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Death On The Throne: The Passing Of Elvis Presley

Posted 08.15.2004 by The Big Wiper (2292)
On August 17th, 1977, newspaper headlines across the country, proclaimed the shocking news: The King is dead.

Twenty-seven years ago today, Elvis passed away. Elvis Aaron Presley -- the poor, ambitious, rebellious young man from Tupelo, Mississippi, who gyrated

Headlines like this shocked fans around the world.
himself to the top of the fledgling rock and roll industry in the mid 50s; who helped define and refine its essence for two more decades; and who became increasingly eccentric, isolated and unable to handle his mega-star status -- Elvis Aaron Presley had died at 42 of cardiac arrhythmia, a severely irregular heartbeat or heart attack. His millions of fans wanted immediate answers, wondering how such a thing could possibly have happened to one so previously blessed with good fortune.

At first, conflicting reports circulated throughout the media of how Elvis had met his end, and who had discovered him in his Graceland bathroom. Initial accounts had Joe Esposito, his road manager, discovering Elvis' body fully clothed in pajamas, face up on the floor of the bathroom, around 2:30 on the afternoon of August 16th. Elvis was rushed to the emergency room at Memphis Baptist Hospital, where Jay Francisco, the Shelby County medical examiner, pronounced him dead at 3:30. It was speculated that he might have been dead as early as 9:00 that morning. The only drugs detected in his system were those prescribed by his personal physician and friend, Dr. George Nichopoulos, for hypertension and for a colon blockage (an affliction that hospitalized the singer twice in 1975). A drug overdose of any kind was quickly ruled out.

But a different set of details eventually emerged. To protect Elvis's young fiancé -- a novice actress named Ginger Alden, to whom he was to be married on Christmas Day later that year -- the sequence of events was altered. What actually happened was this: Elvis, who had been unable to sleep, had played racquetball most of the night and early into Tuesday morning (around 6:30). He then told Ginger, who had a separate bedroom and bath, that he was going into his bathroom "to read" for a while. The book he took in with him, interestingly enough, was The Face Of Jesus, by Frank Adams.

It was Ginger who discovered him around 1:30 in the afternoon that day, after he did not respond to her queries at his bathroom door. Finding it unlocked, she pushed on it and encountered him laying on the floor, facedown in a pool

Ginger Alden, Elvis' fiancé, the first to discover the King that fateful morning.
of vomit, his pajama bottoms around his ankles. To spare the distraught woman's feelings and ease her emotional burden, the discovery story was somewhat sanitized in its initial release to the press, particularly regarding the part she had played in the traumatic event, his state of undress and the bodily function in which he had surely been engaged. Only later did it become common knowledge that Elvis had died while trying to defecate.

In his 1999 biography Careless Love: The Unmaking Of Elvis, author Peter Guralnick emphasizes that "it was certainly possible that (Elvis) had been taken while straining at stool"; and Shelby County medical examiner Dan Warlick also indicated that it appeared Elvis had been stricken while seated on the toilet before falling off, crawling several feet, throwing up and dying.

Autopsy results later released to the general public did nothing to discourage this scenario. The singer's heart was enlarged with a significant amount of coronary atherosclerosis, there was extensive liver damage, and the large intestine was clogged with fecal matter, indicating a chronic and painful bowel condition. Elvis's former aide and bodyguard Delbert "Sonny" West would later complete the distressing and graphic picture of the King's physiological torment in a widely-circulated newspaper interview, revealing that his employer's drug habit was "so strong that he had to take pills to get up in the morning, to regulate his bowel movements, to sleep and to perform."

"He took every possible pill you can think of," West continued, "including pain pills during the day. Demerol and morphine shots (with

An actual photo of Elvis' bathroom Pretty swanky!
syringes) for the downs. And a very strong pain medication intended for terminally-ill cancer patients for a pleasant high."

Although these drugs were not in his system at the time of his death, the damage done to his cardiovascular system by dependence upon such substances -- along with a lifetime of extravagant and unhealthy nutritional habits (he was at least thirty pounds overweight when he died) and a previously documented intestinal blockage -- all point to the 'straining at stool' scenario (surely without success) as the probable impetus for his fatal arrhythmia. (His pajamas pants around his ankles, of course, are a dead giveaway.)

Researching this story in the Tupelo library, I was struck by the irony of one of the first newspaper headlines I encountered in the vertical file: "Death Won't Dethrone The King." That particular banner, which heralded an affectionate tribute to his career and made no reference to the manner in which Elvis had died, was more prescient than the headline writer could ever have imagined.

We PoopReporters know better than to take this bodily function for granted. For many of us, and certainly for Elvis, it can be a source of great consternation and travail; but while we joke and share our stories about it, it was straining on the porcelain throne that caused The King to abdicate his reign over rock n' roll.

Tydirium (516) -- 08.15.2004

Wow, Doniker! Well done. I didn't know you had it in you!

Lame comment!
chad (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

you aint nothin but a hound dog dyin all the time
second post

Di Uhreea (410) -- 08.15.2004

Nicely done, you two.
(you know who you are!)

Lame comment!
chad (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

HEY! when i typed my response, there was only donikers on the screen i had second post

C Everett Poop (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

Dead or not, Elvis is still the King. 5th post!

Tydirium (516) -- 08.15.2004

I've been trying for like 15 minutes to come up with a good Elvis song title poop pun. The best I could do was Poo Suede Shoes... lame. Fartbreak Hotel? That's junior league stuff. Can anyone come up with anything good?

chicken gravy (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

Elvis' tale is one we must all keep in mind when fighting the big brown animal...patience is a virtue

chicken gravy (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

Hey Tydirium: how 'bout "A Little Less Constipation"?

Great comment! +2 points
doniker (1555) -- 08.15.2004

My favorite Elvis song is "Suspicious Minds".
I whipped up this parody about Elvis's last day on the throne:

Suspicious Turds

by Elvis

My crap is caught in a trap
It won’t come out
I don’t really poo too much baby

Doc, Why can't you see
What those drugs are doing to me
You don't believe a word I say?

We can't go on together
With suspicious turds
And we can't build our dreams
while I’m so backed up

So, if an old friend I know
Drops the kids at the pool
Would I still see suspicion in your eyes?

Here we go again
Pushin’ and gruntin’
Can't you see these tears are real
I'm crying

We can't go on together
With suspicious turds
And we can't build our dreams
While I’m so backed up

Oh God let me survive
Or dry the blood from my bung
Let's don't let a good thing die

When honey, you know
I've never crap again
Mmm yeah, yeah

daphne (4509) -- 08.15.2004

I don't know which I enjoyed more, the usual informative Big Wiper article (and this one was great) or Doniker's song. Both are awesome!

I am glad Wiper put a picture up of the King's bathroom, because I've always had a picture in my mind of some tiny bathroom, which is stupid. It was Graceland, after all.

Oh, and I was on Virginia Road in Hermitage, PA, on my way to one of Todd's games when I heard about Elvis's death on Y103. I remember that like it was yesterday.

So, do you all think Elvis would have been a poopreporter? Maybe he would have been one of our constipated members.

Oops I Crapped My Race Suit! (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

Anyone catch the Watkins Glen race yesterday? Tony Stewart had stomach cramps the whole race. After he won he spent a half hour in his trailer before he went to the winner's circle. The commentator said he had to change his suit. I wonder how many laps he had to sit in his ass puddle.

Chuck (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

July 4 weekend I wandered toward Tupelo and saw Elvis' boyhood home. The admission charge us $7.50 or about a dollar a step (literally). I would bet a Graceland bathroom was bigger than his boyhood home in full.

doniker (1555) -- 08.15.2004

I always remember the day Elvis died, it's my mother's birthday.
Ironically I have a friend who has the same birthday as Elvis is January.

