I support Deputy Sheriff Bruno.

Needles court cases are causing to much waste in our judicial system, try using some common sense instead of getting indignant about something that harmed no-one.

Have we fallen so far as to be ignorant to the existance of fun in daily life. No more than an appology should be requested as penance to this harmless joke.

This is the most frivolous, ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Save the lawsuits for real harm, not the inability to take a harmless joke. Gabriel Bruno deserves the apology!!!

FREE FECES MAN

dave, fecal matter is a serious matter. you must ask yourself this: where do you draw the line with poop. i mean in the halls of our american justice system...come on now. perhaps a whoopie cushion would have been a better choice. i say fry the cocky pooping bastard.

i want to know where ddoniker stands on this one?

Deputy Sherrif Bruno's rights are blatantly being violated. This is a travesty of his rights as a citizen, and as a human being.

Signed in support of putting a smile on Justice's face.

The Judge should drop the charges.

Dismiss this case or we march on Hartford!

How far have we come in a society only to be punted back a millenia because of an over-zealous and under-humored political figure and civil servant. Next time the perp should use a Flaming Bag, something that warrants a charge such as vandalism. What if it was a plastic heart, would he be brought up on sexual harrasment charges. All involved should take time to look at the situation. Sooner than we think, buying plastic feces will be as regulated as cigarettes and tobacco. The ATF will change its Acronym to Alcohol, Toboacco and Feces. You will have to obtain a Defecating License. Stop this obscene misuse of power before Big brother checks our stool for fiber on a daily basis!

Down with the Tyranny and Long live practical jokes!

Let the man have a sense of humor, for pete's sake!

Ah, Rhode Island. I've missed your total insanity. Your tendency to leap to enormous bounds of exaggerated cruelty, your inability to keep a sense of proportion towards something as trivial as fake feces.

Trying a man for leaving plastic shaped like excrement in judicial chambers. Classic Rhode Island, and the reason everyone makes fun of us.

Boy spittnkitty, I always wanted to be a star and have fans and groupies, I never thought moving my bowels and talking about it could get me respect and admiration. I do admit that this is a waste of the taxpayers money, I have a question..is this judge up for re-election soon? This could be a ploy to help his election. People like a strict judge, it gives citizens a sense of safety and security.
Now get over here and choke on my chicken and make it spit for me kitty!

Deputy Sherrif Bruno's biggest mistake was thinking that Justice Joseph F. Rodgers, Jr has a sense of humor.

Absolutely ridiculous! I will not sit here and say that I truly know everything about this "case," however, if it truly is an innocent prank, then for God's sake, drop all of this nonsense. Or else, start locking up 4th graders for similar offenses. How can the children continue to get away with such malicious pranks and go unpunished! I can only hope that this is a false report.

Talk about frivolous!! Remind me never to tell you a joke. --You might get offended and sue me.

Nevermind the fake poop, this case is the real piece of crap in this sad story. Dismiss the case!!!!!

"Without dialogue, there can be no progress."
It may not be relevant to the issue but it sounded pretty cool when The Good Revrant(sic) Jackson said it.

Get a sense of humor people, its just POOP!

Right on Monica! I agree wholeheartedly, fecal matter is a very serious business, and if you ask me, poop gets so much disrespect these days. I mean, how low can you go - using it for such a ridiculous practical joke. Should have been vomit - now there's a disgusting bodily fluid! Feces rules!!!

I actully looked up this guys contact information for dave! That says enough on where I stand on this, PUNISH JUDGE ROGERS FOR NOT HAVING A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!

It didnt kill anyone...whats the big deal?

It's just some poop. It wasn't even real poop. People really need to focus more important things like, death, and gun control, and drugs. Fake poop is not going to harm anyone. Lighten up.

I hate the Justice System.... That's why I don't go to court.

Obviouly we are trending toward a society in which you can get someone arrested for calling you an asshole at a bar or a football game. This is a step along the way. Criminalizing the act of ridiculing even an undeserving person is a great mistake. If we are denied the right to mildly offend each other without penalty, we have put way too many politically-correct/thin-skinned people in positions of influence.

Felony charges for fake poop? What is this country coming to? Honestly.

