TO: Dave
FROM: Jennifer Greene
DATE: 12.2.02003
SUBJECT: Fw: What real women do with duct tape
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TO: Dave
FROM: kewldawg558
DATE: 12.1.02003
SUBJECT: moms r werid
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one day my mom was drunk and she wanted to die so i took everything from her that could kill her med., knifes, ex. she keep on telling me that she was going to die i asked how i was thinking that she ment when i went to school she was going to do something later on that night i went to check on her and she was sniffing poop; cat poop i asked her y she goes cats have ammonia in there poop so i stared to laugh she tried to kill herself by sniffing cat poop u want to no what's really funny she did it again the next night
TO: Dave
FROM: steve
DATE: 11.29.02003
SUBJECT: poop in the office
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I had a friend who worked in the ladies clothes department at K-mart. Now, you would think that simply working at K-mart would be punishment enough. But no, she got a call to clean up a turd in the woman's dressing room. Some female decided right then and there to squeeze one out. She was surprised that it curled up like dog doo. At first they actually thought an animal might have done it, but it surely would have been seen walking into or out of the store. Bonnie of course had to clean it up. I'm sure that day didn't rank high up on her days at K-mart.
We also saw a 2-foot-long "loaf" at the local municipal pool. It just draped almost out of the toilet, like it had a life all of its own. That image sadly stayed in my head for years, and gave me a great anecdote to tell for years. I sometimes wonder if that loaf went up that guys entire intestinal tract. And think that someone had to clean that black beauty up!
TO: Dave
FROM: Glorianne
DATE: 12.1.02003
SUBJECT: intellectual poo
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I've been told that if you leave poo residue on your ass after wiping inefficiently, it will act as fertilizer and increase the ass hair growth rate. Is this at all true?
TO: Dave
FROM: Pete
DATE: 12.15.02003
SUBJECT: giant urinals
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TO: Dave
FROM: hehe i made poopies
DATE: 11.25.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
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Many many years ago when i was in grade school .. i can remeber a time when i was playing at the paly ground and felt the erge .. i begged my teacher to let me use the bathroom but she refused saying that we would be going in to the class room and i could go then .. but oh god she didnt understand .. so i asked her again and she responded with the same answer so i ran along to play only to return several minutes later in tears telling her I HAD TO GO POTTY ! so she let me ..
well the play grounds were quite some distance from the school so i ran in a way so my poop wouldnt escape .. and when i got to the bathroom i saw many older girls in there putting on makeup an so on . Knowing that this was the mother load i waited for them to leave and let it go but little did i relize that while i was waiting it came out .. So i continued and then noticed the early poopie running down my leg onto my sock and on my shoe ! who know it could drip like that !!
so i started freaking out i tried to clean it up.. so i walked out of the stall grapped paper towels and wiped awya with the horrible school soap .. and i turned around and noticed i left a poop trail sp i ran into my stall and closed and locked the door .. and started crying because i was certainly not going to return to class in such a SHITTY SHAPE so i put my feet on the toilet so no one know i was there and cried .. Then the janitors came in ahd saw the mess and heard me crying she asked me to open the stall and grabbed me out and brought me to the clinic and sat me there for my mother to come pick me up ..
TO: Dave
FROM: Andrée Harring
DATE: 11.26.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
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A friend of mine's wife makes a "fruit salad" of sorts that, after I eat it, turns my poop forest green. ALWAYS forest green.
I believe the salad contains:
pistachio pudding mix
pineapple chunks
cool whip
There could be other ingredients, but I'd have to bug her for the recipe. The odd thing is that I've had pistachio pudding before, but not experienced a change in poop color. Eating her salad always does. I don't know if she always uses the same pudding brand either, I'm afraid.
Thought you might want to look into this some time. Let me know if there's any additinal information you'd like.
Thanks and Happy Thanksgiving,
Andrée Harring
TO: Dave
FROM: Cliff
DATE: 1.2.02004
SUBJECT: this made me think of you
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Some holiday poop humor!
TO: Dave
FROM: Chris
DATE: 12.3.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
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It was another tuesday night where we held our weekly high school club meetings. Roaming the halls, my friend and I became anxious to do something before the start of the meeting. We wandered the hall wondering what to do, aside from vandalizing lockers when my friend had the idea to shit on the floor. He ran off as I stood laughing my ass off.
He had retreated to the S.B., or the Secret Bathroom that no one knew existed. As I approached he told me that instead of dropping one on the floor he did something else and that I should go see. As I walked in there was a huge, dirty, chunky shit in the urinal. It was so dirty that it clogged the entire whole and stained all the sides with a reddish brown color. As he walked in laughing he told me to do the same.
