The Dangers Of Lighting Farts

// // 176 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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A couple of evenings ago, I was browsing through PoopReport when I came upon an
article which contained a reference to farts (not inconceivable by any means). My
curiosity stimulated, I ran a search on google, and discovered a site dedicated
to this topic.

Browsing through this site, it wasn't long before my visual receptors were
bombarded with these two words: "fart lighting".

I wanted to know more. My second google search for the evening led me to the
"Durham University Fart Lighting Society." Through careful
analysis of the information contained therein, I learned that the procedure for lighting farts
was as follows:


  1. Strike match
  2. Bend over
  3. Let 'er rrrrip

I rushed to the kitchen, located, cooked and ate some baked beans, along
with an apple and an orange. I also munched on some old bran cereal with soy
milk. I know this sounds like I was toying with my bowels -- but this was in the
interests of science, of a better world for all mankind.

I already needed to poop really bad, and I had been farting
consistently for the past half-hour anyway. When the foodstuffs kicked in, my
anus was roaring.

I went into the kitchen, pulled down my pants, struck a match
and let one rip. The fart was smallish, but the follow-through was phenomenal. It
was as if my anus was a dam wall, and a rushing brown torrent had burst through.
This extinguished the flame, and splattered onto my pants and the floor. I reckon
there was a half-liter of poop in there.

Turns out the poop saved my
life -- or at least my ability to have children. A closer examination of the
website after I had cleaned up revealed that one must never light farts when not
wearing pants. Otherwise, your pubic hair can be set on fire, causing
considerable
damage to a rather sensitive area.

Although my fart lighting days are over before they even started, I would
really like to hear from anyone who has:


  1. Tried lighting farts, and succeeded
  2. Tried lighting farts, and had a similar experience to mine, or other
  3. Has any pointers on this extreme sport.

-- by fecaltreacle

176 Comments on "The Dangers Of Lighting Farts"

steeler's picture
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i saw thatr on the mesage boreds u stole it!!!!!1

Trashcanman's picture
l 100+ points
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thats kinda the point. If something on the forums is really good, it'll be posted on the front page. What do you expect? Dumbass.

Blue Angel's picture
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C'mon don't be so mean to this valiant flatologist....putting his life on the line in his service to science and mankind........

feacle p treacle's picture
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flatologist! hrmph hrmph hrmh mff mff mff

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points
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Thank the Lord that we have trashcanman to police this website that he thinks he owns and explain the rules to everyone. What would we do without him?

Alfred's picture
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I don't believe that lighting farts is possible... I think it's all just a big joke, a big urban legend. Has anyone actually done it?

bamashirley's picture
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Years ago I was married to a drummer,and he & my brother with a few other friends didn't believe ,WOW, did they ever get fooled.Lit up the whole room.A few days my brother decides to have some fun,so he goes out drinking with three other guys,tells them(after they were half lit) he knew of a ghost train.My bro. takes them to an old railroad track,parks across the tracks and gets into the back seat,(that way he could get into the position to lite a good one).Having them listen for the train,he strains out a fart made from boiled eggs,turnip greens,sweet potatoes,and beer.He lit up the whole car and guys were bailing out the windows and running and screaming. I've gotten older now,but I still like a good laugh.

anonymous's picture
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If you look around, you can find small AVI's of people lighting farts.

SoopirV900's picture
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I hope this can be taken as the Gospel of Fart-lighting. Many people say it can't be done. It certainly can. I've done it. I'm a PhD in biochemistry, but that's not to say I didn't have fun in school. Interesting chemistry behind it: if you're intersted in more, read my report on the, "Implications of food Dye..." science report on this very site. name's Dave. Nice to meet you.

Anywho- Many of the naysayers claim that there's simply too much watervapor in a fart to burn. Not true. It's also not true, however, that the fuel is strictly methane. Turns out the normal human GI tract is loaded with bacteria (no surprise there) that specialize in different tasks. Most the anaerobic bacteria (those that function without oxygen) metabolize food-stuffs into methane (CH4), but some other greeblies produce other goodies that are useful in the anus-flame-thrower. The moisture indigent in the GI tract is nominal. People that say it won't burn because it's too moist should be asked to light a propane grill in the rain- it still lights. If, however, there were only methane present in the GI tract, the flame would burn a cool (temp wise) blue. That's not the case, however, as alluded to above...so, you got some sulfur (the smell, generally present in H2S (hydrogen sulfide, rotten egg smell), some sodium (natural byproduct of metabolism) and dozens of other goodies.

