Bodily Functions During Hanging

// // 108 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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I contribute this report to add perspective to toilet habits. The bladder and the bowel often function normally as involuntary actions -- even in the most horrific of circumstances. While this site focuses on the grunts and groans of a too-big turd, or the embarrassment of messing one's pants, the people I'll discuss below have more to say about the subject.

I am a historian and history teacher interested in the partisan fight in the USSR against the Nazi invasion of 1941. In October of that year, a seventeen-year-old Jewish girl named Masha Bruskina was the first of at least 4,000 victims of official retaliation by German SS. She was publicly hanged in Minsk (Belarus), along with two others. Among the accounts written of the incident are descriptions of this poor young lady's involuntary defecation and urination as she died.

It's long been known than convicts -- especially women -- urinate and defecate during execution. In the USA, they are diapered; in the UK, before capital punishment was eliminated in 1965, condemned women were compelled to don heavy canvass slacks at time of execution. The so-called "long drop" with hanging (employed by more civilized jurisprudence in recent times) has the force to kill instantly, but also to caused rectal and vaginal prolapse -- the tearing out of internal organs and discharge through lower orifices. The "short drop" was another story. Known to slowly strangle the victim rather than cause instant death, the short drop is the favorite for public executions in the Middle East, and was the mode of execution in Nazi Europe when and where an "example" had to be made. In the former USSR, the short drop was the fate of countless thousands during WWII; and for a very definite reason it was inordinately applied to women and girls in their teens and twenties.

To punish and discourage the partisans (whose offense could be as little as cursing or throwing rocks at a passing German convoy), the German SS employed a trick popular since biblical times, and still in use in the Middle East today: disgracing and humiliating their sisters, wives, and daughters. It went like this. The girl was made to stand on a bucket or stool while the noose was tightened around her neck. An officer then kicked the bucket or stool away, and the girl gasped, convulsed for a few minutes, then urinated and defecated down her legs before becoming limp and dying.

Multiple condemned were strung-up on a common crossbar one at a time, so the next could see what awaited them. Thus, one bucket or stool was placed down as if to catch raindrops in a leaky roof. But it caught none of those. The bucket or stool was returned to the lender -- a local shopkeeper perhaps -- for whom it became an object of derision. This was yet another part of the SS plan.

The smell of urine and feces around the hanging execution site was renowned. Streaks of urine and feces crusted on the victims' legs and pooled under their dead bodies. The women's skirts were stained brown, especially in the rear, and their undergarments often held a load leaching brown fluid as if through a cheesecloth. The German SS required the bodies to remain suspended in this way for three days.

Four thousand Soviet girls, one at least as young as twelve, took their last shit and piss such a way -- in front of a gawking crowd and the click-click of German soldiers' cameras as they did it. If you want to know more, Google Masha Bruskina and follow the links.

I have come across execution techniques used in today's Middle East to remove women's underwear (even though they still wear a very long skirt) before they are hung -- and in which the executioner returns the bucket he has kicked out from under them to catch their falling urine and feces. This reported stated that, despite the pain of hanging, these women retain enough composure to spread their legs for a clean piss and dump into the receptacle below.

My interest in this subject is the consequence of a fascination for history, and of having a very dear friend who's father was judiciously executed at Sing Sing. Guess they used to shit on the electric chair, too.

-- Patrick


108 Comments on "Bodily Functions During Hanging"

Di Uhreea's picture
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What a topic to take an in-depth interest in....
I watched a horror movie last night and now this! Morbid!

Yikes's picture
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I was thinking the same thing, fudgepump. You said it better than I could have.

fudgepump's picture
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Very sobering piece. Apparently the sadistic mindset Ty mentions is endemic in the Middle East, as cited three times by Patrick.
Two questions:
Can this practice be viewed as simply a cultural difference (once stripped of the sadism, humiliation and intimidation, if that is possible)?
Is there more to Patrick's motivation than to "add perspective to toilet habits"? The subtext would seem to answer 'yes'.

