Every office is different, but in my office, I'm not really on good enough terms with them to enjoy a good fart joke. (Because of this, very very few of my coworkers know that I run PoopReport!) Fortunately, due to our many rounds of layoffs, each employee has roughly the equivalent of four cubicles to his or her self, so one can fart with relative impugnity.

What would happen if I were to fart in a meeting? It would be awful. I would freeze. I would pretend it never happened. I would mumble excuse me. Everyone else would keep their attention fixed squarely on whoever is talking, and no one would acknowledge what I had just done. And god forbid a client be in the meeting.

So my strategy: ignore it, pray no one else heard it, and hope everyone forgets.

Unlike Dave, I work in a rather friendly environment. I also have some leverage over those who work around me and can be assertive in limited, but vulgar ways. I have had occassion to fart in front of my supervisor (usually during happy hour) and have said, "excuse me" or made lame jokes like, "well I guess my honest opinion about today's meeting is out".

All this will end son. I'll be starting a new job at a more prestigious place than where I work now, so I probably will do my best to keep my gaseous friends from slipping out. If it happens, I could imagine that I would say "excuse me" and hope that the others understand that we all have our weak bowel moments. If it's a situation where it is a silent, but stinky fart, I might just pretend like nothing happened and hope that everyone thinks it's someone else.

At most of the jobs I've had, including my present one, it would be ghastly if I farted in front of my boss. At my last job, however, my boss was an ass master, so I could fart around him with relatively little embarrassment. He and I used to have burping contests. Not to mention the time I got nauseous at work and barfed in the hallway and he almost stepped in it. He was pretty much prepared to deal with anything that came out of my mouth or ass. I guess it all depends on the type of boss. If I farted in front of my current boss, I really don't think he would take it that well. He probably wouldn't hear it, since I work in a pretty loud environment, and I'd just have to cross my fingers that I could escape the situation before he smelled it. If not, well, I would ignore it but both my boss and I would surely know what happened.

Yeah, SP and AB are right! It all depends on the type of work situation. If you work at a construction site like me, dudes fart a lot and no one gives a shit! We all hate the fucking foreman. When he comes around and tries to chew our asses off, guys often cut loud farts. It is done partly as a sign of our contempt for him and he fucking knows it, but what can he do about it? If he complains, he'll seem like a real pussy, so he just has to join in the laughter. It kinda breaks the tension! If someone real important ever comes to a site, there ain't any loud farting. We know that the customer is paying our weekly check!

Haha, I realized something today, my boss wears so much cologne that if I farted near him he would not be able to smell it over his cologne! I now fart with ease in my workplace, boss or no boss.

Well, I always fart at work. No one cares, they even bought me a book on it for a birthday present. I sit next to my boss, who knows when I fart just by looking at me. I always tip my ass to one side, pretending to adjust my ass comfort. But she knows, oh yes she knows.

Jess

OK, another reason why I can now fart freely at work: My boss smells like ass. I now know why he wears so much cologne; so people don't smell his horrible reeky behind! I don't think he wipes much! I have to remember not to stand close to him ever again.

You could always let rip, not say anything and certainly not aplogise to anyone!

i work for earthlink tech support and well,, we fart all the time, in fact,, you ever wonder why we stink??,, well now you know,, were farting on all the servers

OOuuughhh oooohhh ahhhhhhh oooouuggghhh

I POOPED EM

I pooped my pants

Sometimes, I let these NASTY farts go at work, every body looks at me, but I look down..embarassed and ashamed of myself. We have this one HOT chick at work, and she's ALWAYS farting...sometimes, I kneel down to tie my shoes, near her ass, in the hopes she will let one go for me...I love smelling other people's farts....ok...gotta go to the mall now to let off some gas.

I like to fart in the elevators, just as I'm about the get off. NICE!

i'm currently in a romantic way with my boss. i guess you could say i'm trying to move up in the world, because i'm not really into the woman (yes, men sleep with their bosses too; my boss is a woman, i'm disgusted with myself). even though we are in a romantic way, i dont pay much attention to her at work besides the typical mid morning and midafternoon romp sessions in either her office or the bathroom. this has been going on for about 6 months now. well...finally i'm fed up with it. i cant stand what i'm doing, shes not giving me my promotion...the list goes on and on. well...a couple nights ago i decided to really get at her...our thing wasnt going anywhere.

