Death On The Throne: The Passing Of Elvis Presley

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On August 17th, 1977, newspaper headlines across the country, proclaimed the shocking news: The King is dead.

Twenty-seven years ago today, Elvis passed away. Elvis Aaron Presley -- the poor, ambitious, rebellious young man from Tupelo, Mississippi, who gyrated









Headlines like this shocked fans around the world.





himself to the top of the fledgling rock and roll industry in the mid 50s; who helped define and refine its essence for two more decades; and who became increasingly eccentric, isolated and unable to handle his mega-star status -- Elvis Aaron Presley had died at 42 of cardiac arrhythmia, a severely irregular heartbeat or heart attack. His millions of fans wanted immediate answers, wondering how such a thing could possibly have happened to one so previously blessed with good fortune.

At first, conflicting reports circulated throughout the media of how Elvis had met his end, and who had discovered him in his Graceland bathroom. Initial accounts had Joe Esposito, his road manager, discovering Elvis' body fully clothed in pajamas, face up on the floor of the bathroom, around 2:30 on the afternoon of August 16th. Elvis was rushed to the emergency room at Memphis Baptist Hospital, where Jay Francisco, the Shelby County medical examiner, pronounced him dead at 3:30. It was speculated that he might have been dead as early as 9:00 that morning. The only drugs detected in his system were those prescribed by his personal physician and friend, Dr. George Nichopoulos, for hypertension and for a colon blockage (an affliction that hospitalized the singer twice in 1975). A drug overdose of any kind was quickly ruled out.

But a different set of details eventually emerged. To protect Elvis's young fiancé -- a novice actress named Ginger Alden, to whom he was to be married on Christmas Day later that year -- the sequence of events was altered. What actually happened was this: Elvis, who had been unable to sleep, had played racquetball most of the night and early into Tuesday morning (around 6:30). He then told Ginger, who had a separate bedroom and bath, that he was going into his bathroom "to read" for a while. The book he took in with him, interestingly enough, was The Face Of Jesus, by Frank Adams.

It was Ginger who discovered him around 1:30 in the afternoon that day, after he did not respond to her queries at his bathroom door. Finding it unlocked, she pushed on it and encountered him laying on the floor, facedown in a pool









Ginger Alden, Elvis' fiancé, the first to discover the King that fateful morning.





of vomit, his pajama bottoms around his ankles. To spare the distraught woman's feelings and ease her emotional burden, the discovery story was somewhat sanitized in its initial release to the press, particularly regarding the part she had played in the traumatic event, his state of undress and the bodily function in which he had surely been engaged. Only later did it become common knowledge that Elvis had died while trying to defecate.

In his 1999 biography Careless Love: The Unmaking Of Elvis, author Peter Guralnick emphasizes that "it was certainly possible that (Elvis) had been taken while straining at stool"; and Shelby County medical examiner Dan Warlick also indicated that it appeared Elvis had been stricken while seated on the toilet before falling off, crawling several feet, throwing up and dying.

Autopsy results later released to the general public did nothing to discourage this scenario. The singer's heart was enlarged with a significant amount of coronary atherosclerosis, there was extensive liver damage, and the large intestine was clogged with fecal matter, indicating a chronic and painful bowel condition. Elvis's former aide and bodyguard Delbert "Sonny" West would later complete the distressing and graphic picture of the King's physiological torment in a widely-circulated newspaper interview, revealing that his employer's drug habit was "so strong that he had to take pills to get up in the morning, to regulate his bowel movements, to sleep and to perform."

"He took every possible pill you can think of," West continued, "including pain pills during the day. Demerol and morphine shots (with









An actual photo of Elvis' bathroom Pretty swanky!





syringes) for the downs. And a very strong pain medication intended for terminally-ill cancer patients for a pleasant high."

Although these drugs were not in his system at the time of his death, the damage done to his cardiovascular system by dependence upon such substances -- along with a lifetime of extravagant and unhealthy nutritional habits (he was at least thirty pounds overweight when he died) and a previously documented intestinal blockage -- all point to the 'straining at stool' scenario (surely without success) as the probable impetus for his fatal arrhythmia. (His pajamas pants around his ankles, of course, are a dead giveaway.)

Researching this story in the Tupelo library, I was struck by the irony of one of the first newspaper headlines I encountered in the vertical file: "Death Won't Dethrone The King." That particular banner, which heralded an affectionate tribute to his career and made no reference to the manner in which Elvis had died, was more prescient than the headline writer could ever have imagined.