If it was legitimate feces, this would be a ligitimate case.

It wasn't even real poop... What's the big deal? Sure it was childish... but it was also harmless... I would have laughed if I found fake poop and then I would have passed it on to someone else...

You'd think the judge would be used to poop, considering the amount of bull-poop that spews from lawyers' mouths on a daily basis in his courtroom, not to mention the assorted people who lie under oath...he needs to lighten up - maybe he needs some Ex-Lax to help with his little problem, sounds like a constipated old fart to me....it was just a harmless little joke.

God bless u!!!!!!!!!!!

that is crap the man is being prosecuted for a poop joke. that is shit litterally. can't you take a joke damn. who put poop in your cherrios

How can you charge a man with a felony and waste OUR tax dollars trying such a stupid and utterly useless case. OK maybe it was disrespectful, sort of, but damn a felony, lets spend our time trying to catch the morons who are running around robbing and stealing and killing innocent people, instead of wasting our time and money on the poop guy!!!

the fact that this has become a formal matter is a perfect example of how the liberals have ruined our justice system.

some people talk about poop all the time, some just leave it in their toilets, unless the judge is a real hardass, he should be poked with sticks untill he crys.

Whooo someone's just a little too serious about poop. Lighten up!

Justice Joseph F. Rodgers, Jr. is so anal-retentive it makes me wonder when the last time he took a good healthy dump. (Here's a tip: Milk of Magnesia. It's a Godsend!) Reminds me of a lot of people I've known over the years, self-righteous power-mad jerks with no sense of humor. IMNSHO Deputy Sheriff Bruno rocks! Nothing like an old fart who likes playing with plastic doo-doo. FREE THE POOP!

I pledge my full support of Deputy Sheriff Bruno. This just goes to show that Americans do not possess a sense of humor in the most remote sense. Disrespectful or not, the fact of the matter is that the crime (if you can really call it one) does not deserve such a harsh and unnecessary punishment; it wasn't even real poo for crying out loud! I think that America needs to wake up and realize that life in the overall sense is pointless and its meaning is merely what you make of it. If we could be annihilated in the blink of an eye by a myriad of events, then why take all of this seriously. As for the judge, I hope you come to your senses and understand that this was just a silly joke and was nothing that was of any personal enmity directed towards him. And if he can't figure that out, then he should be patronized for his lack of a sense of humor and for his grotesquely inane waste of tax payers' money that will be used to put poor Bruno on trial. Thank you for your time.

P.S. - Because of this, I'd worry if someone's going to fill up the coffee pot with diarrhea.

judge you need to grow up, people like you is why the world is so screwed up, your immature and a judge like you should not be on the bench! if a joke upsets you that much then how can you be a judge! thank god your not on the defense dept we'd be dead now!

I think this case needs to be flushed out, and hopefully people will start giving a crap about fixing the judicial system that is going down the drain.

What exactly is he charged with? I'm having trouble thinking of any law that might apply here- particularly a felony. However, the judge was perfectly entitled to fire him. I mean, there's nothing wrong with firing someone for being a dumbass. There is a line between the judge's role as an employer and as an instrument of criminal justice. He has a right to come down as hard as he wants as an employer.

you dumb bastard

Sounds like alot of crap to me.

Let the poop fall where it will, after all it is a right of "passage" I mean heh!, when ya' gotta go, Ya GOTTA go!!!. The judge needs to get a sense of humor. (Don't tell me he never found a place to poop in a pinch:)

It was just a joke chill. I mean this guy just wants to play a gag and you a frigging slapping a felony charge on him. Come on. Take a joke

HES A FUCKING PIG. HE SHOULD ROT IN WHAT HE CREATED

NO MATTER WHAT HE DID. CARMA SUCKS DONT IT SHERIFF

SHITBALL.

i hate zac swartz and the abeove email is REAL!

This is unfortunate and we should unilaterally agree to support the deputy as a nation.

WHAT A DICK! SOMEONE NEEDS TO SMEAR SHIT ON HIS FACE AT A PRESS CONFERENCE!!!! JUDGE YOU SUCK

Now you see, this is what is wrong with America.

I Voice My Support For Deputy Sherrif Grabirel Bruno

*sigh* everything's been said already, but I just gotta back it all up. My god, don't tell me they don't have better things to do than take their crap over a stupid joke to court.

Sheriff Gabriell Bruno is my mentor!

its just some fake crap. chill out!

i to support deputy bruno.

The only reason Justice Rodgers decided to have it investigated was because he was jealous at not being able to produce anything of that quality himself. I recommend baked beans and figs, Rodgers, that oughtta sort it out.

The only fecal matter in the story above is that such a charge should have been laid. Ridiculous. A reprimand and an apology should more than suffice.

I support Deputy Bruno, it was only fake poo.

Here we go, do any of you grasp the odvious here. Deputy Bruno starts out small [fake shit] then works his way up to planting DRUGS on people next. He's a cop for petes sake take his pention his badge his house and everything dammit don't leave the donut stealing bastard with even a pot to piss in.

damn the man is like in his's sixty's and he left a shit in your office have a laugh about it or did he really fuck your wife and now your pissed its judges like u that need a little shit in there life.

As a first-time visitor to this site (and being the originator of the Seven Varieties Fart Classification System, it's like coming home...), I was quite skeptical about the veracity of this story. Upon confirming it, I then went in search of bio & contact info on the aforementioned shitwitless judge.

Indeed, this puckered bunghole is alive and, relatively well. Check out his bio at www.state.ri.us/MANUAL/data/queries/jud.idc?EmployeeID=6

Sadly, he's Democrat -- or was. Given his stance on anal values, and enough publicity, there's no doubt he'll end up on the George W. Bush shit list, er, short list for the Supreme Court. Let's demand that the Rhode Island Democratic Party flush this turd!

FM

Nashvegas, Tennessee

Check out an update to this story at http://www.caught.net/caught/crap.htm

I think that after so many years with boys in blue Bruno had every right to play a funny ass prank like that . I support him and, was it a Baby Ruth?

He won't do it again.

When fake turds are outlawed, only outlaws will have fake turds!!!

Like so many judges, appointed, not elected, you are being most unreasonable.

If some person clogged your toilet, what would you hand out?

Life imprisonment?

Also, you seem to forget, this man has a perfect standing, has never generated a criminal record, and quite frankly, deserves an apology--from yourself!

I would like to see Justices Rodgers realize what a mean (dick) and rude person he is being for a harmless prank. Also I would like to know how Justices Rodgers would feel if he was put on trial for being a goofball. And if pranks are a felony then almost everyone in America would be behind bars. If I saw Justices Rodgers on the side of the road beggin for money I would take his little cup! So GOOD DAY justices rodgers. I hope you get hit by a mack truck!

Lighten up! The fact that you are a judge doesn't give you the right to be better than anyone else. If you didn't like the prank, ask him not to do it again. Don't embarass yourself by being a prude.

OMG if this is real it is extremely sad. Like this site - however I went to it so i am not one to talk! Anyway here are my views: the guy is an OLD MAN and he should know better! and like someone said if the judge is an asshole he has every right to fire Bruno. But this case does not deserve to be in court ITS ABOUT A FUCKING FAKE TURD! God I thought the thousands of ppl arrested for marijuana, that is better for u than tobacco or alcohol, was sad. Now is fake shit becoming a controlled substance? I try to be patient with this government. I try to see good points in George W. Bush (for my significant other's sake) but this is fuckin sad. Please tell me this is a load of shit (and I KNOW you will get a big kick out of saying the word shit!)

more tax money down the drain

The judge must be a Republican. Or, as I like to call them, Repubicans.

Pronounced re-PUBIC-can!

uh, its a little late, but go sheriff dude guy person man!

I am disgusted with the fact that a JUDGE would waste the taxpayer dollars to prosecute ANYONE, ecspecially a person who has worked his whole life for law enforcement, for something so petty and harmless. Judge, YOU SUCK!! and if you convict him i have a feeling you will be recieving alot of "smelly mail", hundreds of people sending you samples of the real deal!!! hahahahahaha ya asshole!

This judge is my sister in old age. She was horrified the other day that I put yellow food dye in toilets to make them look like they've been peed in. Her reasoning: someone might think it's real and that hurts them. MY ASS!!! I could see this politically-correct dumbshit putting someone on trial for fake feces in her later years. What a tight ass!

wow. this judge is a queef. seriously, he deserves to be hit with a real piece of shit. i say we all go and poop all over the judge until he drops the charges. IT WAS A FUCKIN JOKE!!
WHAT A DOUSCHE

im sittin around smokin crack using the stolen money i get from sellin your shit to fences.come and bust me for something real!!!

My people never asked for these freakish laws that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. We just got crammed into little tracts of wasteland and had them forced on us. Now under the puppet government of King George II (which looks like a rerun of the reign of King George I --who is probably still in charge) the illusion of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and "rights and freedoms guaranteed by the constitution" has very clearly been stripped away for ALL to see. Not just my people, but ALL born and naturalized to these shores. When the day comes that a man cannot express humor, then you know the day has arrived when others would control your mind, your thoughts, your heart and your very soul. Now, my friends... Now, is the time to THINK, to SPEAK, to ACT, or cower in fear, and lose your soul.

It seems that our great country has really taken a turn for the worse as of late. We as a people have allowed ourselves to be governed by an increasingly right wing, ultra conservative, anal retentive, humorless, elitist bunch of pinheads who have no concept of the REAL AMERICA that us poor wage slaves live in. AMERICANS LIKE TO JOKE AROUND!!!!! If we as the people of this mighty country allow our freedom to be curtailed by the humorless voids of life called the government, we give up what our forefathers so valiantly fought for. And to the judge who is bringing up on charges a man who served his community so bravely for 21 years-GET OVER IT , IT WAS FAKE POOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who gives a crap.............

the judge is a poopyphobic hitler! Our flag dosent have stars and sripes for nothing. next time you look in your shorts, think about it.

this is the stupidest thing i have ever heard. there is real problems in this country that needs to be addressed by the courts but instead us tax payers are flipping the bill to have something as childish as a poop prank occupie the courts time. is this country really came down to this, is it not ok for the people to joke with each other any more. i believe we need to take the power back and put it in the peoples hands instead of a few select people that think they put thier pants on differently than we do.

Another example of a judge thinking he should be put on a pedastal. Grow the @#$% up. You are going to ruin an officers career over a joke? The people in this country need to start looking at things like this more seriously. An abuse of power like this should warrent termination of this so called judge. It is clear to me that his decisions are based on emotion. How is someone like this fit for office? I am glad that I don't live in this "judges" precinct.

If he can not take sh--t in his office, then he needs to get out of office. The world is full of it..........

What ever happened with this case?

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

This stinks.
What a way to deprive a time served cop of his pension by causing a scene over some plastic poo poo.
These US law office people need to grow up and get real.

Sam-- I was wondering the same thing. Anyone here know how to, say, search for old court files?

_______
"You polished up my low-flow, and I dirtied up your bowl!"

There's an entire industry built around plastic dog poop and vomit. Then there's the whoopee cushion. And the electric handshake buzzer.

All corny but hardly hard-core, criminal stuff! Can you say--overreaction?

An eloquent and logical comparative analysis associating our judicial system w/the most foulest of symbols. Point well made hence this is the same judicial systems that freed O.J.

this is so dumb and when someone needs to be told that they are a piece of crap send them (fake) poo in the mail. there is someone that put this great idea to work. WWW.Paybackpoo.com Funny stuff just for "crap" like this

I support Deputy Bruno. Why the hell did the judge care that much?

Ridiculous-- read the vandalism statute-- I can't imagine this actually applies.

The turd here is the judge who should be flushed into the sewer where he belongs...

All this took place something like six years ago. Was the man sentenced or not? Did the judge relent or not? What was the outcome?

I think if he would have used a handbuzzer or a whoopie cushion he would have been sent straight to the gallows.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

I should like to mention a similar case that occurred over here and made a little bit of notorious legal history.

There once was a band from Macclesfield ("Macc"), a town in the Cheshire hills of the UK, called the Macc Lads, led by the lyrical and melodic genius that was Muttley McLad. The Macc Lads were notorious in many ways as the lewdest, crudest, drunkest, sexist, most disgusting band in rock history and the band who have been banned from venues and airwaves more times that any other in the world (and that includes before anyone argues, GG Allin). Yes, I was and still am a fan, although they broke up in the nineties and have no plans to reform.

The Lads' operations were run from a record shop in Macclesfield called Hectic House. The logo of the shop featured a drunken panda and in January 1998, as a window display they put a toy panda in the window with a fake plastic turd underneath. People complained and the police raided the shop, eventually confiscating the turd in their attempt to prosecute the lads for displaying items likely to cause public offence.

In June 1988, the case went to court accused of displaying joke dog faeces. Muttley complained that it was supposed to be a panda poo as the one in the window wasn't house-trained, also explaining that it was not offensive. Amazingly, Muttley won. In their typically humourous way however, the lads describe it thus:
---------------------------------------

7.30am. 58, Sunderland St
Thump! Thump! Thump!
"Open up! Police!"

Eyelids glued together by 'gig juice', Muttley peered at the shapes outside the shop.
Stupidly he opened the door. Seconds later, he signed a receipt and went back to sleep.

10.00am. Top Floor, 58 Sunderland St.
Muttley is woken by the swish of an Armani suit and the sting of sharp aftershave.
Slimy Git (manager) was standing in the room:
"Where's my, I mean our money? And what the fuck is this?"

Slippery (Merchandise seller) produced a wad of notes from last night's teeshirt sales.
Slimy counted it with a grin.

Muttley read the receipt he vaguely remembered signing in the twilight.
The police had raided the shop and confiscated an item from the window display: namely, one joke plastic dog turd.

Several weeks later, a summons arrived at the shop. Muttley was being taken to court for displaying items likely to cause offence.

"Great!" Grinned Slimy. He put the phone down on Uncle Oily, a solicitor now residing on the Costa Del Sol, "You defend yourself, you lose, you'll get three months and a fine!"
"I'm not going to prison, and I can't afford a fine!" Muttley protested.
"Think of the publicity!" Slimy paced the room and gesticulated, "The whole country will be on your side! Everyone will buy you beer when you get out,Stez (drummer) will look after you inside, and you can pay the fine off from the extra record sales!"

Slimy decided that the situation warranted a trip to Uncle Oily's villa.
He returned three weeks later with a tan and a plan...

Muttley's defence would consist of the following:-

Option 1
He had not noticed the plastic dog shit in the window. He didn't know how the plastic dog got into the shop.

Option 2
It was supposed to be panda poo as the turd was placed between the legs of a stuffed panda bearing the legend "Hectic House- we panda to all tastes". It was a joke, as pandas eat bamboo shoots, and lay yellow logs. This turd was brown...

Option 3
He placed it there to offend as many people as possible and call the judge a cunt.

The Gits recommended (3) as a sure-fire way of being incarcerated and gaining maximum publicity.

Al O'Peesha favoured (1)- the newspapers would prefer the silliest story, Muttley would still lose, and everyone would be happy.

Muttley and Chorley (another drummer) agreed that (2) would appeal to birds with big tits.

The Beater (guitar) didn't care.

Friday June 24th 1988

The Lads arrived back from a concert at 5am.
At 8am Slimy arrived with a suit for Muttley to wear in court. Al O'Peesha (Roadie) packed a bag of things Mutts might need in prison:-
(non droppable soap, 'snout' and a file with a cake in it). McLad, however, was already out shopping...

10am, Court

The prosecution argued that McLad, his pop group, shop, antics, associates,
family and body odour were a menace to society, and therefore he should be hanged or words to that effect. McLad countered with an apology for the fact that the panda was not house-trained, and that panda litter trays were hard to come by.

The journalists loved it. They scribbled away and grinned.

Mutts then produced a paper bag with a flourish and laid out three identical turds:
"Tell me, Chief Inspector," Enquired McLad, "Do you find these items offensive?"

"I certainly do!" Came the tart reply.

"I found all three turds in town this morning.
This one was outside the Police Station, in full view, and this one was in the window of a joke shop..."

Mutts turned to Exhibit C:

".. And you find this third turd offensive?"
He brandished a turd identical to the one confiscated.

"We certainly do!" Replied the prosecution.

"I found this on display in a pet shop in the market. And you say its offensive?"
Muttley paused for effect.
"Its called a hamster treat, its made from oats and nuts... and (chomp), mmm ... very tasty is is too!"

There was guffawing in the court as McLad munched his way through the turd and rested his case.

Slimy was a very angry Git when the Judge aquitted Muttley. He was fuming. The journalists were pissed off too. No story.
The Beater didn't care. The only people who were jubilant were policemen.
"Brilliant mate! You made our boss look a right cunt!

--------------------------------------------

And all that's true, you know.

Yeah that's true. The lads did several songs about shit as well. "Dans Underpant" and "Dan's Big Log" spring to mind.

El S - that was brilliant! I'd never heard of the case, although whatever the outcome it is the sort of story to have made the papers.

Eh up Macc Lads Fan! Fookin register ya poof!
*raises virtual pint of Boddies*

Yer right though. Though you forgot about "Desperate Dan" I can paste the lyrics below, with a few more faecally related ones, mainly involving 'Dan' who seems to have terrible arse problems. Oh and "Black Latrine" which was written but never recorded or released.

DANS UNDERPANT

We all went down the New Delhi, too much curry, aching bellies.
Beater got gut-rot and puked on the floor,
Stez Styx banging on the shithouse door.
'Come on lads, eat up your Bombay duck
We're going to find some girls to give us a decent Alka Selzer.'

Dan said he knew of a party, we trolled up there belching and farting.
Stez nicked some cans of beer.
Dan shat himself he had diarrhoea, he said:
'Oh lads! Its no fun to dance.'
And he went upstairs to change his underpant.

He opened the window, wipes his arse,
Throws the offending bags on the grass.
He shouts: 'Everybody! Come and look at this! They're streaked with shit!
They're covered in skids! But don't look at me, they're not mine!'
But his loving mum had sewn his fucking name inside.

DANS BIG LOG

He went for a meal with the posh in-laws, to ask for their daughter's hand (again).
Tea on the patio, croquet on the lawn, but Dan's rectal passage starts to strain (again).
He sits down to eat, clenching his cheeks, he wonders which knife and fork to use.
Then its: 'Excuse me, please' as he leaves his seat,
And he pegs it up the stairs to find the loo.

He parks his breakfast, fills the bowl, uses up half a toilet roll.
He flushed and he flushed, but it wouldn't go,
It must have weighed over half a stone.
He flushed and he flushed but it wouldn't shift,
He couldn't leave it lying in the bog.
So he rolled up his sleeves, picks up the shit,
He thinks he can disguise it as a log.

He opens the window, takes his aim,
And chucks it in the bushes over there.
He hopes somebody else will get the blame,
He goes back down to finish his hor d'oeuvres.
He wanders in, begging their pardon, (remembering to fasten up his bags).
But everybody's staring out at the garden
At the steaming turd that's landed on the flags.

TURTLES HEADS

The fit bird at Tesco with the massive tits said she'd meet me tonight
And she'd ring me at six,
The phone's rung twice, I haven't picked it up,
Coz I'm sitting here staring at a toilet duck

There's a turd hanging out of my arse
I've strained and I've pushed 'til my sphincter bled
There's a turd hanging out of my arse
It won't come out, it won't go back, its turtle's heads

Then I had a visit from a man in a suit, he said:
"Is anyone at home? I'm from Littlewood's Pools."
He never heard me screaming, or the toilet flush
So I threw him a message on a dirty bog brush,
It said:
There's a turd hanging out of my arse
I've strained and I've pushed 'til my sphincter bled
There's a turd hanging out of my arse
It won't come out, it won't go back, its turtle's heads

The window cleaner's coming, its time to finish,
I'm off down the local for a pint of Guinness
The fit bird from Tesco says she wants a quick shag
Sticks her tongue down my throat, and her hands down my bags.
There's still a turd hanging out of my arse
I've strained and I've pushed 'til my sphincter bled
There's a turd hanging out of my arse
It won't come out, it won't go back, its turtle's heads

(Turtles heads, turtles heads, hanging down my leg)

DESPERATE DAN

The big fat chud wobbled home one night, singing:
'Woah, Maccy Maccy'
After twenty eight pints.
Had a bit of trouble getting the key in the door,
His belly dragged him downwards and his face hit the floor.
Spilt curry down his shirt, soaked through to the vest,
Pisses in his jeans as he tries to undress,
Trousers round his ankles, he bangs into the door,
Decides to have a piss in the cutlery drawer

Then he starts to vomit on the telly by the wall,
She must have been to Comet,
Coz that cunt wasn't there before.

