TO: Dave
FROM: Jerseydiva
DATE: 5.8.02002
SUBJECT: READER
==============================
HEY DAVE HERE IS WHAT ONE OF YOUR LOYAL GIRLS LOOKS LIKE HOPE YOU ENJOY AND
IF YOU COULD WOULD YOU POST IT ON UR SITE.CANDICE LIKE TO HEAR BACK FROM YA
TO: Dave
FROM: TJ
DATE: 5.12.02002
SUBJECT: poop flyers
==============================
I attached the pictures that I took with me and my friend. As we were
entering the park, unfortunately, they frisk everyone and felt my digital
camera. I couldnt take it in the park for some-odd reason. Sorry. I
did manage to use all 40 of them - sticking them on roller coaster seats
as I left the ride, sticking them on poles and posts while in lines for
rides, and sticking them anywhere and everywhere I could find. I also
was handing them out for awhile...until a security guard told me I could
be arrested for solicitation....thats another story, lol. Talk to you
later! I had a blast with the fliers!
TO: Dave
FROM: Brian Leonard
DATE: 3.29.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
One time in the 7th grade i played some football for the Puallyup
RoughRiders. my game was over and i was waiting for my brothers I had to crap
so i ran down to the bathroom I ran like the wind. I finally got there and 1
stall was left and next to me I could here some guy blastin farts and turds all
over in the toilet I was laughing but not so loud that the guy could hear me.
When he left I heared no flush so when I finished i went over and looked and
the stall it looked like a massacure like someone was splattered all over the
toilet i almost upckucked god I was so relived to get out of there.
TO: Dave
FROM: cEmeTaRyGiRl
DATE: 3.25.02002
SUBJECT: mailbag
==============================
i just love your site! i wrote a book on poop and my friends think im
totally psycho. im soo into potty humor and i got some of the stories from this
site. but dont worry, i included the writer of each story along with the info
that i got it at poopreport.com. thanks so much for making my daily shit jokes
worthwile. its nice to know theres others out there that enjoy potty humor as
much as i do. if i ever get my poop book published, i'll be sure to send you
guys a copy! meanwhile, here's a story about my mom at work!:
ok, well my mom works at a callcenter for a bank. she had to shit really bad,
but she was busy with a call. she just ignored the fact that she had to poop,
and handled the call. well, when she was done with the call, she again noticed
that she had to go #2, but it felt like it was going to come out if she got up
and walked to the bathroom. so she wheeled around in her office chair in the
direction of the bathroom.
when she was almost there, her manager stopped her
and asked her why she was riding around in her office chair. she just said she
was tired, and taking her chances, stood up. when her manager left, she was
almost to the bathroom. when she was like 12 feet away, (these were her exact
words) "poop shot down my pants, up my back, and onto the floor." she quickly
cleaned up and went home smelling like shit.
TO: Dave
FROM: boot
DATE: 3.25.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
Whilst I was in the Army, I got frustrated with everyone using the
"barracks phone" that happened to be right outside my door. People would talk
on the damn thing for hours, bang on the wall, and knock on my door asking me
for a paper or a pencil or SOMETHING...
Anyway, I was fed up with it. I went down to the PX to pick up a Baby Ruth and
some Tighty Whities. I put the Baby Ruth in my pocket on the way back home, so
that it could melt a little. When I got home I opened the package of tighty
whities and the now soft Baby Ruth.
I rubbed the Baby Ruth all along the ass of the underwear, making sure to pick
up at least a couple of nuts. It looked pretty nasty (and real) so I snuck out
and hung the "used" underwear on the phone.
Needless to say, the phone wasn't used very often after that. (note: this also
works if you drop the "used" underwear on a public bathrooms floor)
TO: Dave
FROM: Jack
DATE: 4.1.02002
SUBJECT: my submission :)
==============================
Well, there is this completely vain prick on my street who is constantly
washing his cars and displaying his nicely arranged set of lawnmowers. One
day, a friend and I decided to play a little prank on him.
I was bursting and had to hit into the shitter. However, I decided to
collect the "garbage" in a nice roll of newspaper. So there we are, a roll
of newspaper containing two 7-inch turds, tryin to stop ourselves from
reaching deafening tones of laughter, standing outside the neighbours house.
In a rush of adrenaline, I ran up to his car, un-rolled the paper and began
to spread.
Soon enough, the windows looked as if they were adorned with brown
blinds. A large portion of shit slowly dripped down into the radiator. My
friend wanted to add some of his own so he casually hopped onto the hood and
let rip. We retreated slowly, getting caught with our pants down didn't
appeal to us...
I often see my neighbour sitting on his porch, eyeing every passer-by
suspiciously...