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points
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very interesting, very informative. Horrifying. But it makes sense -- a sadistic mind wants to do more than just kill. They want to humiliate. They want to intimidate. And they use poop.

Gah.

The Holy Shitter's picture
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My God! What a morbid post.

I had to keep reading because it was insightful and well written.

Nazis suck.

Jack Scat's picture
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For some reason, I went to a torture museum in Prague. Basically, one walks around looking at things crying out in phantom pain. The instruments originated for the most part in Western Europe; lots of them were made to go up one's ass and/or genitalia, ensuring that the orifice would henceforth never be the same. Occasionally vast amounts of water would be poured down the gullet afterwards, forcing all matter within to take the nearest exit. This would have been agonizing without a shredded arse.
Insult to injury, causing someone in a bad situation to shit themsevles. A common practice, it has been recently discovered by guards and police in American detention centers all over the world.
I guess this story should serve as a reminder that people shitting themselves is not automatic hilarity.

daphne's picture
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A tv show on executions touched briefly on the evolution of hanging, and I remember all of these things being said except for the pooping.

Another interesting note. Hitler was responsible for more beheadings via guillatine than there were committed in the French Revolution by many times over.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Just publish this story on any site against capitol punishment. Lovely isn't it. (NOT!)

Shawn St. James- Hitler may have taken the cowards way out, but Mussolini got what he deserved. He was chased down and killed. Then his body was placed in a public square where everyone lined up to spit on him.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Turdmatic 6000's picture
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I'm having trouble imagining the mechanics of the prolapse thing. How does a jerk upward (relative to the body) force the innards that hard downward?

daphne's picture
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Turdmatic 6000,
Try to imagine this..........
You are dropped from a plane above ground level. You drop. Your body drops. A rope around your neck jerks you, and your outside covering, replete through your largest organ, the skin, to stay at that particular elevation. Whilst, in your innards, that are only connected to your outside membrane through a loose fitting of connective tissue, to continue to go downward.

The innards are still going downward, because the loose connective tissue has broken due to the poundage of the fall. Thus, rupture.

It is really elementary physical anatomy that I learned while a junior in high school. However, I got to take 3 biologies because I was a medical illustration student, and I lost out on poly-sci and all sorts of social studies because of it.

I hope this helps.

It's a good question, actually, I forget that I know the human body but don't know jack shit about politics. I guess it's what you learned.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Turdmatic 6000's picture
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Daphne--

Thanks, it does help. I honestly hadn't expected that an organ's own energy (after a typical, say, 9-foot gallows drop? That's about 25MPH!) could be enough to rip it from its moorings. Curse you, now I'm afraid to try and shit without a dynamometer.

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Imagine what bungee jumping does to you.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

daphne's picture
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Actually, bungee jumping has 2 advantages; elastic to alleviate impact and upside down position so the organs go into the ribcage and not down!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Is this better? No wonder people throw up when they bungee jump.

As you can see, I am not about to do it myself. *whimper*

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

n/a's picture
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and the men used to have their pants pulled down,,,.../// cause they would have an erection... so people said it "felt good" to be hanged... tha'ts disgusting!!!!

Crumbie's picture
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Its all just sick...

elissa's picture
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yes guys have erections because the blood moves south, and girls are more likely to shit and piss because their muscles down there are a little weaker. And in general they weigh less, so they had a harder time at the end of the rope. But what a way to go, hanging is more about sexual proclivities than punishment, and entertaining a crowd was more important than deterring pickpockets. Who hasn't had a fantasy about being hanged in public? You? Then why are you reading this? Idle curiosity, ok.

Jobber's picture
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This is true, when someone dies if their bowels and bladder are loaded , and the bladder usually contains some urine, these will escape when they die. In Hanging by the Variable Long Drop where the person's weight and height is taken into account to calculate the length of the rope to be used before they are pulled up short, death is almost instantaneous by dislocation of the atlas and axis bones at the top of the spinal column which ruptures the spinal cord and in many cases also disrupts the medulla oblongata thus all control functions from the brain to the rest of the body, heart, lungs etc is lost irrevocably and death follows very shortly afterwards.