Light a fart- it's not just blue...it's yellow (from the sodium) it's might be a bit purple (from potassium) maybe even a bit greenish (from copper), but the H2S will make it very hot, pretty bright, and very smelly.

H2S is also why farts smell.

As far as diarrhea on your own hand- not too far fetched: the anal sphincter is a very smart muscle; with the proprioceptors it has, it can easily distinguish incompressible solids (e.g. poop) from compressible gasses (e.g. farts). That's how you just "know" when it's okay to let something rip. Trouble arises, however, when liquid is added to the equation: liquid, like solid, is incompressible. Therefore, your sphincter could send a message to the brain saying, "Okay! All's clear, solid poo comin' out!", when in fact it's really nearly a liter of messy, liquid squirts.

Hope this helps!

SoopirV900

Todd Sexton's picture
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I have lit several farts, all with pants on. It is actually quite impresive when done in the dark.

Me's picture
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I dont know what the fasanation is with um fartin but its only funnie when it doesnt smelll truust me and have u ever seen southpark! u dont wanna die babes so ehhe :P byebye luv u all

Poopman's picture
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Dont ever light your farts whenj you are coverd in gasoline!

smelly poo's picture
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try taking a crap then cover it with lighter fluid put your butt above it and light a huge fart! and see what happens! Don't try this in the kitchen!!!

tirade's picture
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Hey this sounds awfully familiar. Once, at my summer camp up in the foothills of California, we were very bored one night so we did the exact same thing described above. We lit our gastric emissions ablaze. Only we had to strip down to our underware so not too many people tried. One of the counselors had a huge, stinky fart and luckily someone was holding a lighter nearby and made about a 3 inch flame! We called this "Blueflaming" because the color of the flame was blue, amazingly. Of course, we all thought this was hillarious, but we had to be careful not to burn anus. Imagine how hard that smell would be to neutralize with Glade air freshener. Ah, the fond memories of camp many summers ago...

Never crapped my pants!'s picture
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I actually lay on my back, put my knees up by my head and (with pants on) get a lighter, start lighting my butt on fire, let 'er rip, and pat it out

ive got some HUGE "blue darts" on video!!

mojo's picture
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Once, a year or so ago, my friends and I got together and had a few drinks. My dog had bad gas all day, so we thought it would be fun to light his farts. And so we did. Unfortunatly, my cat was curiously standing a couple feet behind him when he let one rip, and poor Fluffy got toasted. Burned her whiskers right off. She wasn't able to walk straight for weeks.

Mark's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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About 2 years ago my son at the age of 12 and I had some really bad almost continuous farts after eating dinner. We were watching TV from the couch and we had to hold our nose after we pased gas. It was so bad our dogs exited stage left. I told my son if he farted again that I would blow his battle ship out of the water. He looked over at me and asked what are you talking about? I replied just fart again. He then of course cut loose. I then grabbed my lighter out of my pocket lifted my right leg and shot a flame across the cushion. He was shocked and laughing at the same time. After checking the burnt fibers I flipped the cushion over and told him not to tell mom. Guess What? As soon as she came through the door he spilled the BEANS. Well my butt was really on fire then.

???'s picture
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never tried this one but it sounds fun

Ace's picture
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I just burnt my ass

Flamethower's picture
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I burnt da lamp shade

Clyde's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I have been lighting farts regularly for the last 23 years. My first was in a pantry with my AcePal Kevin when we were 12. The flame was blue, abrupt, and about five inches long. There was a conspicuous "pop!" sound - followed by about eleven years of uproarious laughter. Not only is lighting farts possible - it's what separates us from apes.

Jimbob Duggy's picture
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I went to toilet and poo come out hahahahahahahaaa My botty is rancid and festering. Thankyou all

Kooty's picture
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Stewart Good was on fire when he rip snorted his cheeks open. It was everywhere!

