Jesus's Last Days

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l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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I first contacted Dave with a question about how people cleaned their backsides throughout history in 2007. This was just idle curiosity on my part; I was working as a history teacher at that time. Like other Poopreporters, I suppose I sometimes think too much about shit and the customs associated with it.

During this time I learned the ancient Romans had a common practice of using vinegar-soaked sponges to clean up after their bowel movements. I was shocked this by this, and a spontaneous idea popped into my head.

As a boy attending church, I was often confounded by Bible stories. One odd detail about the crucifixion of Christ must have stuck somewhere in my subconscious. As Jesus was hanging on the cross, he complained of thirst. In response, it was written that a Roman soldier gave him a sponge soaked with vinegar to drink from. When I first heard the story so many years ago I wondered, "Why in the world would they give Jesus vinegar? Did people drink vinegar back then?"

It didn't occur to me that this may have been another form of torture. And I still wonder why that little detail is included in the story of the crucifixion. There isn't any explanation given in the Bible, even though it holds enough significance to be mentioned.

When I learned after contacting this site that vinegar soaked sponges were used by Romans to clean their asses, suddenly the memory of that little detail popped into my head, and I made a connection. Of course, I am not sure whether or not it's a valid connection, but the idea occurred to me that the vinegar and the sponge were one final sadistic act of degradation perpetrated against Jesus. And I pictured a thirsty Jesus, in agony, bloodied and dying on the cross, pleading for a drink, only to have a shit-stained, vinegar soaked sponge pushed into this face. Not a pleasant image – and obviously a detail that would certainly offend a lot of people.

I have read about holy relics being preserved after the death of Jesus. You have probably heard about the so-called true cross that was preserved after his death. The true cross was captured – and lost – and recaptured – during the Crusades, and at one time was transported all the way to Constantinople for safe keeping. Then it was sent back to the Holy land. Recently, while reading about the Byzantine Empire I also came across a reference to the sponge, which was also believed to have been preserved after the crucifixion and at one time was also considered a holy relic.

I never found the Bible easy to read, mainly because it never seemed to clearly explain a lot of what it recorded. This detail about Jesus pleading for a drink, and then being given vinegar from a sponge instead of water, is a good example of how vague the Bible can be. I have never heard anyone ever explain why the Roman soldier gave Jesus vinegar. And of course, I have never heard anyone report that this shit-stained sponge may have been the final insult of the crucifixion, not even in Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ.

19 Comments on "Jesus's Last Days"

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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This should have been posted months ago, but I had moved it to the wrong file in my email. Dave and I debated back and forth on this issue a few times. Dave believes this was a poop smack-down for our Lord, and I believe that the vinegar was used as smelling salts. In biblical days vinegar was found in many strengths. When you buy it at the store it can be five percent or even less pure vinegar. If you imagine vinegar to be as stinky as it is diluted, then you can imagine how potent full strength vinegar is. My belief was that the Romans soldiers used the vinegar to keep Jesus awake. However, the sponge is the key here, and Dave's point centers around it and not the strength of the vinegar. So, what do you all think ? Was this sponge pristine, or latrine?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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Latrine, certainly. People are cruel today but they were even crueller back then. It would have seemed a fittingly humiliating gesture of their contempt for the chap.

Damned ungentlemanly, though. The equivalent of shoving used TP in a fellow's face, I suppose. Then again, as someone who has shat in a chum's face (albeit accidentally), I'm hardly the best person to preach about toilet-related etiquette.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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a combination...Listerine...the mouthwash of saviors. The Gospels were, for the most part, written 40 + years A.D., as third or fourth accounts. By the time a testament was written, the vinegar and sponge treatment could have had many translation revisions. The historical Jesus is different from the Biblical Jesus. This is common, theological knowledge.
Sponge Bob Square Pants had the same problem when his crucifixtion by evangelical assholes put a mark on him. Poor Bob!
As for Mel Gibson has a vinegar spnonge bath every day.....cleansing every orafice, especially the bile that spews from that dirty dirty mouth of his.


Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

coachb12's picture
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If the Professor is right then I would have to say,"Do not forgive them Father for they did know what they did."That could have been the last great insult for Jesus.When you think of the phrase turn the other cheek,it gives it a whole new meaning.I may never use oil and vinegar dressing again.

Jesus's picture
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I will be here on Saturday to answer all inquiries.

flushette's picture
l 100+ points
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I was under the impression that vinegar makes you thirstier, so that's what they did when Jesus said he was thirsty. I don't know that because there may have been poop on the vinegar sponge that that's why they raised it to his mouth. But more, to do the opposite of quench his thirst.


_______
When you've got nowhere to go, and you feel it start to flow, diarrhea... diarrhea.

When you've got nowhere to go, and you feel it start to flow, diarrhea... diarrhea.

daphne's picture
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Dear Jesus,

When you do show up, please forgive those of us who posted lame puns.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Jesus's picture
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Don't you worry Daphne, my shit is yours and everyone else.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Dear Jesus pretender,

Forgive me, but our Lord and Savior has kick ass grammar. He would have said, "Don't you worry, Daphne; my shit is yours and everyone else's."

Blasphemer!

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Jesus #1's picture
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Yo...Doppleganger.....I may need you as a stunt double if the resurrection gets cancelled.

Jesus #1's picture
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I'm also well endowed!

Satan's picture
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Anyone want some brown vinegar?

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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you mean to tell me James Dobson, Pat Robertson, the now very dead to dust Jerry Falwell...et. al...are not partly responsible for the rape and pillaging of innocent peoples in the name of Christ....Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya...yeah..fuck off! Your not fooling anyone sweethearts! "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel"....and of murder... The lowest common denominator never wins, does it? And you have the gall to lame the truth. Keep your Christ to yourself. He doesn't "belong" to anyone! Got it, Get it?
Barf!


Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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TTBL, I have for some time suspected that you are not particularly bright. Thank you for erasing all doubt. Did you actually read that screed before posting it?

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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AC, you are asking if I read my screed before I posted it, thus conclude my ignorance? Well, I was born with the umbelical cord wrapped around my neck, which has carried over with diatribal fits of rage. I have to say, that you asking if I read what I took the time to write rings a bit shallow, don't you think?

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

starsong not looged in's picture
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Another explanation I heard was that they used saltwater-dunked sponges for cleaning their behinds, and the vinegar-soaked one contained various herbs and wine as a very mild anesthetic. But I'm no bible enthusiast, I just look up strange shit on wikipedia when I'm bored as hell.

Pat86's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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This calls to mind the famous story from Seneca's Epistles of the German gladiator who killed himself by choking on a toilet sponge rather than fight some lions or something. Considering the period, I wonder if perhaps the gladiator was a persecuted Christian prisoner trying to make a statement by emulating Christ's death (and being German, who were the badasses of the day, did so in the most harsh way possible)

I am blogger for Medical Coding.

Anonymous's picture
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The vinegar was given as rations to the Roman soldiers, as sort of a cheap wine. It wasn't a form of torture, rather it was of kindness as they were sharing their rations with him.

Anonymous's picture
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Aye you face blaster! May your generations have diharrea for all eternity!