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 The Colostomy Bag: Mail From ReadersPosted 02.13.2003 by Dave (11657)
One of my fraternity brothers was having a "time" on the toilet and this picture was
the end result. You can still see the remnents in the toilet. Let me know if you
post it, so I can send the link out to the chapter................ Eric
One time I was at my friends house and we had taco's for dinner. Later on that
evening we went outside and jumped on the trampoline. I noticed that my stomach started
hurting a little bit but I ignored it. Well we kept jumping and I noticed that my
stomach started hurting worse than it did and it felt like I had to take a masive watery
shit. Well I have a huge problem going to the bathroom at someones house except at my
own. Well i tried still ignoring it and let little farts out to
relieve the tention. Well on the last big jump I bounced really high and the next thing you
know is I SHIT all over myself. It was so bad that my shit came out of my shorts and
splattered on the trampoline. But not only was it watery it had big chunks of shit. The
worst thing was my friend bounced up in the air and her foot landed right in it. She was
gaging that whole night!
Hey umm...high! this is a first time writing but anny ways, once when me and some
of my friends were out drinken. For some reason after getting drunk I woke-up at a gay
bar. When I awakend my friend, Andrew had a big smile on his face. I said "What?"He said
nothing, so i slugged him in his jaw. Then he notified me it was a gay bar. I am a
homofobiac, wich means im afriad of gays, so know knowing that it was a gay bar I ran.
When i got home my girlfriend said "What did you do last-night?"
I still smelled shit. "I asked why do you want to know?" Then she puled me over to a
mirrior. Thats when my hart stopped...I HAD A HITLER!!!! (A hitler is when you shove
your hand up your ass and make a poo stain under your nose)to make a long storie short I
argued with my girl friend,we didnt barke up, i took a 2 hour shower, then beat the shit
outta Andrew ,beacuse he didnet tell me about it.
aight i was sitting chillin wit some hoes and I's like holla son i be back i
thought it would be a normal run to the bathroom until i got in there yall it went down
like this at first i couldnt get anything out it was just ahhhhuhhh arrrrrrr and moaning
and groaning then all at once a 7 pounder came shooting out and i started screaming it
felt exactly like this time my freind eddy did me up the butt it hurt so bad then my
cock fell in the tolet and got crap all over it and it was soaked
and then i dont think the rest of the story is appropriate so to make a long story
short i got married!!!!
I appreciate all the moral support. Unfortuanetly Im being deployed to a
very miserable place. If you watch CNN Im sure you can guess what country
Im referring to. I just gotta say , on some of my other deployments we had
internet access(Im a computer guy so I get some perks).....anyways when we
were down and hating life your website really made us cry with laughter.
You really do a great thing with this site. Its pretty big with my group of
friend in the old USMC. Please keep the site alive you bring that little
dingleberry of happiness into our lives when the world looks like a pretty
shitty place.
POOPREPORT RESPONDS:
Being a computer guy, does that mean you get to stay off the front
lines? I hope so.
I would like to consider you PoopReport's Middle East correspondent. I
encourage you: please, please send in reports from the front. The whole
world is watching what happens over there -- your posts would be timely
and important.
Even if there are no funny stories -- just a report of the facilities
our brave men and women are enduring. But whatever -- the more you can
send in, the better.
I gladly accept the challenge. Ill try to report as much as possible. Last
time I was in the middle east we had to shit in giant holes with 2 by 4's
laying on top of them. Then a whole crowd of us got disentary, I woke up
covered in a thick blanket of yucky poop. Fun stuff. Just to give you a
little idea of what its like out there
at my school 2 years ago we had just added some nice new bathrooms. well,
some little terrorists decided they'd take a dump in each of the toilets. so
when I came in there was a putrid stench. there was poop n the ground in
the urinal and in each of the other two toilets. in the urinal it was all
green and had white stuff in it. in the second toilet down there was poop
all over the toilet. it was like a giant chocolate toilet. and in the
handicap john someone had take a huge dump in the sink in the toilet and on
the ground! so i went to the office and they sent the janitor. now I never
expected for this to happne again but the strikes continued.