one night at her place, we were getting ready to do our thing. you see, she has this problem with swallowing (i know this is a poopy site, but bear with me). so to get her and hopefully get her to dump me, i was going to blast one down her throat. well...you see, when i get relaxed i tend to pass gas. i think this was compounded by the fact that i was a little drunk (the only state in which i could bear these horrible romps), so i was feelinmg extremely relaxed. just about the time i was ready to squirt, i farted a thunderous wet rumbler...it sounded like something- wrong-with-the-pipes wet...and something happened: the obnoxious gas must have been so extremely toxic that her prosthetic chin _i had no idea, really!!) peeled off to reveal the most disgusting turkey neck i have ever seen (i mean no chin...lower lip connected straight with her neck). needless to say she was so horrified first off by the toot, and second by the fact that i had discovered her dark secret. she immediately ordered me out, but in a moment of paranoid reflection, called me back. she proceeded to beg me not to tell anyone and even went so far as to offer me an opportunity i could not pass: work from home (but not really) and i would receive my regular salary plus 25,000 a year bonus not to show up at the office and to keep her secret (as she no doubt felt that if anyone found out she would be cast down with the rest of the lowlies, true paranoid thought, that).

i suppose the moral of the story i, kiddies, that while fartingin front of your boss may nt be a good idea, some benefits may arise if you relation is comparable to mine.

that is all...thanks for the spotlight, you poop-heads.

Where I work I am the boss! I always shit in people's faces! I don't care! I make them smell it! I don't fire people, I send them to the gas chamber. It is directly about my bathroom. Only 7 employes have died so far. I am still trying to keep the whole thing under wraps. U know that special pudding we serve at company picnics,that isn't pudding. Yep! And if they don't eat it, its no pay 4 a week! Ha! Ha! Ha!

we have contests at work to see who can do a mac truck slamming on the brakes.

I'll fart no prob,, it's when you let the small one rip and "wap" you get mud in your shorts! Then what you do is just clean up and throw the undershorts away

I can relate to repoman90621. I'm just standing there minding my own business just passin a little gas and BAM! The next thing I know i've filled my shorts!

I work in a hotel and we fart all the time. I'm with Jeb on the farting in the elevator. It's so funny to hear someone cuss you out while the door is closing in on them. The only problem with farting that I have at work is when my sickass boss walks up, stands beside me for a few seconds then leaves after laying a smelly one. He knows I have a line-up of customers and I can't escape. What an asshole!! I called him on it and told all the others but he denies it. That's even worse. If I had that opportunity, I'd walk away pissing my pants with laughter and turn and give the victim a wink with the "finger-gun" shooting gesture.

The Duke Rule's in farting tho!

I farted at work once, or what I thought was going to be a fart, and I ended up squirting some chocolate cheese in my pants. I had to casually walk to the bathroom and clean up, but since I didn't have any extra drawers, I had to wear a protctive layer of toilet paper between my ass and my shorts. Didn't feel too comfortable the rest of the day, but it was the only thing I could do aside from running home.

There are few things as gratifying as letting out one huge horrible fart that just had to get out. The relief is tremendous, and the pride in the smell is great.

But there's some kind of Murphy's Law about farting in your office that within 30 seconds of laying a good one, one of the most attractive coworkers in the office will come in. I don't know how many times I've laid one that has the paint peeling, and then in walks a hottie to talk about something and we have to pretend it doesn't smell like I just shit my pants...

POO MAA PAAA!!!!!!

I fart all the time at work. I often call out "LISTEN!" before I toot my own horn, and then delight in the squeaks produced by the webbing in my seat. And by seat, I mean the chair's. My anus is webbing-free. Just thought I should clarify.

*cough*

The guys in my dept fart all the time in front of eachother. This one dude routinely buzzes my office and farts into the phone when I pick up. Its OK, cause I always go in his office to rip. In fact the other day, we were bustin our buddy's balls and our boss grabs the picture of him and his gf off the dudes desk, holds it to his rear and rips a wicked fart! He then tossed it back onto the desk - histerical.

The best way to cover up any fart (by which you actually take full credit) is to make sure it sounds out and then go about immediately testing the floor, as if a wooden plank is loose - nevermind even if the floor is solid concrete. Add in a side, handyman-like comment such as "Might need to check out this floor sometime soon".

Works every time.

PS, you can also blame it on the cat, especially if it's really large and loud.

I have to poop right now.. the greatest feeling is releasing a turd!!!

poop on a turd yayayaya let everybody sing a song!

I just let one that almost made me throw up

I like to let one go, silent byt violent, as i walk by 4 or 5 cubicles. Then go sit down real quick before the smell hits the nose

Pssssss, there goes another

Yeah, I fart all the time. Oops just let one. Sometimes they come out the front, sometimes they come out the back. Som wet, some dry. Some smell, some don't. I also love to poop

"a word to the unwise.....never eat the sunflower seed

shells....it won't feel good a day later. it feels like

someone put your anus through a wood chipper....."

