The Dangers Of Lighting Farts

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m 1+ points - Newb
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A couple of evenings ago, I was browsing through PoopReport when I came upon an
article which contained a reference to farts (not inconceivable by any means). My
curiosity stimulated, I ran a search on google, and discovered a site dedicated
to this topic.

Browsing through this site, it wasn't long before my visual receptors were
bombarded with these two words: "fart lighting".

I wanted to know more. My second google search for the evening led me to the
"Durham University Fart Lighting Society." Through careful
analysis of the information contained therein, I learned that the procedure for lighting farts
was as follows:


  1. Strike match
  2. Bend over
  3. Let 'er rrrrip

I rushed to the kitchen, located, cooked and ate some baked beans, along
with an apple and an orange. I also munched on some old bran cereal with soy
milk. I know this sounds like I was toying with my bowels -- but this was in the
interests of science, of a better world for all mankind.

I already needed to poop really bad, and I had been farting
consistently for the past half-hour anyway. When the foodstuffs kicked in, my
anus was roaring.

I went into the kitchen, pulled down my pants, struck a match
and let one rip. The fart was smallish, but the follow-through was phenomenal. It
was as if my anus was a dam wall, and a rushing brown torrent had burst through.
This extinguished the flame, and splattered onto my pants and the floor. I reckon
there was a half-liter of poop in there.

Turns out the poop saved my
life -- or at least my ability to have children. A closer examination of the
website after I had cleaned up revealed that one must never light farts when not
wearing pants. Otherwise, your pubic hair can be set on fire, causing
considerable
damage to a rather sensitive area.

Although my fart lighting days are over before they even started, I would
really like to hear from anyone who has:


  1. Tried lighting farts, and succeeded
  2. Tried lighting farts, and had a similar experience to mine, or other
  3. Has any pointers on this extreme sport.

-- by fecaltreacle

176 Comments on "The Dangers Of Lighting Farts"

Anonymous's picture

Pull down your pants, but leave your undies on before sparking your farts; they'll let most of the gas through, but will also act as a protective barrier to prevent the flame from singeing your butthole.

Anonymous's picture

I am a certified master pyrofartologist. I speak from great experience:

When lighting farts, ALWAYS wear some underwear or pants, but for best effect not both. They act as a backflow preventer and keep the flame front from propagating back up your colon which is not pleasant at all. A pair of good old fashioned tighty whities work very well. You don't want to use something with too tight a weave that will block the gas flow, or too loose of a weave which will not stop the backwave.

Anonymous's picture

I was sitting in the living room when my friends boyfriend lit a fart and tried telling me you could "self combust." I know I'm not the smartest person in the world but I'm not dumb enough to believe some stupid shit like that!

Anonymous's picture

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Anonymous Coward's picture

When I was a counselor at summer camp, in NJ in 1969, we not only lit farts, we rated the resulting flames by a specific grading system. The smallest was called a Goner Fiss-Fass. An intermediate size was called a Karubi-Tai. And a huge one was called a Magnatory Gumbo. We did usually wear jeans, which offered good protection. The few attempts with underpants only quickly led to an awareness of the dangers, though there were no serious injuries.

Another Wanker's picture

Warning: Fart Lighting Tale Of Caution

Had a friend during my teen years who use to light his farts all the time..... lighting them makes then stink less actually. He farted constantly - as his crazy hippy mom fed him micro-biotic foods all the time and as soon as he got old enough he camped out at McDonalds and Denny's. Coffee and meat both made him fart like crazy. I seen him shoot out a 7" blue flame that was huge. He did this for 7 years of his life... all during high school and was famous for the party trick.

BUT (or should i say BUTT)

This story does not have a happy ending after he went to college. It was rush week and he wanting into a popular frat he pledged... and he thought would be endearing to blow the biggest fart ever for his new potential frat brothers - he ate everything he could think of till he bowels were ripping and showed up at the meet and greet party.... and climbed on a table and screamed "Watch This" as a friend turned off the lights and indeed ripped and lit what he himself said was one of the biggest farts he ever let.

