In my current quest to lose weight I have completely cut out fried foods, fast food, and sweets. I also cut down on my beer intake. I eat oatmeal in the morning, soup for lunch and a healthy dinner. I drink two cups of coffee at work in the morning. Since I have been eating better I have noticed I too have had several clean releases. 8 out of 10 turds don't seem to require wiping.

Coffee isn't good for you. It's nice that it has a positive effect on you, but the caffeine and sugar are more likely to give you bowel cancer than to keep it away, and I'd rather have an irritated bung than a cancerous one. Eating plenty of *RAW* vegetables will also help with a clean release, and you can go up to several times a day instead of just one, which, as we all know, is much more fun.

just a comment about point 4 - not true for all females Anita...many of my female friends complain of the same thing when it's "that time", having the trotskys for no apparent reason like eating bad food etc. just happens because of "that time" and coffee's got nothing to do with it....Jacob's on the right track, keep loading up on fiber & stay away from "white foods" (refined sugars, white flour foods, potatos etc)i.e. carbohydrates, and you'll keep 'em slipping out effortlessly and cleanly

Try taking a run. If you're fat or out of shape, this is a sure thing!

Jacob: I would love to see some evidence that coffee (or caffine, or sugar) causes bowel cancer. There are plenty of people (the majority of American adults) who drink coffee daily for thier whole lives and never contract any such thing. Check your facts.

guys - i don't see where in the article it tells you not to eat vegetables or consume pounds of bacon or drink gallons of milk. looks like she's just saying that coffee helps you take a dump. (not really news) or did i miss something. the cancer thing is crap too. coffee does not cause cancer.

Everyone knows that sleep causes cancer - I find that if I rub lard around my ring I get a similar result, and I don't have to watch what I am eating. Go Hard - Rub Lard. Undy

It is very convenient the times I don't have to wipe much. It usually happens with hard poop. I'm not sure what causes poop hardness, but I am sure it's not coffee. First off, coffee will NOT give you bowel cancer, that's ridiculous. Coffee is very therapeutic, and the worst case scenario is a possible stomach ulcer. But because of coffee's essential oils, it will likely loosen one's bowels instead of harden them. Don't drink too much of this stuff. Tea, on the other had, has a high tannin content, so it is likely to cause constipation. I have a question for you guys. I rarely have a totally clean day (poop wise), so every shower I thoroughly clean my crack and butthole, so it's sparkly clean at the beginning of everyday. I really doubt lots of yo do that, right? Am I weird for doing that? Wait, I know I'm weird. Bad question.

mike: I do that too. I take my morning dump and then shower.

The key, my friends, is Metamucil. I'm only 31 but it does the trick every time: large, soft, wipeless turds.

coffee and sugar are not in any way linked with cancer. Artificial sweetner, sachrin, neutra sweet, ect. have been linked to cancer more or less defenitively. Every sweet and low packet has a warning on the side, stating that this product has been known to cause cancer in lab rats.

I will try to answer all your questions. Caffine causes the constriction of blood vessels, and it's most likely the case that it hardens poop. A clean sweep is not entierly healthy, in fact the perfect turd is "bulky and loose." The clean sweep occours when the caffine causes the poop to harden and the oils and sweat that occours in the bowel lubricate the way for the poop. A proper constitution is needed in order to achieve this. the average person needs 25-30 g of insoluble fibre per day, obtained from any of the following, fruit, bran, corn, popcorn, dietary suppliments and daily multivitamins. Once this has been balanced, the stool will reach it's standard loose consistency. The addition of caffine and most likely a fat substitute, or oils, are lubing the way, creating a low friction release which lessens harsh skidmarks. Bowel cancer is most likely a result of heredity, MSG, Enviroment, or stress related conditions. Most people who get cancer get it from factors such as drugs, alchohol, and drumroll... the number one cause of ALL forms of cancer???..........

SMOKING!!! so don't smoke!!!

The great thing about public, cubical, toilets, is the extremely loud flushes. In between several flushes, I make my much needed crapping sounds. When I'm thru, I stand up with a smile, and leave with smirk.

if regularity and smooth dookies are what you enjoy, then a cup of coffee each morning will ensure your daily bliss!