We PoopReporters know better than to take this bodily function for granted. For many of us, and certainly for Elvis, it can be a source of great consternation and travail; but while we joke and share our stories about it, it was straining on the porcelain throne that caused The King to abdicate his reign over rock n' roll.

232 Comments on "Death On The Throne: The Passing Of Elvis Presley"

Tydirium's picture
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Wow, Doniker! Well done. I didn't know you had it in you!

chad's picture
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you aint nothin but a hound dog dyin all the time
second post

Di Uhreea's picture
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Nicely done, you two.
(you know who you are!)

chad's picture
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HEY! when i typed my response, there was only donikers on the screen i had second post

C Everett Poop's picture
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Dead or not, Elvis is still the King. 5th post!

Tydirium's picture
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I've been trying for like 15 minutes to come up with a good Elvis song title poop pun. The best I could do was Poo Suede Shoes... lame. Fartbreak Hotel? That's junior league stuff. Can anyone come up with anything good?

chicken gravy's picture
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Elvis' tale is one we must all keep in mind when fighting the big brown animal...patience is a virtue

chicken gravy's picture
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Hey Tydirium: how 'bout "A Little Less Constipation"?

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points
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My favorite Elvis song is "Suspicious Minds".
I whipped up this parody about Elvis's last day on the throne:

Suspicious Turds

by Elvis

My crap is caught in a trap
It won

daphne's picture
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I don't know which I enjoyed more, the usual informative Big Wiper article (and this one was great) or Doniker's song. Both are awesome!

I am glad Wiper put a picture up of the King's bathroom, because I've always had a picture in my mind of some tiny bathroom, which is stupid. It was Graceland, after all.

Oh, and I was on Virginia Road in Hermitage, PA, on my way to one of Todd's games when I heard about Elvis's death on Y103. I remember that like it was yesterday.

So, do you all think Elvis would have been a poopreporter? Maybe he would have been one of our constipated members.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Oops I Crapped My Race Suit!'s picture
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Anyone catch the Watkins Glen race yesterday? Tony Stewart had stomach cramps the whole race. After he won he spent a half hour in his trailer before he went to the winner's circle. The commentator said he had to change his suit. I wonder how many laps he had to sit in his ass puddle.

Chuck's picture
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July 4 weekend I wandered toward Tupelo and saw Elvis' boyhood home. The admission charge us $7.50 or about a dollar a step (literally). I would bet a Graceland bathroom was bigger than his boyhood home in full.

doniker's picture
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I always remember the day Elvis died, it's my mother's birthday.
Ironically I have a friend who has the same birthday as Elvis is January.

FIRST POST OF THE WEEK RULES!

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Thanks, Doniker. I needed the laugh today. Good article TBW. I always knew Elvis took the shitty path to Graceland.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

a young friend's picture
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I think the last toilet he used should be honored and displayed in the "Shitters Hall of Fame". Maybe even the president could stop by to say a few words over the bowl. Since this is election year, that could be a pretty positive political jesture for him.

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Hey, TBW. Something just occurred to me. Didn't your grandpa die on the crapper? I wonder what it is about Mississipians and dying on the toilet. Do you have any thoughts?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Crapola's picture
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"A Hunk-a Hunk-a Burning Dung"

Piece Out!
Crapola

Glutgut's picture
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I wonder if they removed that boulder from his intestine after he croaked. That thing must have been huge to make him pop a vessel.

Lady Ballbuster's picture
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Loved Doniker's song!! A few years ago, one of our local papers printed a cartoon about Elvis' death on the throne. If you'd like to see it, I've scanned and uploaded it:

http://www.geocities.com/silverojo/elvis.html

Enjoy!

Aaron's picture
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When Elvis sang "Hound Dog" I always thought he sang "You ain' nothin' but a hound dog, crappin' all the time". Also with "Suspicious Minds" I thought he was 'in the midst of business' when he sang the opening line, which I thought was "I'm caught in a crap, I can't walk out, because I love you too much baby". Any more secret poop references by the King, anyone?

The Big Wiper's picture
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Hey, gang, this was an interesting article to research in the library, especially here in Elvis's hometown where they had tons of material to choose from. When I showed up asking for the reference librarian's help with an article about Elvis, she went into action like a whirling dervish. This wasn't her first time at the rodeo, and she led me straight to all the goodies.

TSV: yes, my maternal grandfather did die on the pot, and I wrote about it in my article, "He Died On The Pot." Although my grandfather was 79 and Elvis was only 42, there were some similarities in their diets, which did nothing to help either of their hearts, I believe.