BUT.... he was wearing a fuzzy sports jump suit made on nylon and it caught fire and was melt to his skin... the flames were jumping all over it.... in a panic he dove into the punch bowl ass first and rolled off the table onto the floor to make sure he was totally extenguished. He still suffered some 3rd degree burns where the nylon stuck to his ass.... plus he was considered then a total retard and in shame left the college and went to college outside the US where no one would ever hear of what had happened to him.

This is a true story so take a lesson and do not wear fuzzy things and nylon when trying to light your farts.... as he said... is best done with jeans and underwear on as shields you from the heat.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear pooppants, Let me get this straight, we are all idiots but you are the one that snorts cocaine and shits his pants!


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

pooppants's picture

you are all idiots. i am very experienced in this field. i have lit more farts than most. after doing a bunch of cocaine and drinking beer i tried a little too hard to push out a fart and shit my pants in front of an audience. im still lighting farts today and havent shit myself since.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

yoyoyo ... Hot girls lighting farts is okay but what I want to see is someone lighting the fart of a 500 pound silverback gorilla.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

yoyoyo's picture

There are tons of fart lighting videos on youtube.some better than others. the best in my opinion is the hot girl who lights her fart.. and her reaction

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

oh good, another genius.


_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

EXTREMEBTF's picture

Butt to face!!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

well if you go to youtube and type mythbusters ligthing farts

Anonymous Coward's picture

ChiefThunderbutt

I just know that something is wrong my cock. Maybe some nervs got burnt in the anus :D what do I know :S

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

So yeass......You think you set your dick on fire but you just aren't sure? Even at 68 I still have enough feeling in my weenie to know when it is being damaged.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

yeass's picture

Anyone who knows if fire farts are dangerous?
I have done it a couple of times, but last I used a light with a very long/big flame and then I farted. I was drunk when I did it, but I could feel that something wasnt right in there. I have less sensation in my weenie. Its hard to feel if I need to pee and I have less sensation in the weenie, orgasm feels like 50 % less than usual.
It doesnt hurt in my anus, but do you guys think that I need to seek up a doctor?:S

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I certainly hope you never fart on an elevator AC. I'd hate to have it arrive at my floor and have to drag your immolated body out before I get on.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Everytime I fart I light it. It is very possible, the trick is to know where it's coming from. I see people trying to light there farts with the lighter six inches from thier balls, when the trick is to have the flame on inch from your sphincter. Don't be afraid, don't wear anything flammable or that has any fibers that might melt. The world is your oyster. Have fun!

Victor M's picture

I wish we could see more vids of women lighting their farts!

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

The Durham University Fart Lighting Society?! WOW they've taken things to a higher level now haven't they? Sheesh! LOL!
_______
AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

I've lit a fart--a few times in fact--long before IBS made me scared to push one out good and hard. Definitely agree you should do this only while wearing pants or long shorts, unless you are masochistic and really want to feel the burn (just be prepared for the consequences!).

With pants on, you need a pretty powerful blast to catch it on fire--those stinky little sneakers just won't cut it--so brew up whatever concoction gives you the biggest blasters... you know, the ones that you can feel coming a mile away. It also helps to hold a few in at first so they build up a mighty force.

My position was on my back (sorta half sitting up, half lying back against pillows on a couch) with legs up and apart, knees near my ears, lighting from down around and behind. The fire ball was pretty impressive, if I do say so myself, a nice round poof of fire that filled the entire space between my legs. It was also a VERY HOT blast even through clothing, hence the warning above. ;)


****************
Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of.

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

There is more conversation about fart lighting on this thread, in case anyone's interested.

fart thread

It would seem that many people are still sceptical that this feat can be done. It is in fact very easy. However I must stress the point that doing so bare-arsed takes practice and skill as it is dangerous, particularly if you are in contact with flammable material, or have a lot of lower body hair.

Combusted fart is actually a unique aroma with a most unusually pleasant flavour to it, not unlike the cordite smell after a gun discharges, except much more delicate and organic. When you add the aroma of burnt hair, it pollutes and overpowers the burnt fart and simply smells disgusting.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Lighting farts has caused global warming...this is an inconvenient truth for some of you.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Thanks PD.

I think I'll stick with my day job though.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Not bad.