PS: Right now I'm picking chunks from the keyboard

Squritypoo's picture
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Go to www.Ebaumsworld.com and go to the vidos THES A MOVIE OF UH DUDE LIGHTING A FART AND OTHER STUFF!!!!But it seems smelly >

~poopstain~master~'s picture
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my dearest and closest brother has tried and over succeeded. he accidentily light the doghouse on fire. (please don't ask about it!!!)

fanny's picture
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from reading the exiting messages, most of them seam to be from the male species, but what seperates men form woman is that we can fart from 2 holes. all ya gals out there, try lighting your fanny fart, and i know you do them, all gals do.

grandma_fish's picture
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Actually, in all actuality, I have found that lighting farts is a good way to clean out your bunghole of all those unwanted hairs. The hairs in your butt only cause dingleberry's and it makes it hard to wipe your booty after shitting, so lighting your farts will burn those hairs away. It's like a free bikini wax or something.

sara teflon's picture
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Look, I used to be friends with this scat/punk rock guy named "stripe" and I personally have witnessed HIM light his farts. I also downloaded an mpeg a couple years ago of somebody doin it. I fully beieve this is a real phenomena. Dare to challenge me! Grrr.

Gassious's picture
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I've successfully lighted dozens of farts since I was about 25. Not sure why I never tried before that. It is very entertaining and so far I haven't injured myself or anyone else while doing it. I guess if I did catch fire I'd just piss on myself and all would be well. KWIM?

James McPoop's picture
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http://www.tubgirl.com

Andora's picture
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Lighting farts was fun in my younger days - and I never had a follow through problem. One must be circumspect about what one contains in ones bowels before trying exepriements.

Shithead's picture
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I had a friend of mine successfully light a fart a few years back. Except he was wearing these flannel-type pants that unfortunately caught fire as the ass-blast ignited. He kinda panicked, ass aflame.. so I threw my drink on the small bonfire, saving the day.

I am going to shit the couch now.

hersheysquirts's picture
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I cant believe it! I just read all this methane lighting news and low and behold a rumblin in my tummy was just what I was looking for. I grabbed my modified butane lighter and off to the bathroom I went. first to pull my sweat pants down to my ankles and then off with the Jockeys. I bent over so my ass was facing the mirror and i watched thru my legs. strike up the lighter and then Riiiiipppppp I think my ring dialated to at least the diameter of a quarter (-O-) then I saw it. The "blue flamer" it rose about 4 inches above my ass where it ignited with a vooooof. I really was impressed until I saw my yam-sac hairs curling up smoking closer and closer to my delicate skin ! OMG what a nasty feeling having your nutz burned lighting your own noise maker! I guess the next time I eat a whole can of Bush baked beans and wash it down with Rolling Rock beer I have to leave the sweat pants on so that the footlong dosen't get burnt. Next time I am going to video tape it in the dark.......till then go shit yourself silly people! do you smell something burning?

tyuihhggggdgvhgghgg's picture
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you guy are sick monkys and I love it

turdinator's picture
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I have lit farts, i have seen farts lit. it's kind of like when you turn your celophane from your cigarette pack into a rocket, only worse, and yes it can singe your pubes

Ryan Ewing's picture
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Well, here I am minding my own business at work, when suddenly I gotta take this great big dump. So I make a run for the shitter, but wouldn't ya know it...someone is already in there. I decide to wait him out. After about 5 minutes I had a huge turtle head pokin outta my ass, so I decide to just excrete my waste in the girls washroom, but that is where I see my finace pukin her guts out from the mornings SpermShake. So now i'm in a real pickle, (not just the one stickin out of my ass), So I decide, Fuck It!! This shit has got to go...I never felt that much relief in my entire life, ofcourse my pants now weighed and extra 15-20 lbs, but it was all worth it. The problem I had now was how to go out and face my fellow employees, without them noticing??!!?? I hoped that my daily natural stink would deter them from noticing my wet, hot ass, but even that overpowered them, and from then on I was known as...SHITTY McBAD BATCH....TUM TUM TUM TA TA

Jimmy Dean's picture
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my dad taught me how to light farts... all that he does is sit on the couch, pulls legs up (making sure that his pants r tight againts the anus region), then he holds the ligher there, and toots... its simple... make sure u dont light ur cat on fire tho, parents might get angry...

Karkus's picture
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I lit one of my farts, it singed my ass hairs... funny, but it smelled like fart+burnt hair

evamagick's picture
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I was hanging out with a few friends once in their apartment. Their electricity had just been shut off, so I decided to light the room. Understand, these people don't believe that girls fart...but I showed them!

FART JAR's picture
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for a good prank to brighten up your significant others day.