My grandfather's housekeeper was an old-fashioned country cook who used lard. No one knew anything about fat intake and cholesterol for at least the first half of the twentieth century, if not longer. So to answer your question about Mississippians, I would say that it was more the type of diet they both ate, even though I'm quite sure the closest thing my grandfather ever saw resembling a drug was a laxative of some sort.
In any case, clogged arteries do not respond well to straining.

doniker, I really enjoyed your parody of 'Suspicious Minds.' My two favorite Elvis tunes are: 'Kentucky Rain,' and 'In The Ghetto.'

Oh, and I must again give kudos to our Mr. Pooper for this assignment. He mentioned that the site had never done anything on Elvis's demise and asked me if I would be interested in taking it on, particularly since I've been living in Tupelo for the past five years.

P.S. All of my attempts to get the cooperation of the archives department at Graceland were rebuffed. Hmmmm.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

daphne's picture
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Crapola, good one!
Second, we all need to applaud Big Mama Thorton, the original recorder of Hound Dog. She received the lyrics on a brown paper bag from someone.
If anyone ever finds her cd "Jail" get it. This old bitch kicks ass.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

will's picture
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This shows us that even the high & the mighty can come to an abrupt & sometimes very awkward end. VERY well done TBW...I hadn't realized the particulars of his death....My favorite songs of Elvis: Suspicious Minds, & Are You Lonesome Tonight.

Harry Plopper's picture
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The one part of this mystery that hasn't been disclosed is what was in the jon at the time of his death? Was there one of those almighty turds that hides its head around the bend, but hangs its tail over the seat? Had Elvis died in the process of successfully dumping some of that backlog? Or maybe there were one or two M&M sized poop-disappointments? Was it ever reported? Had he wiped his arse? Didn't his mother tell him to always make sure his ass was clean in case he had an accident and had to go to hospital?

There are so many questions remaining to be answered!

If I die on the throne I want the autopsy to be extended to my final dying turds. I want the cause of death to record the length, girth and number of flushing attempts required to dispose of them. Dave, you are invited to do that bit of my autopsy.

The Big Wiper's picture
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Harry, the answer to your question is found in the autopsy report I detailed: his colon was impacted (virtually blocked) with fecal matter, so there was very likely nothing of any consequence in the bowl, except perhaps some piss. It was no doubt the straining and the pushing at that anal anvil that did him end.

P.S. The one I always heard growing up was to be sure and wear clean underwear in case you had to go to the hospital. And, of course, you have to wipe your ass well in order to achieve that!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

daphne's picture
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Maybe that's the greatest irony of all. He had enough money to get to a hospital or get a doctor to his house to help him pass that thing.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Harry Plopper's picture
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Does all that impacted fecal matter give Elvis a second reason for being called "The King of Rock"?

Ral's picture
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One of my relatives died in a very similar way, although it was a pre-existing heart condition that resulted in his death-by-straining-to-poop. This was in TN, too, so there's always a certain amount of -- shall we say, satisfaction -- at this method of demise.

Ronald Aaron Astorga's picture
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ELVIS RULES THE BEST OF THE BEST THE KINDG

eluiafam's picture
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I need financial help to complete the money for my mothers cancer treat me please help me so that i will not loose her, nothing is too small .she is all i have left .i thank you in the lords name remain blessed.
afam

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Is there anything these Nigerian scammers won't try?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Sz.Uusz..'s picture
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Elvis Presley was very DUM!! Why did he take drugs? STUPID...he could have been alive right now.. i think it was his own foult...bitch.. and WHAT was his daughter thinking.MARYING MICHAEL JACKSON!!!! he's a monster!! he looks like a woman... the ugliest woman I'VE ever seen...but whatever.. =P C U LATERRR

Rob3823's picture
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Thought you'd like to know, he wasn't on the "throne." He had a custom barber's chair in his bedroom, and that's where he read. David Stanley cleaned up the leftovers of the drugs he had taken before the paramedics got there. His stomach was pumped during reviving attempts, and flushed down a sink. There was no vomit listed in the police report, or paramedics report. Dr. Nick and the Medical Examiner were both investigated. He was laying facedown, in relation to where he had fell out of the barber chair.