Compare this to the the fixed short drop with the "Cowboy" Noose where the person strangles to death over a period of time , the eyes bulge, the tongue protrudes out of the mouth and yes they usually defecate and urinate as they are dying. When they hanged some of the top Nazis after the war, Erst Kaltenbrunner No 2 at the SS was hanged this way by American authorities and took 24 minutes to die. In contrast Irma Gresse who had been the female Commandant of a Concentration Camp was hanged by the British using the variable drop and was pronounced dead when the doctor examined her a couple minutes after the hanging. (Yes it is true that British women who were hanged had to wear a tight pair of special pants to keep everything inside as the force needed to break the neck would force out the internal organs). By the way males hanged tended to have an erection brought on by the process of hanging and even ejaculated. This gave rise to the custom in the days of public hangings in the UK of people gather up the earth under the gibbet as they considered that it held magical properties.

Compare the speed of death in the Variable Drop Hanging with other Methods of Execution still used. Firing Squads are notoriously inaccurate, most of the soldiers do not wish to carry out this action and the Officer in charge often had to shoot the condemned man at point blank range in the head to finish him off. The Electric Chair is barbaric and slow, a modern cross between burning at the stake and boiling in oil- in some cases the executed corpse has actually started to cook. The Gas Chamber is also too slow as they use an old fashioned gas, Hydrogen Cyanide, similar to the Zyklon B the Nazis used, why don't they use Nerve Gas which is almost instantaneous , after all the US Military have plenty left over from the Cold War which they never used. Even the so-called "Humane" Lethal Injection takes too long to work and is often botched as in the recent case in California in December 2005. Rather than the cocktail of chemicals used via an IV Line why not use Barbiturate Thiopentone? This is used to put down sick animals and works within a minute as a simple single chemical injection. They say 10cc is enough to kill a human adult but perhaps a larger dose would be used to ensure almost instant death.

BTW I am in favour of Capital Punishment, but feel it should be done by the most humane and quickest method possible.

Latus Rectum's picture
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A sobering report indeed! But as they say there are two sides to every coin. For some of those with a shy bladder/bowel it is actually possible to use this involuntary reaction to one's own benefit (without dying of course!). I guess you learn something new every day.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Most execution methods cause the inmate to lose control over their body wastes by making the bladder and anal sphincter muscles relax. You take someone's life and you get their shit and pee. The electric chair causes every
muscle in your body to contract, so the waste is forcibly spewed out when the switch is pulled. For the sake of the witnesses they put a leather mask over the inmate's face and put the witnesses in a room adjacent to the death
chamber with a window so they won't have to endure the 'smell of justice.'

When they burned Julius Rosenberg as an atom spy at Sing Sing in 1953, smoke rose from his scalp as he lost his shit and peed all over the place, leaving a large puddle on the concrete floor beneath the electric chair and a malodorous smell of burning flesh and bodily wastes in the death chamber. The chair can also make you bleed and vomit and cause your bloody eyeballs to explode from your head, and make the penis explode. It inflicts third
degree burns with baseball sized bubble blisters that sometimes explode during electrocutions. Someone facing the horror of death by internal burning with powerful electrical currents might overlook using the toilet prior to getting fried.

Thunderbox's picture
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Hanging is very degrading to a person. I saw it a lot in Iraq during their war with Iran. People hung in rows along the main bridges. OK - most of these had been strung up before being hung again, so there was no shit or piss.

I worked in Saudi Arabia for a year and we lost count of one of our electricians for 10 days. We eventually found him - he`d stripped naked, hung himself in a 10 foot by 10 foot room in a vast hospital we`d been building. By the time we got there he had burst, literally, and his skin (what was left) had turned black. He was 18 stone before this, and about 5 foot 10 inches. The temperature in the room was over 120 degrees.

