poopreport : Fun With Feces :

toilet charity drive

The Upper Decker

Posted 02.15.2002 by Txscatlbear (10)
I was living in a small cul-de-sac of apartments, in a non-descript southern coastal state. My neighbors were comprised of several burly Coast Guard guys. Their roommates were a couple of corn-fed hogs that hated everything we did, except toss them some weed, which they used at the bars for dick-snares. I was the only one who didn't conceal my hatred for these windblocks.

One day Smerle, the heftiest of the mules, decided to raid an underwear drawer and take quite a bit of something that didn't belong to her. That was THE STRAW.

Gary (Leasee of the apartment) asked his friends to aid him in removing the belongings of the offending parties to the parking lot. We gladly obliged.

That evening, while we were heavily involved in a game of "Ultimate Mortal Kombat" the phone rings...

...it turns out that "Micky Gillis", what ever the fuck her name was, tells Gary that they have moved into a very nice duplex, and would like to invite all of us to the house warming party. Gary hits the pause button and says, "Those bitches are getting such an upper-decker." He continues to play.

I thought to myself for awhile, and then gave in to curiosity, "What's an upper-decker?"

Gary says, "Do you want to do it?"

So, after some discussion, I agree to deliver the upper-decker at the house warming party.

7:00 P.M.
We arrive at the Flabbersons' party.

7:10 P.M.
Threaten the geek on the keg to fill my ridiculously over-sized mug.

7:30 P.M.
Check out the positions of the two restrooms.

7:35 P.M.
Decide on the living room location and polish off the gigantic beer.

7:45 P.M.
Walk into the restroom, push in the thumb-bolt on the door. Check to see that the toilet is securely fastened to the floor. Wiggle the tank, check for wobble.

7:47 P.M.
Standing steadily on the closed lid, I drop trou, and steady myself on the tank. Quickly, I release the bag of Crystals' cheese burgers and chilly-cheese fries in the tank.

7:50 P.M.
Wipe, throw it in the trash (don't want to flush!), replace the cover. Wash hands.

7:52 P.M.
Walk back into the populated area and give Gary the sign (double-fingered-point, like Isaac the Bartender from "The Love Boat").

-- Txscatlbear

G Ras (150) -- 02.15.2002

Excellent.... practical joke of the finest caliber. Although I've never wittnessed this is action, I can only imagine what a horrific stench this would create.
I hate fat pig bitches, you did the right thing!!!

Blow torch bitch (not verified) -- 02.16.2002

Like you guys are the first to ever think of poopin' in the top of a toilet tank? Creative? More like moronic.

Wayne (not verified) -- 02.16.2002

cute story, i once tried it and forgot to wiggle the tank first,guess what happened next!

jack (not verified) -- 02.18.2002

i've never been on the receiving end of this practical joke. what are the effects (besides a soiled tank)?

Ass (14) -- 02.19.2002

This story was week, very dissapointed, i could barely understand what the fuck was going on, and pooping in the tank of a toilet, is the oldest trick in the book

fred (not verified) -- 03.25.2002

i like to eat my poo

jersey (not verified) -- 05.02.2002

utterly disgusting but funny.i would love to do this to my ex mother in law.

POOOP (not verified) -- 06.21.2002

WHY DID U DO THAT ITS MEEN HOW WOUD U LIKE IT IF HEDID TAHT TO U HAHAHA

thomas (not verified) -- 06.30.2002

You just don't know how to plug up a toilet the proper way.Start by going to your garden supply store and buying one 3 ounce package of Soil Moist,these crystals hold 800 times there weight in water,pour entire package into toilet tank and leave,about 30 minutes later the entire water tank with have transformed in a jelly of small crystals,try flushing this mess,also pour some into the toilet bowl,very hard to see until your poop is lying on top of it!