the next week
the terrorists didnt have as much turd in them so the attacked the second
and third toilets. now i never take a dump at school but today i had to. I
REALLY DID!. but when i entetered the toilets to my horror poop was
splattered on the ground. so i used the old toilets. I told the office
again. well the strikes kept coming and coming and coming. well the next
year i heard that in the girls bathroom poop smeared the wall. The horror
continued for the the year and the principal talked to the whole school.
don't put feces on walls and blah blah blah. well evryone was laughing. well
the terror was close to an end for that year because school woud be letting
out. well the last strike all on one toilet it was full completly. the smell
was terrible! i ran outside. this year there are usually loads in the
handicap stall.
call it when poop terrorists strike and my name is 2poopy4words.
one day when i 12 was i was going to school i go to a speaciel education class I am
the first kid to be picked up and I was the bus drivers pet i just ate a junk food
breakfast and didn't go to the potty after (i ussaly take big huge craps) i ate when we
went to pick up the first person
i had to fart big so i started pushing it out it came
out silently then when we pick him up i felt somthing else come out half way with it when
it came out all the way with about fifty other 16 inch logs my butt was about 6 inches off the bus seat it smelt like a skunk for twenty minutes
then the bus driver pulled the bus over told every body to get up stand in a line i was in
the very back she told us she need to do a search we didnt no what it ment so she said
undo your pants we did she looked down everybodys pants and she checked them off and then
it was my turn she said come with me and then she rolled a mat out and looked found her
daughters diaper bag got out the wipes cleaned my buttocks threw my underwears away got out 1 of her daughters diapers put it on me and put my
pants on me and when she did she carried me back to my seat when she put her hand to my
butt to pick me up
i took a 3 meter stick long poop she gave me a wierd look and when we
got too school she gave the teachers a letter and wipes/diapers the letter saying that i
need to wear diapers and that she would change them when school was over she took me home
gave my mom diapers/wipes and a letter saying that i need to wear diapers and why and so then on I wear diapers and poop big in them my
grandma changes them.
Went to a comedy club with my wife and another couple, he of which is preacher at
my church. The sudden urge hit and I excused myself to "make a phone call". While
experiencing a horrid, smelly poop a all-to-familiar voice from outside the stall started
making offensive jokes to the person taking the poop behind the stall of the door. I was
shocked by my friends "closeted anger towards pooping". I'd say something, but I'm too
embarassed being the pooper and all.
Love the site!
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad
Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The
surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time
he is crouched behind a tree stump.
"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. Again
the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road, Little
Red Riding Hood sees the wolf, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams "Will you get lost! I'm
trying to take a crap!"
Cheers,
ya all need GOD in your life. go get
help.
Me and my boyfriend were having hot animal ass packing sex, when I had to pooper,
he was pushing inside me so hard that the shit was coming out of my ass!!! Then it ended
up being diarrea!!And of course to wipe up my cummings he ate me out and got it ALL Over
his face!!! On top of that he passed out for 2 hours, since he was in shock/smellies of
bad Odor!!!!Sad to say we broke up and I still call him the my little poop smiler!
Hi my name is Brenda and i would never sit on those toilets in gas stations three
week ago when i was on the highway i got stomach cramps real bad and needed to take
a shit right away so rather than pulling in to one of the roadside bathrooms i
pulled over to a wooded area and walked over to a clump of trees took my jeans and
panty's down and took a tremendous shit right there i was very nervous so nervous in
fact i got some poop on my sneaker and didn't realize it until i got back in the car
and i smelled it but the fact is i am shameful to a fault i will poop where i have
to but never in a gas station bathroom here is my photo and that was taken the same
day i pooped in the woods which was the second time i ever pooped outside the other
was s strip mall behind it next to a bunch of dumpsters....Brenda
Dear Dave.
For several years, I thought I was alone out there in the univers, as the only person who was obsessed with talking about, making jokes about, and even writing about Poop.
Now that I have found your web site, it makes me feel a whole lot better knowing that there are other people out there who find poop jokes and stories funny.
Im an embarassement to my mum, and my dad gets frustrated with my constant toilet humour, and my sense of humour often causes me to lose friends and accidenlt offend people.
Thanx for having the guts to make a sight dedicated to poop and poop stories!
Youve changed my way of thinking.
