I'm wondering what kind of doctor says "I needed every ounce of strength to keep from puking."

Wouldn't a doctor use the term "vomit"?
Have you ever heard a doctor say PUKE?

If this is a true story from a real Doctor, I must say that you are reinforcing my already bleak outlook on the profession. I have been told that a good leader must never command others to do something that he is either unwilling, or unable to do himself.

You should be ashamed of yourself for ordering that poor nurse to take care of your patient. That is, "your patient" that you overcharge a ridiculous amount of money to cover the cost of your insane insurance bill that is only bloated because you are a no talent hack that gets sued for malpractice.

That felt nice.

It was so stinky!!! I think it killed my mask.

I also think your receptionist is a loser who does that? really!!!! i dont care how much i get paid i aint cleaning a mess like that! where is your janitor? did you even ask the lady how this happened? i mean good grief what was wrong with her? this story would have been nice if shee just blew up the bathroom making your entire office reak and then just not flush the toilet for someone else to stumbble across, but.......... i'll just let it go now

This wasn't from a doctor.

This is how I know.

NO RECEPTIONIST IS GOING TO CLEAN THE FOLLOWING:
1. A BATHROOM
2. SHIT
3. SHIT FROM SOMEONES SUPPORT HOSE AND LEGS.
(sorry for the caps. I feel like capitalizing today)

THAT'S WHAT WE NURSES ARE FOR! WE GET THE BIG BUCKS FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF.

At the last job I had we couldn't even get our receptionist to water the plants once a week.

What job was that, Doniker?

Doc. T.:

Thank you for the story. It certainly perpetuates the totally bogus status shared by every "doctor" that has been published at Poop Report thus far.

Peace in Prevarication. TH.

My doctor will no longer see me because he believes I am a Hypochondriac. I would visit him weekly and tell him that my finger hurt. I would then ask him to pull it and release some sweet gaseous goodness on him. This weekly routine got old to him quickly and he refused to further accept my insurance. Now, I get revenge on him by deucing in his biohazard dumpsters when he is not looking. First post rules.

This story sucked. I will now pick it apart.

1. If you truly are a doctor, you are a wimp. Doctors see and smell all kinds of gross stuff that comes out of the human body, and you are going to puke over some shit?

2. Your receptionist must be a real loser that is hard up for a job.
First your order her to clean shit and then the patient orders her around? I would have told the both of you to "get fucked".
3. ah the hell with it....I will stop here....this story is just lame.

Leave it to Doniker to pounce on a post and call people losers. He lives in a 704 square foot "house". Who is the real loser?

What does the size of my house have to do with anything?
I own the house, and due to the size the utilities are very reasonable.
I would rather own a small house that will be paid off 12 years from now than a big house that sucks all my money and have to make mortgage payments for the next 30 years.
I am not trying to impress anyone...when are you going to move out of your parent's house?

This story was not at all funny- it was disgusting!
I must say, though, in the doctors defense, I have seen some pretty crude docs, who definitely would not fit the mold (including one who weighed about 350 pounds and smoked- and had antiquated equipment)...so this guy could indeed be a real doc. (Just another reason why my last visit to a doctor was in 1978!)

Oh, and Poo Nurse, could you please attend to your duties at your segment of this site. You've given us no poopchute advice since February for crying out loud! I mean seems like one should honor a commitment to poopchutery or something.

Happy Trails Poo You. PS.

TheBigCheese: That's completely untrue. She posted 7 new answers today. SHe hasn't posted an essay-length answer since Feb, true; but if you look on the front page, you'll see a link for seven new smaller answers. douche

I'm not one to judge anyone's validity, but since my wife is a nurse, I know that she's dealt with much worse scenarios than this, and refrained from giving such a wild reaction. For one, as mentioned before, receptionists aren't hired to clean up shit. That's what doctors and nurses do.

Secondly, what 3rd-world country did this take place in? Because although shit can stink, I've never heard of such a cloud of stench, that would travel through the office and into the lobby area like creeping death, causing you to cancel the rest of your appointments as if it were a biohazard site. Its nothing a little Lysol can't mask.

What kind of doctor are you if turds traumatizes you to the point where you can't do your job for the rest of the day? Poop is nothing compared to what my wife sees. I hear the stories every night. Sometimes over dinner.

Dr. T, I experienced something similar to your little episode once (I may submit it eventually). It was just like you described , an "assplosion" of sorts, not unlike a napalm attack, except stinkier.

I just wonder what the hell causes feces--liquid or solid or both--to be able to be hurled great distances from the ass (Like six feet up the wall). You're a doctor, how the hell is that possible? That some serious power the human ass can harness.

Doniker, just so you know, I have no mortgage on my house. I paid cash and it isn't 704 sq ft (and no loser step son freeloads off of me). I'm going to take down my altar that I used to worship you.

OK C everett....how did you get the cash to buy a house?

And I don't want you or anyone to worship me.

Love me, be my friend or suck my dick until it cums but don't worship me.

This story is completely made up. My wife works at a physcian's office as the office manager. She said no matter how small the practice is the receptionist would never clean up crap. And what kind of a "doctor" is going to act that immature? My wife tells me stories all the time of elderly patients having accidents both in the bathroom, waiting area, and in the examining room! And how professional is it to tell the waiting patient to "just leave" and that he will be rescheduled later? Right, like that would ever happen in a real doctor's office. Quit posting fake stories. They are lame and a waste of time.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! oh man... doniker: I'm surprised that post isn't deleted yet (that was great, by the way)

Well, I guess it's been slim pickins in Dave's ole email box. Ever notice sometimes (not this one) that some stories are so ridiculasly made up that it actually makes it more entertaining? The comments following sure are.