TO: Dave
FROM: Dan Wood
DATE: 4.1.02002
SUBJECT: I think I suggested the winning name for the poop contest!
==============================
Well, the quiet satisfaction of knowing I may have done my part for the
future of the english language will have to do... I saw it on the web page
and thought, hey, that sure sounds familiar... Wait a minute... I sent
that! OH MY GOD, I SENT IN "THE BUTTSINK"! I WON SOME SORT OF CONTEST!
Yes, the thrill was pretty exciting, even after realizing the contest had
ended 3 months ago, I submitted as Anonymous (which makes my legal status as
a contest winner less secure), and I didn't really want the plastic poops
anyway -- hloating over having the insight and sensitivity to come up with a
title like "The Buttsink" at this point seems a little desparate, especially
as it is now universally accepted and appreciatted - so quiet
self-satisfaction will have to do...
And guess what other news I have? I just sold a Longest Urinal book, and
another book (the portojohns of the million man march) to the print
collection at the New York Public Library, so toilet art may yet have its
day -- and you may or may not have heard, but apparently Ripley's Believe It
or Not is doing an episode on bizarre urinals of the world (the NYC Marathon
urinal is tentatively scheduled to be on it...)
- dan
Ps. Now if only those hundreds of webizens who go to www.longesturinal.com
would actually buy a book, just one book, then I might be in business...
TO: Dave
FROM: clustersnarf
==============================
now here's a poop:
TO: Dave
FROM: Jeff and Josh
DATE: 4.2.02002
SUBJECT: I think I suggested the winning name for the poop contest!
==============================
One day my cousin came over and he took a major crap in the toliet. It
was huge. My dad went in the bathroom and saw it cause he didnt flush it. By
that time my cousin was gone. So my dad told me to flush it. I went to try to
flush it but it would not go down. I kept trying and trying but it just got
more clogged.
So my dad told me to poke it to make it get smaller. I asked with
what. Then he said with your fingers. I was like no way you do it. But he
wouldnt so I had to. I had it poke this huge crap to make it go down. Finally
it went down. Now my my other friend Josh did the same thing but it was bigger
much bigger so I had to do it again. Now my familys nickname for me is Poopy
Poker.
TO: Dave
FROM: Latrina
DATE: 4.4.02002
SUBJECT: Oh one more thing
==============================
Have you seen this??
www.ratemypoo.com
TO: Dave
FROM: Thunder From Down Under
DATE: 4.7.02002
SUBJECT: mail bag
==============================
I know this isn't as interesting as some of the outrageously funny and
sometimes scary poop stories that often appear on this site, but here goes: I
had a doctor's appointment one day, and ended up being weighed twice. Between
these weighings, I went to the bathroom and took a dump. The second weighing
came in at a pound lighter than the first one.
TO: Dave
FROM: Thomas
DATE: 4.10.02002
SUBJECT: fun with poop
==============================
Stuff a condom with your shit,tie it off and hide it near a source for
fresh air,and let others smell your shit!
TO: Dave
FROM: sadie
DATE: 4.10.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
When i was in 11th grade I caused the most embaressing experince for
this girl I did not like. We were in an assembly and I heard and smelt someone
lay a fat one! So I look around to see who it was and the girl I don't like,
we'll call her April, was squirming in her pants to take a dump. She asked the
teacher if she could go to the pooper but he refused. She continued to squirm
and I loved it. Then they called on her to say who had won the fund raiser.
She got up on stage and couldn't hold it anymore. She ran for the bathroom but
unfortunately didn't make there in time becaue I happened to be in there and
layed a big old nasty poop in her panties. I opened the stall to see her in
the midst of her big show. I grabbed my camera and took a bout a dozen pics of
her in her act. She was so shocked she began to cry and then I walked out with
a big smile on my face and watched her piss her pants the next day in front of
her boyfriend when there was copies of her pooping on her locker.
TO: Dave
FROM: John
DATE: 4.18.02002
SUBJECT: (no subject)
==============================
You HAVE to check this out.
http://www.bumperdumper.com/bumper2.htm
TO: Dave
FROM: rajesh
DATE: 4.23.02002
SUBJECT: ask poopreport
==============================
On an average how many adult ladies (%)poop in their pants/dresses
completely in public in full view? what do they feel about it? How do they
reach home? Dripping all the way? How embarrassed are they?
TO: Dave
FROM: Froo
DATE: 4.24.02002
SUBJECT: poop resources
==============================
http://www.eat-germany.net/crap/crapterm.cfm
TO: Dave
FROM: Froo
DATE: 4.24.02002
SUBJECT: Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
==============================
I am not sure if you've seen this yet...
http://www.laughnet.net/archive/career/workdump.htm
TO: Dave
FROM: Hershey-squirt
DATE: 4.27.02002
SUBJECT: You have received an Ass-Gram
==============================
Guess what! You have just received an Ass-Gram greeting card from
Hershey-squirt.
