Bowel vs. Bowel: The Missing Event

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Watching the Olympics this week, and seeing all these athletes with their perfect bodies winning all their medals, it occurred to me how the average, everyday person could be a part of this: pooping should be an Olympic event.

Think of the possibilities. You wouldn't have to have separate events for men and women. Not just athletes, but the average Joe and Josephine could compete. You could have events like Longest Turd, Heaviest Turd, and Most Creative Shape. Any country would have a chance, even some of these new ones with "stan" at the end of their name. You could even change the bronze medal to the brown medal.

Only problem I see is that people might be shy about shitting in front of a stadium full of people, and on TV; but I'm sure every country has their own Shameless Shitters.

This is an idea whose time has come. What do you think?

48 Comments on "Bowel vs. Bowel: The Missing Event"

Kay O. Pectate's picture
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Mr. Pectate might be interested. He already has a few regional medals.

Dave's picture
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Also, what city should this event be held in? Brownsville? Butte, Montana?

Logjam's picture
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Might I suggest a town near where I live -- Athol, Massachusetts. Related events would have to include freestyle, the four person shit relay, platform shitting (splash wins, not looses, points), and synchronized shitting.

Logjam

RoboCrap13's picture
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It would be a weighted contest based on the competitor's diet. Some foods naturally cause mega-loaves.
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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Sponsored by...

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Thanks to good old Google I respectfully
submit the following places that the "Bowel Bowl" could be played:

Slackbottom (Yorkshire UK)

Bear Butte (South Dakota USA)

Bumpass Creek (Alabama USA)

Fanny Bay (Australia)

Four Buttes (Montana USA)

Butt's Corner (New York USA)

If a pissing contest was to be held, it could be nowhere but:

Upper Piddle or Lower Piddle, both
located in (Worcestershire UK)

If there were an international contest in felatio it could be held in:

Lik Wang (China)

Knob Lick (Kentucky USA)

Humptulips (Washington State USA)

Cocksgag (Ohio USA)

A contest in cunnilingus would have to be held in:

Beaver Lick (Kentucky USA)

An Olympic farting contest could only be held in:

Gassville (Arkansas USA)

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
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Chief, the cunnilingus events can be held here in Eatontown NJ.

MSG's picture
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There could also be an Exhibition or Education category demonstrating how to produce poop colors other than brown, as discussed elsewhere on this site. Someone could show Beet Purple, Purplesaurus Green, etc.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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What would the uniforms look like? That unitard thing would take way too long to remove! The world would be introduced to Chief Thunderbut, as he lights the torch as only he could. As I receive the gold medal in Piscataway, NJ (home of American standard!) A mighty eruption from the poop report section of the stands!

prarie doggin's picture
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Well Squat, from the dimentions Chief has indicated he has, that would be more like a unithong on him.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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No question as to the uniform. It would have to be either long-johns or old fashioned overalls since they both have the button-down flap in the rear. Being a Tennessee hillbilly I vote for the overalls.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

CC's picture
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You can watch all the events in HD: High Defication.Paris Hilton,Britany Spears and Lindsay Lohan should lead a sweep for The USA in The Felatio Contest.We had The Dream Team,The Redeem Team and now Team SCAT (Shiting Citizens American Team)The Team will consist of a bunch of regular guys and gals hoping to rise to pooper star status.

prarie doggin's picture
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UPS can be the official sponsor.

Postman's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Why not the Postal Service as official sponsor? Nobody doles out more shit than the good old USPS.

prarie doggin's picture
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Sorry, the P.O. will not be a sponsor as its athletes all indicated they would not compete in any events held in the rain, snow or dead of night.

baron von crapalot's picture
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What an idea! butt what would points be gained on? fartistic merit? Volume? Speed, Height, weight, distance, skidmarks on the lycra? Or should points be deducted for stray liquishit coming too close to the judges? (actually, that could be a 'plus' point)

What kinda poor unemployed soul would do the measuring? I would, butt I'm kinda busy working on my shit putt for 2012.

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
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BVC, what happened to your job as javelin catcher in Bejing?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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BVC........I would suggest that the farting competition be judged on how long a caged canary lived after being exposed to
an anal expulsion (like the canaries in the mines of yore). I feel sure, however. that Daphne would veto this idea.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
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Chief, if you plan on competing we may have to up the ante a bit. Say a condor?

Logjam's picture
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Another event idea -- figure pooping. You've got 4 days to lay cable in the form of the 5 Olympic rings.

And a closing ceremony idea: Poop collected from all visitors at all venues is placed in a high caldron and set afire with the Olympic flame.