My firend loves to tell this story about one day in class. His buddy - let's call him Ralphie - could feel a sharp one bubbling in his lower intestines. Since Ralphie was getting quite the reputation for being jet propelled, he felt the need to cover up the situation.

Well, Ralphie decided that he would just drop a book to cover up the sound and he bided his time until just the right minute. As the gas bomb rumbled and surged down his colon toward his anal sphincter, he held the book up high and at the last possible moment, he let it fall.

All the kids snapped their heads in his direction at the sound of the landing text book - just in time for the gassy explosion that burst forth a split second later. Poor Ralphie.

I have an interesting story, after finishing my finals for the year, I partied hard. I drank lots of beer and spirits as well as smoking several joints. The next day I stumbled in to work (a supermarket) still feeling high as a kite, and approached the front customer service desk where a few coworkers, and two customers were standing. One of the coworkers was one of my senior managers that I get along very well with. We started talking and halfway through the conversation, he looked at me funny then said "umm I have to go!". I shrugged and walked off.

This conversation bothered me, and I pondered why he had acted so strange. It was only till later that evening that I realised what I had done.

Being in an incredibly stoned state, I had forgotten my manners, and while talking to my senior manager cocked my leg and let rip with a volumous fart. I hadn't thought any thing wrong with at the time, but remember: I did it directly in front of 3 other coworkers, 2 customers, as well as in front of several checkouts.

I am such an animal.

- s from NZ.

when I was a small child, for a laugh whenever I felt a bottom burp forming, I would run to either my sisters or friends room, sit on their pillow. call out to them to come, and while they watched, let rip.

I called this infusing their pillow with my poo particles.

The would always gag when i pointed out "hey you will be sleeping on this, face buried in it, breathing in my ass stink - yum yum"

in a recent tv ad, they state that the average person will inhale 1l of fart each day. im not too sure how accurate this figure is, but its still funny to watch them saying it on tv.

recently my group of friends and I discovered that by breathing smoke into an airzooka (www.airzooka.com) and firing it at someone, it will make there clothes smell particularly bad and stale. If the person was breathing in at the time that the smoke is fired at them, it is gut wrenching and makes you gag, even when you are a smoker.

last night, we put 2 and 2 together, and attempted a capture a fart and fire it at someone. sadely everyone scattered after the fart was captured and we werent able to test how effective it is in making someone gag.

tonight though - I have a plan, I am going to buy a car of fart spray, fill the airzooka and fire at one of my friends. hopfully it will make them vomit. *cross fingers*

s. from NZ

Give em a good excuse. Here are some good ones to remember for later use:

1. Barking spiders.
2. Canadian geese.
3. Frogs.
4. The French did it.
5. The cables must be wearing. (Use only in the elevator.)
6. Anyone see that airplane just now?
7. So I farted. Big whoop!
8. It was (insert office nerd's name here).
9. Oh, the President must be making a speech.
10. Mice.

Just laugh it off. Even tell a few people to take a sniff. I fart in front of directors all the time.

You should hear my Mom.....Ms. Gurglecheeks!! She gets up for more wine and....the Titanic's whistle has been found! Never mind the fog bank, I can always find my way home!

Marty. Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Hmmm, farting in front of my coworkers definitely isn't cool. However, in my husband's workplace farting is taken to a higher level. For example, my husband's business partner has a deep foam-cusioned chair at his desk. My husband can hear when "Fat-head" walks through the back door. So, he sits on the chair (mashing the foam cushion down) and lets one rip. He then gets up SLOWLY and walks over to his desk. When Fat head sits down at his desk he gets a nice time-released fart surprise! Look for the thick fabric (weave) covered - foam cushioned chairs in your office, it can't go wrong!

When he was a kid my dad used to save up his farts to ring the springs on his bed mattress.

I work parttime at this gas station/ store stocking king cobra, and other ass blowing malts, every morning I save my first fart for my boss, he knows he's gonna get it too. He makes sure the fan is on unfortunaly he's smaller than me, after I unplug the fan I get ahold of em so he can't go anywhere then riiiiiip, sqeeeeet, ah the sweet smell of success....I think when you save it up all night it gets good and ripe especally with the malt liquor, bean, tofu, and egg salad sandwitch diet I'm on. My boss is a bush supporter and I hate bush, george bush, that is anyway I think it's good practice to fart on your boss, I think there should be a fart on your boss day. Farting at work is good too I mean you can play little tunes with your farts, what were we talking about, I gotta light another bowel.