FIRST POST OF THE WEEK RULES!

The Shit Volcano (3818) -- 08.15.2004

Thanks, Doniker. I needed the laugh today. Good article TBW. I always knew Elvis took the shitty path to Graceland.

a young friend (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

I think the last toilet he used should be honored and displayed in the "Shitters Hall of Fame". Maybe even the president could stop by to say a few words over the bowl. Since this is election year, that could be a pretty positive political jesture for him.

The Shit Volcano (3818) -- 08.15.2004

Hey, TBW. Something just occurred to me. Didn't your grandpa die on the crapper? I wonder what it is about Mississipians and dying on the toilet. Do you have any thoughts?

Great comment! +1 point
Crapola (302) -- 08.15.2004

"A Hunk-a Hunk-a Burning Dung"

Glutgut (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

I wonder if they removed that boulder from his intestine after he croaked. That thing must have been huge to make him pop a vessel.

Aaron (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

When Elvis sang "Hound Dog" I always thought he sang "You ain' nothin' but a hound dog, crappin' all the time". Also with "Suspicious Minds" I thought he was 'in the midst of business' when he sang the opening line, which I thought was "I'm caught in a crap, I can't walk out, because I love you too much baby". Any more secret poop references by the King, anyone?

The Big Wiper (2292) -- 08.15.2004

Hey, gang, this was an interesting article to research in the library, especially here in Elvis's hometown where they had tons of material to choose from. When I showed up asking for the reference librarian's help with an article about Elvis, she went into action like a whirling dervish. This wasn't her first time at the rodeo, and she led me straight to all the goodies.

TSV: yes, my maternal grandfather did die on the pot, and I wrote about it in my article, "He Died On The Pot." Although my grandfather was 79 and Elvis was only 42, there were some similarities in their diets, which did nothing to help either of their hearts, I believe.

My grandfather's housekeeper was an old-fashioned country cook who used lard. No one knew anything about fat intake and cholesterol for at least the first half of the twentieth century, if not longer. So to answer your question about Mississippians, I would say that it was more the type of diet they both ate, even though I'm quite sure the closest thing my grandfather ever saw resembling a drug was a laxative of some sort.
In any case, clogged arteries do not respond well to straining.

doniker, I really enjoyed your parody of 'Suspicious Minds.' My two favorite Elvis tunes are: 'Kentucky Rain,' and 'In The Ghetto.'

Oh, and I must again give kudos to our Mr. Pooper for this assignment. He mentioned that the site had never done anything on Elvis's demise and asked me if I would be interested in taking it on, particularly since I've been living in Tupelo for the past five years.

P.S. All of my attempts to get the cooperation of the archives department at Graceland were rebuffed. Hmmmm.

Lady Ballbuster (not verified) -- 08.16.2004

Loved Doniker's song!! A few years ago, one of our local papers printed a cartoon about Elvis' death on the throne. If you'd like to see it, I've scanned and uploaded it:

http://www.geocities.com/silverojo/elvis.html

Enjoy!

daphne (4509) -- 08.16.2004

Crapola, good one!
Second, we all need to applaud Big Mama Thorton, the original recorder of Hound Dog. She received the lyrics on a brown paper bag from someone.
If anyone ever finds her cd "Jail" get it. This old bitch kicks ass.

will (not verified) -- 08.16.2004

This shows us that even the high & the mighty can come to an abrupt & sometimes very awkward end. VERY well done TBW...I hadn't realized the particulars of his death....My favorite songs of Elvis: Suspicious Minds, & Are You Lonesome Tonight.

Harry Plopper (21) -- 08.17.2004

The one part of this mystery that hasn't been disclosed is what was in the jon at the time of his death? Was there one of those almighty turds that hides its head around the bend, but hangs its tail over the seat? Had Elvis died in the process of successfully dumping some of that backlog? Or maybe there were one or two M&M sized poop-disappointments? Was it ever reported? Had he wiped his arse? Didn't his mother tell him to always make sure his ass was clean in case he had an accident and had to go to hospital?

There are so many questions remaining to be answered!

If I die on the throne I want the autopsy to be extended to my final dying turds. I want the cause of death to record the length, girth and number of flushing attempts required to dispose of them. Dave, you are invited to do that bit of my autopsy.

The Big Wiper (2292) -- 08.17.2004

Harry, the answer to your question is found in the autopsy report I detailed: his colon was impacted (virtually blocked) with fecal matter, so there was very likely nothing of any consequence in the bowl, except perhaps some piss. It was no doubt the straining and the pushing at that anal anvil that did him end.

P.S. The one I always heard growing up was to be sure and wear clean underwear in case you had to go to the hospital. And, of course, you have to wipe your ass well in order to achieve that!

daphne (4509) -- 08.19.2004

Maybe that's the greatest irony of all. He had enough money to get to a hospital or get a doctor to his house to help him pass that thing.

Great comment! +1 point
Harry Plopper (21) -- 08.19.2004

Does all that impacted fecal matter give Elvis a second reason for being called "The King of Rock"?

Ral (not verified) -- 08.25.2004

One of my relatives died in a very similar way, although it was a pre-existing heart condition that resulted in his death-by-straining-to-poop. This was in TN, too, so there's always a certain amount of -- shall we say, satisfaction -- at this method of demise.

Lame comment!
Ronald Aaron Astorga (not verified) -- 12.10.2004

ELVIS RULES THE BEST OF THE BEST THE KINDG

Lame comment!
eluiafam (not verified) -- 02.08.2005

I need financial help to complete the money for my mothers cancer treat me please help me so that i will not loose her, nothing is too small .she is all i have left .i thank you in the lords name remain blessed.
afam

The Shit Volcano (3818) -- 02.12.2005

Is there anything these Nigerian scammers won't try?

Lame comment!
Sz.Uusz.. (not verified) -- 05.18.2005

Elvis Presley was very DUM!! Why did he take drugs? STUPID...he could have been alive right now.. i think it was his own foult...bitch.. and WHAT was his daughter thinking.MARYING MICHAEL JACKSON!!!! he's a monster!! he looks like a woman... the ugliest woman I'VE ever seen...but whatever.. =P C U LATERRR

Rob3823 (not verified) -- 12.04.2005

Thought you'd like to know, he wasn't on the "throne." He had a custom barber's chair in his bedroom, and that's where he read. David Stanley cleaned up the leftovers of the drugs he had taken before the paramedics got there. His stomach was pumped during reviving attempts, and flushed down a sink. There was no vomit listed in the police report, or paramedics report. Dr. Nick and the Medical Examiner were both investigated. He was laying facedown, in relation to where he had fell out of the barber chair.

joy seelye (not verified) -- 12.14.2005

you know there are millions of people you do drugs he was not alone and no one will ever know the true cause of death as money can buy you anything even a fake death certificate.and it is not humorus the way a person dies! what if one of your mom's or dad's die this way? and i think it is just pure jealousy on you alls part he was handsome, adored by all women, could have any woman he wanted and was very successful.but he did come from a dirt poor familiy with very humble beginings and he made something of himself and thats all that really matters here.i am not pissed at you folks not at all i just feel he had a tragic end and i would have loved foor him to be around longer so maybe our kids and so on would know what he was like and how he came to be and such.and he did do allot for the music industry as a whole and we all make out fate in this world because we have free will and sometimes it gets the best of us but after all we are all just human and we all have faults.and yes i am sad this happened but yu know i cant do nothing about it. i just wanted to let you know how i felt.thank you for your time. joy seelye