1- get a jar with a lid

2- fart in it everytime you got gas

3- close the lid real fast so you don't lose the rancid smell

4- stick it somewhere for them to open

5- laugh so hard you cry

there is nothing in the world so funny

(sic)

slim jim junkie's picture
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Ever heard of Darwin Awards? They are given to people who advance Human evolution by taking their stupid ass out of the gene pool. A bad mistake lighting a fart would count.

shmoozerboozergirl's picture
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my relationship is odd cuz i want to fart so bad in front of my boyfriend, but he even thinks wheni burp too much i shouldn't because "it's not necessary" and it's pissing me off, but my farts really stink too from the booze and stuff i eat. what should I do?

How do I get him to stop being so anal?

doctor's picture
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PLEASE DONT BURN OR TRY TO LIGHT YOUR GAS (FARTS) IT CAN GO DANGEROUSLY WRONG!!!! THE FIRE WILL COME BACK INTO YOU!!!!!!!!

pantsaroundmyankles's picture
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I heard about a guy who tried to light his own farts, but the flaming gas got sucked back into his anus and burned it crisp. THAT'S gotta hurt. Be careful when lighting your methane (or others').

And fanny, I've never heard of lighting queefs before. Seems to me they wouldn't be big enough to cause a good flame. Then again...

Fart Incarnate's picture
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just fart in your boyfriends face while he is sleeping, wake him up with a fresh fart

mugu man's picture
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pls keep off from here lagos isolo.

I crap alot's picture
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got two word for fart lighting, KAAAAAAA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Amfunny's picture
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My ex once said that you could not light a fart. I told him I would prove it to him and told him to let me know the next time he had to fart. Soon after he tells me he is going to fart. "Quick," I said, "drop your pants and bend over!" With this I struck a match and held it a couple of inches from his ass crack. He farted... then let out a scream. I saw the most beautiful blue orange flame I had ever seen. It shot out in BOTH directions... apparently going TOWARD his ass as well as away from it. It singed the hair on his ass and balls. Was so funny. Just goes to show... woman is much smarter than man.

fartman's picture
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i cought my house on fire call 911

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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My dad's roommate lit his wicker chair on fire doing that.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Gal In Cal's picture
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Read the comments and have been laughing myself silly. My sister and I tried it one time: she let one rip, I used a Zippo to light it and a long blue flame came out of her butt. We about killed ourselves laughing. So for all the guys out there- yes, there's women that light farts.

Orange Peel's picture
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Lighting farts is one of the worlds fastest growing sports, with professional and amatuer organisations alike. The club records at my particular establishment are as follows:

Endurance class - 6 consecutive lit farts (each lit fart passing IFLB regulations for size)

Time Trail Class - 3.2 seconds (approx.) for one single lit fart (not my own doing but I'm telling you, this was one monumental effort).

Jenny's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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what the fuck is this you guys are fucking weird and need help POOP REPORT....bah wtf
:) Jenny

Pasquale Jones's picture
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I can testify to the fact that it is possible to ignite your own gaseous emissions, and I have done so on numerous occassions.

I would strongly advise anyone attempting to perform this feat with to employ the same precautions as one might use while performing a chemistry lab experiment.

You should wear protective eyeware and gloves. By all means, at the very least, wear pants. Denim seems to work best, as the tightly stretched fabric allows enough of the gas to pass through to ignite, while maintaining sufficient back-pressure to get what I call the 'pilot light' effect (e.g. a sudden 'burst' of ignition and corresponding 'thud' at the tail-end of the event horizon - it's like a small explosion in your pants).

To do this properly, you need to have some serious gas - the more the better. Bend over at the waist so you can see where your asshole might be. Light a match, and bring it close to where your hole might be. Let 'er rip - FIRE IN THE HOLE! The resulting back-draft is often enough to extinguish the match (but not before your see a wall of blue flame crawl up the legs of your jeans).

Again - BE CAREFUL. But have fun. When he was 10, I could keep my younger brother laughing hysterically for hours with this stunt.

kenneth fulton jr's picture
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ho w much poop gets flushed down a toilet in an avrige day?YOU GYES SUCK ASS. YOU SUCKBUTTMONKEYS.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Hey, Kenneth. Find some other site to bash. And suck mine!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Eric of Hazleburg's picture
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I had this really messed up cousin. He goes by the name Luke of Hazleburg. This retard lights his farts all the time, and with his pants off too! I am 100% serious when I say this, this guy is fucked up. He tells me that it just burns the hair on your ass BUT ITS WORTH IT! I don't think that he is related to me actually cause the rest of my family is normal, not this guy, one time he took a shit in a coffee can. Who takes a shit in a coffee can? Then he did it 3 more times after that! Once he was doing work for this elderly lady and he took a shit in one of her flower pots and then threw it in the neighbors yard! Anyway, this mother fucker flares up his own farts, and enjoys every minute of it.

