it til my stop, but seems like forever and I dare not get off or I'd be late. I get about two blocks from my work and by now I am locked at the knees and squeezing my butt muscles so as not to let the turtle surface. We hit a bump in the road and I lose control. I feel it coming out and I can't stop so I just let it all loose. UuGGGHHHH I start pushing and I feel the warm gooey logs turning into a pile in my pants. I think that nobody notices until I see everyone staring at me while I push to pinch a loaf. Embaressed to death about what I have done because I am not a shameless shitter I dash off the bus and run into bathroom before any one sees me and clean up. I stupidly told my girlfriend what happened so now she teases me about what a shameful shitter I am.



TO: Dave
FROM: Lizbelki
DATE: 10.13.02003
SUBJECT: Erwin Holshauser
==============================

I was at walmart and I suddenley had to poop. I went into the mens room and got to the nearest stall. there was nobody there and I thought I could shit in piece. I pulled my pants to my ancles and started and started pushing. then two kids came in and went to pee. I was nearly done but there was one stubern piece that woudln't fall into the toilet.

So then a girl came in with her father who wasn,t potty trained yet. But that piece was still hanging on to my but. I grabed the toilet and started shaking while the door lock fell off. The door opened and there where three people in there.The two kids laughed and the girl with her father said "look daddy that big person knows how to go potty''!

I wasn't even done shitting and two more people came in. There was no other option then crappng and wiping my but infront of all those people and and then go running as fast as I could. Then I felt proud and said come on people we all poop so what if I'm not doing it in privecy! So I just fineshed wiped my butand didn't care who saw.



TO: Dave
FROM: George
DATE: 10.14.02003
SUBJECT: for the blog
==============================

I had a yellow bowel movement yesterday!



TO: Dave
FROM: Poopalot
DATE: 10.14.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

One day while i was at a friends house i had to poop sOoO bad! but i thought it would be rude to just walk up to her toilet and poop all in it so i tried to hold it in! Well she was one of those people who say its natural for you to poop so i figured she wouldn't care. Well as soon as i went to poop her brother and her mom came home so i got scared. so before i pooped i got back up and tried to hold it again!

After awhile of begging we went to her basement. this was only good because she had an extra bathroom.But soon enough i could not hold it anymore. so i walked into her bathroom to try to poop again! Well her house wasnt the newest one i've ever seen so i tried to hurry up. But as soon as i started pooping(which was a relif) her light went out. Well when it did that as scared as i was i stood up and pooped on the floor. i ran out and left it there. then i called my mom to vome pick me up.



TO: Dave
FROM: Sir Wipes-A-Lot
DATE: 10.14.02003
SUBJECT: techniques
==============================

The Mystery Flush!!

Here's a tip for avoiding those near-toilette cloggers. We have these puny little toilets at my work. Despite flushing several times, they clog often, almost without provacation. If you are watching, and it looks like it's about to clog - grab the handle quickly and hold it down. You don't want to flush again and risk overflowing, so just hold the handle until the bowl fills. With some luck, the weight of the water will force it down. I've even given up on it, washed my hands, and been about to leave when it finally gives way - wooosh! Ahhh, ready for the next user.



TO: Dave
FROM: Charlie
DATE: 10.16.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

Last month my wife and I were fortunate enough to get great seats to see Kiss and Aerosmith (with Saliva). Kiss was the shit, but I thought Aerosmith played like shit. Not even an encore.

We were stuck in the parking lot for an hour and a half after the show. I just went into the woods to piss but my wife just tried to hold it. On the way home she informed me that she had to piss like a race horse and could hold it no longer, so I whipped into a gas station. I went after some hot dogs and she asked the old clerk where the restroom was. The lady told her that they didn't have one, so she said she would just go out and wait at the car. I got my dogs and chips and went outside. I asked her if she pissed behind the dumpster. Her reply was no. So I unlocked the car and let her in. Once we started down the road she looked over and told me she crapped her pants. I had to laugh, knowing that she had done this before. She was still feeling the effects of the $8 beers and was squirming around in her seat.