joy seelye's picture
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you know there are millions of people you do drugs he was not alone and no one will ever know the true cause of death as money can buy you anything even a fake death certificate.and it is not humorus the way a person dies! what if one of your mom's or dad's die this way? and i think it is just pure jealousy on you alls part he was handsome, adored by all women, could have any woman he wanted and was very successful.but he did come from a dirt poor familiy with very humble beginings and he made something of himself and thats all that really matters here.i am not pissed at you folks not at all i just feel he had a tragic end and i would have loved foor him to be around longer so maybe our kids and so on would know what he was like and how he came to be and such.and he did do allot for the music industry as a whole and we all make out fate in this world because we have free will and sometimes it gets the best of us but after all we are all just human and we all have faults.and yes i am sad this happened but yu know i cant do nothing about it. i just wanted to let you know how i felt.thank you for your time. joy seelye

Loryn's picture
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This is completely false. Elvis Presley did NOT die while trying to defecate. Indeed he did have a twisted colon but that is not what killed him. He took medication for many different ailments, one of which being sleepwalking. He also took a prescription drug for his colon problem. Elvis died while in the "Lounge Room" which is also known as the bathroom. He was sitting on a cushioned seat that went from wall to wall and fell on the floor due to Cardiac Arrythmia, an irregular heartbeat. He was not on the toilet, he did not have his pants around his ankles. When falling on the floor, his knees were pressed up against his chin, and he was not found for hours later. He was already in rigor mortis when he was found. From what I know, yes there was vomit on the floor next to him, but that was not due to his colon problem either. Many people believe to this day that Elvis did not die on August 16th, 1977. If that were the case, none of this would be relevant anyway because it would be a made up story. In the papers it does not state that he was trying to defecate. Why would someone come up with such a death story and humiliate themself? They wouldn't. If you look at all of the inconsistencies in the story, you may be surprised at it. Also, why would a doctor try to recusitate a man that has already been in rigor mortis for 2-3 hours? He wouldn't. Rigor mortis is almost impossible to break and he would be pronounced dead on arrival. Making a joke out of someone's passing is wrong, and is not funny in any way. Even if he did die in such a manner, why would it be humorous to you all? He changed the history of Music, he was a Christian man, a good man, and a thoughtful man. Why would some people stoop to such levels knowing that he did so much for what we have to this day?

The Big Wiper's picture
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As the author of this article on Elvis's death, I can tell you that the research for this piece was done in Tupelo, Ms--Elvis's birthplace--with the help of the reference librarian. The sources cited were newspaper clippings from Memphis and Tupelo papers, as well as Peter Guralnick's biography. The tone of the article is not humorous--it is serious and respectful. You are reading things into the text that are simply not there.

No judgments are made on Elvis's music or his religious beliefs in this article, either. You are entitled to your opinions, but they contradict all the official and objective research that was done to produce this article.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Loryn's picture
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If this article was made by doing research from the newspapers, then why haven't I seen such a thing? I own both newspapers with Elvis on the front page stating his death. Indeed they both state something different, but not one says his pants were down around his ankles, nor what he was trying to do while dying. Did anyone read that there was a telephone next to the toilet? If he were actually on the toilet when he had a heart attack, he would have easily been able to reach the phone, call downstairs, and let someone know that he was having troubles. If you look into what the medical examiner states, it says that it was due to cardiac arrythmia, an irregular heartbeat. As I have said, he had a twisted colon which he was on medication for as well as medicine to prevent constipation, but that is not what killed him considering the medicine he took every day to prevent problems while trying to defecate. This is intended to be humorous. I as well as others have pointed that out. For someone that changed the world of music, gave us what we have today, to be so disrespected is a disgrace. Death on the throne is definitely meant to be a joke. That was not in the headlines nor anywhere else. It was dreamed up by someone that thought it would be funny to disrespect a person such as Elvis Presley. If you are referring to merely one person or book that states he had his pants around his ankles you are sadly mistaken. His toilet was on the right side of the bathroom, and he was clearly found on the left side of the bathroom. He was face down, yes, but that is the only thing correct in your death story. Who's to say exactly how he died or what position he was definitely in? We weren't there, and we certainly don't know all of the details. We know vague details that could be completely fabricated. Who knows? All we know is what newspapers and books tell us and most of them state different things. I got one of my newspapers from Memphis, and the other is from Tupelo. They both say completely different things regarding his death. If you even take a look at the death certificate, it was made two months after his death. The first one disappeared. We're believing what we read, it's human nature but if the first death certificate disappeared and another was made two months after his death, then who's to say that the cause of death they are stating is true? Who's to say that he even did die on August 16th, 1977?

The Big Wiper's picture
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I simply don't subscribe to all the Elvis Death Conspiracy theories that you seem to be embracing with your last statement. What Elvis was as a musician and cultural icon is entirely separate from the excesses in which he indulged in his private life. It has been well-documented that his dietary and prescription drug abuse habits were atrocious. Both of those indulgences frequently lead to coronary and intestinal problems.