Victoria (not verified) -- 07.07.2002

Thats kinda gross and kewl all at the same time...but it must suck to be the person it happens to!! Man someone needs to sew your ass SHUT! haha but seriously you should look into it! did you ever wonder what would happen in you did?? it would like just all build up and you would explode w/ shit hahah! wow you goota try that ~*C-YA*~

Eagleman (not verified) -- 09.08.2002

After reading this stuff, Im gonna pull an upper decker on my ex-wife..she'll blame her husband for it.WTF?

the hippy (not verified) -- 07.31.2003

dude, that kicked ass. and that soil moist idea, PURE GENIUS!!!! i got into the school one time during a basketball game and poured it in the bowl... they dont have tops, but i got a stick with me and pushed it down. i dont usualy go to the bathroom at school, but they had it fenced off untill the last day and had "a bounty on my head". dude, i wish i could have tooken the credit, but the lousy scumbags at my school would sell me out in a heart beat.

Crap Shoot (not verified) -- 11.19.2003

This is FUCKING HALARIOUS!!

DirtyBomber (not verified) -- 01.09.2004

This is a sweet prank, but I have heard it reffered to as the upper-tanker not the upper decker. the upper decker is when you hang your ass over the railing when on the balcony on the top floor of a hotel, and unload a dirty bomb on the pool area

The Shit Volcano (3646) -- 02.04.2004

Make it even worse. Coat the toilet seat with crazy glue just before someone comes in to use it. Or seran wrap the bowl so no one can see it and let the poo fly.

tnick (not verified) -- 04.08.2004

that was cool man. next time shit in the sink.

The Excrementer (not verified) -- 05.02.2004

A classic! I once did it at a Disney hotel in Orlando. The Mouse had to clean it.

MIB (not verified) -- 06.13.2004

I love this trick. I have a few marks I would like to do this to. Even better, get some plastic feces and tape some money to it. Check back after a week and if the money is missing and the turd is still there then someone was in need of some cash.

nameless (not verified) -- 08.31.2004

crap the urinal.

hobo (not verified) -- 05.07.2005

Could someone explain exactly what the result of an upper decker is? Does it go away fast? Does it stink worse as time goes on?

mad pooper (not verified) -- 06.08.2005

I like to stretch plastic sandwich wrap over the bowl.

Hanus Anus (45) -- 09.27.2005

At a hotel is not right. The peeon who had to clean it up didn't ask for it.

This sort of thing should be resserved for those who specifically deserve some misery.

floyd the barber (not verified) -- 10.30.2005

I have been performing upper-deckers since the mid 90's. UD's should be reserved for the most despicable of all bastards: ex-girlfriends/wives, mother-in-laws, bosses, college/high school faculty lounges yield the best results. Oh and if you can manage a little hershey squirts in the tank---priceless.

Anonymous Coward (yes) (not verified) -- 11.15.2005

love the upper decker idea. planning an attack on the local mall but i need to be a little dirtier than this. help.

What's that? (not verified) -- 12.08.2005

I have been dispensing the Upper Decker, down under (Australia) for about six months now. When my mate and I first delivered the Upper Decker, we thought we had come up with an original prank, but we are glad to see this is a artform practiced world-wide.

Trud Ferguson (not verified) -- 12.20.2005

Not to top the upper Decker or anything but, I like the upper decker with a twist. First you disconnect the chain from the handle.Then take the upper decker. That way some body has to put their hand into the tank to reconnect the chain.

Bunga Din (1238) -- 12.20.2005

There are so many ideas much better than the upper decker to extract revenge. Rarely does the upper decker affect the person directly who your rage is directed at. The perfect solution guaranteed to hit the intended taget is this.

Take a small box similar in sized to a camera box, remove 2 of the 4 slats from each end, liquicrap in 2 sandwich size zippered glad bags, using clear duct tape seal all the edges of the glad bag to prevent premature leakage. Open the box and tape your first bag in place in either the top or bottom of the box, fill remainder of the box with shipping peanuts or paper, place the second bag in and tape box closed. Mail or courier to intended target with labelling indicating Private and Confidential. The target will use a knife or other implement to split the seem, while opening the contents will spill out, voila. I've seen this happen to our shipper from guys in our shop using printers ink, nasty but very effective.