Ladies and gents, "The Postal Poet" in the house.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Here's my first attempt at a poem for this site:

I've never once tried lighting a fart
I'm almost sure that it would smart

Putting a flame down by your ass
Wouldn't do it when there's gas to pass

Upon my head I'm losing my hair
Think I'll keep the hair I've got down there

Lighting farts just seems pretty crass
Do it wrong, you'll wind up with the red ass.

Anonymous Female Coward's picture

My farts always smell really bad, but they never light... what's up with that?

Anal Avenger's picture

After taking a dump, close the toilet seat lid and let it stew for an hour. Then strike a match, open lid, throw in and run like the clappers!

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I tried to light my farts after seeing Jim Carrey do it in Dumb and Dumber. My friend and I thought it would be real funny. I put my legs behind my head and tried to light my own fart with a lighter and ended up catching the ass of my pants on fire. I slapped it out quickly and we almost pissed ourselves laughing about it.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I never got my fart lighting merit badge while in boy scouts and I blame it on my scout master who insisted I light them with my flint and knife.

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

There are fart lighting videos all over youtube. I also spent nights at summer camp lighting farts with my fellow boyscouts.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I am gassy enough that during the last power outage the local airport
mounted me on a pole, lit my asshole and used me for a navigational aid. Welcome to Nashville..

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

You forgot item 7, marshmallows for toasting.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


Hell yeah! its easy ( not that impressive though,) ingredients as follows;
1. approx 6 pints of strong beer
2. one Lamb Tikka Masala with Pelaw rice and peshwari Nan, 8 popadums, lime pickle and raita.
3. Ben Hur on dvd
4. a blow torch.
5. TP
6. a close friend

Whilst making your way through item two, vast quanities of item one will be required to cool things down a bit. Persevere, untill all is consumed. Engage item 3, keeping some of item 5 to hand, 'just in case'. Upon item 3 coming to and end, fire up item 4, and leave it in the hands of item 6. Now turn off the lights.

after dropping trousers, fallling to your knees and aiming the starfish skywards, it shouldnt be too long before the rumblings of the fermenting items 1 and 2 start to break forth.
At this point, item 6 should approach gingerly with item 4, and get close enogh just to singe a hair or two, butt no closer.

Then wait...........

'POOOFFFFF!!'

a lick of blue flame removes the eyebrows of item 6, and in the blinking of an eye is gone. The next few bursts may well be followed by liquisplats, so make item 6 aware of item 5, you'll do fine.

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Is it just me or does anybody else take pride in having to flush twice to get a beast down the drain?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

That's a wonderful idea. Does it actually work?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Coward's picture

This is a safe and dramatic way to light farts. Have the farter sit in a bathtub of warm water containing some bubble bath. Lower the bathroom illumination. After the farter farts the farts will appear as bubbles of different sizes. Ignite the the bubbles with a pistol-type butane lighter. As each bubble is touched with the flame it bursts into a flame with a little pop.

Wilma Proops's picture

Did anyone see the lap dance with its fart finale on the BBC's Doctors? It was written by Claire Bennett. Bennett will be directing a play called Red Hat No Drawers in April 2008 at The Old Joint Stock in Birmingham England. I mention it because the play features a farting ghost - don't worry they don't smell.

ryanallen's picture

I've lit my farts before, I made a 8 minute video of just that. It's totally possible.

Go on Youtube and search Light Fart or some variation of those words.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

I saw someone in college singe their ass hairs from lighting farts with their britches down. Damn be careful peeps please!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

certified fart tech's picture

Dried beans soaked and cooked in the same water, onions and stout are the ideal ingredients for Mr. Fusion. I have found that a match or a lighter is insufficient. If the fart rips hard enough itll blow out the flame. I have used a bernzOmatic blow torch like the one you get in home depot for interesting pyros. If you feel a big one coming on, just grab the torch and aim horizontal to intercept the exit path.

she-who-farts-louder's picture

this is one of the best sites I've been on. Before I met my husband 13 years ago, my friends and I would get stoned and let 'em rip and light them. It was so flippin hilarious. My husband doesn't find it funny because I want to teach it to my children (19, 17, 13, & 11). I think I'll show them when he's not around!!

dorvon smaldone's picture

lighting farts is the best. just wear a thick pair of jeans and whoosh! your crack is alight with blue flame. have your camera ready. chicks love it.