Loryn (not verified) -- 12.27.2005

This is completely false. Elvis Presley did NOT die while trying to defecate. Indeed he did have a twisted colon but that is not what killed him. He took medication for many different ailments, one of which being sleepwalking. He also took a prescription drug for his colon problem. Elvis died while in the "Lounge Room" which is also known as the bathroom. He was sitting on a cushioned seat that went from wall to wall and fell on the floor due to Cardiac Arrythmia, an irregular heartbeat. He was not on the toilet, he did not have his pants around his ankles. When falling on the floor, his knees were pressed up against his chin, and he was not found for hours later. He was already in rigor mortis when he was found. From what I know, yes there was vomit on the floor next to him, but that was not due to his colon problem either. Many people believe to this day that Elvis did not die on August 16th, 1977. If that were the case, none of this would be relevant anyway because it would be a made up story. In the papers it does not state that he was trying to defecate. Why would someone come up with such a death story and humiliate themself? They wouldn't. If you look at all of the inconsistencies in the story, you may be surprised at it. Also, why would a doctor try to recusitate a man that has already been in rigor mortis for 2-3 hours? He wouldn't. Rigor mortis is almost impossible to break and he would be pronounced dead on arrival. Making a joke out of someone's passing is wrong, and is not funny in any way. Even if he did die in such a manner, why would it be humorous to you all? He changed the history of Music, he was a Christian man, a good man, and a thoughtful man. Why would some people stoop to such levels knowing that he did so much for what we have to this day?

The Big Wiper (2292) -- 12.27.2005

As the author of this article on Elvis's death, I can tell you that the research for this piece was done in Tupelo, Ms--Elvis's birthplace--with the help of the reference librarian. The sources cited were newspaper clippings from Memphis and Tupelo papers, as well as Peter Guralnick's biography. The tone of the article is not humorous--it is serious and respectful. You are reading things into the text that are simply not there.

No judgments are made on Elvis's music or his religious beliefs in this article, either. You are entitled to your opinions, but they contradict all the official and objective research that was done to produce this article.

Loryn (not verified) -- 12.30.2005

If this article was made by doing research from the newspapers, then why haven't I seen such a thing? I own both newspapers with Elvis on the front page stating his death. Indeed they both state something different, but not one says his pants were down around his ankles, nor what he was trying to do while dying. Did anyone read that there was a telephone next to the toilet? If he were actually on the toilet when he had a heart attack, he would have easily been able to reach the phone, call downstairs, and let someone know that he was having troubles. If you look into what the medical examiner states, it says that it was due to cardiac arrythmia, an irregular heartbeat. As I have said, he had a twisted colon which he was on medication for as well as medicine to prevent constipation, but that is not what killed him considering the medicine he took every day to prevent problems while trying to defecate. This is intended to be humorous. I as well as others have pointed that out. For someone that changed the world of music, gave us what we have today, to be so disrespected is a disgrace. Death on the throne is definitely meant to be a joke. That was not in the headlines nor anywhere else. It was dreamed up by someone that thought it would be funny to disrespect a person such as Elvis Presley. If you are referring to merely one person or book that states he had his pants around his ankles you are sadly mistaken. His toilet was on the right side of the bathroom, and he was clearly found on the left side of the bathroom. He was face down, yes, but that is the only thing correct in your death story. Who's to say exactly how he died or what position he was definitely in? We weren't there, and we certainly don't know all of the details. We know vague details that could be completely fabricated. Who knows? All we know is what newspapers and books tell us and most of them state different things. I got one of my newspapers from Memphis, and the other is from Tupelo. They both say completely different things regarding his death. If you even take a look at the death certificate, it was made two months after his death. The first one disappeared. We're believing what we read, it's human nature but if the first death certificate disappeared and another was made two months after his death, then who's to say that the cause of death they are stating is true? Who's to say that he even did die on August 16th, 1977?

The Big Wiper (2292) -- 12.30.2005

I simply don't subscribe to all the Elvis Death Conspiracy theories that you seem to be embracing with your last statement. What Elvis was as a musician and cultural icon is entirely separate from the excesses in which he indulged in his private life. It has been well-documented that his dietary and prescription drug abuse habits were atrocious. Both of those indulgences frequently lead to coronary and intestinal problems.

As I posted before, you are entitled to debate this all you want--including nitpicking the details of his death. But as time has gone by, the truth about Elvis's personal life has emerged, and it's not very pretty.

Loryn (not verified) -- 01.01.2006

I have definitely read into his personal life and the drugs that he has encountered. I do not argue the fact that he took drugs, however there were many reasons for starting the use of them. It is not only one sided. He did binge eat throughout the day, along with taking drugs. I am not arguing the fact that this could have lead to his coronary problems. We don't know that. It is a logical answer to the problems, however we don't know exactly what caused anything. All I am stating is that the things that are being written contradict themselves. People state that he didn't do drugs except for the ones that he so badly needed, and then they state that he did. Which is it? They are constantly saying different things which should have been said in the beginning. 30 years have gone by now and people keep saying new things trying to shock the world at the life of Elvis Presley. He wasn't an angel, he was a person and everyone has their faults and he definitely had his but none of it makes any sense when reading about Elvis. You can look into the closest people in his life such as Vernon, Jimmy Velvet, Joe Esposito, Charlie Hodge, etc. but they will all say something different.

Patticake (not verified) -- 01.01.2006

Why don't you all let the dead rest in peace? Elvis was a simple country boy unable to deal with the death of his mother contrasted with the fame and adulation given to him. I blame his untimely death on his so-called "friends" who didn't intervene to help him when they saw the destructive path he was taking. All they cared about were losing the benefits they were getting from Evis' generousity.Be thankful for the legacy of beautiful music he left behind. God bless Elvis!!!

Loryn (not verified) -- 01.03.2006

By all means, I love Elvis. I have been listening to him since I was a toddler. All I am stating are the facts. The facts that I have read in newspapers, books, and from the people associated with Elvis during his career. Of course Elvis should rest in peace, but do I think he would appreciate such stories being written and jokes being made about him? No I do not. He was greatly hurt when the book Elvis what happened came out written by Sonny West. There is nobody here to defend Elvis, and that is what I am doing. I am defending him who was a terrific man, and his fans. Many people do not and would not appreciate these stories. I do not deny the fact that he did drugs and was hurt by the death of his mother. That could very well have lead to his death. But considering the cover ups that have been revealed, people saying one story after another that contradicts what the other is saying, you don't know the facts. This is supposed to be a factual story but do we really know? No we don't. That is all i'm saying. There is reasonable doubt. There is no way of knowing exactly how he died considering the stories that have been said about him, and the medical examiner has passed on. Who else is there to substantiate these claims? His father outright denied the drug abuse, as well as many of his close friends, family members, etc. There is just no way of telling. It will always be a mystery, why stress about it 30 years later?

The Dumpster (not verified) -- 01.03.2006

Getting back to his musical legacy, what about "Fartbreak Hotel"??

Terry (not verified) -- 03.08.2006

Some funny stuff in the comments there guys, the main article was a fasinating read also. for the most part it is true, but why do we mock and make light of it? all elvis done was entertain and give his all to the music world. sadly he got taken in by drugs, but it's easy done right! I have a sense of humour, some of the comments made me belly laugh out loud, but lets try to remember elvis for his music rather than his personal life. huh huh huh!!!