The voice of sanity

Betty Poop's picture
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even more reasons not to have capital punishment...yuck.
a question--men get erections. women just shit. if women did enough kegel's, would they get aroused instead, like the men?

_______
poop poop eee doop!

poop poop eee doop!

healthy 1's picture
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A friend who works in a nursing home told me that alot of people void just before they die. It is a reflex. Good point BP, a this is a great reson to abolish capitail punishment.
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Guillotine is the as humane method of execution as there can be.

Beheading causes an instant nervous shock, leading into unconsciousness in seven milliseconds (according to animal experiments) and it is impossible to botch. As the body is kept horizontal, no involuntary defecation or urination will occur and the internal organs remain intact to be harvested.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I know this site is about poop humor, but I find myself compelled to address an issue of humanity. Only when we stop treating one another as expendable tools where an "example" has to be made, can we really consider ourselves human or humane. Those poor young ladies who were put to an untimely and cruel death should sober us all a bit.

A doctor's picture
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Bodily excretions around time of death happen for a variety of reasons. Starving the brain of oxygen, asphyxia, occurs during "old style" hangings where the person strangulates rather than having their neck broken. Starving the brain of oxygen makes it irritable and likely to have a seizure - like an epileptic fit - and when people have seizures they often urinate and defecate.

However, i think the main reason why people urinate and defecate when executed is because of fear. Any of us faced with our own death would poo or wet themselves - probably both. The reason fot this is because of a branch of the nervous system called the "parasympathetic" nervous system.

Everyone's heard of the "fight and flight" response - the heart races, breathing quickens, and blood is diverted to the muscles. This reflex is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetc system is the opposite buddy of the sympathetic. It makes you poo, pee, vomit, and faint. I call this the shite and fright response.

Normally, these two branches of the nervous system control the day to day functioning of the body. In extreme danger, the fight ot flight response is activated. If the danger is too great and defeat is certain, then the shite and fright response kicks in. Fainting, defecating, urinating and vomiting are the result.

This reaction makes sense evolutionary - if a big tiger attacks you, you prove that you are not a threat by visibly demonstrating fear. Also, if the body is expecting seroius trauma then it makes sense to eject any urine or faeces that may contaminate the body if it is badly damaged.

Interestingly, the parasympathetic nervous system also controls erections. It is feasable that if someone was terrified to the point of having a mass parasympathetic system discharge, they may get an erection.

However, breaking the neck causes a type of erection called a priapism. This is because the parasympathetic nerves to the penis come from the pelvis, whilst the sympathetic nerves travel down the spinal cord. Sympathetic nerves constrict penile blood vessels, parasympathetic nerves widen them. The two systems act in a tug of war, and whatever system is activated the most controls the erectile state of the penis. By severing the spinal cord, you take the sympathetic nerves out of the equation and the parasympathetic nerves work unnapposed causing an erection.

A bit off topic, sorry.

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points
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Not exactly what I was looking to read this morning. I did come away with knowledge.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

The Scheisster's picture
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crikey,

I only followed the link about Masha Bruskina! Interesting though...

Cheers

The Scheisster

RoboCrap13's picture
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The inventor of the guillotine wanted to create a more humane method of execution.
Before that time, beheading was done using 3 people. One held the victim against the block, one grabbed the head and pulled to lengthen the neck, one went to town with an axe or a sword.
The two holding the body would often get cut if the victim struggled. The guillotine prevented that because the body could be strapped into place on the platform.
It was designed to be humane, and it is forever linked to one of the most blood-thirsty eras of French history.


_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
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Hmmmm you know this being the anniversary of Elvis death, I often wonder since he died on the pot I wonder if he also took an enormous shuffle off this mortal coil DUMP. They say when you die you shit yourself. At least he was in the right place at the right time saving those housekeepers the disgrace of having to clean up god only knows what. Just give it a flush and a swirl with the brush and alll clean. But whether its death by hanging or ANY kind of death HEY youre dead. What do you care about those that have to clean it up? I guess its good that they think this stuff up!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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Thunderous Crapper, if Elvis left a momento from his behind, behind, then I'd bet money that someone fished it out and saved it.

I'm going to check eBay.

Fudgepump's picture
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Thunderous: I kind of doubt Elvis left anything in the bowl. I think by that time he was completely bunged up from all of his various prescriptions. Maybe he was trying so hard to take a dump that his heart stopped.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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When many people die a natural death they also defacte and pass urine and your friendly mortican is the one who cleans up the mess with both outer cleaning and internal, The colon is flushed out by inserting a long colon tube into the rectum and water is forced in and out with a suction 2 way pump untill the return water is clear, then a big long metal tube called a trocar is shoved into the navel and the same thing is done to the small intetines and stomach and lungs, water in water out untill everything nasty is flushed out of the corpse, Then the penis is tied off with suture string and the rectum packed with cotton soaked in formaldhyde and a big plastic plug is then shoved up the rectum and sealed with glue, this is also done on a female vigina, then a bag of about 2 qts pure embalming fluid gravity fed is injected into the organs, then the hole made by the trocar is sealed with a plastic plug and some of those guys use super glue to seal those plugs, so next time you see super glue in a store, just think a lil about all its uses,, It also takes about 8 gallons of water to flush out a dead body,, Oh i also forgot they also shove that cotton down the throt and shove a big plug in there too and wire the mouth shut, yes they do this and no mortican will ever tell you this, but i seen these things done, and oh a body that has been autopised, i will tell you later what your frindly mortican does with them when they get them on that table.

Wettinghose's picture
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I heard that victims of strangling and choking very often piss themselves. My question is if they wetting themselve during the death struggle or usually after?

RoboCrap13's picture
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Usually afterwards, W-h. The involutary muscles closing the bladder release, as will any contents.
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Wettinghose's picture
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Imagine passengers on a plane which has just lost twon engines and is about to crash. Is it realistic that a high percentage of the people on board will defacate and wet themselves out of fear?

prarie doggin's picture
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WH, people do those things on flights anyway.

RoboCrap13's picture
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WH and PD, you both have good points... A plane crash would definately be a brown-trouser moment.
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I once read a book about Marines in combat in Iraq. It noted that Marines would often frantically piss and shit if they were about to go into combat, or if a firefight was imminent. They do this in case they are wounded or killed, they don't expire with poop in their pants.

Shatpants's picture
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Patrick - if you're still around, Googling Masha Bruskinska hasn't brought up any obvious pics or descriptions of her pissing and shitting.
Seemingly guys (and probably women too) being strangled often piss and shit themselves. Denis Nielsen strangled young guys, and the book about him (Killing for Company, came out late 80s?) quotes his descriptions of some of the killings. Most of the guys pissed and soiled their pants as they were bing strangled - they must have been lying or sitting (at least in the later stages), so presumably this wasn't gravity, and it's clear from the descriptions that at least one was pissing while Neilsen was strangling him.
chilling stuff!

prarie doggin's picture
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I believe it was mentioned in the book "The Godfather" that guys relieved themselves when being whacked.

Wrongfred's picture
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After reading this post by wettinghose, I can confirm that lots of pants messing takes place on a doomed flight. I had a friend who was on a commercial liner which crashed in Thailand. While the plane was going beserk she started to panick real badly. She told me later that she lost bladder control when the plane took a serious dive and defacated as well. Luckily the pilots did a miracle and where able to sort of crash land the plane. No one died. Thank goodness. Later she saw that not only she has messed herself but some of the other passengers and some of the stewardesses has dark streaks from pissing into their skirts and pantyhose.

Just imagine the JAL flight 123, which took half an hour to crash. Imagine how may people would have pooped and peed themselves. I would certainly have...

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Just the action of screaming in terror can release your bladder, so a plane crash piss wouldn't be out of the question. I know one time I caught my hand in a clasp and screamed, all the while emptying my bladder into my undies. It was just the simple change of focus, I suppose. Being terrified for your life in a plane crash would have the same effect.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

prarie doggin's picture
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I have been on a plane where just one nasty fart made me want to die. If 150 people simultaneously shit their pants, that plane couldn't hit the ground fast enough for me.

Wettinghose's picture
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Has anymore ever seen a scene in a mainstream movie, where somebody scared to death of about to be killed, messes their pants?

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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True Lies. Simon "the fake spy" pisses himself when Harry and Gibb shove guns in his face.
He does it again later in the movie when Helen threatens to "do him right here" in the middle of a party.
I know they're pissing scenes, but it was the first movie that came to mind.
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Wettinghose's picture
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Thanks for the lead Robo. I think there was another wetting movie in the movie about Ted Bundy. After he is electricuted on the chair, we see his pants wet.

However are women or men more prone to wet and defacate in terrifying moments?

Calcraft's picture
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I recall that in The Other Side of Midnight, the book, pretty Noelle is forced to have an enema just before she is led out to face the firing squad in her white dress. The nurse who comes to her cell to administer the enema says to her "we woulnd't want to soil that pretty dress, would we?" I found the scenario of a pre-execution enema extremely titillating (although it's reported that Noelle "felt nothing"); it was then (1977) that I realised just how sick I REALLY am.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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yes, i've often fantasised about being hung publically

aswas's picture
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um well i've often fantasized about being hung in public. i've heard that there are others turned on by this sort of thing

Hum bunger's picture
l 100+ points
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AC/aswas

The site you are looking for is: psychologicalhelpreport.com

Hanging games are dangerous, even members of the BDSM community consider erotic asphyxiation to be beyond the scope of "safe, sane and consensual." The county coroner will no doubt note the shit running down your leg before he zips up your bag. Don't do it.

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Wettinghose, I can think of several other movies as well. The one that comes to mind is Space Cowboys, where this kid at the beginning of the movie asks for a "scary flight" and ends up puking, as well as shitting himself in terror.

Then there is Hollywood Homicide, where a suspect visibly pisses himself when the warehouse he is in gets shot up.

Then there is the wet spot on the cop's pant in the 1980s movie Moving Violations.

There are many others.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Wettinghose's picture
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There is an Italian horror movie called "Pieces" where a women wets her training pants in fear of the chainsaw wielding killer.

sewage's picture
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I own a business that specializes in sucking up shit we also maintain the nj sewage blog

we plan on giving you a link. Great site

daphne's picture
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Your site is nice, too. I especially like that giant cartoon poo.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daniel the lion's picture
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Patrick
You're talking bollocks,the innards of women do not drop out of their lower regions when the women are hanged.

The reason for the strap around the knees was to keep their dresses from erupting upwards on the drop,for respectful dignity.

You need to read the the chronicles of execution through the ages.

History teacher my arse.
Sheeesh!

letizia's picture
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i'm thinking of me about being hanged in public and wetting my pants, i like movies with hanging scenes

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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We would have hung you right here in this forum, letizia, had you not confessed to liking it. So here's wishing you on your way, pants dry.

Logjam

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Women were wearing specially made underpanths not slacks

El Scumbag's picture
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Interesting stuff.

In all seriousness, I’m actually one of those rare people who’ve been hung by the neck and survived to tell the tale, which I shall now relate to you. It’s long and it’s NOT shit-related, so if you are looking for a poop story, read something else.

Mrs Scumbag (soon to be ex Mrs Scumbag when the divorce comes through) comes from the Czech Republic originally: a town called Sumperk in North Moravia. We decided to get married over there because it was far cheaper to do so and because her family would not need to travel to England for the wedding. On the evening of Friday 10th April 1998, the night before the wedding, my friends and I went out for a night on the town. My final night of freedom, if you like.

North Moravia is not on the tourist trail. Although more youngsters do now, at the time very few people spoke English and Sumperk is a town where everyone generally knows each others’ business, so as my wife-to-be was well known, on my previous trips there I became a bit of a local ‘celebrity’. English people in Sumperk were as rare as rocking-horse shit, so our wedding made the front page of their local newspaper. As such, news of the wedding meant that I was being congratulated by various Czechs all night and bought beer after beer, so I can only use my high spirits and comprehensive drunkenness as my excuse for what was to follow.

Those whose experience of this amazing country is limited to a weekend visit to Prague will not realise this, but Country & Western music is big business over there. Sure, the youngsters are into their metal, rap, indie, pop and dance music, just as they are everywhere, but the older generation have always taken C&W quite seriously. As such, many towns have at least one Country & Western bar or club, whereby 50-something Czechs sit around playing banjos and listening to Hank Williams, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, that kind of thing. It’s the oddest sight, seeing a mullet-headed non-English-speaking Czech man in a Stetson hat, but nevertheless they absolutely love it.

In Sumperk there was (and still is) a C&W bar named The Dakota. After an afternoon and evening spent quaffing the fine local lager (Holba. Try it if you ever go to North Moravia, as it’s excellent) to excess and wandering from bar to bar, my party of a dozen or so found ourselves in there. Other than various prints of prairie scenes on the wall, The Dakota’s prime feature was a real working noose which was looped decoratively over one of the ceiling beams.

Someone, and it may have been me, suggested that it would be a great photo opportunity if I would stand on a barstool and pose with my head in the noose. I got up on the stool, loosened the noose, stuck my head through it, tightened the noose and posed. Click…click…click…followed by various drunken cheers from English and Czechs alike.

Now those of you who do stupid things while drunk will know that there is a stage of drinking whereby you know what you want to do but cannot stop yourself. A sudden mad inspiration takes over and you know that it’s a silly thing to do, but it seems hilarious to do it, whatever it is. On this occasion, a rather inebriated Czech bloke at the bar decided that it would be hilarious to rush towards me and kick my stool away. I plummeted and did the dying dance of the hanged man.

I can close my eyes and feel it still. The panic. The desperation. The horror on the guy’s face as he looked at me with the sudden realisation of what he’d done, as the world started to go fuzzy. It comes back to haunt me in my nightmares still. It was only by sheer luck that he kicked the stool straight forwards as fraction to the left or right, and my neck would have snapped like a twig. Instead, my 6ft 2 and 200lb bulk dropped straight down and I began to asphyxiate, struggling desperately as my throat was crushed inwardly and I began to black out, totally unable to breathe. By equally good luck, my best man Lee and his brother-in-law saved my life. They were far more alert than most of us and were quick witted enough to rush towards me the moment that they saw me fall, grab my dangling legs and support my weight, lifting me up while someone else loosened the rope from my neck. They had me on the floor quickly and got me breathing again somehow. I’m still not sure how I didn’t die.

Needless to say, the Czech guy was mortified. He had sobered up pretty bloody quickly (as we all had, including me) and was shaking with fear, babbling away his apologies in Czech. After they got me to my feet, I actually hugged the man. By rights I should have given the stupid drunken scoundrel a damn good thrashing, and my pals were more than willing to do so on my behalf, but I was so bewildered at what had just happened, so dazed, so shocked and so grateful to find myself still alive, that I could only stand, supported by Lee, and try to calm down. The chap was so apologetic and so shocked, that I couldn’t possibly be angry with him. The whole bar was in uproar and although an ambulance was suggested (and the police), I figured that with my wedding in the morning, to hang around any longer (no pun intended) would probably cause more problems than it would solve. I couldn’t speak and my neck and throat hurt like hell, but I’m proud to say that I still managed to finish my beer before we walked out. Not only that, but we went to the pivnice (beer hall) over the road and sank several more before we retired for the night.