TO: Dave
FROM: Bstreeetz
DATE: 10.17.02003
SUBJECT: My smelly ass
==============================

Last year I was 14 and I had a rash on my grone. I had gym first period and when I leave my ass was really sweaty. I still smelled good though. So all day at school I was sitting on my sweaty ass. After about 2 weeks of this it reeks now I can't get rid of it. Please Email me back and help me.



TO: Dave
FROM: Jessie
DATE: 10.18.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

I have a friend who wanted me to be with him while he tried to poo. He is very constipated, and needs to always use a suppository. I still remember him crouched up on his bed with a pad beneath his bottom, pushing and pushing. He said his poos were hard to get started, and that he could feel a really big one coming.

Chris's face became creased with redness and concentration,and he took a sudden very deep breath and PUSHED.

His hole began to arc out, and the poo poked its fat head out. It went in again when he refrained squeezin'. He roared with frustration.

He made little whimpering,strained harsh breathy grunty sounds & then tried to poo once more. "NUH!"he started and the poo's head came out again. "NUH!"he said and strained continuously as hard as possible for no less than 16 seconds.

"Oh my God!I can't push!"he cried. "Nuh!Nuh!Nuh!UNGH!!!!!!!.... Unnf-hnnnnnnnnnnnn NNNNNNNNNNNN-erer-nunghhhhhh hhhhh!

Finally the poo came to and broke away onto th pad. Chris's poor hole was sored!



TO: Dave
FROM: Xcarmak
DATE: 10.17.02003
SUBJECT: info
==============================

they have been invited to a scat-party I wanted to know if to eat the shit it is dangerous, which are dangers? thanks doctor



TO: Dave
FROM: anonymous coward
DATE: 10.20.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

I HATE YOUR IDOIT WEBSITE.I BOO IT.OH YA IT IS THE WORST



TO: Dave
FROM: FURIOUS GEORGE
DATE: 10.21.02003
SUBJECT: poop story submission
==============================

my name is patrick and this is a storynot about me but my sisters friend. i acctually had a hard time believing this story the first time i heard it but apparently its true. so my sisters friend has always had problems with his bowels, when he has to go, he has to go . sno matter who he might offend or embarres. he had just dropped off my sister at our house and he was on his way back home at about 2:00 am and had to poop. so after much deliberation he stepped out of the car and took a poo in the middle of the street, he then proceded to drive home on residential streets at 60 mph to get home to wipe

patrick
p.s. if you want to i give you permission to publish this on the site



TO: Dave
FROM: doodie girl
DATE: 10.21.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

i was taking a hike in the mountains with my best friend. all of the sudden i felt the urge to go-if i feel that urge i have to go THEN AND THERE. with no bathroom in sight, i looked for a log and sat on that, pushing and grunting, and after about 30 minutes i took the biggest dump in my life.



TO: Dave
FROM: bill
DATE: 10.21.02003
SUBJECT: ask dr adams
==============================

You are a poophole preson and you should be up the ass.



TO: Dave
FROM: randy
DATE: 10.22.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

I was leaving my high school one day with my friend, and we had to walk through a small area with a stairwell before the exit door. As we walked through, a mutual classmate of ours said to us, "hey guys, look, it's shit," and pointed behind the stairs. We both kind of laughed it off, not thinking much of it. But, again, he said, "no guys, look, it's SHIT." we proceeded to look at the area he was pointing at, and were greeted with a site that was both horrifying and mystifying at the same time.

It was a huge, approximately one foot or more in diameter, about an inch high, almost perfectly circular, somewhat liquidy pile of poop. We immediately burst out in laughter and gagging, and we quickly exited the building. We were in tears laughing the whole 20 minute walk back to our houses. I am not sure what could possibly have created such a monumental shit orb, but I still maintain it deserved to be on the cover of the yearbook.