Luke of Hazleburg's picture
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Well Mr. Eric, don't knock it until you've tried it! Lighting farts is the best!! And don't wear pants you fucking pussies, learn to live a little for Christ's sake. That has to be the pansy-est thing I've ever heard ... Any way when you are going to do this AMAZING feat, just hold on to your sack and you'll be ok. Some of the hair on you ass burns off, but you dont want that hair anyway so it works out for the better.

Oh, and I must say ... This is THE COOLIST site I've ever looked at! I love it and I'm going to make it my home page from now on.

Doctor poo's picture
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I tried this once with my friends and it works!
i bent over in front of a fan (ass cheeks open) and sucked in air. My friends put the lighter right next to my hole, i pushed, and a flame shot out and burnt my friends hand along with my ass hair and a few pubes. WARNING: DONT PUT FLAME TOO CLOSE TO ASS.

doctor poo's picture
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MY ASSHOLE WAS PURE RED

PooperGal's picture
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Boys and Girls, you should ALWAYS practice Safe Fart Ignition (SFI). Here's how:

1. Fill bathtub or kiddie pool with water. Use a temperature that is comfortable to you and which will help you relax and fart more easily.

2. Settle down into the tub or pool for a leisurely soak. If in public, wear a swimsuit for modesty.

3. Fire up your sphincter with gaseous elements.

4. Light a match and hold it just above the water, positioned directly over your anus.

5. Let one rip.

6. As the fart bubble surfaces and pops, make sure the match is there to meet it. The gas will ignite and you'll get a nice flare.

7. Repeat as desired and able.

CAUTION: When lighting fart bubbles, keep your face and head away from the area over the lit match. Always sit with your head and shoulders back, and do not hunch over the ignition area.

If you follow instructions, you will be able to light farts to your heart's (and fart's) content without the danger of burning or singeing yourself.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!!! I'll have to try that one, PooperGal!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Duke Of Flatulence's picture
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Hello,my name is Benny,and I am a professional farter....I am exicted to read all of your explosive gas data,and proud to see so many young people intrested in the art of methane ignition.I remember the old days when farting wasent"cool",but it seems to be catching on like wild fire "no pun intended".Someday in the future we will have flying cars that are powered by our own methane combustion,and I also believe that this sort of power may be the key to humans reaching the speed of light with space craft. I am currently working on the blueprints for a fart powered spaceship for our good friends at NASA,once the plans are complete maby I will share them with you all...Thank you,and good day.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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poopergal it worked ahh ha ha ha ha ha...my boyfriend burnt his goatee off ahh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Matt's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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whenever i'm at home or my friend's house and we have a fart we always get out the lighter and ignite it... we laugh our heads off and sometimes even record it on tape ^_^

PooperGal's picture
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Dangit, TSV, I WARNED everyone to keep their head back when they ignite one!!! Tell your boyfriend I wasn't kidding. Nah, on second thought he already learned that the hard way.

Glad you had a "blast" with underwater fart bubbles... the safe and responsible way. :)

Rob Orist's picture
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I personally have lit many farts and consider myself an expert in the field. It is almost entirely safe. I have done it with pants on and off. Pubic hair, although it singes, is not highly flamable, but I've found that flame on bair ass is somewhat painful. It is best to do it wearing only underwear; this allows distance for the flame and protection for yourself. Lighting farts fully clothed creates more of a spread on the flame. However, I must advise caution because I once had a pair of tighties go up in flames doing this.

Marvello's picture
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My Dad told me growing up that a kid in our town lit a fart which backfired up his anus detonating his colon. He went to the hospital and was never the same again. I think he almost died.

getzy's picture
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My friend and his brother were talking about liting farts when when his brother had to fart we ran inside got a liter lit his ass and went up his anus. And he jumppped and cried and ran around the house a couple of times. After we settle him down and inspected his hole, IT WAS CRISPY CRITTER!!!!!!!!!

ben burk's picture
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me and friend were tring to do flaming eddies and it was my turn and i got readdy and i pushed to hard and shit myself