Lee looked after me that night in my hotel and when I woke, I could just about speak, but with great pain. The rope burn was a wide welt across my neck and there was no way to hold my head that didn’t hurt my neck and throat. I could barely swallow water, let alone breakfast, so how I could have carried on drinking after last night’s event, I really don’t know. But I got dressed and made my way over to my mother-in-law-to-be’s apartment to get changed into my suit. News of the event had reached her already, but in the ‘chinese whispers’ way, so by the time I got there she was convinced that I’d tried hanging myself to get out of the wedding, and didn’t know how to break the news to her daughter, who was busy having her hair styled. Luckily, with the aid of a friend who translated, she learned the truth of what happened and fearing for my raw neck in the photographs, rounded up every available woman’s cosmetics, so that the thickest layer of foundation imaginable could be applied to it. Bless her.

The wedding went through without a further hitch, but I had so much make-up on my neck that by the end of the day my white shirt collar had become beige. And my new wife was very far from impressed with me, although grateful to be getting married rather than attending the morgue.

However, while dangling and being slowly strangled to death, my sphincter did NOT give way. I did not piss or shit myself in anything other than a metaphorical sense. I am therefore of the opinion that this would only happen immediately AFTER death, rather than just prior to it.

spattacus's picture
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Bloody Hell - You Lucky, Lucky Bastard!
Do you still wear ties!

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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Only when I have to! And yes, lucky bastard indeed. I still wake up in a cold sweat sometimes, 11 years later, and I feel icky whenever the subject of bringing back hanging as capital punishment is mentioned, or if I hear of someone who has committed suicide in this way. I know what it's like to swing, you see, and trust me when I tell you that it's absolutely terrifying. And it hurts.

Dildo Baggins's picture
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I looked up the girls name and read the articles. It boggles the mind how people in a so called civilized society can de-humanize and brutalize each other. Sometimes I think that instead of fucking off on the seventh day, God should have just wiped the slate clean and started over._______
Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin' , trying to give birth to another Texan!!

Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
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No doubt!
Just ask Michael Hutchence ...no, sorry, you can't, can you...
I've heard of just hangin' around with your dick in your hand, but he took it to XS.
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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I seem to remember staggering out of a bar in Scotland (Edinburg?) where it was claimed the hangmans noose was invented. Any of you guys know about it.

El Scumbag's picture
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No I don't think that's correct PD. The noose is a slip knot that has been in use for centuries all over the world and nobody is quite sure who came up with the design or where it occurred. It was introduced as a method of execution in Britain by Saxon invaders in the 5th century, although gallows as we know then took until the late 12th century to appear.Many places may lay claim to being the birthplace of the noose or the gallows, in the same manner in which there are 12 churches worldwide who claim to be the repository of Christ's foreskin, but the real answer is lost in the mists of time I'm afraid old chap.

It's possible that the claim derives from the method of 'long drop' hanging, which was introduced to the UK by executioner William Marwood in 1871, after being successfully used in Ireland, not Scotland. Until then, hanging had been 'short drop' which essentially strangled the victim to death. It's important to note that the operative phrase when passing the sentence of execution was "to be hanged by the neck until dead" which remained in use until the abolition of hanging in the UK in the 1960s.

More likely though is that the claim is confused with the fact that one of the last official executioners (who took over after the resignation of the famous Albert Pierrepont), Robert Stewart, was indeed a Scot from Edinburgh, and would have frequented the pubs there often.

spattacus's picture
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"there are 12 churches worldwide who claim to be the repository of Christ's foreskin"
El S - re your forum statement; are you Jesus reborn?

El Scumbag's picture
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I'm NOT the messiah... I'm a VERY NAUGHTY BOY!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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It is interesting to note that a couple of thousand years ago death by hanging (slow strangulation) was thought to be one of the more humane forms of execution. Compared to some of the other methods available at the time, crucifixion, burning, etc., I suppose it was a blessing to receive this form of capital punishment.

I applaud all the enlightened countries of the world who have removed capital punishment from the list of punishments which the mete out, often so unfairly. People who demand the death of another so they can have "closure" should be made to realize that the only true closure comes through forgiveness.
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

El Scumbag's picture
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That might be the case Chief, but it's hard to forgive someone who has killed your child, for example.

Sadly, as a species we aren't yet collectively evolved enough to properly forgive. We oonly choose to do so when it suits us.