Apprehensive at first, I finally gave in, dropping my pants, taking a dense crap into the second urinal, and waddled over to the stall to wipe myself with an excess of toilet paper. I clog toilets 95% of the time using too much TP (at friends houses, restaurants, beach houses, my own house,schools,hotels and other countries) it's my trademark. That is the story of how my friend and I beat the system by shitting in two adjacent urinals. I just feel sorry for the poor sap who had to scrape those babies out.
TO: Dave
FROM: d s
DATE: 12.5.02003
SUBJECT: Fwd: my ass is bleeding pls help....
==============================
Hello,
i want to tell u that i am addicted to toying my own ass and so is my girlfriend. This is too difficult to overcome now. she yesterday fucked my ass so hard with a raddish that it started bleeding very strongly. I think she went too deep causing strong pain in my abdomen. I have become a lot weak in a few hours i feel and little movement and pain in abdomen area. Is this safe. can u tell me where i can find details about such health risks. Can u give me any tips on overcoming this. my girl has never bleeded from ass. we dont know anything about what has happened. please give some advice.
I really need ur help.
thanks for ur time and attention.
bye.
TO: Dave
FROM: haterho
DATE: 12.4.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
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Well it was a lovely day like none other, well besides the fact i had a serious case of the runs , the squirts , diahera whatever you would like to call it . Well i was enjoying myself sitting down on the computer doing some work , when I had the sudden urge to fart . Well this was a hard one I knew it wanted to come out but I just needed to give her a little push (well ok it was a really big push). I pushed a little to hard and all of a sudden my pants felt a little moist and squishy
TO: Dave
FROM: Holy Shit!
DATE: 12.4.02003
SUBJECT: Pooping Finesse: Hiroshima
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Ever had one of those How the hell will it ever get through? that felt like your ass would be tore? This is a small FAQ on how to get through that ordeal, and take away as much of the pain as possible without any drugs or medicines.
Required items:
- Anus
- Bladder
- Turd Twister( optional )
- Small apple, preferably the hard kind.
What to do?
1. Before turning on the engines, in your mind calculate the approximate size of the nuclear missile. No, don t stick a ruler in your ass, because if you do, your ass will look like this guys : http://www.goatse.cx/
2. Take the apple. Put in near the crapper.
2 1/2. Optional, put the turd twister in your ass, firmly, and comfortably.
3. Sit on the crapper. Pray before turning on the engines. Hopefully something about crapping :). Put the small apple in your mouth.
4. Turn on the engines. Commence the crapping. Just stay calm, and close your eyes. Try to think of something other then crapping.
5. You re done! I bet your anus hurts like crap! Just stamp your free on the floor, and squeeze your knees. No, not your penis, your KNEES! Or if you re a women, not your boobs (If you have any), your KNEES!
5 1/2. If you had turd twister, take a camera, and take pictures of your art work. Or, put it in a plastic bag, using a pooper scooper for pets then you buy at a pet store.
6. Flush! Your done!
TO: Dave
FROM: Otter Traxx
DATE: 12.9.02003
SUBJECT: great site!
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I ran into your site yesterday morning, I think, it was late, and I was dealing with a stomach flu. I'm glad that I have finally found an outlet to talk about poop, and (with the exception of Jackass),I knew that I am not alone in this sick, twisted, and immature (lol) world. I have even replied to a few of the threads, and rated some TP. Great idea, btw. I think that I may have misspelled the brand name, however. I think that I spelled it "torK" instead of "torX". Either way, I recommend that everyone avoids it like the plague. I'm not an "eater" or anything like that (ick), and I do take pooping seriously. I look forward to seeing more of your site.
Keep up the good work.
~Otter Traxx
TO: Dave
FROM: Marc @ Justtoiletpaper.com
DATE: 12.10.02003
SUBJECT: Attached is a picture of the way the Green Party saves toliet paper!
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TO: Dave
FROM: Bryon1821
DATE: 12.9.02003
SUBJECT: Exploding turd
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Here's a story for ya.
Have you ever put a firecracker in a toilet?
Well, i did once.
But I forgot to flush the toilet first. Ugh.
The turd exploded and pieces of it flew upward at me and got on my arms and shirt.
Now THAT's how chemical and nuclear warfare are related. We should take a giant pile of shit, put a nuclear bomb in it and drop it on Iraq. That's how you win a war!
TO: Dave
FROM: ted
DATE: 12.10.02003
SUBJECT: poop
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i love poop it is the best thing in the world i think about it every day i have deames about iti can't wait to go poop every day.i have a poop gallery from when i was 3 to when i was 20. then i painted pictures of poop. (i could send you a sample of my work if you want) no i just collect poop figurines. i have poop soldiers, mr. hanky, and many more poopy figures. i have been collecting for 4 years now. i was wondering if you have and ideas where i could find more poop action figures.
