The Dangers Of Lighting Farts

// // 176 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

A couple of evenings ago, I was browsing through PoopReport when I came upon an
article which contained a reference to farts (not inconceivable by any means). My
curiosity stimulated, I ran a search on google, and discovered a site dedicated
to this topic.

Browsing through this site, it wasn't long before my visual receptors were
bombarded with these two words: "fart lighting".

I wanted to know more. My second google search for the evening led me to the
"Durham University Fart Lighting Society." Through careful
analysis of the information contained therein, I learned that the procedure for lighting farts
was as follows:


  1. Strike match
  2. Bend over
  3. Let 'er rrrrip

I rushed to the kitchen, located, cooked and ate some baked beans, along
with an apple and an orange. I also munched on some old bran cereal with soy
milk. I know this sounds like I was toying with my bowels -- but this was in the
interests of science, of a better world for all mankind.

I already needed to poop really bad, and I had been farting
consistently for the past half-hour anyway. When the foodstuffs kicked in, my
anus was roaring.

I went into the kitchen, pulled down my pants, struck a match
and let one rip. The fart was smallish, but the follow-through was phenomenal. It
was as if my anus was a dam wall, and a rushing brown torrent had burst through.
This extinguished the flame, and splattered onto my pants and the floor. I reckon
there was a half-liter of poop in there.

Turns out the poop saved my
life -- or at least my ability to have children. A closer examination of the
website after I had cleaned up revealed that one must never light farts when not
wearing pants. Otherwise, your pubic hair can be set on fire, causing
considerable
damage to a rather sensitive area.

Although my fart lighting days are over before they even started, I would
really like to hear from anyone who has:


  1. Tried lighting farts, and succeeded
  2. Tried lighting farts, and had a similar experience to mine, or other
  3. Has any pointers on this extreme sport.

-- by fecaltreacle

176 Comments on "The Dangers Of Lighting Farts"

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
0
0

That's a wonderful idea. Does it actually work?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

Is it just me or does anybody else take pride in having to flush twice to get a beast down the drain?

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
0
0


Hell yeah! its easy ( not that impressive though,) ingredients as follows;
1. approx 6 pints of strong beer
2. one Lamb Tikka Masala with Pelaw rice and peshwari Nan, 8 popadums, lime pickle and raita.
3. Ben Hur on dvd
4. a blow torch.
5. TP
6. a close friend

Whilst making your way through item two, vast quanities of item one will be required to cool things down a bit. Persevere, untill all is consumed. Engage item 3, keeping some of item 5 to hand, 'just in case'. Upon item 3 coming to and end, fire up item 4, and leave it in the hands of item 6. Now turn off the lights.

after dropping trousers, fallling to your knees and aiming the starfish skywards, it shouldnt be too long before the rumblings of the fermenting items 1 and 2 start to break forth.
At this point, item 6 should approach gingerly with item 4, and get close enogh just to singe a hair or two, butt no closer.

Then wait...........

'POOOFFFFF!!'

a lick of blue flame removes the eyebrows of item 6, and in the blinking of an eye is gone. The next few bursts may well be followed by liquisplats, so make item 6 aware of item 5, you'll do fine.

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
0

You forgot item 7, marshmallows for toasting.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

I am gassy enough that during the last power outage the local airport
mounted me on a pole, lit my asshole and used me for a navigational aid. Welcome to Nashville..

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
0
0

There are fart lighting videos all over youtube. I also spent nights at summer camp lighting farts with my fellow boyscouts.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
0

I never got my fart lighting merit badge while in boy scouts and I blame it on my scout master who insisted I light them with my flint and knife.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
0
0

I tried to light my farts after seeing Jim Carrey do it in Dumb and Dumber. My friend and I thought it would be real funny. I put my legs behind my head and tried to light my own fart with a lighter and ended up catching the ass of my pants on fire. I slapped it out quickly and we almost pissed ourselves laughing about it.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Anal Avenger's picture
0
0

After taking a dump, close the toilet seat lid and let it stew for an hour. Then strike a match, open lid, throw in and run like the clappers!

Anonymous Female Coward's picture
0
0

My farts always smell really bad, but they never light... what's up with that?

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Here's my first attempt at a poem for this site:

I've never once tried lighting a fart
I'm almost sure that it would smart

Putting a flame down by your ass
Wouldn't do it when there's gas to pass

Upon my head I'm losing my hair
Think I'll keep the hair I've got down there

Lighting farts just seems pretty crass
Do it wrong, you'll wind up with the red ass.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
0

Not bad.

Ladies and gents, "The Postal Poet" in the house.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Thanks PD.

I think I'll stick with my day job though.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

Lighting farts has caused global warming...this is an inconvenient truth for some of you.

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

There is more conversation about fart lighting on this thread, in case anyone's interested.

fart thread

It would seem that many people are still sceptical that this feat can be done. It is in fact very easy. However I must stress the point that doing so bare-arsed takes practice and skill as it is dangerous, particularly if you are in contact with flammable material, or have a lot of lower body hair.

Combusted fart is actually a unique aroma with a most unusually pleasant flavour to it, not unlike the cordite smell after a gun discharges, except much more delicate and organic. When you add the aroma of burnt hair, it pollutes and overpowers the burnt fart and simply smells disgusting.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

I've lit a fart--a few times in fact--long before IBS made me scared to push one out good and hard. Definitely agree you should do this only while wearing pants or long shorts, unless you are masochistic and really want to feel the burn (just be prepared for the consequences!).