The key to farting at work is to have anus control. You have to learn how to open your ass and cause no flap. Push out and try to slowly release it out. As the anus opens the air starts to flow freely and nothing but quiet warm air comes out. Whooot! This trick is harder if you are farting to release turd pressure. I get ass sweats when I really have to shit the sweats make it easer to flap or even worse, let a greasy one loose. Nothing like sounding like you just laid a beer shit in your trousers followed up with a long squeek.

A guy I work with....I swear he is possessed with evil. The guy has no shame either. He'll blast a ripper and laugh about it. The bad thing is, HE could be in Quantanamo Prison as a frickin terrorist due to his stench. He once let one loose in the area where the poor UPS guy pickes up packages ( and of course left the scene) and I swear to god, when the UPS guy came in he had to cough of the stench! I thought the guy was really hurting!! The bad thing of it is, I was the only other one nearby (with a can of anti stink spray--but the UPS guy didn't know that part) and I'm sure he though that I did it.

I mean, I've heard of air biscuits, but shit, this guy lets loose with true hell's fire. I've started to call his stinky ass Damien, for he's truley loaded with an inner evil.

Hell, when this guy leaves a shit, two things are certain. A) Whoa be to the poor soul who next enters the area, cause this guy can pollute the entire store front with his demon shit, and B) Just hope like hell you don't have to see the shitter when he passes through, cuz he leaves floaters almost every time. Even after a flush, his remnants linger, physical evidence of shits, combined with the obvious, demonic, purley evil, gut wrenching odors.

I swear, there really should be laws against that stuff, laws that say if you pollute that horribly, you should be REQUIRED to see a physician. Or an Exorcist, to eliminate the evil within. Whatever it takes, because that is just wrong!!!!

Maybe I should call OSHA, cuz this guy is truely a work place occupatinal hazard.

Ai,ai folks. I have had 2 plus years of pinching a loaf and I now believe the time has come for me to tell you yet another one of my precious encounters with those Charleston Chews, my last decent postings were in 2002 !!!

It goes like this, 2003 was a pretty shitty year for me, unfortunately not in a literal sense. To be honest, I had trouble dropping bombs all year since my boyfriend became straight and therefore I was not being ass fucked any more.

Furthermore, the real reason that I couldn't shit was because my 45 year old mom and her 67 year old lover, Matley, broke it off after 10 years of marriage. I was devestated because Matley had bought me that fake rubber shit that you stick on peoples counter tops, fart spray, a mesh hat that said shit head on it and tons of other shit periphonelia and now, he wasn't going to be sharing his shit with me anymore :(.

Between the tightening of my ass and the lack of Matley's incoming shit, I thought my life had ended. I went to Dr. Poosephy and he prescribed me a pill. I figured the medication was to help me shit but to my suprise I started to grow large breasts that were very saggy and on top of that, milk would drizzle out of them like anal juice out of a hairy asshole after a long bike ride in spandex.

Having a Dr. who has the word Poo in his name seemed odd to me. I was like: "Come on, he must be an expert at making people shit properly". The truth is, he was in love with me and he didn't give a shit about the lack of shit coming out of my ass. It made sense when I thought about it though, because he would give me 10 prostate exams in one 1/2 hour check up and he said that playing the bagpipes (ie. blowing in my sphincter while tickling my balls from behind and giving me a hand job) was part of the new upgraded curriculum that he was supposed to implement. I decided to confront Dr. Poosephy about my large titties. I figured "Fuck the pooless as that I have, a load is bound to come out one day soon". I spoke briefly with Poosephy on the phone and he said Mr. Poolick, we need to have a little one on one this Saturday. I said "great, maybe you can fix my titties". He said: "I sure will", with a little hahahahehhe at the end.

So here we go, we met up at the Dunkin Donuts and to my surprise he didn't look like himself, he had this Mrs. Doubtfire tittie outfit on without the face part. He said: "Mr. Poolick, I think we should start a relationship". As my vulnerable self after coming out of a lengthy relationship and dealing with the shit going on with my mom, I said sure, let's try it out but I said "What's with the titties?, Can you help me get rid of mine?". He laughed and said sure, my place tomorrow night at 10pm.

So it's now 10pm tomorrow and he fixes me a drink and we go sit on his bed. Next thing I know, I'm feeling drowsy and pass out. 4 hours had passed and I woke up with his Scatt between my toes, on my nose and smeared against my fake tits....it was his......yuck.

