The Colostomy Bag: Mail From Readers

Posted 12.18.2001 by Dave (11977)

TO: Dave
FROM: Hairy Pooter
DATE: 11.27.02001
==============================

Subject: Yahoo! Deutschland - Schlagzeile - Yahoo! - Erster Welt-Toiletten-Gipfel in Singapur

a (a@dzi.com) hat Ihnen eine Yahoo!
Schlagzeile geschickt.
---------------------------
Personliche Nachricht:
püp news

Yahoo! - Erster Welt-Toiletten-Gipfel in Singapur
http://de.news.yahoo.com/011119/71/2c68k.html

Hinweis: Das Weiterversenden ist ausschlieBlich zu privaten und keinesfalls zu gewerblichen Zwecken gestattet.

world toilet

TO: Dave
FROM: Amy
DATE: 11.25.02001
==============================

Poop etiquette: when having a bowel movement in a public restroom, always flush following every passing turd to cut down on smelly problems.

11/23/01 6:08 PM
Webster3501: hi
PoopReport: hey there, fellow pooper
Webster3501: do you poop alot
PoopReport: not more than anyone else, i suppose
PoopReport: you?
Webster3501: a ton
PoopReport: why?
Webster3501: i eat alot
PoopReport: that much more than the average human?
PoopReport: are you overweight?
Webster3501: yeah
Webster3501: why do ask
PoopReport: well, i was wondering if you poop at the rate you eat... if you are overwieght, that suggests you retain food, instead of simply passing it through your system
PoopReport: fascinating
Webster3501: very

TO: Dave
FROM: Evil Roy Slade
DATE: 11.21.02001
==============================

I was in junior high, and it was the end of the year party at my friend's house. We snuck some beer etc. and were having a great time. I had a stomach ache, and I later realized that I had some serious diarrhea brewing... I also had gas, which is a touchy situation. I did my best... but at some point in the party, I tried to ease out a toot but it was a major splash all inside my underwear and down my leg. I went in the bathroom to clean it up but the damage was done.

No problem. I went back and had a great time at the party. I was talking with one of the popular, pretty girls from school. She was a little drunk and after a while we were kissing in the hall. We went into a bedroom downstairs. She unzipped my pants and pulled them down... and while she was down there, doing "certain things", she pressed her nose into my crack!!!! To this day, I don't see how she didn't gag when she pulled off those crusty shorts!

TO: Dave
FROM: Blue Sky Log
DATE: 11.21.02001
==============================

I'm from the southwest U.S. I don't think you should ignore the native American contribution to potty humor. Crapping in the desert is always tough, there are cactus, prickly pears, tamarac and scrub brush. One stumble and you're the butt of jokes. More popular than a fart in a teepee!

TO: Dave
FROM: Tyler
DATE: 11.21.02001
==============================

I like to poop on the shower floor. I spread the crap over the floor of the shower with a spatula. Leave it for awhile (20 minutes) and then rinse it away. I don't know why, but the crap shines and removes any mildew buildup. Really it works! On lime deposits too!

TO: Dave
FROM: Trevor
DATE: 11.19.02001
==============================

Below the bowl:

below the bowl

11/17/01 4:30 PM
Weezer91218: Hi!!
PoopReport: hi there poop fan
Weezer91218: hi question about wipping
PoopReport: ok, shoot
Weezer91218: whats the best way of wiping?
Weezer91218: to get everything
Weezer91218: no poopy reminence
PoopReport: well, my friend, you're in luck
Weezer91218: oh yippy
PoopReport: http://www.poopreport.com/Techniques/Content/Wiping/wiping.html
Weezer91218: wow what help!
Weezer91218: thank you

TO: Dave
FROM: Dave S
DATE: 11.2.02001
==============================

I was in science class today and we were talking about the digestive system and poo of course. Me and the teacher were wondering... why does corn stay in your poo? No matter how much you chew it, it's a piece of corn in your poo!

TO: Dave
FROM: Latrina
DATE: 11.1.02001
==============================

For those who wanted to know about the shit in a can product, or where to get it: http://www.gagworks.com/gwp_0210.htm

http://www.fakecrap.com/products/instant_smelly_shit.html

20 feet of crap, complete with stench, in a can! What will they think of next???

-Latrina

TO: Dave
FROM: Zak
DATE: 10.28.02001
==============================

WICKER DIAPERS!

TO: Dave
FROM: fuck me
DATE: 10.23.02001
==============================

WANNA FUCK? I DO MEN TOO

10/22/01 5:48 PM
DucksRPeople2: poopy poopy in a pot, is it cold or is it hot?
PoopReport:    hello fellow pooper
PoopReport:    interesting
DucksRPeople2: a question to plague mankind.
PoopReport:    i imagine it's hot
DucksRPeople2: yeah, that's what i said too, but the masses seem to think differently. i have a dream that one day, people everywhere will poop in freedom.
PoopReport: "across the land, from sea to sea, lo, did the people poop in freedom, and happiness reigned" -- Doodooronomy, 3:41
DucksRPeople2: i am SO writing that down. i have to go, keep on pooping!