As I posted before, you are entitled to debate this all you want--including nitpicking the details of his death. But as time has gone by, the truth about Elvis's personal life has emerged, and it's not very pretty.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Loryn's picture
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I have definitely read into his personal life and the drugs that he has encountered. I do not argue the fact that he took drugs, however there were many reasons for starting the use of them. It is not only one sided. He did binge eat throughout the day, along with taking drugs. I am not arguing the fact that this could have lead to his coronary problems. We don't know that. It is a logical answer to the problems, however we don't know exactly what caused anything. All I am stating is that the things that are being written contradict themselves. People state that he didn't do drugs except for the ones that he so badly needed, and then they state that he did. Which is it? They are constantly saying different things which should have been said in the beginning. 30 years have gone by now and people keep saying new things trying to shock the world at the life of Elvis Presley. He wasn't an angel, he was a person and everyone has their faults and he definitely had his but none of it makes any sense when reading about Elvis. You can look into the closest people in his life such as Vernon, Jimmy Velvet, Joe Esposito, Charlie Hodge, etc. but they will all say something different.

Patticake's picture
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Why don't you all let the dead rest in peace? Elvis was a simple country boy unable to deal with the death of his mother contrasted with the fame and adulation given to him. I blame his untimely death on his so-called "friends" who didn't intervene to help him when they saw the destructive path he was taking. All they cared about were losing the benefits they were getting from Evis' generousity.Be thankful for the legacy of beautiful music he left behind. God bless Elvis!!!

Loryn's picture
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By all means, I love Elvis. I have been listening to him since I was a toddler. All I am stating are the facts. The facts that I have read in newspapers, books, and from the people associated with Elvis during his career. Of course Elvis should rest in peace, but do I think he would appreciate such stories being written and jokes being made about him? No I do not. He was greatly hurt when the book Elvis what happened came out written by Sonny West. There is nobody here to defend Elvis, and that is what I am doing. I am defending him who was a terrific man, and his fans. Many people do not and would not appreciate these stories. I do not deny the fact that he did drugs and was hurt by the death of his mother. That could very well have lead to his death. But considering the cover ups that have been revealed, people saying one story after another that contradicts what the other is saying, you don't know the facts. This is supposed to be a factual story but do we really know? No we don't. That is all i'm saying. There is reasonable doubt. There is no way of knowing exactly how he died considering the stories that have been said about him, and the medical examiner has passed on. Who else is there to substantiate these claims? His father outright denied the drug abuse, as well as many of his close friends, family members, etc. There is just no way of telling. It will always be a mystery, why stress about it 30 years later?

The Dumpster's picture
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Getting back to his musical legacy, what about "Fartbreak Hotel"??

Terry's picture
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Some funny stuff in the comments there guys, the main article was a fasinating read also. for the most part it is true, but why do we mock and make light of it? all elvis done was entertain and give his all to the music world. sadly he got taken in by drugs, but it's easy done right! I have a sense of humour, some of the comments made me belly laugh out loud, but lets try to remember elvis for his music rather than his personal life. huh huh huh!!!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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It is August 15th 1977, Memphis. All is well until Elvis begins his food fest in the company of one G. Rubbymitts, who recounts the remainder of the evening as follows:

Me and Elvis Once Went on a Food Fest
Me and Elvis once went for a food fest,
One late august night,
The sign flashed "All You Can Eat!",
So we stopped in for a bite.

Elvis gobbled down thirty cheeseburgers,
Faster than I'd ever seen,
He swilled them down with ten milkshakes,
And a bucket of chocolate ice cream.

Then he ordered a mega huge curry,
And twelve massive naan bread too,
I pleaded "Elvis please stop eating!",
It was all that I could do.

But the singer sank down twenty prime ribs,
And a nice fat juicy steak,
I had to turn my head away,
It was more than I could take.

Still Elvis kept on eating,
His appetite yet did burn,
And the size of them cakes he shoved down his gob,
Sure made my stomach churn.

He wolfed down ten packets of biscuits,
And a huge lump of blue stilton cheese,
By the end of that dreadful evening,
His stomach sat on his knees.

At last he supped a cup of coffee,
Said "Tataa!" and went on his way,
They found him dead on the toilet,
The very next day.

But what the police didn't tell us,
What the papers didn't say,
Not only did Elvis snuff it,
He blew the toilet away!

