You have way too much time on your hands.

Cheers Dave, and thanks for the little 'tweeks.

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

OK baron, here`s how it goes.

A heavy intake of beer causes an unnatural state of flux in the bowels (also known as the fecal particle accelerator). The high speed collisions of these fecal particles often cause fecons to be emitted as a form of anal radiation.

Hence the skidmarks on your undies, baron, after a hard drinking session. Hope that clears up the matter for you.

Actually, I have observed this same phenomenon. However, it was even more pronounced when we got a water cooler in the house I lived in for a while in Florida.
I used to work at Walt Dizzy Whirl, and, since they pay a pittance for labor, I always had roommates.
Florida is very hot and muggy, if someone doesn't know that, and I was a custodian in the Madgeek Kingdom. I worked out in the cruel Florida sunshine almost every day. One could never drink enough water and I was always dehydrated to some degree or another. Also, the water tastes funny unless it's too cold to notice.
I was the main force in us getting a water cooler with five gallon bottles delivered to the house.
On my first day off I found myself alone with the cooler. I was thirsty as usual, so I began drinking. Like baron von crapalot, I am too a binge drinker, and I can get into the same mode with non-alcoholic beer or cold water. So I started drinking and it was so cold and felt so good I had glass after glass.
As soon as I began to pee, poop came with it. It was not just a little poop either, but big satisfying pork loins.
Glass after glass brought more and more of these beautiful creatures to the light of the bathroom, until I was amazed to the point of being concerned that I actually had been carrying all that around, perhaps every day of my life.
Or, was there another reason? Perhaps I was witnessing a modern-day miracle; maybe I was actually changing water into poop! Had it been wine, it would have only been useful to a far more hard core alcoholic than I.
The baron's scientific explanation is easier for me to accept than divine intervention.
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No ooze is good ooze.

ThunderBox, correct, but the fecal particle accelerator, only produces the fecon reaction, inside a vaccuum of -2 atmospheres. So, in theory, it works, but in practice, explosion would occur, owing to increasing internal pressure, relative to that externally as the vaccuum developed. Plainly, this type of explosion is to be avoided at all costs. I would welcome any further theory though. Thanks, BVC.

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

SP, generally, we all talk crap here on PR, but if that post had been a horse, they would have shot it. Yes, it's that lame!

Anyhoo.. Just to re-rail things a little, a pal of mine has just been talking about Quarks, he recons he can explain the whole conundrum through the behaviour of these Quarks. I feel something extensive comming on.

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Actually, it doesn't take quantum mechanics to explain the continuance of poop while not eating. First, it takes quite a while to get everything you did eat through your system, unless you are taking an enema. Second, within the intestines are untold billions of bacteria and other microbes, all of which have a very short life; so they die by the billions, even as others are dividing and making more. These billions always make up part of poop, so that even when you don't eat, they are still there, still dying, still feeding on each other. Granted, it won't be as much poop as if you had food in there, and it may be longer between b.m.'s, but you should still poop. Further, if you are drinking beer or wine, there is actual food as well as liquid there, so those intestinal bacteria have some new food to feed, grow, and reproduce on, thus giving you more poop. But remember the limerick:
An amoeba named Joe and his brother
Were drinking a toast to each other.
In the midst of their quaffing
They split themselves laughing,
And now each of them is a mother!
[Picture this inside you . . .]

Very nice front pager, today, Baron. Now please don't forget to eat something next time. I don't want to have to come over there and make you chicken soup. Take care of yourself!

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I quit drinking about two and a half years ago, but I do remember the beer shits, which were mostly liquid and appeared only slightly thicker than the beer that went in.

I dunno if this theory applies in all shituations. After I had lil' shitwit #1 by C section I couldn't shit for days. I was given an enema (before I even knew I'd be going under the knife!). I also did not have any painkillers either so it's not as though I was just backed up due to that. I was already starving, then they starved me some more. I was told I would not be allowed on a normal diet until I could produce a BM for them. Before they were interested in BM's they wanted to know if I could pass gas. I quickly answered YES thinking they'd let me eat! I was only allowed clear liquids. Finally, I couldn't take the starvation anymore. I told Mr shitwit to leave a deuce in the toilet in my room and I'd call the nurse in to "verify" so she'd change my meal card. Those idiots believed me! It paid off too - it was Chicken Fajita Day and I ate to my heart's content, and that night I left a nice big steamer in the bowl. But I'm convinced that if I didn't eat anything I would not have had anything in me to shit out!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I am sure just like an enema if you clean yourself out after a week or so you will be farting AMAZING FARTS. There is NOTHING to stop them.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I was never much of a wine drinker, but some friends and I did the gallon jugs of wine thing one time when we were at a bonfire. After sucking down a gallon jug of Almaden Mountain Red I was shitting little deer pellets for days.

Daphne, if it meant that you would spoon feed me chicken soup, I'd go on hunger strike tomorrow, you sexy flirt!

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

(chuckles to self, minds eye playing video of 425 lb Ukrainian shot putter Daphne, force feeding sickly, tweed and elbow patched pseudo-geek BVC scalding hot chicken broth, turkey baster pumping furiously down BVC's throat.)

DA!!!!

I resent the elbow patch thing, and also pseudo. I am a geek, and proud of it!

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

My apologies, BVC, I didn't think you were the type that took yourself too seriously, geek you are then, and I stand corrected. Nevertheless, the video still plays, lol

And what's with all you Brits constantly falling on your elbows. Here in the states we always manage to fall flat on our faces. Saves on the tailor bills.

Its not falling on elbows that requires the patches, Its the position we assume at the long drop, whilst pinching a loaf, curled up, with head in hands and elbows on knees. The repeated rocking motion does tend to take its toll on the tweed.

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.