When I first left my wife, I ended up staying with a girl I met less then an hour after I left my ex. We were staying on the tenth floor of one of the most rundown apartment buildings I have ever seen. It was late summer and hot as heck, and no A/C meant we had to keep all the windows open. To make matters worse, there was a problem with the toilet not flushing at all, and the landlord was in no hurry to fix it. After a while the pile of poop became a mountain in the non-flushing toilet.
One night, after much drinking, we were trying to sleep near an open window at the front of the building. The problem was (and I'm trying to be politically correct as I can here), there were some men dressed as women out front of the building who were selling sexual pleasure to unsuspecting "johns" driving by. These "men" were less than quiet, yelling and trying to attract attention and more business. After a while I got quite fed up with their noise and the fact that I really wanted to sleep. I have no idea what possessed me to do what I did next, but I did the first thing that came to mind.
I went into the kitchen, grabbed an old bread bag out of the garbage, slid my hand into it like a glove, and walked into the very, very smelly bathroom. I selected a huge fresh turd off the top of the pile and walked back to the window. This turd was enormous! I spotted my targets below, and, with careful aim, dropped the nuke from my perch on the tenth floor window. I remember it slowly rotating as it dropped silently through the hot night air.
It was a one in a million shot! This enormity of anal aroma hit one of them dead center on the top of the head, dropping him to his knees! (Not the first time on his knees, would be my guess.) Next thing I heard was:
"What the...?!?"
"Oh my God, It's chea-it!"
This was followed by crying and confusion and the others realizing that they, too, had been hit by shrapnel from this massive monster of the moat.
Needless to say, I quickly ducked my head back in the window, laughing so hard I almost peed myself. I could hear them yelling up, but there was no way for them to tell which window it came from.
The next day I heard from a neighbor about the incident (pretending like I had no clue it even happened). The neighbor told me that when it hit, it exploded like a water balloon, coating this "man" from head to toe, and that the fallout from the explosion hit most of the others as well.
I stayed at that apartment for about another week, and we never again heard them outside. Apparently they got the message I was ever so happy to special deliver to them. Would I ever say I'm sorry? Only if I ever stop laughing when I think about it...
-- Poop Poop Pa Dupe