I like coffee. Coffee is good for both you and your poop. And if you go about things right, you can probably use the leftover unused toilet paper to make coffee filters. It's a cycle, man.

Corn in poop is funny, and Doniker rules the bone!!!

it is so nice to see that in our culture someone is out there that cares about our shit. thank you for making a web site about turds. Another exciting experiment with poop is eating corn, finding it in your poop, then eating the poopy corn to see if it shows up in your poop again.ok

None of you are giving anything that works for everybody. I get plenty fo caffeine and also plenty of fiber, taking psillium fiber supplement twice a day. Sometimes I can go several days in a row regularly shoving out a mega brown monster. But other times, without warning, I'll miss a day of shitting or two and when I shit again, it can have all kind of complications from constipated dainty little turdlets, to cramps and runny diarrhea. Also sometimes without warning, with or without the previous symptoms, my shit has yucky yellow or light brown stuff mixed in (sometimes twisted around the darker brown stuff like one color turd tried to bypass another color inside my ass). But no matter what if any of those conditions apply, I seldom have an easy wiping job. With most dumps of any kind I usually have to use enough toilet paper that making my butt sore is a threat if not a reality.

Wow. I thought I was the only one who didn't have to wipe. After awhile, you can actually tell when you don't need to wipe, just by the "feeling". Rarely do I wipe anymore. The wife though, think I'm nuts.

I always have to wipe. THE ITCHING! THE ITCHING!

reliance on caffine is bad, b/c w/out it you may find yourself backing up! get your bowels in great shape by exercising them everyday - squeeze your anus 50 times every morning, working your way up to 100 or 75 quick reps. it keeps your ass in shape, active, and makes for clean action on the can! it is the perfect compliment to a high fiber diet, the best way to a healthy rectum!

Actually, Toilet paper DOES make a great coffee filter when you run out of filters...

Man this page was funny. The Lard thing, the corn shit, you guys are hilarious. Although I seen something that cought my eye, POPCORN. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and I find if I eat a lot of POPCORN, I have less Squirts and clean poppies. IS there anything else besides veggies that one can eat to have clean poopies??? Oh and another thing, does everyone have a dump in the morning? The majority? Why?

I have never had a wipeless day, or a wipeless turd for that matter.Its sounds wonderful.Sometimes the wipe takes as long as the bussines.Maybe its to much taco bell.Have you ever noticed that the longer it takes to squeeze a cosby kid out the smaller it is? Is this just me? In 5 seconds I get a 2 foot long candy bar and in 5 minutes i get freakin 2 rabbit turds? why is this? Am I all alone?

Just to watch the wipeage go from rich brown to nothing in several strokes makes me feel enriched.

I also love the fact that in Greece you can look at everybodys Shit rags in the bins next to the toilet 'cos you can't put bog paper down the pan there.

Just treat it like a colour chart in the hardware store, and aim for your favourite flavour.

I need some advice.

How to create shit "imitation" ( matrial & smell )

i will send to my boss

My advice is to bend forwards on the seat as much as you can to ensure a clean exit for everything down below.

I find that greatly reduces the number of wipes I need.

I love the site. Truly useful info. on here!!! Thanks

this site sucks bad

I am a man in my 20's and have begun to poop blood. What does this mean and should I seek medical help.

The secret benefit of caffine and it's effects date back to the dawn of man. The Savrin tribe that roamed throughout North America would often sculpt their droppings into totem poles, the height of which was based on the number of participating tribe members. Those brave caffine consumers were always the most productive members of the tribe.

Personally, I follow their ancient tradition by eating 2 bowls of raisin bran, followed by a venti Star Bucks. Leaves me clean as a whistle, and ready to wade through the daily excrement at the office.

I like to poop. It's nice when it's really big and hard to push out. I get off on that.