TO: Dave
FROM: praxiss
DATE: 10.22.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

Just recently I have shit my pants several times.

The first in the stream of events, I was in the bathroom of a movie theatre right before the movie started. I was peeing in the urinal, and I felt a little pressure building up. So, to signify the completion of my pee, I decided to muster up all my strength and force the flatulence. To my dismay, I felt a warm trickle down my leg, all the way to my shoe. I look in the mirror at the ass of my jeans, and see the dark brown line seeping through at an alarming rate. I have just complete shit my pants. I freak out, run out thru the janitor office to my car, strip naked and drive home.

The second pantshitting incident I was standing in my parents bathroom on a visit home taking a leak. As i am finishing up there is a knock on the door asking if someone was in there. To answer, I decide to signal my presence with a posterior *pop* of a foul fart. This time I did not feel anything running down my leg. Instead I hear this smacking sound, look down and the feces had found its way completely out of the leg of my shorts and splattered all over the tile floor and rug. As I looked down in horror, I said "I'm gonna be a minute"



TO: Dave
FROM: dave flanagan
DATE: 10.22.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

i took a dump that was 19 inches long and 4 inches wide a nice big jobe



TO: Dave
FROM: Katie (8th grader)
DATE: 10.26.02003
SUBJECT: HELP!
==============================

Dave,

Hi! i am doing a report on toilet paper. I know that sounds very interesting but you did a site on poop (i didn't mean that to be offensive) just stating the obvious I am seeing which toilet paper dissolves the quickest but I need too know your last name for my bibliography. I am going too state too show my poster for the Science fair. Can you please e-mail me back your last name. Thank you for your generosity.



TO: Dave
FROM: Kathy
DATE: 10.25.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

I was at the beach last weekend swimming with my girl-friends when i felt the urge to go to the toilet, I yelled out to my friend who was swimming next to me that i needed to go to the toilet. she replied 'there wasn't a toilet for about 500m from where i was ' ,so i said i was busting and had to go now. My girl friend suggested i go in the water so i did, pulling my bikini bottoms off I started to pee , then with a huge push i started to shit and before i relised me and my friend notice lumps of my shit coming up and floating on the surface , we quickly got out of the water and didn't go back in for about 30 minutes. the smell was bad and the water went from clear to brown in seconds , it was a turn on to my friend (don't know why) she said the colour of the water excited her.



TO: Dave
FROM: Tom J Pritie
DATE: 10.31.02003
SUBJECT: rubberized pants save bathroom visits.
==============================

Dave for the last 25 years I have worn custom made rubberized pants that expand with additional shit left behind after a leaving my deposit. I'm a long Haul trucker out of Sacramento,California. This suit cost me well over $1500 dollars and it can be cleaned by just leaving it in bleach water overnight,it will allow me to travel from the Yukon all the way down to Mexico City and return without so much as a bathroom break anywhere. These pants will expand from a size 44 up to a size 60 over a 2 week period,a pressure relief valve feeds the "fart" gas to my truck engine and nobody around me knows what is going on! I started this some 25 years back when I found out that I have IBS a problem that chains you to the toilet 24/7/365 days a year. Rather than be chained to the toilet,I found that for a little money and a lot of diaper rash lotion,this gave me my freedom to travel and at the same time to make a living.

A bumpy road is no sweat anymore when you have 40 gallons of sludge protecting your bottomside!.

Sincerely: Thomas John Pritie-Sacramento,California.



TO: Dave
FROM: andrew buell
DATE: 11.4.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

i had to unload my droors, but i wanted to do it in a funny way, so i was a my friends house and i saw his cat's litter box so i took the litter box and put it under my blunder and i dropped a 10 inch log in the kitty litter. When his parents came home they thought the kittens had made the huge pooh and we all laughed.