The Dumpster (2510) -- 03.08.2006

It is August 15th 1977, Memphis. All is well until Elvis begins his food fest in the company of one G. Rubbymitts, who recounts the remainder of the evening as follows:

Me and Elvis Once Went on a Food Fest
Me and Elvis once went for a food fest,
One late august night,
The sign flashed "All You Can Eat!",
So we stopped in for a bite.

Elvis gobbled down thirty cheeseburgers,
Faster than I'd ever seen,
He swilled them down with ten milkshakes,
And a bucket of chocolate ice cream.

Then he ordered a mega huge curry,
And twelve massive naan bread too,
I pleaded "Elvis please stop eating!",
It was all that I could do.

But the singer sank down twenty prime ribs,
And a nice fat juicy steak,
I had to turn my head away,
It was more than I could take.

Still Elvis kept on eating,
His appetite yet did burn,
And the size of them cakes he shoved down his gob,
Sure made my stomach churn.

He wolfed down ten packets of biscuits,
And a huge lump of blue stilton cheese,
By the end of that dreadful evening,
His stomach sat on his knees.

At last he supped a cup of coffee,
Said "Tataa!" and went on his way,
They found him dead on the toilet,
The very next day.

But what the police didn't tell us,
What the papers didn't say,
Not only did Elvis snuff it,
He blew the toilet away!

Terry (not verified) -- 03.12.2006

You are all a bunch of poopheads! leave the king alone. R.I.P Elvis Presley January 8th 1935-August 16th 1977 This just goes to show, he could'nt even take a dump without people knowing about it!

Bunghole In the... (432) -- 03.12.2006

Don't blame the poopheads, Terry (if that is your real name), blame the CIA (Crap Initiative Association).

Your unintentional RIP connotation is funny. We're all just letting Elvis RIP in peace... hee hee...


May you always find a roll with paper

The Dumpster (2510) -- 03.12.2006

The more I ponder it, the less I see TBW as an Elvis fan. I realize he leads an eclectic lifestyle, but my visions of TBW run more to Glen Antrim and Glenlivit than to glitz and Graceland.

But, I suppose all of us on PR have our "layers"?

The Big Wiper (2292) -- 03.12.2006

TBW is definitely not an Elvis fan, thanggyouverramuch. I accepted the assignment from Dave-O for the enlightenment of all PR devotees. I was never an admirer of Elvis's music, acting or personal life.

I think he was manipulated throughout his career by Col. Tom Parker and never given the guidance to rise above his initial rowdy splash in the entertainment world.

I'm not much of a drinker, however. Although my brother and father love to ruminate over tumblers of Glenlivit, etc.

Great comment!
Winny the Poo (not verified) -- 03.13.2006

James 1:11, the Elvis bible verse.

In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

Lame comment!
Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 03.21.2006

Fuck all of you! Elvis was, and is still the king. And to the ones who have to defend Elvis here. Just think Elvis sold over a billion records. These assholes here spending their time talking about taking a shit, my you are all so much better than Elvis. You people have a unique talent you can take a shit. I am sure Elvis and his fans are captivated by your oh so unique talent.

The Kings Fan (not verified) -- 03.21.2006

You know what F_ck all you sick bastards and your poor musical taste to. Elvis Presley is the absolute king of music sold over one billion records, and changed music history forever. To the people who support our boy (Elvis) don't stop posting your messages. Remeber when these people piss you off they spend their spare time talking about taking a shit, oh what a unique talent I am sure Elvis and his fans would envy you people so much you have managed to form a group on what every single human being on earth can do. Go ahead same some lame joke but your still a bunch of losers that had your dreams crushed of being a proctologist while elvis was screwing beautiful women 24/7 (Even Constipated so F_ck off.

Bunghole In the... (432) -- 03.21.2006

The somewhat misguided but well-intentioned person above says: "[w]hile elvis was screwing beautiful women 24/7 (Even Constipated so F_ck off." Yeah, but he had a fistful of dead presidents--Franklins to be exact.

Speaking of King's Fans: Log Hockey, anyone?

The Dumpster (2510) -- 03.21.2006

To the diehard Elvis fan above, I have one message: He's dead. Get over it.

_______
"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

The Dumpster (2510) -- 04.26.2006

In another post, SSpiffyPoo, a reliable source, directs us to a story on Snopes.com entitled "Meat Your Maker," which considers allegations about celebrities who died with supposedly vast undigested blobs of beef in their bowels. Finding that the bulk of such blather is bunk, Snopes does conclude in reference to The King, however, that:

"This claim is largely true about Elvis Presley (in concept if not in actual quantity), but not for the reasons we're led to believe. According to an account based on the report by the four doctors who performed the post-mortem examination of the entertainer:

"'The colon is approximately five to seven feet in length in a person Elvis's size and should have been about two inches in diameter . . . however, Elvis's colon was at least three and a half inches in diameter in some places and as large as four and half to five inches in diameter in others . . . [T]he megacolon was jam-packed from the base of the descending colon all the way up and halfway across the transverse colon. It was filled with white, chalklike fecal material.'

"This account makes it sound like Elvis was a prime example of the hazards of the "goo and glue" diet, but his poor eating habits (greasy, cholesterol-laden foods such as cheeseburgers, french fries, bacon, fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, ice cream) were far less responsible for the condition of his colon than other factors, such as his congenitally twisted ganglionic fold, his overuse of laxatives, and, primarily, his prolonged drug abuse. As one of the autopsy doctors described, "When you take downer-type drugs, depressants, narcotics, a lot of them, most of them, have the concomitant effect of slowing down the digestive system. In other words, the locomotive action of the bowel quits working, so it gets packed with food, and then it gets packed with more food. And it sits there distended and full of food, and that causes the colon to stretch." In other words, it was drugs, not meat, that caused the severely impacted condition of Elvis' colon."

In other words, if you MUST worship a dead, fat slob, WORSHIP ARCHIE BUNKER!! At least he was funny!

daphne (4509) -- 04.27.2006

I don't know what to think of the snopes people. Snopes was wrong about birds dying from eating rice thrown after weddings because I had to work on a few with impacted crops in Kentucky. They were full of half-hydrated rice. When I tried to get them to take the falseness down, then refused. They said, "We need proof." And I said, "I worked on the birds myself and the rehabber who I worked with has all her federal licenses." Those wankers. I wonder if sometimes they just want more new material on their site.

But then they do lots of research.

I think they could be a bit more thorough.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
http://www.daphneszoo.com/

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 04.27.2006

"...(greasy, cholesterol-laden foods such as cheeseburgers, french fries, bacon, fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, ice cream)..."

Well, Dumpie, there's your proof!

NOWHERE in my Official Elvis Fanatic's Guide To The King, Graceland, And What He Ate There Before He Died All Grotesque In The John does it say FRIED peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

It clearly referenced only "peanut butter and banana sandwiches". Snopes is wrong, obviously.

daphne (4509) -- 04.27.2006

Good. While I like them, I'm still peeved that they didn't change the bird myth. More birds will die from crop infections because I'm a nobody!

By the way, GGG, Thing Two eats peanut butter and banana sammiches for lunch. She also has an Elvis poster and says, "thankyou, thankyouverymuch" all the time. It's kind of cute.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Dumpster (2510) -- 04.27.2006

Now, GGG, I can understand that you might not take Dumpster's word. And I can, just barely, understand that you might not take the word of Snopes.com, especially after it has been impeached by no less than The Zookeeper herself.

But, surely Her Britannic Majesty's Paper of Record has no dog in this fight. In the article I linked to in my 04.17.06 post above, The Times (London, not N.Y.!), states as follows:

"In a move that has made the ranks of the [Elvis] lookalikes queasier than the thought of a deep-fried peanut butter and banana sandwich — the King’s favourite snack in the bloated autumn of his life — a New York businessman has bought the rights to Elvis’s name and likeness and has threatened to ban “unauthorised” Elvis clones."