It turns out he was a dude with a transvestite fetish who liked to shit on other transvestites when they were passed out. I had called "retards are us" to report this sick fuck. The authorities came and put him in an institution and stripped his Dr's license. What a weirdo......I mean he could have at least added a whip and some handcuffs. I washed up and never spoke to Dr. Poosephy again, he tried ruining my life but I moved on.

It's 2004 and as they say: "Time heals the pain". My mom has a new boyfriend name Ben Dover and I have a new boyfriend named Juan. I never dropped a load in 2003 but I'm sure Juan will fix that. Life is looking good.

Until next time.........

shit away.......

love jason poolick

I have pondered this situation for a while now. I think the best thing to do is just let it fly, loud or not, and don't say a word. What are they going to do, confront you about farting? Everyone will be to embarassed to say anything.

farting is fun

retards look funny

Holy shit! This is the best site ever...I just found it and I think it's my new home.

I will share my story...

Since I am not employed and am still a student, I'll have to say that the classroom is my office and I hope it'll count.

A few semesters ago during my CS 124 class, I realized quickly that I had had most of the material already. Also, we had a Russian professor. Unfortunately, as many closed minded students these days do, they blame his accent on their bad grades. Consequently, I also had had a Russian professor in the past, so I wasn't have any trouble at all in this class. I took it upon myself to take very detailed notes every day and post my paraphrasing of them on the internet for the rest of the class that thought the professor was stupid because he had a thick accent. (even though he spoke 4 or 5 languages)

The professor was very happy that I was doing this and, since I was already getting an A, pretty much didn't mind if I paid attention or not. Thus...during class I would sit with my lap top against the wall plugged into the network port (this was before we had wireless) and I would play with Photoshop, talk on AIM, listen to music, etc...WELL...NORMALLY, when I'm playing with photoshop, posting web-sites, talking on AIM and listening to music, I'm in my room...ALONE. Thus...I was in my own little world. I had to fart...and it wasn't just a puny squeaker, this was a sassy ass blaster that makes the sphinchter go numb after it tingles the air turd. Since, in my mind, I was alone in my room, I just raise my right ass cheek and I push the stink tater out with full throttle. When the fart was about halfway out the realization hit me "SHIT! I'm in class!" However it was too late...the fart had already caused everyone in the entire class to turn their heads and stare in wild disbelief. What could I say? As the "holy shit!(s)" and the "Jesus!(es)" started to come from people's mouths, all I could do was give a simple "Sorry" and go back to my work.

The best part was...the teacher didn't even hear it. He was concentrating so hard on his discrete structures, he wasn't listening. (Thank God)

Heh heh...thanks for letting me tell my story!

-JT

oh my god my friend just took a huge crap (a fresh slimmy one) in a ploged tolet. how dumb so i walk past the b-room and smell a funky smelll. she is looking for thr spare plunger and i am wafting freash slimy shit. anyway i go down stairs and put on a hat for protection and a towl over my mouth. she made me unplog it but i am no plumber. i flushed it and it almost split over. it spat poopy water at me and i died. now i am on this website looking for instructions on how to unploged a tolet . i wonder if ther is a book called (unploging a toliet "for dummies")? wonder wonder, welll i must go save the house from her ppoooopp. bye bye.

Once, I was going to class, at the local community college, and the classroom was on the second floor, so I decided to take the elevator. Since no one was there I decided to let a stinky one go. I finally arrived at the classroom, and then one of the ladies who came in the classroom about 2 minutes later said that the elevator smelled bad. OOOPS, I did not think it was going to last.

Ausome site! well i have a story. a few weeks ago i was at my parents house (High Rise Condo) on the 11th floor. i am on my way up in the elevator and i feel a mighty one comming on and im at about the 9th floor and i decide to rip on so it would be nice and shitty for the next person to go in. and with my luck the power went out to the elevator and i was stuck for an hour waiting in my stench. when the repair man opened the doors he must have thought someone had of died in there.

farting is the best thing EVER. The best is to go to a restaurant and to do a practice called "crop dusting" and fart by a table as you walk by them. Im a server and do it multible times by a table whom I hate.

I love farting. I work at home and usually go to a local Barnes & Noble. I'll eat an apple and then I let loose for the next couple hours!! I restrain myself if a good looking girl is near me but anyone else feels my wrath. Get out of my territory vermin!

It depends on the situation.

If walking on a wooden floor, you could say " boy, your floors are squeaky".

If sitting in a chair, say "cair squeaked".

If hiking, say "There must be a moose nearby".

And if you are sitting near someone you dislike, just say " My asshole says hi".
_______
"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."