TO: Dave
FROM: waytoofedup
DATE: 12.14.02003
SUBJECT: mailbag
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It's time to feature W. on The Poop Report - he's full of s**t, besides BEING s s**t.
TO: Dave
FROM: GeorgiaBoy155
DATE: 12.11.02003
SUBJECT: "the stinky cesna"
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Well last summer my family and i took a trip to california and on the way back i felt i had to take a big one. Well unfortunately we was on Big Moes Airline it felt like because the plane was a little cesna. My father was sitting with me toward the back and all of the sudden i had one of the biggest farts in the world coming on. Well i had already been stinking my daddy up so he told me that if i had to fart again go to the bathroom. Well i went to the small restroom they had and "let it loose" on the way back to sit down in my seat i seen everybody ducking down and closing there noses so i couldn't figure it out until i got back in the seat with my dad and he said o my god boy what did u do and he said i am not sitting with you ne more and went to the front of the plane the rest of the trip.
TO: Dave
FROM: Crapola
DATE: 12.12.02003
SUBJECT: Where ice cream comes from.
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Some holiday poop humor!
TO: Dave
FROM: Stephen Carpinelo
DATE: 12.13.02003
SUBJECT: for the blog
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Me and a few of my friends went out for burritos last Tuesday. I'm not a diaherra person, and this may shock you:I started farting about every other minute. They were mild farts. Then they became large and smelly. Finally, a wet fart came out. I was horrified. I told TJ I had to go because of my wife. On the way home, it became unbearable to hold the crap in. A little got out. I ran into my house and let all go before my butt touched the seat. Sadly, the toilet seat was still down. I cleaned up all the crap. I now hate both burritos and Mexicans.
TO: Dave
FROM: matthew kasic
DATE: 12.13.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
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My name is matthew kasic and once my dad shit his kegs and cried like a big baby.note:he is over 50
TO: Dave
FROM: jennifer
DATE: 12.16.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
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I am a blonde haired, blue eyed 106 pouhnd girl thast 5 ft 5, so i am pretty thin, i am alos 19 years old, anyway one night for lunch i atuffed my tiny stoamch eating 3 buritos, and 4 beers, WRONG MOVE, my stomahc was hurtin all night,i was drving home wit my boyfriend, and i thought i could makwe it home but it was another 10 minutes and i cdunt wait i turend intoa empty abandoned road or whatever, a dead end,
i barely masde it out of the car my boy friedn got out ( i guees cause he wa sscared, anyway he got out and watched me as i got out wuick pulled my thng and pants dwon halfway, bent hent halfway dwon so my ass was kinda in the air, and about 1 second later i farted out this huge mass of liquid shit and clumpos of it, and jus pooped violently for about 2 minujtes, yes it pretty aparent that i was having diarrhea, but this was bad it smleed bad and my bf almost threw up,
anyway everey girl has to be clean so i asked my boyfriend to ge some papertowels ( i asked him to get like 10) out of the glove campartment, to wipe my ass with, i got 2 at a time unravled them scrunched them together, reached my hand and put my hand directly under my asshole, and wiped up and down i looked at it and the thing was soaked with poo, so i got 2 more and did the same, same thing, and used the rest and then i pulled my pants back up and we left, and went home and i had diarrhea about 3 times in the middle of the night, haha
TO: Dave
FROM: jennifer
DATE: 12.16.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
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okay i am not sure if all girls have to poop, and if u r a gilr and u do poop please leave a message on this article so i can know if u do, and alos let me know if uve ever had diarrhea or if u ever wipe urslef after ur done, thankx
TO: Dave
FROM: anonymous
DATE: 12.21.02003
SUBJECT: mailbag
==============================
you're a fuckin loser
TO: Dave
FROM: matthew kasic
DATE: 12.20.02003
SUBJECT: poop story
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My name is matthew kasic.Once my overweight dad stuffed his face and in the night dropped a massive turd into his bed.He cried like a baby all night.note:my dad is over 50
TO: Dave
FROM: John Herb (Dougal MacFecies)
DATE: 12.22.02003
SUBJECT: mail bag
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Great site! Very funny. I play a character at medieval fair's named Dougal MacFecies. He is the head privy keep "lord of the flies, turd goblin king!" I also do a stage show. my "poopet theatre" is a fan favorite.I just wanted to say hi and thanks for the laughs!
TO: Dave
FROM: Doniker
DATE: 12.23.02003
SUBJECT: mail
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Some freak sent me this, now I know how you must feel:
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just sat right here and pooped in my Right Aid (brand) diaper. My pooper (at least) works fine and ite feels good squishing around my ass and up onto my balls. Now I am peeing into my messed diaper. God that feels good!. I'll just site in front of my computer and enjoy
the smell and the squashing arounsd my butt. I can feel that there is more to cum and I plan to enjoy it.
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