I used to push out dollops of wet squidgy shit by the bucketful until, a few years back, I had to lose weight (around 20 kilos!). I got to know about the Montignac approach to eating where you basically don't mix fats with anything containing glucides. After two months I had lost my 20 kilos - which I never regained - and I now shit big healthy solid logs that give me a great deal of pleasure when I drop them. I always use one sheet of toilet paper to test but, no matter how insistently I clean, there is just nothing there. I'm as clean as a whistle and I just can't remember the last time I found anything to clean. This is a bit frustrating because, being the pervert I am, I did have fun with the occasional light skidmark in my underwear.

P.S. The other advantage of the Montignac approach is that you can eat as much as you like and I really enjoy my food!

This website had me in tears laughing, the sheer honesty about the pleasure of going for a dump. Speaking of tears, do of any you guys cry when you for a massive dump or is it just me?

What a great site.

I have found that a quick parting of the cheeks before settling down to business helps to keep the area squeaky clean. Just cock each cheek hold it in place with your weight on the seat. Don't stretch your bumhole too much, just enough to ensure a clean and uncluttered exit.

Also, as a man, I find that reading (esp. magazines) is most conducive to the whole shitting experience. Why is this more a male phenomenon?

natasha in the earleir paragraphs is my girlfriend and boy can she launch a monster supprise i found one of these in our toilet it was about 10 - 12 inches long and as thick as yr wrist how her nippet valve passed out a turd like that i will never know! it must be all that anal intercourse that we have quite regular but if she was to pass as i pushed it would take my helmet straight off and shower me with sweetcorn and tomato pips, she does quite often get skidmarks in which is a massive put off on the sex side of things when i am feeling randy and pull her draws down and see more skids that the m1 my penis goes back indoors but my ex girlfriend was alot more bodily cleaner than natasha ever could be and oop,s more prettier as well!!

borrowing from the female products aisle of the grocery store, unscented pantiliners are a great way to manage the skid marks. Laundry day is so much easier now with just a few pee stains to bleach out. But all those stubborn skidmarks are gone gone GONE. Any other guys use these for this?

anyone who would write that about his GF should be flogged. I hope she has dumped you on the turd pile by now.

Keepin CLean, more men need to think like you ... thats an AWESOME idea, and i am going to ask my BF to start doin it immediatly. washin his drawers is a nightmare (theres a set of skids in every pair) EWWW. I myself have only had the miracle wipe free shit a few times, but have never thought it something to aim for. Side thought, the wet wipes that all these companies are coming out with seem to do the trick for some of the messy ones.

to lay a cable every day
is my aim in life
to leave the house without delay
causes me some strife
i gotta go,a Donald Trump
is all i want to do
this is it,an Eartha Kitt
I do so love my poo
and so my friends
the cable ends
it trails off in a taper
I gotta stay for 10 minutes more
'cos I ain't finished reading the paper

im a man who likes to wear floss for my ass (thong) but they always end up coated brown any suggestions?

Carbs are good! i am diabetic and i know.

eat shit, get a life... stop fixating on shit. just shit and shut the fuck up... waste of a website lol... you cant control your shit... your shit controles you... and your full of it... and this site is a peice of it... lol... chocolate milkshake anyone?

Hey, I was just browsing the internet...

the things people talked about in the far past of 2004...

Anyway, I almost never drink any coffee, almost always have clean releases though. It is usually a lot (about 20 minutes worth) harder when I DON'T drink about 2 L of fruit-juice... ussually multivitamin juice, don't drink and eat too much sugar as well, that can make it more... sticky.

Vitamins work well to keep the bowel moving regularly, also make sure to get your carbs since those basically rince out the colon and avoids nasty issues like corn and stickiness as well as any burning sensations after eating spicy food. (Always leave room for a sandwich afterwards.)

Well, that's just dumb. I'd be knocked out of the running by at least one of choices 1-4 at any given time. How unhelpful.
_______
"You polished up my low-flow, and I dirtied up your bowl!"

I have heard that coffee makes you run better, but I don't know from experience. Caffeine gives me migraine headaches (despite the studies that say it is supposed to help them) and I avoid it like Madonna's underwear after a Saturday on the Sunset Strip. This is probably why coffe makes me hurl.

