The Dangers Of Lighting Farts

// // 176 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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A couple of evenings ago, I was browsing through PoopReport when I came upon an
article which contained a reference to farts (not inconceivable by any means). My
curiosity stimulated, I ran a search on google, and discovered a site dedicated
to this topic.

Browsing through this site, it wasn't long before my visual receptors were
bombarded with these two words: "fart lighting".

I wanted to know more. My second google search for the evening led me to the
"Durham University Fart Lighting Society." Through careful
analysis of the information contained therein, I learned that the procedure for lighting farts
was as follows:


  1. Strike match
  2. Bend over
  3. Let 'er rrrrip

I rushed to the kitchen, located, cooked and ate some baked beans, along
with an apple and an orange. I also munched on some old bran cereal with soy
milk. I know this sounds like I was toying with my bowels -- but this was in the
interests of science, of a better world for all mankind.

I already needed to poop really bad, and I had been farting
consistently for the past half-hour anyway. When the foodstuffs kicked in, my
anus was roaring.

I went into the kitchen, pulled down my pants, struck a match
and let one rip. The fart was smallish, but the follow-through was phenomenal. It
was as if my anus was a dam wall, and a rushing brown torrent had burst through.
This extinguished the flame, and splattered onto my pants and the floor. I reckon
there was a half-liter of poop in there.

Turns out the poop saved my
life -- or at least my ability to have children. A closer examination of the
website after I had cleaned up revealed that one must never light farts when not
wearing pants. Otherwise, your pubic hair can be set on fire, causing
considerable
damage to a rather sensitive area.

Although my fart lighting days are over before they even started, I would
really like to hear from anyone who has:


  1. Tried lighting farts, and succeeded
  2. Tried lighting farts, and had a similar experience to mine, or other
  3. Has any pointers on this extreme sport.

-- by fecaltreacle

176 Comments on "The Dangers Of Lighting Farts"

barth drooks's picture

lighting farts was a favorite pastime back in middle school... chicks dug it

nameless's picture

my friend is always gassy. we were goofing around 1 nite with fireworks, and he yanked his pants halfway down, flicked the lighter and let it rip. it was beautiful!purple streamers of fire spiraling from his ass!i bout peed my panties laughing!i didnt think that would really work, but it does!

Ali's picture

I can only see two women who admit to lighting their farts, Gal in Cal and Fanny and they seem to be both from the US. What is the attitude of women in the UK and elsewhere to this practice.

As I see it, women in the UK are extremely reluctant to fart in public -- period.

Rory's picture

a lit a fart and the pubic hairs on my dick lit on fire. Have your fun and light your farts. maybe you'll be luckier than me...or you might just light your house and your du\ick on fire.

Antony Elsdon's picture

H-yuck! You inspected your bro's asshole???? Eww... I lick my mommy's :P

Sir Turdo's picture

If you wish to light up an almighty bomb of ass-gas why not try collecting the bubbles from a number of aquatic emissions?
Simply find a jar or wide necked bottle that has a sealing lid, fill it with water then invert over the anal region and begin pumping. The bubbles will displace the water and if you keep the container upside down with its neck beneath the water-line then you can seal it up with the lid, all ready for next time. Once you have discharged enough gas to fill, or nearly fill the container(this may take a while), you can take a match, preferably on the end of a long pole and WHHUUMMMPPHH!
This technique will release the power of possibly several dozen farts so be aware of the potential for harm. Happy Harvesting.

ben burk's picture

me and friend were tring to do flaming eddies and it was my turn and i got readdy and i pushed to hard and shit myself

getzy's picture

My friend and his brother were talking about liting farts when when his brother had to fart we ran inside got a liter lit his ass and went up his anus. And he jumppped and cried and ran around the house a couple of times. After we settle him down and inspected his hole, IT WAS CRISPY CRITTER!!!!!!!!!

Marvello's picture

My Dad told me growing up that a kid in our town lit a fart which backfired up his anus detonating his colon. He went to the hospital and was never the same again. I think he almost died.