There. I TOLD you they were fried. Furthermore, I'm currently in the process of obtaining an affidavit from one E. Leroy Boudreaux, retired deliveryman for the Memphis Rendering Plant, about the amount of lard delivered to Graceland weekly during 1977. THAT should still your doubts, even if it churns up your stomach.

Then again, I suppose you sticklers for detail will point out that EVEN IF THERE WERE A TRUCKLOAD OF LARD A WEEK, the poor, misunderstood King was merely using it to grease his way into his sequined jumpsuits.

I guess Dumpster ain't nothin' but an irreverent hound dog!

Great comment!
E. Leroy Boudreaux (not verified) -- 05.09.2006

STATE OF TENNESSEE

COUNTY OF SHELBY

Personally appeared before the undersigned attesting officer, duly authorized to administer oaths, the deponent signatory hereto, who, after being duly sworn, on oath says and deposes as follows:

1. My name is E. Leroy Boudreaux, and I am 78 years old.

2. I am a retired deliveryman for the Memphis Rendering Plant, where I worked from 1948 until 1993.

3. During the late 1970’s timeframe, I was responsible for delivering lard to a number of commercial and large residential establishments in the Memphis area.

4. One of my weekly stops was the address known as 3734 Elvis Presley Boulevard, or the “Graceland Mansion,” residence of the popular singer Elvis Presley.

5. About the amount of lard delivered to Graceland weekly during 1977, I will swear affirmatively that it was never less than one 55-gallon barrel per week. We would deliver the fresh lard barrel, usually on Friday morning, and pick up the discarded lard in another barrel, which was never more than ž full. Thus, it is my opinion to a reasonable degree of professional certainty that the inhabitants of Graceland, specificially Elvis Aaron Presley, consumed some 13-14 gallons of lard per week, or approximately two per day.

6. I make this affidavit under oath. I am of legal age and fully competent to testify to the matters contained herein. All of these facts are known to me personally.

FURTHER, AFFIANT SAYETH NOT.

/s/ E. Leroy Boudreaux (L.S.)

SWORN TO AND SUBSCRIBED BEFORE ME
THIS 9TH DAY OF May, 2006.

/s/Inevah Climaxed
Notary Public, Shelby County, Tenn.
My commission expires 05.22.06

Dave (11987) -- 05.15.2006

History has been expunged! God bless the delete button. (User points have adjusted appropriately. Some of you may have lost points as your responses to a dark moment in PoopReport history have been put behind us.)

The Dumpster (2510) -- 05.15.2006

And we emerge from the ruins a sadder, but wiser, generation.

Double Flush (632) -- 05.15.2006

I was wondering why a lot of posts were missing. Thank you, Dave, for removing the part where it was more like Rant Wars than PoopReport.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

The Shit Volcano (3818) -- 05.16.2006

It's kinda like after a really nasty period. I'm two points lighter!

P.S. I really DID see a black Elvis in Washington, DC! The Clintons were in office, so that probably explains it.

_______
Broccoli!

The Dumpster (2510) -- 05.16.2006

TSV, you really saw Maxine Waters, but the mistake is understandable.

Actually, are you sure it wasn't this guy?

The Dumpster (2510) -- 06.25.2006

I'm sorry--I can't help sneaking something onto the site while Dave is on vacation:

How many of you are members of the Elvis Lives Fan Club?

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Loryn (not verified) -- 07.11.2006

People never cease to amaze me. You can sit here and laugh about taking a shit, and the problems that people go through such as Elvis, and you have no guilt about it. Elvis was not a fat slob, he was a generous Christian that deserves respect. He did eat unhealthy foods such as fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, but he was very poor when he was a child, he grew up on them, and came to love them. Okay, we all eat something another person would think is disgusting. We all eat fattening foods at one point or another. Elvis did not die on the toilet as you are all saying, you should check your facts first. Elvis Presley had his bathroom turned into a lounge room/restroom, and he had a chair in which he was sitting reading a book. Being an Elvis fan for many years, I really think I would know more than the ones that claim they are high and mighty and know everything about everything. You people need to find a conscience because if you can laugh at the tragedy that happened with no guilt at all, then you have no morals, values, and absolutely no conscience.

The Big Wiper (2292) -- 07.12.2006

What amazes me is that after all this time, people are still posting on this thread claiming that the forensic evidence of Elvis's death is a lie and that anyone who discusses the details that have been verified by many people over and over again is laughing at Elvis.

When I took a tour of Graceland years ago, I was aware of just how many people are obsessed with the myths surrounding Elvis and his life.
Such people are extremely defensive about any suggestion that Elvis was an abuser of prescription medication and that his life towards the end was totally out of control.

The intent of this article was to present facts which it is quite clear Elvis fantatics do not want to hear or read about. And there was nothing funny about his death, nor was the article presented as something humorous.

Echo2020 (not verified) -- 08.01.2006

Firs of all, I have read all of the comments made on this site. I have my own views as to what caused Elvis's death. I was only 10 when he died, and for most of my life after this date, believed that the drugs killed this man, then a heart attack. I have for a few years now believed that it was an Arrhythmia, irregular heart beat, or Dysrhythmia. I work in Cardiology, I have studied the heart in depth. I am confident in my opinion. A Valsalva maneuver is a medical term used to describe the action of the Vagus Nerve. When this nerve is stimulated as with the bearing down of a bowel movement, it will decrease the heart rate, and also the venous flow (flow to the heart from the veins). I have many times watched a Cardiologist instruct a patient to bear down like he or she is having a bowel movment in order to slow heart rates, or try to convert Atrial Fibrillation, which is not what killed the KIng. What did kill him is a arrhythmia called Ventricular Tachycardia (V-Tach)
Followed by Ventricular Fibrillation (V-Fib)
Which unlike Atrial Fib, is deadly.
To make my point: while he was constipated, and bearing down probably hard and for a long period of time, caused his heart rate to fall along with decreased flow or (Venous Return) for an extended period of time coupled with probable coronary disease, and known hypertrophy (enlarged, actually thickened heart muscle) Caused a decrease in flow through the Coronary Arteries which led to the V-Tach to V-fib, which ultimately killed him. I have seen this happen, the eyes roll back in the head, they become unconscious and if not converted back into a normal rhythm quickly will die!
There is no reaching for the phone! They go out quick, immediate.
As far as the thought or believe that Elvis is still alive or faked his death, this too I am confident about! I live and work in North East Mississippi. I personally know a Cardiologist who knew the attending physician who worked the ER that day in Memphis. I know the Code, or resuscitation attempts went way too long, given the fact of who they were trying to save. He was long gone before he even got to the ER. If he were alive and all of it a hoax, would these so called friends be telling dirty tales of this mans life?
I concider myself lucky to have lived while he was still alive, I remember singing to his records old 45's of my Mother's while he was still alive!
Who among us would not be embarrassed by one act or another if our life was being watched and studied inside and out. If each of our own friends turned on us, and told unfavorable tales of our life, how many of us would not want things to be told?
Many of the dark things that we know about Elvis came from his friends and people he loved. I think if Elvis could go back and do it all over again, he would not be so trusting of his close circle. What pitty they should feel for themselves, including Diamond Joe!
We have one life, we make mistakes, but for the most part the whole world doesn't know.
I read everything before this addition. "Fartbreak
Hotel" all the Crap jokes! Those of you who wrote those things are Childish!! You have no respect for others nor for yourself!
We are all truly blessed to have his great voice and music to enjoy for the rest of our own lives!!