Terry's picture
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You are all a bunch of poopheads! leave the king alone. R.I.P Elvis Presley January 8th 1935-August 16th 1977 This just goes to show, he could'nt even take a dump without people knowing about it!

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points
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Don't blame the poopheads, Terry (if that is your real name), blame the CIA (Crap Initiative Association).

Your unintentional RIP connotation is funny. We're all just letting Elvis RIP in peace... hee hee...


May you always find a roll with paper

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

The Dumpster's picture
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The more I ponder it, the less I see TBW as an Elvis fan. I realize he leads an eclectic lifestyle, but my visions of TBW run more to Glen Antrim and Glenlivit than to glitz and Graceland.

But, I suppose all of us on PR have our "layers"?

The Big Wiper's picture
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TBW is definitely not an Elvis fan, thanggyouverramuch. I accepted the assignment from Dave-O for the enlightenment of all PR devotees. I was never an admirer of Elvis's music, acting or personal life.

I think he was manipulated throughout his career by Col. Tom Parker and never given the guidance to rise above his initial rowdy splash in the entertainment world.

I'm not much of a drinker, however. Although my brother and father love to ruminate over tumblers of Glenlivit, etc.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Winny the Poo's picture
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James 1:11, the Elvis bible verse.

In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Fuck all of you! Elvis was, and is still the king. And to the ones who have to defend Elvis here. Just think Elvis sold over a billion records. These assholes here spending their time talking about taking a shit, my you are all so much better than Elvis. You people have a unique talent you can take a shit. I am sure Elvis and his fans are captivated by your oh so unique talent.

The Kings Fan's picture
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You know what F_ck all you sick bastards and your poor musical taste to. Elvis Presley is the absolute king of music sold over one billion records, and changed music history forever. To the people who support our boy (Elvis) don't stop posting your messages. Remeber when these people piss you off they spend their spare time talking about taking a shit, oh what a unique talent I am sure Elvis and his fans would envy you people so much you have managed to form a group on what every single human being on earth can do. Go ahead same some lame joke but your still a bunch of losers that had your dreams crushed of being a proctologist while elvis was screwing beautiful women 24/7 (Even Constipated so F_ck off.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points
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The somewhat misguided but well-intentioned person above says: "[w]hile elvis was screwing beautiful women 24/7 (Even Constipated so F_ck off." Yeah, but he had a fistful of dead presidents--Franklins to be exact.

Speaking of King's Fans: Log Hockey, anyone?

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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To the diehard Elvis fan above, I have one message: He's dead. Get over it.

_______
"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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In another post, SSpiffyPoo, a reliable source, directs us to a story on Snopes.com entitled "Meat Your Maker," which considers allegations about celebrities who died with supposedly vast undigested blobs of beef in their bowels. Finding that the bulk of such blather is bunk, Snopes does conclude in reference to The King, however, that:

"This claim is largely true about Elvis Presley (in concept if not in actual quantity), but not for the reasons we're led to believe. According to an account based on the report by the four doctors who performed the post-mortem examination of the entertainer:

"'The colon is approximately five to seven feet in length in a person Elvis's size and should have been about two inches in diameter . . . however, Elvis's colon was at least three and a half inches in diameter in some places and as large as four and half to five inches in diameter in others . . . [T]he megacolon was jam-packed from the base of the descending colon all the way up and halfway across the transverse colon. It was filled with white, chalklike fecal material.'

"This account makes it sound like Elvis was a prime example of the hazards of the "goo and glue" diet, but his poor eating habits (greasy, cholesterol-laden foods such as cheeseburgers, french fries, bacon, fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, ice cream) were far less responsible for the condition of his colon than other factors, such as his congenitally twisted ganglionic fold, his overuse of laxatives, and, primarily, his prolonged drug abuse. As one of the autopsy doctors described, "When you take downer-type drugs, depressants, narcotics, a lot of them, most of them, have the concomitant effect of slowing down the digestive system. In other words, the locomotive action of the bowel quits working, so it gets packed with food, and then it gets packed with more food. And it sits there distended and full of food, and that causes the colon to stretch." In other words, it was drugs, not meat, that caused the severely impacted condition of Elvis' colon."

In other words, if you MUST worship a dead, fat slob, WORSHIP ARCHIE BUNKER!! At least he was funny!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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I don't know what to think of the snopes people. Snopes was wrong about birds dying from eating rice thrown after weddings because I had to work on a few with impacted crops in Kentucky. They were full of half-hydrated rice. When I tried to get them to take the falseness down, then refused. They said, "We need proof." And I said, "I worked on the birds myself and the rehabber who I worked with has all her federal licenses." Those wankers. I wonder if sometimes they just want more new material on their site.