I printed several coppies of all the stories about poop, then bindied it to make a book, and am going to give it to several people as a xmas present.I even made a title page for it and everything.
I think that you should publish a book with all the best storied about poop in it (that is if you havent done so allready.) Im sure many people would buy it. It is, for several people allready, the funniest book they have ever read. I think that would be a good idea.
If you decide to do this, or if you have done so allready, plaease let me know where I can buy several copies. Theyd make great gifts!
Escpecially for Poop Nazis and people who find toilet humour childish and disgusting, so that ya can piss them off, or posible change their attitute about the whole poop scene!
See ya!
Dr James.
How do I find what I'm looking for on poopreport? I want to hear stories about heterosexual voyerism like guys listening in on girls, and vice versa. Are there any current active conversations on such issues? I want to do a pool question on your site, asking posters if they would feel about restrooms becoming un-sex. I have a cool jingle too...
It was December of '02. Something was going around-everyone in my family but me had
the shits. I taunted them about my firm turds- I should have known that I could not outrun
this thing forever. I woke up one day at about 9am with a horrible feeling like cement in
my gut. I cracked off a few lethal farts, and went back to sleep hoping to cure myself of
the pain.
Unfortunately, I woke up two hours later in a predicament. See, I live in an
old house and it has two bathrooms, but to get out of my room, you have to go through the upstairs bathroom. When I woke up, this
bathroom was occupied by my older sister. When I asked her how long she would be, she
said she was bleaching her hair and asked me to tell her when 25 minutes were up. This
was NOT good, since I could feel the liquid shit forcing at my rectum.
With all my might i managed to keep the flood gates closed until she finally vacated the bathroom. But she didn't go downstairs and I didn't want her to her my tidal wave of shit. Finally I turned on the shower to cover the noise and unleashed an inhuman force upon the unsuspecting toilet.
Well this isn't exactly a poo story but is equally gross. A few months ago, i went
to McDonalds with some friends. As we went in the door i saw this kid, couldn't have been
15, in his Mickey D's uniform, dutifully mopping the floor. As soon as I saw him, i had a
bad feeling.
We got our food and were making our way to a table when we passed a woman sitting at a
table with suspicious yellow liquid surrounding her on the floor. I carefully stepped over
it. A few minutes later we were eating when this woman walks by us and suddenly, the
smell of fish is overwhelming. I had been taking a sip of coke and suddenly felt like i
was drinking piss. The woman went to the bathroom and unfortunately passed our table
again on her way out. But the worst was yet to come.
My five year old brother needed to take a piss and i was nominated to take him to the bathroom.
Well, we got in there and the smell was so thick i almost passed out. however, we managed
to have a good laugh about it and as we were leaving, i saw that poor little "trainee" kid
cleaning the floor around the woman's table.
ok once my ex boyfriend was hanging at my place torturing my cat as usual, like
feeding it beer and throwing it around, totally terrifying it and shit, when i finally got
the cat off him, i sat down with her trying to confort her, after a while i smelt this
really really gross smell and my really thin pj pants felt really warm and moist, well i
looked down and my fucking cat had taken a massive dump on my legs, it wasnt just a small
shit it was a really runny creamy huge shit that went on my pants and the bed and the duvet! everyone who was there when it happened coz my sis
and her boyfriend came during his torture saw it and just laughed at me! i told them all
to get fuckt i felt sorry for my cat though through all that torture she must of needed to
go really bad!
t was a hot summer in the mid-90s when my friends and I, then young teens, got in
the habit of hitting the local rec centre for swimming almost every afternoon. One day in
the middle of a fun afternoon of dives and water tag, the lifegaurd blew the whistle early
and ordered everyone out of the pool. We looked around. Was someone drowning or
something? What was going on? Suddenly we realized what the problem was as we saw a
couple of young lifeguards gingerly removing something from the water with the pool skimmer.
When ever i fart i seem to have a smelly fluid flowing through the air, it makes
everyone run away and take cover. I try not to eat Contry Stlye baked beans but they ar so
addicting. When i am in school everyone makes fun of me because i smell like poop. How can
I stop doing smelly farts?
sir
i am from india my father is sufring from rectum cancer and
he have a colostomy in india we don't have such type of bag
please send me a mail to contect you to purchese a colostomy bag
thanks
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