TO: Dave
FROM: poowatcher
DATE: 9.27.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================

it happened this morning (about 700 am). i was laying in my bed watching tv. then all of a sudden it hit me, i had to shit bad!!! then, as i waddled to the bathroom, i grabbed my dad's vibrator from its secret hiding place, with some k-y. i pushed and grunted for 10 minutes, and the poop baby came out, nice and smooth. i then turned on the shower and layed out me spread. as i got some k-y on my ass, i stuck the vibrator in that begging hole and turned it on. i went to work, came, and cleaned up. that was probably to date the best childbirth/jack off poop i've ever had!!!



TO: Dave
FROM: The Shitman
DATE: 8.2.02003
SUBJECT: for the blog
==============================

I want to behave and be good on the forums but I want to also be able to talk in a nice matter, its not my fault some jerk got all angry, I can stick to 3 posts a day plus behave and not make fun of anyone.


youngbeard (not verified) -- 11.06.2003

"Hey buddy, can you give me five ones for a five dollar bill?" LOL.. That was a good one. Wonder why the guy didn't just use his socks?

Tydirium (516) -- 11.06.2003

Why are teenagers so dumb? Don't they teach spelling in school anymore?

The Big Wiper (2292) -- 11.06.2003

A couple of years ago I remember seeing an article in USA Today about our pubic education system and the increasingly poor job it was doing. Some of the anecdotal evidence was horrifying. To the command--'give your best account of the Kennedy Assassination'--one student replied: "Somebody killed Ted Kennedy?"

*Shudder*

Di Uhreea (410) -- 11.06.2003

I was laughing @ the "five ones for a five dollar bill" too. Nice one.

doniker (1555) -- 11.06.2003

Yes the 5 for 5 one's had me laughing and the truck driver with the rubber pants.

Kung Poo (91) -- 11.06.2003

The five ones is fucking hilarious! Dave u gotta find a better spot for that one. The trucker one was rather creative too. Oh Yeah, public schools suck:-(

Slim Jim Junkie (not verified) -- 11.07.2003

There were 3 real stories, the "Can I have five ones?" "I took a huge shit when I was hiking" and the "I carpped in the litterbox." Everything else seems fake

Honey Monster (51) -- 11.07.2003

Two words: GOOGLE WACK.
What the fuck????

What in Gods name was this poor soul searching for using the words "fishfinger used bedpan gang info"?

Does anyone else find this slightly disturbing?

Steph (not verified) -- 11.07.2003

It's so nice to see there are a few sane people with proper grammar/spelling here discussing poop. It can be a very interesting topic, but the teenagers ruin it. Honey Monster, yes, that was disturbing. I think that person meant "Google Whack" which would be young person slang for not getting the search results one hoped for. I was also disturbed by the poop/jack-off story. "Grabbed my dad's vibrator..." Okayyyyy....what is more sad: that people actually do these things or that they have the mental capacity to make them up? (Not to mention they must not have much else to do with their time.)

pooofortoiletfoo (not verified) -- 11.07.2003

Hmmmm,,, maybe potty is a scottish word for math???
Sean

The Shit Volcano (3818) -- 11.08.2003

I left public school for a private education. Partly, it was boring and I learned three times as much reading an out-of-date encyclopedia at home. Also I grew tired of listening to conversations that consisted of: "Duh! I don't know!", "Hu hu hu!", and "What's a (insert your own 'any idiot knows' phrase here)?" And the students' discussions were pretty idiotic too.

Grebuloner (not verified) -- 11.08.2003

Dave, the crap you must sift through to get to a truly amazing work of art is amazing. Kudos for your effort.

And, I feel really sorry for that trucker if the story's real. He may not have to stop at a rest stop, but can you imagine the sight of 44 gallons of crap in his pants when he stops to gas up the truck? No loser would do that to themselves!

Slim Jim Junkie (not verified) -- 11.09.2003

Meh, private school didn't work for me. It was those stuck up Bible thumpers that pissed me off.

The Shit Volcano (3818) -- 11.09.2003

Shudder!

bozo (not verified) -- 07.18.2004

This site is funny as shit

tonie (not verified) -- 01.20.2005

i luv this site i gotta story to tell

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