Rob Orist's picture

I personally have lit many farts and consider myself an expert in the field. It is almost entirely safe. I have done it with pants on and off. Pubic hair, although it singes, is not highly flamable, but I've found that flame on bair ass is somewhat painful. It is best to do it wearing only underwear; this allows distance for the flame and protection for yourself. Lighting farts fully clothed creates more of a spread on the flame. However, I must advise caution because I once had a pair of tighties go up in flames doing this.

PooperGal's picture

Dangit, TSV, I WARNED everyone to keep their head back when they ignite one!!! Tell your boyfriend I wasn't kidding. Nah, on second thought he already learned that the hard way.

Glad you had a "blast" with underwater fart bubbles... the safe and responsible way. :)

Matt's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

whenever i'm at home or my friend's house and we have a fart we always get out the lighter and ignite it... we laugh our heads off and sometimes even record it on tape ^_^

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

poopergal it worked ahh ha ha ha ha ha...my boyfriend burnt his goatee off ahh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Duke Of Flatulence's picture

Hello,my name is Benny,and I am a professional farter....I am exicted to read all of your explosive gas data,and proud to see so many young people intrested in the art of methane ignition.I remember the old days when farting wasent"cool",but it seems to be catching on like wild fire "no pun intended".Someday in the future we will have flying cars that are powered by our own methane combustion,and I also believe that this sort of power may be the key to humans reaching the speed of light with space craft. I am currently working on the blueprints for a fart powered spaceship for our good friends at NASA,once the plans are complete maby I will share them with you all...Thank you,and good day.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!!! I'll have to try that one, PooperGal!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

PooperGal's picture

Boys and Girls, you should ALWAYS practice Safe Fart Ignition (SFI). Here's how:

1. Fill bathtub or kiddie pool with water. Use a temperature that is comfortable to you and which will help you relax and fart more easily.

2. Settle down into the tub or pool for a leisurely soak. If in public, wear a swimsuit for modesty.

3. Fire up your sphincter with gaseous elements.

4. Light a match and hold it just above the water, positioned directly over your anus.

5. Let one rip.

6. As the fart bubble surfaces and pops, make sure the match is there to meet it. The gas will ignite and you'll get a nice flare.

7. Repeat as desired and able.

CAUTION: When lighting fart bubbles, keep your face and head away from the area over the lit match. Always sit with your head and shoulders back, and do not hunch over the ignition area.

If you follow instructions, you will be able to light farts to your heart's (and fart's) content without the danger of burning or singeing yourself.

doctor poo's picture

MY ASSHOLE WAS PURE RED

Doctor poo's picture

I tried this once with my friends and it works!
i bent over in front of a fan (ass cheeks open) and sucked in air. My friends put the lighter right next to my hole, i pushed, and a flame shot out and burnt my friends hand along with my ass hair and a few pubes. WARNING: DONT PUT FLAME TOO CLOSE TO ASS.

Luke of Hazleburg's picture

Well Mr. Eric, don't knock it until you've tried it! Lighting farts is the best!! And don't wear pants you fucking pussies, learn to live a little for Christ's sake. That has to be the pansy-est thing I've ever heard ... Any way when you are going to do this AMAZING feat, just hold on to your sack and you'll be ok. Some of the hair on you ass burns off, but you dont want that hair anyway so it works out for the better.

Oh, and I must say ... This is THE COOLIST site I've ever looked at! I love it and I'm going to make it my home page from now on.

Eric of Hazleburg's picture

I had this really messed up cousin. He goes by the name Luke of Hazleburg. This retard lights his farts all the time, and with his pants off too! I am 100% serious when I say this, this guy is fucked up. He tells me that it just burns the hair on your ass BUT ITS WORTH IT! I don't think that he is related to me actually cause the rest of my family is normal, not this guy, one time he took a shit in a coffee can. Who takes a shit in a coffee can? Then he did it 3 more times after that! Once he was doing work for this elderly lady and he took a shit in one of her flower pots and then threw it in the neighbors yard! Anyway, this mother fucker flares up his own farts, and enjoys every minute of it.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Hey, Kenneth. Find some other site to bash. And suck mine!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

kenneth fulton jr's picture

ho w much poop gets flushed down a toilet in an avrige day?YOU GYES SUCK ASS. YOU SUCKBUTTMONKEYS.