Logjam

prarie doggin's picture
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LJ, that finale would be great. Sort of an international stew. Brought a tear to my eye.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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PD.......That finale would bring a tear to the eye of anyone within about a ten mile radius. I don't think Daphne would approve a condor either although it does sound more feasible.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points
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You would be fed a steady diet of Taco Bell and bran flakes for competition.

Powersoak's picture
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You do have to wonder about the volume of poop when the swimming champion has said that he consumes between 8,000 and 10,000 calories a day. I know that most of that is burned off but still, there has to be residue.

prarie doggin's picture
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That trail of bubbles behind each swimmer isn't just from turbulence.

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points
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PD that's what I call turbo charged swimmers.
Is that cheating?

prarie doggin's picture
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Cheating? In China? Not a chance.

MSG's picture
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Sort of like the question I saw in 'Dilbert' once: Do birds eat beans to fly faster?

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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Is envisioning the fecal style of shot put. Does the shit-putter twirl around and then evacuate ?

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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Like wise the shit relay, the baton in this case would be one of those OVER-SIZED plastic keys that service stations had to allow you access to the gas station bathrooms. One runner passes to the other until the time for the grand entrance into the bathroom

The Regifter's picture
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What about having the bowl blow in good old Hershey, P.A.? The marketing... They can make chocolate replicas of the winning Mr. Hanky, peanuts and all. T-shirts saying "I saw the squirts in Hershey but got this shirt in Jersey". When the U.S. of A. wins, U.P.S. can relaunch their global marketing campaign..."What can brown do for you?". America would be so proud we'd rename the Pennsylvania interstate to... wait...'The Hershey Highway'.

The Regifter's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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More on this Hershey idea. Perhaps, at the actual event, the Philadelphia Philharmonic Orchestra can entertain the masses with classical works. Each musical movement produces a bowel movement, the finale being the elusive 'brown note'. I'm sure there would be shattering effects.

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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Reminds me of "The Fekos Archepelago" that we were working on. IMHO, it would be a great place for the games.

Fekos Archepelago
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

FullOfCrap's picture
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I think it should be held in Mianus, CT.

baron von crapalot's picture
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PD, i'm not going to give that javelin jibe the time of day! (Blast! I just did!)

Anyhoo..
You could have a team event, or boxing match style event, y'know, in a ring 'n all. Pity the ref though.
_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
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OOps! silly me, CTB, there is a little plave in East Yorkshire called Wetwang, dunno what event you might hold there though.

"... happy 500 to me, happy 500 to me....."

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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BVC........Why not have the oral 500 in Wetwang?

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
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0


I Don't think 500 people live there. I guess you could Grayhound in some ringers though.

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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I must give my home state of Tennessee a chance at some of the glory.There is a small town west of Nashville that, for reasons unknown, is named Bucksnort.
I suppose that, depending on which end of the buck was snorting when the town was named, this would be a good venue for a farting contest.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Shitbum's picture
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all of you r just awesome!! I can't believe there is a website like this... I WILL CALL MY FRIENDS IMMEDIATELY!!!

MSG's picture
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A bucksnort is, indeed, a rural term for a fart. We have driven by the Bucksnort exit on I-40 several times, and I always wondered what the place must look like, having such a name. "Umm . . . did you hear a bucksnort?"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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MSG........Bucksnort is famous locally for farm raised rainbow trout. They have an ice-cold
unpoluted spring as a water source
and the fish are delicious.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
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Chief, thanks for the info; I had no idea. I still wonder how a place gets named for a fart.

prarie doggin's picture
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MSG, has Chief told you his hometown is Whistling Britches Tn. No idea where that name came from also.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I would like to suggest an event at said olympics. The long distance liquishits. All contestants have to stand at a designated spot and squirt their shot out on some long measured paper, longest distance wins. I think it'd be hilarious to see one of those girls on the balance beams or uneven bars get the shits. It'd be flying everywhere.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Bananaman's picture
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I would just like to suggest a couple of prospective sites for these games to be held... Cascade d' Arse , Pyrenees. and Bumbang, Australia

Here in the UK we also have a Bell End in Worcestershire, and a Brown Willy in Cornwall. I heard there is a Big Wet Beaver in the States, i am thinking of emmigrating.

MSG's picture
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Mrs. MC, years ago I had IBS and decided once to see just how far I could spurt my poop. It was night, and I went quickly to a secluded spot, dropped trou, aimed behind, and let fly. The next day I measured from where I stood to the far end of the spurt, and it was 15 feet.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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I am more worried about the Russian Judge !