10/23/02: contrary to popular belief, i consider a "party pooper" the life of a
party.
4/5/02: its important to always have something to read when pooping. but make
sure its nothing too exciting, bc you want to always remember your primary
objective.
9/25/02: one day, these reality shows like fear factor and the like will make
the contestants eat poop, and then I will finally have the upper hand.
11/24/02: prior to a poop, make sure that you take off your cape, because oh
man, that can get embarrassing.
11/13/02: one thing i like doing since i was a child (im lying i started doing
it last year), is to yell "OOOOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME DINOSAUR!" whenever i
flushed the toilet because the big pieces of poop always look like tails that
are fleeing away into their caves.
11/27/02: i wish i was in space, that way, i could poop upside down
successfully.
11/30/02: have you ever fallen asleep while pooping? if you have, you really do
not have your priorities straight.
11/15/02: a poop dupe: to tell someone youre going home to nap or play handball
or whatever, when all youre really doing is going to take a poop.
10/17/02: Fake poop is often used when participating in trickery amongst
friends; although, think about it. whats funnier?, the look on the face of the
targeted when they pick up a piece of fake poop, or their face after they pick
up a fresh steaming piece of real poop?
10/18/02: i bet there is gold inside of our poop. you dont know. youve never
checked.
9/10/02: if a poop deck is what i think it is, i am joining the Navy
11/14/02: if you think about it, "flinging" poop is the only proper means of
turning it into projectile. even though hurling, tossing, shotputting, rifling,
pelting, hiding, and underhanding poop are all comical, it just doesnt work as
well as flinging.
9/15/02: you know how when you're pooping in a public place and theres someone
else in the bathroom and you feel kinda embarrassed when you make noises? i dont
believe in that. i think we should feel free to make as much noise as we want,
because theres nothing to be embarrassed about. the next time im in the bathroom
and someone makes a lot of noise, im going to go into the stall and give them a
high five.
9/26/02: the worst is when you are really sick and you dont know whether you are
gonna throw up or poop, because you have to rationalize which one you would
rather clean up off of the floor.
5/12/02: My worst day ever was when i pooped kryptonite. and even though
kryptonite does not effect me like it does superman, it was really big and
pointy and it hurt.
When granting me permission to reprint his sacred Poopisms, the honorable and gracious "Walter" asked me to include
these:
WALTER'S CHOICE: P times 1001 is equal to PooP
WALTER'S CHOICE: The Hover Poop: Pooping without touching the seat and instead hovering
over the toilet, due to the fear of the uncleanliness of the seat
WALTER'S CHOICE: i like to wear my sunglasses while pooping because it makes me feel cooler
Dearest PoopReporters, we're in luck: there exist many more Poopisms.
-- Dave
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