Pasquale Jones's picture

I can testify to the fact that it is possible to ignite your own gaseous emissions, and I have done so on numerous occassions.

I would strongly advise anyone attempting to perform this feat with to employ the same precautions as one might use while performing a chemistry lab experiment.

You should wear protective eyeware and gloves. By all means, at the very least, wear pants. Denim seems to work best, as the tightly stretched fabric allows enough of the gas to pass through to ignite, while maintaining sufficient back-pressure to get what I call the 'pilot light' effect (e.g. a sudden 'burst' of ignition and corresponding 'thud' at the tail-end of the event horizon - it's like a small explosion in your pants).

To do this properly, you need to have some serious gas - the more the better. Bend over at the waist so you can see where your asshole might be. Light a match, and bring it close to where your hole might be. Let 'er rip - FIRE IN THE HOLE! The resulting back-draft is often enough to extinguish the match (but not before your see a wall of blue flame crawl up the legs of your jeans).

Again - BE CAREFUL. But have fun. When he was 10, I could keep my younger brother laughing hysterically for hours with this stunt.

Jenny's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

what the fuck is this you guys are fucking weird and need help POOP REPORT....bah wtf
:) Jenny

Orange Peel's picture

Lighting farts is one of the worlds fastest growing sports, with professional and amatuer organisations alike. The club records at my particular establishment are as follows:

Endurance class - 6 consecutive lit farts (each lit fart passing IFLB regulations for size)

Time Trail Class - 3.2 seconds (approx.) for one single lit fart (not my own doing but I'm telling you, this was one monumental effort).

Gal In Cal's picture

Read the comments and have been laughing myself silly. My sister and I tried it one time: she let one rip, I used a Zippo to light it and a long blue flame came out of her butt. We about killed ourselves laughing. So for all the guys out there- yes, there's women that light farts.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

My dad's roommate lit his wicker chair on fire doing that.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

fartman's picture

i cought my house on fire call 911

Amfunny's picture

My ex once said that you could not light a fart. I told him I would prove it to him and told him to let me know the next time he had to fart. Soon after he tells me he is going to fart. "Quick," I said, "drop your pants and bend over!" With this I struck a match and held it a couple of inches from his ass crack. He farted... then let out a scream. I saw the most beautiful blue orange flame I had ever seen. It shot out in BOTH directions... apparently going TOWARD his ass as well as away from it. It singed the hair on his ass and balls. Was so funny. Just goes to show... woman is much smarter than man.

I crap alot's picture

got two word for fart lighting, KAAAAAAA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

mugu man's picture

pls keep off from here lagos isolo.

Fart Incarnate's picture

just fart in your boyfriends face while he is sleeping, wake him up with a fresh fart

pantsaroundmyankles's picture

I heard about a guy who tried to light his own farts, but the flaming gas got sucked back into his anus and burned it crisp. THAT'S gotta hurt. Be careful when lighting your methane (or others').

And fanny, I've never heard of lighting queefs before. Seems to me they wouldn't be big enough to cause a good flame. Then again...

doctor's picture

PLEASE DONT BURN OR TRY TO LIGHT YOUR GAS (FARTS) IT CAN GO DANGEROUSLY WRONG!!!! THE FIRE WILL COME BACK INTO YOU!!!!!!!!

shmoozerboozergirl's picture

my relationship is odd cuz i want to fart so bad in front of my boyfriend, but he even thinks wheni burp too much i shouldn't because "it's not necessary" and it's pissing me off, but my farts really stink too from the booze and stuff i eat. what should I do?

How do I get him to stop being so anal?

slim jim junkie's picture

Ever heard of Darwin Awards? They are given to people who advance Human evolution by taking their stupid ass out of the gene pool. A bad mistake lighting a fart would count.

FART JAR's picture

for a good prank to brighten up your significant others day.