The thing I have found that gives me smooth, non-wipers is red meat. Not that greasy, drippy, fatty meat, but the super lean organic ground beef. You are sure to have clean sliders after a burger of this stuff, as long as you don't put gross things on there like mayonaise.

P.S. What was it that Bruce Willis said about mayonaise in "The Whole Nine Yards"? I agree fully with him whenever some burger joint puts mayonainse on my burger. Or worse, thousand island dressing, which they call "special sauce".

_______
I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

TSV, I agree 100% with you, mayo' blah! As for your migranes, wine does it to me every time. Wen you start getting the funky vision before the migrane hits, eat copious amounts of honey. I take a vitain B complex to keep my migranes at bay.

Yes, red meat will give you clean sliders, also popcorn does the trick for me.
_______
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

Mike B. Hard poo is constipation...such an evil thing

Ah, yes - the clean slider. Such a pleasure: the Holy Grail of evacuation. Not only is cleanup effortless, but the sliders I've enjoyed (too few, sadly) also seem to leave that "fully emptied" feeling. The feeling that the system is working exactly as it's intended to. Fiber can be a lot of help in achieving this blissful state of function - I think Metamucil works well for a lot of folks.

I would love to have clean sliders again. I used to--up to a few years ago. I never drink coffee (at least not since an ulcer attack 30 years ago), so the clean turds were from good diet and sufficient exercise. But surgery a couple of years ago, for kidney stones, changed things. Since then I must drink a lot of water every day, to prevent a return of the dreaded stones. Thus, my poop is softer and stickier, and a clean exit is extremely rare. I had one last summer, and I still remember it. Nonetheless, I would rather wipe a bit than go through the kidney stone thing again.

I enjoy a great track record of clean releases when I'm home. My apartment toilet, which I've become great friends with over 15 years, is very accommodating to my needs. Release takes less than 15 seconds, I fill the bowl, and only one wipe is required. However, I wish I could say the same for my office, entertainment venues and those many roadside toilets I have to sit on. Under such conditions, the time frame is at least five-fold, there much more wiping--and often with limited toilet paper supply--and it seems that within two hours I'm sitting down again to continue (I can't even say 'finish') the job.

At 37, I just don't know if there's any hope for me in having the success level in public bathrooms that I've long-enjoyed at home.

Dani, we strive for progress, not perfection. I suggest the Twelve Steps of Shameful Shitters...seen here:

The 12 steps of Shamefull Shitters Anonymous:

1) We admitted we were powerless over poop, that our anus had become unmanagable.

2) Came to believe in a stall that could restore us to regularity.

3) Made a decision to turn our turds, and our wipes, over to the care of this stall.

4) Made a searching and fearless wipe of ourselves.

5) Admitted to stall, ourselves, and Poop report the exact nature of our crap.

6) Were entirely ready to have the stall remove our turds.

7) Humbly asked the stall to remove our crap

8) Made a list of all stalls we had snubbed, and became willing to use them whenever possible.

9) Made direct use of these stalls, except when to do so would cause harm to another stall.

10) Continued to take dumps whereever necessary, and when we had to go, promptly admitted it.

11) Sought through prayer and meditation (on the throne) the knowledge of the stall's will, and asked for the power to carry turds out.

12) Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we carry this message to other shamefull shitters, and practice these principles in all our restroom visits.

Yes, Dani, there is hope that you can fast produce your shit in a public bathroom compared to what you supposedly excel at in your home bathroom. I've found that using a restroom out of the way that has less traffic and then taking the far stall works. I really don't look at the seat (what difference does it make if it's black or white or whatever!) nor any skidmarks on the bowl. I just drop my pant suit and thong and sit down. My seat position is exactly as I use at home and that means I'm as comfortable as possible for the short-term shit. Often I will close my eyes and meditate a bit so that I won't be offended by any juvenile drawings or graffiti or see water or urine on the floor under me. I've learned to tune out the noise in the other stalls as well as any conversations that are going on. When I'm done, I wipe, pull up my clothing, and flush with my hand just as I do at home. When I'm washing my hands I usually check my hair and makeup, just as I do at home. Making a big production number out of crapping in public just sets you up for failure. And as far as I'm concerned, those super sanitary users that don't want to sit down or touch anything in a public bathroom are sickos who deserve the probias they promote with their often-neurotic postings.