Bunga Din (1238) -- 12.20.2005

I should mention, in NO WAY do I advocate Turd Terrorism, but after reading so many stories of people committing it I offer this as a method to get the target, not the poor innocent who has to clean up someones filth. There are so many more effective ways to vent your rage than this.

The Flying Dumperoo (not verified) -- 03.22.2006

upper deckers are the sweetness...not so much because of the brown swirly rendered by all subsequent flushes, but the grim savage pleasure you take in knowing someone must remove a slab of your effluent from that tank

Bunghole In the... (432) -- 03.23.2006

To the innocent victims: Try using a wet dry vac to evacuate the tank, refilling with fresh water and add cholorine tablets and your tidy bowl is none-the worse for the wear.

To the guilty complainers: What a bunch of pansies you are. If you're angry over an upper decker perpetuated on your tank, ask yourself what might have provoked that kind of prank? Are you a troggie bastard of bitchy ass-swipe? If so, they you should have expected some type of retribution.

It's a simple output input equation.

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 04.09.2006

While not advocating this behavior myself, I do wonder about the rest of the story; there should be an ending describing what happened during/after their deed was discovered.

An upper-decker is gross, to be sure, but won't cause permanent damage (will it?).


_______
"You polished up my low-flow, and I dirtied up your bowl!"

S'hit La Vie (not verified) -- 06.02.2006

To all of you self-righteous, thine shit does not smell types, ask yourself this - if we stop turd terrorism, have not the turds then won?

Mull it over...on the crapper

wonderpance (504) -- 06.02.2006

ummm.....no.
_______
i love poop.

Officer Sticks Murphy (not verified) -- 09.15.2006

I remember my room-mate pissed me off. The next day I went to work and asked my boss how to get back at him. My roomate and me were working for the same place. MY BOSS TOLD ME TO GIVE HIM AN UPPER DECKER!!!! I ASKED WHAT IT WAS AND I STARTED TO CRACK UP. I NEW I WAS GONNA GET BACK AT THE MOTHER FUCKER, I WENT HOME, LIFTED THE LID OF HIS TAKE AND LEFT HTE BIGGEST FUCKEN BROWN PRESENT TO MAN-KING. HE COME HOME AND GO'S INTO HIS ROOM WHICH HAS MASTER BATH. hE TAKES A LEAK AND FLUSHES AND SHITWATER FLOATS UP. I WAS IN BED AND SEEN HIM WaALK INTO MY JOHN TO GET A PLUNGER. hIS PHONE RINGS AND ITS HIS FIANCE, HE THOGHT IT WAS HER. THE NEXT DAY AT WORK I ASKED HIM HOW HE LIKED THE UPPER DECK AND TOLD MY BOSS THAT I DID IT. UPPER DECKERS ARE A GOOD WAY TO GET BACK AT ANY COK-SUCKERS THAT FUCK WITH YOU. SHIT I THINK I WILL GO DO ONE NOW,
PEACE OFFICER STICKS MURPHY LAPD

healthy 1 (1421) -- 09.29.2006

That is the ultimate pratical joke. TSV had some good ideas in her post. Another one is to remove the nuts that hold the toilet seat, then out the crazy glue on the seat. The person walking around with a toilet seat glued to their ass, will surely be the life of the party.
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

Captain Colon (not verified) -- 11.07.2006

I love to shit, period! When ever I need to shit (not a home) I always do an upper decker if the toilet has a tank. If not I will shit in the sink then place towel over it. For maximum visual impact I like to eat cheese, corn & mixed nuts. For aroma that you can taste, hard boiled eggs sure hit the spot! My job as public image consultant requires that I travel 10 months out of the year so this helps break up the boredom. It is great to see so many people that love scat as much as I. Awesome website!!! Coming to your town soon,
Captain Colon

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