TO: Dave
FROM: jackie and corianne
DATE: 10.21.02001
==============================

Poo, its black, its brown, sometimes i do it outta town... Sometimes its green, and sometimes its yellow, but that doesnt mean, I cant poo without hot fellows... So.. the moral of this story is, if your poo is anything but these colors, see a doctor, or call it a fauker! love -- corianne and jackie

10/15/01 10:45 AM
S1industries: u r sux
PoopReport: sorry?
S1industries: better be
PoopReport: uh oh are you flaming me?
S1industries: yes
PoopReport: why?
S1industries: shutup
PoopReport: oh, good point
PoopReport: can i help you?
S1industries: yes by shutting up
PoopReport: are you going to say something?
PoopReport: or will there just be an awkward silence
PoopReport: (awkward silence)
S1industries: awkward shutup
PoopReport: uhhh
PoopReport: why did you IM me then?
S1industries: because your website sucks
PoopReport: based on what?
S1industries: the worlds opinion
PoopReport: wow, you know the whole world's opinion? man, i wish i had met you earlier, before i embarked on this foolish endeavor
S1industries: ch3a
PoopReport: ?
PoopReport: come on cletus, let's stop this a-fussin and a-fuedin

10/11/01 2:00 PM
Del4Ron: Hey. I like poop. Please talk to me
PoopReport: hello fellow pooper
Del4Ron: poop?
PoopReport: yes
Del4Ron: you just sit around waiting for people to IM you about poo
Del4Ron: what fun!
PoopReport: yeah, it's the life, huh?
PoopReport: so what are your opinions on poo?
Del4Ron: It stinks
Del4Ron: sometimes it's runny
PoopReport: don't i know it

TO: Dave
FROM: Chip Brown
DATE: 9.20.02001
==============================

Dave: have you seen this site?

http://www.sulabhtoiletmuseum.org/

email this page | printer friendly version

person (not verified) -- 12.19.2001

people are weird

Amanda (33) -- 09.17.2002

i wanna know all about poop that i can send me so much info to my e-mail address

jackshit (not verified) -- 03.09.2003

what do fat people do who cannot reach their butts?

how do they wipe?

shit with a friend?

(ir u wipe mine...?)

honey_monster (not verified) -- 12.23.2003

In reply to "jackshit", fat people who cannot wipe themselves are treated as invalids. Just as a carer would wipe the ass of an old person, a carer would wipe the ass of a fat person. If they are so fat they cannot wipe their ass, then they probably cannot support their own weight and would be wheeled around in a chair. Thus needing a carer.

Carers who live with fat people are called "feeders". The feeders make sure that the fat people stay fat so that they have to depend upon them. This is because they have no life or self fulfilment.

Pedro (not verified) -- 07.23.2004

How do very overweight people wipe their ass if they can't reach?

jim (not verified) -- 08.28.2004

I do commercial construction and we work out of town often. One of the guys was driving back from a job far from home and suddenly the urge to poop took over and he looked for a place to purge his pooper but there was nothing in sight. Finally he pulled over not able to hold it any longer and ran for the front of the truck as he pulled down his pants. With traffic going by from both directions he began to squat but it was too late, just as he began to bend over a POWERFUL BLAST occured and sprayed the front of his truck with last nights dinner in the form of chunks and dribblings as people drove by! His license plate and grill were covered in nastiness and stench. I cant imagine what the people were thinking as they drove by to witness the comical releif! This happened about a year ago and we STILL laff till we have tears rollin down our faces!

Jim (not verified) -- 08.28.2004

One more story. When i was about 14 years old i was riding around with two friends on our bicycles on saturday morning. We were a couple miles from home when the urge hit me hard. We pulled into a gas station and asked if i could use the restroom. The guy said NO! That was his first mistake. Then he called us names and told us to 'GET OFF MY PROPERTY'! That was his second mistake Being the little devils we were back then we decided to climb over a short wall behind the gas station where old tires were stored up against the back wall. I found a comfortable spot to sqeaze out a log and went for it. I then took a piece of newspaper and picked up the 14 inch masterpiece and broke it into several smaller "BOMBS". We then procecded to bombard the back wall of the station. The smell was sickening and it didn't take long for the owner to discover what we had done. I still remember looking back at him screaming and chasing us down the street as we laughed so hard we almost crashed our bikes. Next time maybe he'll let a person use the restroom! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA