poopreport : Fun With Feces :

The Sights and Smells of Autumn

Posted 10.09.2000 by Areth (62)

When I was a kid I had a friend named John Hauptfleisch. He was pretty cool, but this kid down the street named Eric would always come over to his house and hang out. We all didn't like Eric 'cause he spit on people and was a real pansy. He was only allowed to watch Disney movies, and John and I only watched horror movies. One time we watched one anyway, and Eric ran home crying and we got in trouble.

One day John and I were making this huge pile of leaves to jump in. Eric came over and wanted to jump in the leaves too. We all jumped in the leaves until it was time for lunch. Eric went home for lunch. While he was gone John and I collected a whole bunch of fresh dog poop from John's black lab, Lilly. Lilly was really big for a lab, and all she ate was old apples and garbage she found lying around. She ate dog food too, but mostly she ate garbage. One time we found a dead skunk and gave it to her and she ate that too. Her poop was full of little chunks and grass and apple seeds and it smelled really bad. We piled up all of the poop and then put a big pile of leaves on top of it. When Eric got back from lunch, we told him that he could jump in the leaves first, since he had been gone so long.

He seemed pleased by the honor. He walked away about ten feet and got into that position that track runners get into before the race. He ran really fast and leapt right at the pile. He hit at an angle and ended up sliding on his chest right through all of Lilly's slimy crap. He thought it was rotten apples at first and just started scooping it off his shirt. Then he smelled it and threw up all over himself. John and I laughed and laughed. Eric tried to take his shirt off and got some on his face and started retching and gagging. He ran home retching and crying to his mom. His Mom was REALLY mad at us but we just said that we had no idea that there was dog poop under the leaves. It was one of the best pranks I ever did.
--Areth



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Trevor (22) -- 05.13.2001

now this was some funny, shit. funny but evil

Steffani (not verified) -- 06.01.2001

That is soo mean, but soo funny! Aww, that poor little kid, he was probably scarred for life!

Germanicus_Caesar (not verified) -- 06.25.2001

It's too bad I spent my days of Autumn lighting piles of leaves on fire. There were so many cats an dogs in my neighborhood that I am kicking myself for not thinking of this.

Areth (62) -- 07.18.2001

Hey it's never too late to regain a little piece of lost childhood. Go ahead, indulge yourself. I am planning on trying this one again some day. Perhaps when I am old I will trick the neighborhood kids.

Chadickus (not verified) -- 12.21.2001

I used to get poop on the end of a long stick and chase my friends with it, they would start laughing so hard that they would stop running, and wham, shit to the chest!

cannon_fodder (not verified) -- 01.18.2002

this story is great. i laughed so hard i cried. thanks

Lame comment!
jack m off (not verified) -- 03.21.2002

i have to take a dump

Stinky (not verified) -- 04.10.2002

I was always known as the odd little girl of the neighborhood (actually, the unmedicated hyperactive one). I was the only girl who thought bodily functions were humorous. My poor younger sister was the butt (no pun intended) of my twisted shenanigans. She always liked the stupidest toys and I was naturally the one who pointed this out to her. She had this ugly stupid doll that had a tea set accessory. One day I decided it was time for her doll to have a tea party with a pile off dog shinola (aka butt paste) that just happened to be in our front yard. Boy did I get into trouble. At the time I thought it was sooooo funny. Of course, that was about 30 years ago. I'd never do something like that now, as I've realized the cruelty of my childhood ways. My sister actually speaks to me, but she's never forgotten what I did to her doll.

Lame comment!
poopeepeepoo (not verified) -- 06.18.2002

i thoght girls didnt poop???/

monica flury (not verified) -- 09.19.2002

ummmm..When I first went into my 10th grade year, the very first day of school, I got scared and accidently scared the crap right out of me. I dont know how, but now everyone calls me flurry turds!

Lame comment!
spanky spankerton (not verified) -- 11.05.2002

i just took a huge, satisfying crap. ahhhhhhhh

brenda and dan (not verified) -- 01.02.2003

um... we went to college with john hauptfleisch. you'll be happy to know that he hasn't changed one bit! :)

happy on the crapper (not verified) -- 01.07.2003

who needs coffee, these stories are a natural laxitive! gotta poop

Lame comment!
jim (not verified) -- 03.12.2003

pooooooooooooo

yo mama (not verified) -- 06.28.2003

sorry! i like poop!!

this website is kool!!

E-mail me!!!!!!!!

Kung Poo (91) -- 07.07.2003

That reminds me of this one time in third grade. My best friend had this real creepy neighbor named Adam. He was in sixth grade but always hung out with us.

One day a bunch of us decided to have a super soaker war, naturally that creepy asshole joined in.Anyway, when I went home to get my super soaker an idea hit me. You see, I had to take a major piss and decided to take one in my super soaker, that way I could spray creepy Adam with my piss and not get the shit beat out of me because he would never know.

So anyway I took a piss in my super soaker and rejoined my friends. Well once the super soaker war started I set my sights on Adam . After what seemed like forever(it was probably only 2 or 3 minutes) I caught up with the creep and soaked him with my piss. He never knew I soaked him with piss!

Things got even funnier when a few hours later Adams shirt smelt like piss. Which begs the question, what sort of dumbfuck wheres a shirt in a super soaker war? Needless to say I laughed about that one for a long time.

Kimmy (not verified) -- 12.02.2003

I was the butt of this one!
my brother was about 2 and he always pooped in the bathtub.....he had just got done taking a bath, an mom says to me "go take your bath now" I said "NO WAY" I'm not gettin in there after he took a bath first! mom goes in an checkes the tub she says its fine he dident poop.
so I go in sit down in the tub under the spout, turn on the water and........POOOOOOOOP starts shootin out of the spout right at me like a machine gun

The Shit Volcano (3646) -- 01.07.2006

Feeding a dead skunk to a dog! What a horrible thing to do!

Yes, dogs eat rotten meat naturally, but this is not funny in the least.

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 04.09.2006

This is one of those things that if it HAPPENED to my kid, I'd be really upset (although I'd have to wonder what my kid did to bring that kind of hate down on themself). On the other hand, if my kid DID it to another kid, I'd be really angry, but if the victim was an unlikeable kid, I'd be secretly laughing my head off. Is that wrong? :)

_______
"You polished up my low-flow, and I dirtied up your bowl!"

Poopgirl (77) -- 06.24.2006


That was a cool prank.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

healthy 1 (1421) -- 10.10.2007

Funny story, but old apples, and a dead skunk???

With a diet like that, you need a sign posted on your property that reads: Never mind the dog, beware of his breath.

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