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 08.01.2006

Wow. How do you have the time?
_______
Fecal Matters.

Echo2020 (not verified) -- 08.01.2006

Find the time?
I work 7 on and 7 off!
This was honestly the first time that I have ever done such a thing. Posting that is.
I feel very comfortable, and confident about my
remarks!
Finished!

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 08.01.2006

Don't get your Vagus Nerve in a bunch. I was only teasing you, hon, honest. :)
_______
Fecal Matters.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 08.01.2006

Well, TBW and GGG, at least THIS crowd of fanatics acknowledges that Elvis is, in fact, dead.

Progress is being made.

Echo2020 (not verified) -- 08.01.2006

Ok Girl, I understand, and I was only joking
too :)

Echo2020 (not verified) -- 08.03.2006

Now I take that back, I wasn't joking!
The End!

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 08.04.2006

What. Ev.
_______
Fecal Matters.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 08.04.2006

GGG, you are just trying to stir things up. Why not let sleeping hound dawgs lie?

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 09.14.2006

Funny how the king knew about every drug available but he didnt know about Metamucil.

Betty Poop (29) -- 09.15.2006

"Actually, are you sure it wasn't this guy?"

what's with the English and Elvis? Robbie Williams wrote a song for him, for heaven's sake. It's funny; some of the lines in it actually apply to the comments being made:

"There's no earthly way of knowing/what was in your heart when it stopped going
The whole world shook/the storm was blowing through you
Waiting for God to stop this/up to your neck in darkness"
"There's no dignity in death"
"They're still fighting over everything you left"
"No one learned from your mistakes"

what do you all think?

_______
poop poop eee doop!

Anonymous thought (not verified) -- 10.15.2006

First of all Peeps, Elvis is a major landmark in our Music history( Don't forget it) Don't be haten him because he tried to take a shit and died.
Some peeps today have bowel diseases such as a cancer. the king died but he's still alive in his music that still continues to play on the radio.
Truth be told the king is still pretty wealthy man even though he's dead. Just the other day I picked up one of his old Albums and paid a a hefty price for it. So what do u think of that? I think maybe some peeps on here need to find out why they are talking about " the kings shit" or other peeps shit...Lets talk about something thats not related to shit.

here is a thought: Some people speculate that Elvis wanted to fake his own death.

The Big Wiper (2292) -- 10.15.2006

Anonymous thought: You said, "Let's talk about something that's not related to shit."

Uh, this is PoopReport. Nearly everything on here relates to some aspect of shit/bathroom behavior/habits/bodily functions/facilities/history, etc.

The Elvis article explores his untimely demise in a factual manner--and the truth is that his demise involved a combination of his clogged arteries and his clogged rectum. Unfortunate, but true.

None of this is a reflection on his music. A discussion of that is an entirely separate issue and belongs on another website. Or perhaps the off-topic on this particular site.

Night Wolf (not verified) -- 11.15.2006

It's hilarious when you think of something like this happening to the most gifted and greatest personality like Elvis Presley, but you stop laughing the moment you picture yourself in his shoes.

Wherever Elvis may be, may he rest in peace. Amen

Pick the Corn Out (not verified) -- 01.11.2007

I have a question...does anyone know if the King's lincoln log was actually turtle-heading in Elvis's ass, like half in and half out?

Miss Simone Scat (570) -- 06.15.2007

TBW, You post an interesting tale and the Elvis-weirdos come out in full force.....sad....They should stay over on their sites and leave the real POOP to those who know.
Producing waste since 1967

The Thunderous ... (741) -- 06.15.2007

I once saw a comic strip called Bloom County where mold appeared on someones fridge in the shape of Elvis. When someone said that he appears to be weeping. One reply was he probably misses Priscilla. The other reply was maybe hes upset that he died on the privy. Hilarious comic strip!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

slippery pete (not verified) -- 08.19.2007

so elvis died while TCB ...sweet..the king died on the thone...sweet....the poop report ...sweet..

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 08.28.2007

i was wondering if the morphine and other pain killers is what was making elvis constipated.as they will do that.im still wondering why they want let anyone upstairs at graceland.it seems to me that would be a big money making scene.i believe he died of an overdose,and not heart trouble.but theres one thing we will know for sure,the king was full of shit.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 08.28.2007

I miss "Elvis Fanatic." May I post that thread here?

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 08.29.2007

That WAS some funny stuff!

Dumpie, you know I can deny you nothing; here's a link to the deleted section, for everyone's enjoyment.

Bilgepump (2849) -- 12.29.2007

Ok...I know this is history, but I'm trying to figure out why a person put in a position to help moniter the site would link to a DELETED BY DAVE section of a thread??? Oh wait, its clear now...she's a stupid bitch....oh yeah....

daphne (4509) -- 01.08.2008

Or, maybe it was the fact that The Dumpster's crowning achievement of outwitting a 13 year old girl - or as he referred to her as "a moronic 13 year old" - is now forever lost to the front pages.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anomalous Coward (731) -- 01.08.2008

How appropriate the King should die on the throne.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 05.18.2008

most of you are assholes who are jealous of elvis.. he was an amazing guy and more of a person than any of you dickheads will ever be. fuck ya'll and good day.
and who says sweet every few words? dumbasss

baron von crapalot (649) -- 05.19.2008


who says dumbass? dumbass!_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

baron von crapalot (649) -- 05.19.2008


oops, dumbasss? dumbass!_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

baron von crapalot (649) -- 05.19.2008


sorry guys I could not resist.......

"Dumasss has left the building, I repeat Dumbasss has left the building"

Thank you very much.

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 08.24.2008

leave the KING alone

Squat-n-leaveit (615) -- 08.24.2008

"leave the king alone!"

I never saw the appeal of Elvis. Didn't write his own songs. Kind of a second rate singer, actor. Prone to excess. Much like a Brittney or Paris of the '60s. In 40 years, will people insist that Paris is still alive, and is the queen? (Queen of what?)

"Leave Brittney alone!"

Postman (837) -- 08.24.2008

Squat, you don't think Elvis was a good singer? I thought that was the only thing he did really well.

Squat-n-leaveit (615) -- 08.24.2008

Gospel! I think he did gospel better then almost anyone.

baron von crapalot (649) -- 08.26.2008


Squat-n-leaveit, c'mon man, I'm no Elvis freak, butt he did mould music to a degree that only The Beatles could come close to. The only difference being that not all of The Beatles are dead (yet) All of Elvis Aron Presley is! (spot the missing letter)..........

I'm sure there is an Elvis website out there somewhere, Its just not here.... Uh Hu Hu!_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Squat-n-leaveit (615) -- 08.27.2008

What's for dinner tonight? Wild Alaskan salmon! Not AGAIN!

14 years my family commercial fished out of Ketchikan. In the days of wooden boats and iron men. Salmon was on the menu. Fried smoked salmon bellies (instead of bacon) and eggs for breakfast. Smoked salmon chowder for lunch. (delicious the first 1000 times!) Supper would be baked salmon, poached salmon, salmon puffs, fried salmon, salmon head stew.I could go on like Buba on Forrest Gump. I caught salmon, I cleaned salmon, old salmon guts gave the bilge a very special smell. I went from loving salmon, to tolerating, it to, well...

What's this got to do with Elvis? They have a lot in common.

I would awake to the sound of Elvis... sort of. We are not talking of CD quality sound, but a needle scraping an ever more warn groove in a hunk of vinyl. My sister, her room clad in floor to ceiling Elvis posters, would be dancing on the bed as if it were the first time she herd it. (it was the first time that day) If Elvis was going to be on TV (Philco black and white) She would do something that could only be described as a mixture of a epileptic seizure and an orgasm. As a gag gift, I bought her an Eldo. (an Elvis dildo!) It even had 2 speeds! (love me tender, and all shook up) She thanked me!