We should have a contest. 5 stories: 4 true, 1 fabrication and see if anyone can pick out the fugazi. Or the other way around, find the true story. Whatever.

I'm curious also, how DID Doniker's house and it's size become relevant to this discussion? Did I miss something? Maybe I should pay more attention. Eh.

'nuff said

So this poor, sick lady drags her butt out of a sick-bed to come into the dr.'s office and then once she is there she craps on herself and IS SENT HOME????? Those who are sick DO NOT NEED to see a doctor. I would have been upset, as well !!!

I'm working on a full length article...but I sometimes find life intruding upon my P.R. duties. Sorry!

Well, Poo, you've been awfully active in quippy response to these front page stories ... just thought you might devote an equal amount of time to your column.

I miss alot of flaming when I move.

I'm glad I'm not moving again.

are we so shit eating good that someone would try to impress us by lying about his medical profession. This isn't a medical journal. What would this guy have to gain by making up such a story? Is he exagerating, probably. Is it so hard to believe that this doctor had some lady take a nasty dump in his office, it smelled rank so he told his next patient to reschedule. This guy may be a little skittish but that does not make him a liar. If his writing style makes him low class than we are all a bunch of bottom dwellers, myself included. Why not give this guy a break?

Because it's fun to be mean.

I have some ointment for that tight ass of yours.

Should losen it right up!

is that the same ointment you have been using to loosen other guys asses for years.

Well, my little reptilian commanchero, it worked wonders on your mommy. I found your class ring.

Must be an M.D. Never once called it doody!

Wow, I never though this would cause such a dispute. I can assure everyone that this story is 100% true. I never said I was an M.D. however, I am a Doctor. I am keeping my profession private to protect the innocent. I am amazed that a lot of you think that just because someone is educated, he can't laugh about poop. My receptionist is the one that stumbled across this website and told me about it. After reading a few stories, I knew that my story would be a good one for this forum. Got a kick out of you guys busting my balls, but the story is true. The lady had cancer and really had no buisness going anywhere. She actually passed away about a month after the episode. So, thanks for the laughs, maybe I will write about my poop accident when I was in a Fraternity in College!
Dr T.

Face it:

The author of the story was just some college-aged nerd playing doctor with a couple of mentally challenged coeds. I just hope he got his rocks of either at the "clinic" or by posting this totally bogus story online. Either way ... whatever it takes.

Flame On. FI.

Newsflash, Dr. T...if you aren't an MD, guess what?? You aren't a DOCTOR. From what college did you graduate that you don't know this??? And to say, "the lady had cancer and really had no business going anywhere" that just nails down your status as a moron and a mean-ass one at that. I'd tell you to bite me, but I think you might like that.

did it ever occur to any of you that maybe this doctor is something like a psychiatrist?? NO you are too busy jumping to conclusions because this story is so funny and you are jealous you didnt think of it.
no the author didnt say anything about herself except that she is a doctor and pyschiatrists ARE considered a doctor.
and offices of that nature DO NOT have nurses. janitors yes but maybe it was a slow day with no one around but the receptionist and the DR. herself.
please guys, be nice ok? it wont hurt ya to NOT jump on everyones case, calling them "fake".

Medical Doctors are not the only profession to be called doctor. There's doctor of philosophy, psych, dental, veterinarian, forensics... the list goes on and on. I am the Doctor of love... so go fys...

This person tells a story and everyone here craps on them. Nice. Every person slinging mud at this 'doctor' needs to fucking get a sense of humor. Jeeeez....

What did that lady eat to create so much shit?! Crap on the walls, floor, her legs! But.....it was a funny story.heehee

I think ur all fucking idiots who cares if he is a fucking doctor. Especially Doniker i hope that old lady knocks on ur door and shits all over u and then the receptionist knocks on the door and says go fuck urself and clean u the old lady's shit by urself. HaHa that would be a good story

Hey ass_hole! Watch your mouth! You can't say f***ing on the internet! You better stop it with that language!

a similar thing happened to me on my first job at a grocery store. an old bitch came in and shit all the way from the front of the store to the restroom where she must have exploded!it was everywhere! the floor manager told me and another new kid to go in with a hose and clean it up. we quit!!!!!

If the good "Doctor" would please explain, why did you go to med school if he/she is not a medical doctor?or are you one of those chiropractor quacks, they are just like mechanics, you go to them they fix one thing n break something else so you gotta keep goin back.

I went to that same doctor. He hypnotized me to help me quit smoking. When I came to, my pants were undone and my butt hurt. Anyone else have that same experince? I think I don't like this doctor anymore.

there is an awful lot of people here who are critisizing this doctor. so what, doctors arent allowed to be immature, ever, merely because they have serious professional jobs?

it is human nature to not be able to be 100% institutionalized, otherwise why would anyone even be here in the first place? you would all be at work, or at home, thinking about work, all day, behaving like complete robots.

the whole concept of this website is out of immaturity and/or not being professional, so get a grip, anyone here who is ripping on someone for telling a story here, be it bullshit or not, has to realize...you are just as stupid for coming here and writing as anyone else here is

"pure black, with diarrhea-like consistency"

hmmmm, i would suspect that this should warrent immediate concern for the lady's health... especially from a doctor...

MD stands for Medical Doctor.....All you knobs need to take that pillow from your head and put a book in it. Anyhoo....Gross yet humerous....Have you guys seen the "POOCANO"??? Well I have and it IS possible to shite 6 feet in a spraying manner....Try it sometime.

A Dr. that learned a trick in medical school, but isn't a medical doctor. keep your fake ass stories to yourself. Until you've been whiping a patient's ass and have them blast shit up your arm and scrubs, you don't know what nasty is.