But then they do lots of research.

I think they could be a bit more thorough.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
http://www.daphneszoo.com/

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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"...(greasy, cholesterol-laden foods such as cheeseburgers, french fries, bacon, fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, ice cream)..."

Well, Dumpie, there's your proof!

NOWHERE in my Official Elvis Fanatic's Guide To The King, Graceland, And What He Ate There Before He Died All Grotesque In The John does it say FRIED peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

It clearly referenced only "peanut butter and banana sandwiches". Snopes is wrong, obviously.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Good. While I like them, I'm still peeved that they didn't change the bird myth. More birds will die from crop infections because I'm a nobody!

By the way, GGG, Thing Two eats peanut butter and banana sammiches for lunch. She also has an Elvis poster and says, "thankyou, thankyouverymuch" all the time. It's kind of cute.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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Now, GGG, I can understand that you might not take Dumpster's word. And I can, just barely, understand that you might not take the word of Snopes.com, especially after it has been impeached by no less than The Zookeeper herself.

But, surely Her Britannic Majesty's Paper of Record has no dog in this fight. In the article I linked to in my 04.17.06 post above, The Times (London, not N.Y.!), states as follows:

"In a move that has made the ranks of the [Elvis] lookalikes queasier than the thought of a deep-fried peanut butter and banana sandwich — the King’s favourite snack in the bloated autumn of his life — a New York businessman has bought the rights to Elvis’s name and likeness and has threatened to ban “unauthorised” Elvis clones."

There. I TOLD you they were fried. Furthermore, I'm currently in the process of obtaining an affidavit from one E. Leroy Boudreaux, retired deliveryman for the Memphis Rendering Plant, about the amount of lard delivered to Graceland weekly during 1977. THAT should still your doubts, even if it churns up your stomach.

Then again, I suppose you sticklers for detail will point out that EVEN IF THERE WERE A TRUCKLOAD OF LARD A WEEK, the poor, misunderstood King was merely using it to grease his way into his sequined jumpsuits.

I guess Dumpster ain't nothin' but an irreverent hound dog!

E. Leroy Boudreaux's picture
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STATE OF TENNESSEE

COUNTY OF SHELBY

Personally appeared before the undersigned attesting officer, duly authorized to administer oaths, the deponent signatory hereto, who, after being duly sworn, on oath says and deposes as follows:

1. My name is E. Leroy Boudreaux, and I am 78 years old.

2. I am a retired deliveryman for the Memphis Rendering Plant, where I worked from 1948 until 1993.

3. During the late 1970’s timeframe, I was responsible for delivering lard to a number of commercial and large residential establishments in the Memphis area.

4. One of my weekly stops was the address known as 3734 Elvis Presley Boulevard, or the “Graceland Mansion,” residence of the popular singer Elvis Presley.

5. About the amount of lard delivered to Graceland weekly during 1977, I will swear affirmatively that it was never less than one 55-gallon barrel per week. We would deliver the fresh lard barrel, usually on Friday morning, and pick up the discarded lard in another barrel, which was never more than ¾ full. Thus, it is my opinion to a reasonable degree of professional certainty that the inhabitants of Graceland, specificially Elvis Aaron Presley, consumed some 13-14 gallons of lard per week, or approximately two per day.

6. I make this affidavit under oath. I am of legal age and fully competent to testify to the matters contained herein. All of these facts are known to me personally.

FURTHER, AFFIANT SAYETH NOT.

/s/ E. Leroy Boudreaux (L.S.)

SWORN TO AND SUBSCRIBED BEFORE ME
THIS 9TH DAY OF May, 2006.

/s/Inevah Climaxed
Notary Public, Shelby County, Tenn.
My commission expires 05.22.06

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper
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History has been expunged! God bless the delete button. (User points have adjusted appropriately. Some of you may have lost points as your responses to a dark moment in PoopReport history have been put behind us.)

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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And we emerge from the ruins a sadder, but wiser, generation.

Double Flush's picture
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I was wondering why a lot of posts were missing. Thank you, Dave, for removing the part where it was more like Rant Wars than PoopReport.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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It's kinda like after a really nasty period. I'm two points lighter!

P.S. I really DID see a black Elvis in Washington, DC! The Clintons were in office, so that probably explains it.

_______
Broccoli!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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TSV, you really saw Maxine Waters, but the mistake is understandable.

Actually, are you sure it wasn't this guy?