I had overdosed on salmon and Elvis

Bilgepump (2849) -- 08.27.2008

Squat, I take umbrage to your post, this statement in particular: "old salmon guts gave the bilge a very special smell."

A couple of tomato juice baths and I smell just fine, thank you.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Jim (not verified) -- 10.02.2008

Elvis had a drug problem and apparently he was aware of it but refused any kind of treatment. His death was a shock for everybody and many had a difficult time accepting it. I still wonder why he never tried to give up drugs, a drug rehab program wasn't an option for him...

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 12.04.2008

Elvis is awesome.

caribbean princess (not verified) -- 12.10.2008

First, I like to know, which jackass came up with the name " Poop Culture " for this website? It had to be someone who had nothing better to do with his or her time.

Secondly, I won't lie and say that I am a huge fan of Elvis Presley. But I don't hate him either. I have been trying to find out the truth about him, is he actually dead or missing?

If he really was missing, what or who, was he hiding from? But if he is actually deceased, then were is the acutal proof?

Anyways, dead or alive, he is still the "bomb" ! ! !

daphne (4509) -- 12.10.2008

Check out this link and ask yourself again if you think the founder of this site has nothing better to do.

Dave's Fundraiser to give people in India their first toilets

Maybe your name should be judgmental caribbean princess.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Squat-n-leaveit (615) -- 12.10.2008

My dearest Daphne. You cast pearls before swine. Oops! we are on poop report. Yew R trying to polish a turd.

daphne (4509) -- 12.11.2008

Hmmm. That would explain the brown streaks on my linen napkin here.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

braydensappltree (not verified) -- 03.24.2009

thats nice. i get those all the time. i dont know why. i think its because i like to shit myself

David Smock (not verified) -- 03.30.2009

I am sickened by you idiots. Elvis DID NOT die on the toilet. You are clearly morons who don't do your research. Additionally, the fact that you make a joke about that disgusts me. As a person who has no control over my bowels and bladder, I can tell you that bodily functions are NOT funny!

Bilgepump (2849) -- 03.30.2009

David, I am saddened that you cannot find humor in any of this. I am sorry for your condition, and while I won't make fun of you, the situation allows for my imagination to delight in the humor that COULD be allowed in certain situations. Sorry you feel so bitter of your plight, but if you can't laugh at yourself, you are doomed to misery. Enjoy it.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

IBS NO MORE (414) -- 03.30.2009

Just goes to show you there are two types of people in this world: PoopReporters, and everyone else.

It's not like it's derogatory or humiliating in some way that Elvis died on the toilet, nor is it disrespectful that some may find humor in such things. My own father died on the toilet, and I laugh every time I think about it. I laugh because it was his only wish to die quickly, painlessly, not to linger or have anyone's last memories of him be from a hospital bed. He got his wish, but not without one last stick-it-to-'em: My dad was a big man, and as his weight shifted off the side of the commode, he broke the toilet in such a way that we had to call a plumber out to snake the lines. (The plumber turned out to be an old friend of mine from school, so there was reminiscing amidst the grief.) Also, he was working on a crossword puzzle when he keeled over, so when my mother related that tidbit to a co-worker some weeks later, that woman's response was, "What was the word??" I bet she reads PoopReport.

So you see, David, we do not make fun of other people's poop problems here. We merely choose to find the humor in their stories.

_______
All truth goes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Then, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident.

El Scumbag (598) -- 03.30.2009

I'd be fucking delighted to die while having a shit.

Elvis was many things. Singer. Entertainer. Icon. Possibly the most beautiful looking man the world has ever seen. His music will live forever. But he was also a man. A man with problems. A man with issues. A man of low intelligence who was indulged far too much and believed his own bullshit. A man whose body and mind was, to use a medical term, fucked. His death may have been undignified, but even as a fan I'm with TBW on this one.

There are worse ways to go. Elvis at least died memorably, from his own hoggish excesses. He wasn't murdered, he did not waste away with cancer or a disease. He died as he lived: with his pants down, trying to force more shit into the world.

David Smock (not verified) -- 03.30.2009

TBSalot, I can see your points. It's just a very sensitive issue for Elvis fans because there's actually a ton of evidence out there that says he didn't die on the toilet. Of course he did die in his dressing room/bathroom.

As for you, El Scumbag, you seem to fit your name quite nicely. "A man of low intelligence who was indulged far too much and believed his own bullshit." Elvis was a man of at least average intelligence. Where have you read that he was a man of low intelligence? He has done for a lot of people, and hasn't "forced shit" on people. You sicken me.

Mrs. Mad Crapper (1155) -- 03.30.2009

I agree IBSalot, there are Poopreporters and then there is everyone else. Some people just don't get it.
I think this was probably the best way for him to die, at least he didn't have some crazed fuckin psycho fan come stab him.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Bilgepump (2849) -- 03.30.2009

David....I'm gonna try to be nice one more time....Everyone has opinions, just like assholes, and most of them stink...so lighten the fuck up...unless you are prepeared to start citing all your "evidence" to back up all your claims...and allow others to express theirs. Thank you very much, and Welcome to Poopreport.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Dildo Baggins (115) -- 03.30.2009


Hey Bilgey, sounds like David is trying to challenge me for the title of site asshole. He's got some pretty big shoes to fill, but give him enough rope and he'll hang himself just like I did. Maybe he can have a go at Poopsy..she just bitch-slapped me big time._______
Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin' , trying to give birth to another Texan!!

IBS NO MORE (414) -- 03.30.2009

^^ Texan

So, Hugh, don't shit me; I could be your favorite turd.

_______
It's not Area 51 I'm worried about--it's Areas 1 through 50!

Squat-n-leaveit (615) -- 03.30.2009

David is just a fanatic... You know, fan + addict. We all know about addicts.

Thank you... Thank you very much.

David Smock (not verified) -- 03.31.2009

Okay let me put it this way: I have the courage to post my full name and email. I'm not trying to argue with anyone. I'm just trying to set the record straight. A few of you have made some good point. Ultimately it doesn't matter how Elvis died. He was and always will be the "king of rock and roll." However, if it doesn't matter how he died, why make this page about him?

El Scumbag (598) -- 03.31.2009

Twat.

daphne (4509) -- 03.31.2009

Because it's Poopreport, David.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Thunderbox (1446) -- 03.31.2009

Damn, those chicken fried squirrel burgers can really fuck up your guts. Did he squeeze any of them out before he popped his clogs?

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 03.31.2009

How did Elvis get to be King? The right to govern is derived from the consent of the masses, not some moistened bint throwing her underwear on stage! Ooops! That's wasn't Elvis!
Still I think that the basis for government has got to be more than a stoned fat guy in a tight white suit saying "Thank yuh ver' much."
Here's your ammo Elvophiles and Elvophobes - flame away!

spattacus (206) -- 03.31.2009

Elvis is dead- fuck - when?

Squat-n-leaveit (615) -- 03.31.2009

According to the documentary movie Men in Black, Elvis did not die, he "went home."

IBS NO MORE (414) -- 03.31.2009

My new favorite phrase = "moistened bint"
Brits have the best slang!
_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

ChiefThunderbutt (3059) -- 03.31.2009

Chicken fried squirrel burgers!!! Damn that makes me hungry, as soon as UPS delivers my barrel of lard and squirrel grinder I know what I will be munching on.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Poopsy McGee (240) -- 03.31.2009

Chief, I hope you have the common decency to invite me to this picnic you have planned. (I noticed you said "grinder". Perchance do you have roots here in New England? I never met me a southerner who used that term.)