Thank you Kaitlyn for your remarks about those super sanitary users who screw up the bathrooms for the rest of us normal people. I agree. From a male point of view, it pisses me off when I go in at the mall, theatre or stadium to take a shit, and find that half or sometimes even 2/3 of the roll of TP is stacked on the seat or attached to my shoes. When there's a lot of water nearby on the floor, that also tells me the toilet has been stopped up by guess what, excessive paper being flushed. I've always felt that if everyone, and that includes both genders, were to use the public bathrooms just as they do at home, the problems would be minimal, if any. Also, the cost of tickets and other products would at malls and retail stores would go down because less custodians and plumbers would be necessary to clean up after the sicko phobics. Go girl Kaitlyn!

I'm a college student, away from home, who is using public bathrooms most of the time for the first time in her life. I just don't buy into the either/or arguments of Drew & Kaitlyn. What's wrong with quickly wiping the seat off before sitting down (my personal favorite!) or putting one layer of paper over the seat. Many women do this and then flick the paper into the stool after they wipe and it is flushed with their pee or crap. Also, what's gained by labeling someone "neurotic" or "sicko" because they were TAUGHT probably by their parents to be a little more careful when they sit down away from home? To me, it seems that less name-calling and more understanding is what's needed.

I'm 19, attend community college, work full time and attend a good number of concerts and athletic events with my friends. Although some of my friends have a hard time buying into it, I have a harder time crapping in public toilets than many people. The name-calling and finger-pointing of some of the other posters certainly doesn't help my situation. The smell, the lines waiting their turn, large black seats and higher stool levels than I have at home, the less privacy, the often lack of toilet paper, as well as the subdued lighting that doesn't fully allow me to see what I'm selecting when choosing a stall, are among the intrusions on my comfort zone. When sitting on the seat and seeing urine and/or pubic hair over the front of the bowl, well, it's a turn-off. It's just disheartening to grab for the toilet paper and find there is none or that there's only a couple of pieces left after I've invested 15 or 20 minutes in a bowl-filling shit. All of these factors, whether Drew or Kaitlyn like it or not, are sources for a good amount of frustration by many people. I guess it's hard to expel well when you don't feel comfortable.

Sheila states: "When sitting on the seat and seeing urine and/or pubic hair over the front of the bowl, well, it's a turn off." Really! Who cares. It's a public toilet and few people expect it to be as clean as the one we use at home. When a stall's vacant, I move in, sit down and concentrate on expelling well. Everything else is secondary to me. So I might sit in a couple drops of someone's urine or have contact with one of their pubic hairs. Who cares? I'm showering later but the pee or shit is of more importance to me. Expelling is the only thing I'm thinking about. Fast down and fast out is my motto. The clean freaks who super analyze whether to sit down or not worry me. Frequently in busy restrooms, someone will go into the lone available stall and then quickly turn around and reject it. I'm down, have the bowl full and wiping before some others check out other available stalls and decide whether to "hold it" or not. Why does it have to be so complicated????

Even though it will inevitable take more time, I never (well at least since high school!)will sit directly on a public toilet seat. Pubic hair and urine are just two of the several things other skanks could leave on the seat. If there's not seat cover or other paper I can put on the seat, I just turn around and go elsewhere. If you want to call me a "clean freak" so be it, but I'm not about to pick up lice or something else of a similar genre.

"Strangers in my shorts. They're multiplying. Strangers in my shorts. Why aren't they dying?"

Sorry. Bubba the Lovesponge classic moment. Us former Floridians will leave you alone now.

_______
Born right the first time.

Can we get back to the original subject of the clean release? Wouldn't that be the key to good health? Someone suggested the Montignac approach. Anyone have any other answers?