He pukes and he pukes, but there's no stopping,
New picture on the stairs, the old bag's been shopping.
He spews and he spews then its time to relax,
He props himself up on the edge of the bath.
One last puke strains his whole body,
Out of his arse plops a vindaloo jobby.
Bile out the front end, bum-sick out the back,
Vomit in the toilet, diarrhoea all over the bath.

Then his buttock hits the hot tap and his chubby legs collapse,
His jeans are round his ankles,
The big fat bastard falls backwards into the bath

His arms and legs are waving, they're flapping like fuck,
But the shit's sealed him in, and the fat cunt's stuck.
He flounders in the tub, but he's a perfect fit,
Turds down his back, his front's borted in sick.
He grabs at the taps to pull himself clear,
But he hasn't got a clue about the trouble at the rear,
He crawls into bed, covered in shite,
And tries to cuddle up to his extremely fat and ugly wife.

She hits him with a small brush
He's landed on the floor, she says:
'You smelly fat walrus, you live at number 24.'

BLACK LATRINE

Summer time, piss was minging, turds were stinking, full of flies
Other times, foul and acrid, rank and rancid, pus and bile
Everything obscene in the Black Latrine

Dragonflies several species in the faeces and the mire
In the grime, arses dribble, maggots wriggle, sludge and slime
There's things you've never seen in the Black Latrine

And the termites patrol through the turds around the bowl,
Twenty years in quarantine for the Black Latrine

So unclean, piss turned solid, dank and squalid, stench is vile
Black Latrine, flies lay more eggs in the durex and the shite
No one's ever cleaned in the Black Latrine

Foreskin cheese, stinking slurry, pubes and curry, dysentry
Upto your knees, fermented urine, smells like you're in A Lavatory
A stench that stings your eyes and rots your teeth

Diarrhoea down the walls, slimy turds upon the floor,
There's no sign on the stall, sewage piled against the door
No one's ever cleaned in the Black Latrine

Oh and Spattacus, yes it did make some of the papers, and it was 20 years ago, so only those with good memories (or mammaries) will remember it. As I'm sure Macc Lads Fan above will verify it's not the first time they made the papers though. They were banned from every venue in the country (including, I kid you not, a strip club in Bury for being too obscene) and had to play a tour from the back of a lorry, questions in Parliament were asked about them because it was discovered that the first album was recorded and released under a Government Enterprise Grant (Geoffrey Bastard Dickens got it retracted), EMI sued them for releasing an obscene version of the Monkees theme without copyright permission, Bob Geldof threw his toys out of the pram by doing the same thing and got them banned again from most record shops, airwaves and venues (fat lot of good that was as they were still banned from virtually everywhere anyway) because they did a pisstake of the Band Aid song (called "Feed Your Face") on their second LP, and despite getting in the charts with their double-A-sided single "Pie Taster/No Sheep 'Til Buxton" (about a fat slag with VD and sheep shagging respectively) nobody was allowed to play it. Granada TV even did a brief documentary on the naughty boys. It had lots of bleeps in it.

Well, I googled (I do a lot of that since I been around here!) Macc Lads and came up with a lot of you tube, which I'm listening to now (sweaty betty). Not my kind of music for general listening...but really hilarious!

EEK! - Just listened to Turtle Heads. I really can't see why they were banned.

Well that one wasn't, I just put that on because it was about shite. It was songs like "Now He's A Poof" that really upset the killjoys. Download the "Beer & Sex & Chips 'n' Gravy" album if you can. Or PM me your address and I'll burn you a copy.

I was actually at those Fulham Greyhound gigs on Youtube, up the front, covered in beer and piss.