With pants on, you need a pretty powerful blast to catch it on fire--those stinky little sneakers just won't cut it--so brew up whatever concoction gives you the biggest blasters... you know, the ones that you can feel coming a mile away. It also helps to hold a few in at first so they build up a mighty force.

My position was on my back (sorta half sitting up, half lying back against pillows on a couch) with legs up and apart, knees near my ears, lighting from down around and behind. The fire ball was pretty impressive, if I do say so myself, a nice round poof of fire that filled the entire space between my legs. It was also a VERY HOT blast even through clothing, hence the warning above. ;)


****************
Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of.

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

The Durham University Fart Lighting Society?! WOW they've taken things to a higher level now haven't they? Sheesh! LOL!
_______
AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Victor M's picture
0
0

I wish we could see more vids of women lighting their farts!

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

Everytime I fart I light it. It is very possible, the trick is to know where it's coming from. I see people trying to light there farts with the lighter six inches from thier balls, when the trick is to have the flame on inch from your sphincter. Don't be afraid, don't wear anything flammable or that has any fibers that might melt. The world is your oyster. Have fun!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
0

I certainly hope you never fart on an elevator AC. I'd hate to have it arrive at my floor and have to drag your immolated body out before I get on.

yeass's picture
0
0

Anyone who knows if fire farts are dangerous?
I have done it a couple of times, but last I used a light with a very long/big flame and then I farted. I was drunk when I did it, but I could feel that something wasnt right in there. I have less sensation in my weenie. Its hard to feel if I need to pee and I have less sensation in the weenie, orgasm feels like 50 % less than usual.
It doesnt hurt in my anus, but do you guys think that I need to seek up a doctor?:S

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

So yeass......You think you set your dick on fire but you just aren't sure? Even at 68 I still have enough feeling in my weenie to know when it is being damaged.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

ChiefThunderbutt

I just know that something is wrong my cock. Maybe some nervs got burnt in the anus :D what do I know :S

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

well if you go to youtube and type mythbusters ligthing farts

EXTREMEBTF's picture
0
0

Butt to face!!!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

oh good, another genius.


_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

yoyoyo's picture
0
0

There are tons of fart lighting videos on youtube.some better than others. the best in my opinion is the hot girl who lights her fart.. and her reaction

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

yoyoyo ... Hot girls lighting farts is okay but what I want to see is someone lighting the fart of a 500 pound silverback gorilla.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

pooppants's picture
0
0

you are all idiots. i am very experienced in this field. i have lit more farts than most. after doing a bunch of cocaine and drinking beer i tried a little too hard to push out a fart and shit my pants in front of an audience. im still lighting farts today and havent shit myself since.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

Dear pooppants, Let me get this straight, we are all idiots but you are the one that snorts cocaine and shits his pants!


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Another Wanker's picture
0
0

Warning: Fart Lighting Tale Of Caution

Had a friend during my teen years who use to light his farts all the time..... lighting them makes then stink less actually. He farted constantly - as his crazy hippy mom fed him micro-biotic foods all the time and as soon as he got old enough he camped out at McDonalds and Denny's. Coffee and meat both made him fart like crazy. I seen him shoot out a 7" blue flame that was huge. He did this for 7 years of his life... all during high school and was famous for the party trick.

BUT (or should i say BUTT)

This story does not have a happy ending after he went to college. It was rush week and he wanting into a popular frat he pledged... and he thought would be endearing to blow the biggest fart ever for his new potential frat brothers - he ate everything he could think of till he bowels were ripping and showed up at the meet and greet party.... and climbed on a table and screamed "Watch This" as a friend turned off the lights and indeed ripped and lit what he himself said was one of the biggest farts he ever let.

BUT.... he was wearing a fuzzy sports jump suit made on nylon and it caught fire and was melt to his skin... the flames were jumping all over it.... in a panic he dove into the punch bowl ass first and rolled off the table onto the floor to make sure he was totally extenguished. He still suffered some 3rd degree burns where the nylon stuck to his ass.... plus he was considered then a total retard and in shame left the college and went to college outside the US where no one would ever hear of what had happened to him.

This is a true story so take a lesson and do not wear fuzzy things and nylon when trying to light your farts.... as he said... is best done with jeans and underwear on as shields you from the heat.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

When I was a counselor at summer camp, in NJ in 1969, we not only lit farts, we rated the resulting flames by a specific grading system. The smallest was called a Goner Fiss-Fass. An intermediate size was called a Karubi-Tai. And a huge one was called a Magnatory Gumbo. We did usually wear jeans, which offered good protection. The few attempts with underpants only quickly led to an awareness of the dangers, though there were no serious injuries.

Anonymous's picture
0
0

Simply wish to say your write-up is as tonishing. The clearness in your post is merely spectacular and i can assume you are an expert on this subject. Well together with your permission allow me to grab your rss feed to help keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please maintain up the gratifying work. Dewitt Garnham Free sms

Anonymous's picture
0
0

I was sitting in the living room when my friends boyfriend lit a fart and tried telling me you could "self combust." I know I'm not the smartest person in the world but I'm not dumb enough to believe some stupid shit like that!

Anonymous's picture
0
0

I am a certified master pyrofartologist. I speak from great experience:

When lighting farts, ALWAYS wear some underwear or pants, but for best effect not both. They act as a backflow preventer and keep the flame front from propagating back up your colon which is not pleasant at all. A pair of good old fashioned tighty whities work very well. You don't want to use something with too tight a weave that will block the gas flow, or too loose of a weave which will not stop the backwave.

Anonymous's picture
0
0

Pull down your pants, but leave your undies on before sparking your farts; they'll let most of the gas through, but will also act as a protective barrier to prevent the flame from singeing your butthole.