You'll see the personal greeting by using the following Web location:
http://smacie.com/butt/postcard/get.html?id=1019890897.19006.0
TO: Dave
FROM: Arlo Yang
DATE: 4.29.02002
SUBJECT: mail bag
==============================
For what it is worth, a shaved bung makes wiping more fun!
I occasionally strip, squat over a mirror, electric razor in hand (use a
moustache trimmer for maximum comfort) and shave my ol' brownhole clean.
Among the benefits?
-Gets you familiar with the other end
-It feels funky for a few days
-Best of all no more dingleberries!
Happy clips, crappers!
TO: Dave
FROM: Logan
DATE: 4.29.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
We'd spent a long night out partying, and after eating cold cuts and
beer all night I had to go really bad. We'd pulled up to a Conoco and after
filling my tank I made the trek to the side of the building where the pooper is
located. To my dismay my friend had beat me there and had splattered shit all
over the damn toilet. I glanced at the trashcan.
Being the great person I was,
I was not unaccustomed to pissing in the cans just for fun. I positioned myself
over the trash can, while holding the door closed to the bathroom with my foot.
I pissed from my ass for a good five minutes before the flow stopped.
After
cleaning myself and washing my hands I made my departure. I went inside to buy
a Dr.Pepper, and possibly some processed meat snack of some kind when a
gentleman entered the store and said, "Can someone clean up the bathroom? It
looks like someone's ass exploded in there." All I could do was laugh.
TO: Dave
FROM: Princess Pee
DATE: 4.29.02002
SUBJECT: ask poopreport
==============================
I have a theory. I think men are fascinated with poop, because it's the
closest they'll ever come to actually giving birth. Comments?
TO: Dave
FROM: marcus jackson
DATE: 4.29.02002
SUBJECT: ask poopreport
==============================
How can I poop out corn and all that other shit when I don't even eat
corn?
TO: Dave
FROM: CannonFodder
DATE: 4.29.02002
SUBJECT: consumer reports
==============================
I just recently bought a six pack of "shitbegone toilet paper." I
decided that I must share my thought about my newly aquired product and its
uses. I have decided that shitbegone is worth the money. They say it is
"pillow soft" but that is a lie. The t.p. is soft, but it lacks a pillow soft
feel. The great thing about this however, is that upon wiping, this brand
decreases the amount of furdanglies (dingleberries). That alone makes this
product bar none. If you like being on the ol' John and taking a good wipe
without the t.p. breaking, then Shit Begone is for you.
TO: Dave
FROM: Jeff G
DATE: 4.29.02002
SUBJECT: turd spy and other products
==============================
new product idea: turd spy
spies on your turds so you don't have to. keeps on
eye on them. contains a tiny camera and radio
transmitter. view turds on t.v. can also use vcr to
tape turds. what do your turds do when you're not
watching? find out! mount turd spy on rim of bowl,
position on flush tank, or even on the towel rack
across the room. turds will not know they are being
monitored.
similar products:
turd investigator - find out everything about your
turds. find out all the dirt. gets the good stuff.
use information to satisfy own curiosity or perhaps
for blackmail.
turd monitor - similar to turd spy, but not covert.
also measures temperature.
TO: Dave
FROM: Silent Observer
DATE: 5.6.02002
SUBJECT: poop resources
==============================
Do you think you have unique or huge logs? Try going here and to look
and compare! If you still think you lay the ultimate logs after seeing this
you can submit a picture or your own poo where people can vote!
www.ratemypoo.com
TO: Dave
FROM: Mookystinks
DATE: 5.9.02002
SUBJECT: mail bag
==============================
This rocks:
this link
TO: Dave
FROM: Trashcanman
DATE: 5.13.02002
SUBJECT: this always makes me laugh
==============================
You have to hear this one!
TO: Dave
FROM: C------
DATE: 5.15.02002
SUBJECT: Re: poop story
==============================
Hey Dave. i know this is a pussy thing to ask but do you think you could
take my name off the story and put sergeant sweat pants in its place. I
am a bitch. because i create unrealistc scenarios like say some member
of the faculty of my school is looking for a good poop site and they come
across this and see my name attatched to it. next thing you know they
have stripped me of degree. I know this would never happen but i am a
hypochondriac and this spills over into other areas. last summer i
convinced myself i had dick cancer not because i had any symptoms simply
because i dont want to have dick cancer.and therfor i thought if i dont
want it i am definently going to get. i hope you understand
yours truly
C------