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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I'm sorry--I can't help sneaking something onto the site while Dave is on vacation:

How many of you are members of the Elvis Lives Fan Club?

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Loryn's picture
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People never cease to amaze me. You can sit here and laugh about taking a shit, and the problems that people go through such as Elvis, and you have no guilt about it. Elvis was not a fat slob, he was a generous Christian that deserves respect. He did eat unhealthy foods such as fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, but he was very poor when he was a child, he grew up on them, and came to love them. Okay, we all eat something another person would think is disgusting. We all eat fattening foods at one point or another. Elvis did not die on the toilet as you are all saying, you should check your facts first. Elvis Presley had his bathroom turned into a lounge room/restroom, and he had a chair in which he was sitting reading a book. Being an Elvis fan for many years, I really think I would know more than the ones that claim they are high and mighty and know everything about everything. You people need to find a conscience because if you can laugh at the tragedy that happened with no guilt at all, then you have no morals, values, and absolutely no conscience.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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What amazes me is that after all this time, people are still posting on this thread claiming that the forensic evidence of Elvis's death is a lie and that anyone who discusses the details that have been verified by many people over and over again is laughing at Elvis.

When I took a tour of Graceland years ago, I was aware of just how many people are obsessed with the myths surrounding Elvis and his life.
Such people are extremely defensive about any suggestion that Elvis was an abuser of prescription medication and that his life towards the end was totally out of control.

The intent of this article was to present facts which it is quite clear Elvis fantatics do not want to hear or read about. And there was nothing funny about his death, nor was the article presented as something humorous.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Echo2020's picture
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Firs of all, I have read all of the comments made on this site. I have my own views as to what caused Elvis's death. I was only 10 when he died, and for most of my life after this date, believed that the drugs killed this man, then a heart attack. I have for a few years now believed that it was an Arrhythmia, irregular heart beat, or Dysrhythmia. I work in Cardiology, I have studied the heart in depth. I am confident in my opinion. A Valsalva maneuver is a medical term used to describe the action of the Vagus Nerve. When this nerve is stimulated as with the bearing down of a bowel movement, it will decrease the heart rate, and also the venous flow (flow to the heart from the veins). I have many times watched a Cardiologist instruct a patient to bear down like he or she is having a bowel movment in order to slow heart rates, or try to convert Atrial Fibrillation, which is not what killed the KIng. What did kill him is a arrhythmia called Ventricular Tachycardia (V-Tach)
Followed by Ventricular Fibrillation (V-Fib)
Which unlike Atrial Fib, is deadly.
To make my point: while he was constipated, and bearing down probably hard and for a long period of time, caused his heart rate to fall along with decreased flow or (Venous Return) for an extended period of time coupled with probable coronary disease, and known hypertrophy (enlarged, actually thickened heart muscle) Caused a decrease in flow through the Coronary Arteries which led to the V-Tach to V-fib, which ultimately killed him. I have seen this happen, the eyes roll back in the head, they become unconscious and if not converted back into a normal rhythm quickly will die!
There is no reaching for the phone! They go out quick, immediate.
As far as the thought or believe that Elvis is still alive or faked his death, this too I am confident about! I live and work in North East Mississippi. I personally know a Cardiologist who knew the attending physician who worked the ER that day in Memphis. I know the Code, or resuscitation attempts went way too long, given the fact of who they were trying to save. He was long gone before he even got to the ER. If he were alive and all of it a hoax, would these so called friends be telling dirty tales of this mans life?
I concider myself lucky to have lived while he was still alive, I remember singing to his records old 45's of my Mother's while he was still alive!
Who among us would not be embarrassed by one act or another if our life was being watched and studied inside and out. If each of our own friends turned on us, and told unfavorable tales of our life, how many of us would not want things to be told?
Many of the dark things that we know about Elvis came from his friends and people he loved. I think if Elvis could go back and do it all over again, he would not be so trusting of his close circle. What pitty they should feel for themselves, including Diamond Joe!
We have one life, we make mistakes, but for the most part the whole world doesn't know.
I read everything before this addition. "Fartbreak
Hotel" all the Crap jokes! Those of you who wrote those things are Childish!! You have no respect for others nor for yourself!
We are all truly blessed to have his great voice and music to enjoy for the rest of our own lives!!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Wow. How do you have the time?
_______
Fecal Matters.

Echo2020's picture
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Find the time?
I work 7 on and 7 off!
This was honestly the first time that I have ever done such a thing. Posting that is.
I feel very comfortable, and confident about my
remarks!
Finished!