Markieman234's picture

I've successfully lit a fart without any bother at all, what a spectaular sight. Funnily enough it kills off the vile stench as well ;D

IncontinentiaB's picture

Farting is a scientific process. First, you need undigested, complex carbohydrates, like slightly under-soaked/under-cooked pinto beans. Second, you need an anaerobic, acid tolerant bacteria, like the kind found in slightly spoiled oranges. Don't eat moldy ones, just ones that have a slight "off" flavor. Then, at the same time, eat a bunch of beans - undercooked, homemade beans will be explosive in about six hours. I just discovered lighting farts yesterday, and it is fabulous fun! There are two great reasons to burn your farts. One, it destroys the farty smell, which is great for married couples. Second, it is trully "natural gas" heating in the wintertime. Keep your shorts on, otherwise there is a very hot sensation, you know where. Mine make a slight pop sound as they ignite, accompanied by a yellow to blue flame. Lighting farts is the only thing that separates us from the apes. Oh wait a minute, I bet chimps would love to do it too.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

Hey Kenneth, before bashing this site, go back to school and learn to spell the words average and guys. Stuck butt monkeys consists of three words, not one, Sheesh.

I have heard of fart lighting, but never tried it. I'll have to check out "Royal Order of the Blue Flame".

If somebody lights a realy stinky one or poops in the process, it could be called "Royal Odor of the Brown Shame".
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Bowl Clogger Blogger's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I learned to light farts as a freshman in college, long ago. After about a fifteen year layoff, I one night had explosive gas and, for some reason, I thought I should give it a go again. A couple friends were over, both guys in their 30's, and I was amazed to find that neither had ever seen it done. I got a book of matches, we turned off the lights in the room, and my first blast lit beautifully. It was one of those cloudlike flames, with lovely blues and oranges. I'm not sure if that was the one that singed off the hair on my hand, but I knew from past experience that that was to be expected with those kinds of farts. There's little chance of burning your ass if you keep your pants on, of course, and if you don't have a hairy ass there's a low risk of catching it on fire with your pants down. My father, who's a doctor, told me that when he was an intern he saw several second and third degree burns of the ass and nuts from fart lighting. I think it's a myth that you can have a backdraft flame that goes up your rectum, but if your but lips are still a little loose from a recent massive turd I suppose anything is possible.
One thing I should point out is that some fart gas burns with a sort of sweet aroma that I find unpleasant.
Also, if you're ever lucky enough to get one of those squeaking "air out of a balloon" type farts, they frequently make impressive flames that shoot sort of like one of those barbecue lighters. I've seen flame jets almost a foot in length, and trust me when I say they're most popular...almost like a fireworks display, since they sometimes have a little flame ball out at the far end.
As for positions, you have the most control lying on your back with your knees drawn up toward your chest. Your audience will truly appreciate how this helps present the orifice in an optimum direction for projecting the flame outward and upward. Also, you can usually crane your neck so you can align the match or lighter with the kulo to catch the first burst of methane.
Best of luck in this. Oh, and don't forget that even women seem to get a big kick out of a burnt offering like this. For some reason they don't stigmatize it the way they do, say, when you beg them to pull your finger. You know the look, I'm sure, which is typically followed by a comment like, "You're disgusting." My ex-wife found great amusement in a demonstration I gave her one evening, but she never allowed me to light any of hers. Perhaps it wouldn't have helped, but I can't stop myself from wondering if we wouldn't have stayed together longer had we shared that kind of bond. Alas, I'll probably never know.....

_______
My butt isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have tried many times to light my fart, but only thrice did it work. Have any tips?

Northy's picture
l 100+ points

Me and a few mates started doing it with lighters at a party while drunk. It's amazing how childish lads can be, this gave us HOURS of entertainment. Also one of my sisters friends went to University where she saw a competition. Lads stood in a line with their pants down. TP stuck up their arses and runs down to the floor. They all have one pint which they must drink once the TP has been lit. Only when they have finished the pint can the TP be removed from their arseholes. Sounds like fun for anyone willing to try

fart-lighter anon.'s picture

i have successfully combusted many flattus. the key is getting the flattus to fly upwards at 45 degree angle... thay has proved most effective.. dont forget underwear.. and as far as producing flattus.. nothing beats White Castle hamburgers(sliders)

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