I'll bring the french fried 'taters. You bring the 82 chardonnay.

PS. Squirrel meat gives me the craps, please be so kind as to pack some 2 ply in the basket.

Mrs. Mad Crapper (1155) -- 03.31.2009

Poopsy I think he meant a grinder as in a meat grinder, ya know like the kind used to grind up beef into hamburger meat, or human hands into Big Mac patties.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Poopsy McGee (240) -- 03.31.2009

Oooohhhhhh. THAT kind of grinder. Well, at least you know what I'm talking about Mrs. Crapper.

PS. I believe it's Wendy's that uses ground up hands (fingers anyway) to make their 'double stacks'.

El Scumbag (598) -- 03.31.2009

Quote: "As a person who has no control over my bowels and bladder, I can tell you that bodily functions are NOT funny!"

Yes it is. Look around this website. If you can't find humour in your own situation, you have my pity as you are destined to be a very lonely and unhappy chap.

And for goodness sake my dear fellow, of course Elvis was of low intelligence and don't try and give me that bollocks about his high school reports, before you start. 'Average intelligence' my arse. Average for someone of his humble origins in the region, yes, perhaps. Nothing wrong with that, of course, he couldn't help it, but if you can't tell that Elvis was a bit of an intellectual numpty, you've clearly interpreted his appalling work in the seventies, his onstage banter, interviews, published opinions from half of the people that met or worked or lived with him including his personal assistants and his band, his substance abuse, gluttony, sexual habits, racism (you'll know as a fan that the only thing that stopped him screwing a girl was if she'd been with a black man), methods of entertaining himself (visiting the Memphis morgue to look at the corpses?), songwriting ineptitude, perhaps even his acting style as meaningful and unique insights into the human condition that we mere mortals are not worthy to comprehend. Sure, much is surrounded in legend, and it is difficult to seperate fact from fantasy, but the general opinion from all is that he was kind hearted, generous and lots of other positive things, but essentially a bit thick; surrounded by sycophants who'd applaud his wit and style when he would grunt "Uuh, when do we eat?". The one thing he most certainly was NOT was clever. Sorry.

It matters not one jot whether he died having a shit or not. The legend that he did, like all the other Elvis legends, will survive until the end of time, and people will continue to believe that he did no matter how much research into the truth that well-meaning chaps like you are willing to do in order to debunk the myth. The fact is, it's what people want to believe, and stories spread because it's what people want to believe that matters. They haven't got the time or inclination to research the truth, as they leave that to socially inept virgins with nothing else better to do. You can't stop it from happening by throwing your toys out of the pram and crying because people say things about your hero that you don't like.

Dying on the toilet has style, Smocky. At least it does on THIS website, which you might have noticed deals with scatalogical humour. There's simply no comedy in trying to salvage the King's dignity, admirable as your sentiments are, my dear chap. If we wish to believe that he died trying to force out a biggie, well ignorance is bliss and in this borown corner of the web, we're happier to believe a myth.

Poopsy McGee (240) -- 03.31.2009

Ah, that's what I love about you most, Scummy. You can tell someone off with style.

Mrs. Mad Crapper (1155) -- 03.31.2009

and in 3576 words or less.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

David Smock (not verified) -- 03.31.2009

El Scumbag, I will not waste my time with you because clearly you dont know shit...pun intended.

David Smock (not verified) -- 03.31.2009

Oh yeah, and also never call me Smocky again asshole.

David Smock (not verified) -- 03.31.2009

The colored folks been singing it and playing it just like I'm doin' now, man, for more years than I know. They played it like that in their shanties and in their juke joints and nobody paid it no mind 'til I goosed it up. I got it from them. Down in Tupelo, Mississippi, I used to hear old Arthur Crudup bang his box the way I do now and I said if I ever got to a place I could feel all old Arthur felt, I'd be a music man like nobody ever saw.-Elvis Presley 1956

“A lot of people have accused Elvis of stealing the black man’s music, when in fact, almost every black solo entertainer copied his stage mannerisms from Elvis.”
Jackie Wilson

“I wasn’t just a fan, I was his brother. He said I was good and I said he was good; we never argued about that. Elvis was a hard worker, dedicated, and God loved him. Last time I saw him was at Graceland. We sang Old Blind Barnabus together, a gospel song. I love him and hope to see him in heaven. There’ll never be another like that soul brother.
James Brown

“That’s my idol, Elvis Presley. If you went to my house, you’d see pictures all over of Elvis. He’s just the greatest entertainer that ever lived. And I think it’s because he had such presence. When Elvis walked into a room, Elvis Presley was in the f***ing room. I don’t give a f*** who was in the room with him, Bogart, Marilyn Monroe.”
Eddie Murphy

"Elvis was a giant and influenced everyone in the business."
Isaac Hayes

"I remember Elvis as a young man hanging around the Sun studios. Even then, I knew this kid had a tremendous talent. He was a dynamic young boy. His phraseology, his way of looking at a song, was as unique as Sinatra's. I was a tremendous fan, and had Elvis lived, there would have been no end to his inventiveness."
B.B. King

A racist? Not according to these guys.

Thunderbox (1446) -- 04.01.2009

I hope you`ll be frying those taters in beef lard, Poopsy.

El Scumbag (598) -- 04.01.2009

*exhales large sigh*

I notice you didn’t contradict the rest, Smocky. It's peculiar isn't it? Whenever an accusation is made of Elvis having racist tendencies the same old arguments come up about his love for black music, his black staff at Graceland, his friendship with Sammy Davis Jnr and the like, and of course the comments made by James Brown, Muhammad Ali, and his later confirmation that “people are people regardless of race colour or creed”, which was all good PR, obviously, as was the very hard work it took to try and convince the world that he didn’t say “The only thing niggers can do for me is buy my records and shine my shoes.” in an interview with CBS in 1957.

A lot of effort has been made to debunk the legend that Elvis was racist. Mary J Bligh’s interview a few years ago stirred up all that stuff again and rightly, people came to his defence with their ‘proof’ to the contrary. There are countless web pages dedicated to disproving theories about his racism, using the same arguments as you Smocky.

But they almost always skip over the fact that racism is selective and there are many degrees of it. The argument against racism usually goes “No way! I have lots of black friends!” and Elvis was among many with that public posture, but would he actually sleep with a black girl, or a white girl who’d been with a black man? It’s a strange double-standard. But that is not necessarily proof of racism, so hey, you win Smocky, I can’t win this argument, so I take it back. Elvis was not racist and I’m an arsehole who knows nothing and I bow to your superior knowledge in this matter. Is that better?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan. Always have been. His music (well, a good proportion of it) has given me limitless pleasure and still does. But I see no reason to put him on some fucking pedestal and pretend that he was some humanitarian genius who couldn’t put a foot wrong simply because I love his music, or that he didn’t die on the toilet trying in vain to push out a big chalky turd because it’s an undignified death. If you want to argue whether he was or wasn’t racist, whether he was or wasn’t a musical genius, whether he’s alive or dead, the nature of his addictions, what aspects of his personal life are lies, or whatever it is that floats your boat, then there are thousands of places on the web to do it other than a website dedicated to poop humour. I daresay your input will be more appreciated in those places and you will find people of like mind. In this little corner of the internet, very few people actually give a shit.

Anomalous Coward (731) -- 04.01.2009

Gol dang Scummy, you use your tongue purtier than an twenny dolalr whore!

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