Nature is constantly discovered to work as a series of interrelated cycles, acting in sync.
Bees, for instance, wake in time to carry pollen from flower to flower to make honey in time to feed bears enough food for them to
hibernate. And so eons pass.
Humans follow these same cycles. It is well documented that a house full of young women will naturally get into sync with their menstrual
cycles, thus allowing them all to get pregnant when a boyfriend visits from out of town and they act out the group sex that flows
naturally from the visit. This is well documented in both the scientific and porn communities.
Recently, another such cycle of nature has been discovered: The Group Poop. The Group Poop is the phenomena that results when a group of
people (usually men, but sometimes women or even co-ed) get on the same pattern of "regular poop time."
Take your average group of office drones. They all start their day at the same time, take their breaks at the same time, eat their lunch
at the same time... naturally, they're going to poop at the same time. The empirical evidence is overwhelming. Five guys all grab their
"Triple-Bypass-Sausage-and-Egg-Breakfast-Sandwich" at 8:15 A.M., and at 9:45 there's no one answering the phones and "No Vacancy" signs
on all the bathroom stalls.
Another fine example are the dorms of your average college. Most campuses have dining halls with very regulated dinner hours. So when the
residents of the West Wing of the Second Floor of XYZ Hall of AnyCampus USA all indulge in that second helping of chicken patty, the
only thing to be read during evening study hour will be the stall poetry of generations of previous poopers.
Even after college, it isn't unheard of for all three housemates in a one bedroom railroad to know each other's 'sessions of solitude' --
and to start eyeing each other warily around those times, knowing that whoever enters the bathroom could easily block one of the others
from their 'quiet hour.'
Besides the obvious factors of similar diets and times of eating, there must be more to these occurrences than just a shared package of
Top Ramen. That's why there are some in the medical world who are looking for the 'poop hormone,' the enigmatic enzyme that would fill in
the gaps in the much-sought Grand Unified Poop-Field Theorem.
The goal of Poopologists and Crapticians everywhere, only the Grand Unified Poop-Field Theorem can explain how people in constant contact seem
to always need to use the bathroom at the same time. But even more important, the Grand Unified Poop-Field Theorem would go a long way
towards finding the answer for why groups of girls always leave for the bathroom together.
Until science can find the answers, man will constantly wonder why The Group Poop occurs. For now, let us revel in that one thing that
all mankind can agree on: that no matter race, creed, class, religion, age or gender, we all poop brown. Except for after chilidogs,
when I tend to poop green.
-- Tim