1- get a jar with a lid

2- fart in it everytime you got gas

3- close the lid real fast so you don't lose the rancid smell

4- stick it somewhere for them to open

5- laugh so hard you cry

there is nothing in the world so funny

(sic)

evamagick's picture

I was hanging out with a few friends once in their apartment. Their electricity had just been shut off, so I decided to light the room. Understand, these people don't believe that girls fart...but I showed them!

Karkus's picture

I lit one of my farts, it singed my ass hairs... funny, but it smelled like fart+burnt hair

Jimmy Dean's picture

my dad taught me how to light farts... all that he does is sit on the couch, pulls legs up (making sure that his pants r tight againts the anus region), then he holds the ligher there, and toots... its simple... make sure u dont light ur cat on fire tho, parents might get angry...

Ryan Ewing's picture

Well, here I am minding my own business at work, when suddenly I gotta take this great big dump. So I make a run for the shitter, but wouldn't ya know it...someone is already in there. I decide to wait him out. After about 5 minutes I had a huge turtle head pokin outta my ass, so I decide to just excrete my waste in the girls washroom, but that is where I see my finace pukin her guts out from the mornings SpermShake. So now i'm in a real pickle, (not just the one stickin out of my ass), So I decide, Fuck It!! This shit has got to go...I never felt that much relief in my entire life, ofcourse my pants now weighed and extra 15-20 lbs, but it was all worth it. The problem I had now was how to go out and face my fellow employees, without them noticing??!!?? I hoped that my daily natural stink would deter them from noticing my wet, hot ass, but even that overpowered them, and from then on I was known as...SHITTY McBAD BATCH....TUM TUM TUM TA TA

turdinator's picture

I have lit farts, i have seen farts lit. it's kind of like when you turn your celophane from your cigarette pack into a rocket, only worse, and yes it can singe your pubes

tyuihhggggdgvhgghgg's picture

you guy are sick monkys and I love it

hersheysquirts's picture

I cant believe it! I just read all this methane lighting news and low and behold a rumblin in my tummy was just what I was looking for. I grabbed my modified butane lighter and off to the bathroom I went. first to pull my sweat pants down to my ankles and then off with the Jockeys. I bent over so my ass was facing the mirror and i watched thru my legs. strike up the lighter and then Riiiiipppppp I think my ring dialated to at least the diameter of a quarter (-O-) then I saw it. The "blue flamer" it rose about 4 inches above my ass where it ignited with a vooooof. I really was impressed until I saw my yam-sac hairs curling up smoking closer and closer to my delicate skin ! OMG what a nasty feeling having your nutz burned lighting your own noise maker! I guess the next time I eat a whole can of Bush baked beans and wash it down with Rolling Rock beer I have to leave the sweat pants on so that the footlong dosen't get burnt. Next time I am going to video tape it in the dark.......till then go shit yourself silly people! do you smell something burning?

Shithead's picture

I had a friend of mine successfully light a fart a few years back. Except he was wearing these flannel-type pants that unfortunately caught fire as the ass-blast ignited. He kinda panicked, ass aflame.. so I threw my drink on the small bonfire, saving the day.

I am going to shit the couch now.

Andora's picture

Lighting farts was fun in my younger days - and I never had a follow through problem. One must be circumspect about what one contains in ones bowels before trying exepriements.

James McPoop's picture

http://www.tubgirl.com

Gassious's picture

I've successfully lighted dozens of farts since I was about 25. Not sure why I never tried before that. It is very entertaining and so far I haven't injured myself or anyone else while doing it. I guess if I did catch fire I'd just piss on myself and all would be well. KWIM?

sara teflon's picture

Look, I used to be friends with this scat/punk rock guy named "stripe" and I personally have witnessed HIM light his farts. I also downloaded an mpeg a couple years ago of somebody doin it. I fully beieve this is a real phenomena. Dare to challenge me! Grrr.

grandma_fish's picture

Actually, in all actuality, I have found that lighting farts is a good way to clean out your bunghole of all those unwanted hairs. The hairs in your butt only cause dingleberry's and it makes it hard to wipe your booty after shitting, so lighting your farts will burn those hairs away. It's like a free bikini wax or something.

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