now tthars what i call serviss

aint it tge truth !!

When I was about 19, working minimum wage job after minimum wage job, I worked for a janitorial service. They put me in a department store (anybody remember the store Gold Circle?), the hours were 6AM to 10AM, 6 mornings a week. Since I was the new guy, I got the low job of cleaning the bathrooms. The ladies room had like 10 toilets, the men's 5 toilets and 5 urinals. Each and every morning I was greeted with toilets clogged with feces, bloody tampons, and every other disgusting thing you wouldn't do in your toilet at home. I quit that job after about 2 weeks, I would rather be homeless then to vomit every morning cleaning other people's waste.

Every time I have plunged a clogged toilet... no matter how careful I am... a water splash out of nowhere manages to catch me on the bottom lip or some other equally unwanted place. If that happened while working on someone else's mess, the maid would find that dude buns up kneelin' with the plunger buried in his wrinkle!! G Ras

She was buns-up kneelin'

I was wheelin' an dealin'

She surrender to the feelin'

An' she started in to squealin'

"Dinah-Moe-Hum" - Frank Zappa 1973

I worked as a maintenance supervisor of two large apartment complexes, and the biggest request was unclogging toilets.

One night I got a call from a single woman and pulled out a very large dildo from the toilet, it was under a hge pile of carmel colored shit. She was not the least bit embarrassed, in fact tried to pick me up, she was a beast though.

Another time I got a call and a very attractive frosted blonde was very embarrassed when I pulled out a pooped in pair of pantyhose.

One of my more embarrassing jobs, involved a woman laying out by the pool wearing a one-piece bathingsuit. She had an erection, that pressed the spandex fabric to almost the bursting point! It turned out the new tenant wasn't a foxy woman, but a foxy transsexual. In fact until that day every guy in the complex tried to pick her up. I gently draped a fuffy towel across her lap as she slept in the poolside lounge chair.

It was a nasty, rainy, winter day some time ago when I had a most embarrasing experience. I had just started dating my wife when she suggested that we join her aunt and uncle for lunch. We arrived at their house during a what might be described as a torrential downpour. My wife to be pulled the hood of her raincoat over her head, and ran madly for the door. As I waited in the car with the windows up and the heat on, I was suddenly overcome with a particularly strong wave of gastrointestinal distress. I was not sure if I had to fart or shit, but I knew something had to give. I squirmed a bit as I tried to find a comfortable position that would relieve my persistent abdominal distress. Suddenly I was overcome with an urge to something. Knowing that if I could fart I would probably find some relief, I leaned to my left, while lifting my ass of the seat, and let rip a blast of the most foul itestinal stench I have smelled in my life. It was so vile and nasty, it almost made my eyes water. To make matters worse, I became aware that in addition to the ghastly stench permeating the interior of my car, I had apparently shit my pants as well. Just then to my horror and dismay, I noticed my wife-to-be's aunt running down the driveway, through the driving rain, towards my car. I panicked as I tried to devise a plan of escape. It was too late. My aunt to be jumped in, smiling with her hand outstretched to shake my hand. "Hi, I am Joanne, she exclaimed, you must be Hector." The expression on her face could barely hide her sudden shock, as she was overcome by the noxious gas and foul odor caused by the brown liquid oozing into my briefs. Her smile quickly faded and was replaced with an expression of curious disgust. She tried desperately to hide her displeasure as she attempted more small talk. Then came the dreaded silence. It seemed like an eternity as we sat in silence waiting for the others. With the windows still closed due to the relentless rain, the stench had not abated at all. After another minute or so of the deathly silence, apparently she could tolorate no more. Without looking at me, she opened her window and quietly gasped for air. She had been obviously trying to hold her breath. She leaned her head towards the window ignoring the pounding rain that was now soaking her to the bone. A a minute more, my wife-to-be and her uncle jumped in the car. It was a very quite drive to the restaurant.

hector, is that the end of this story? Then what happened?

There were so many shit stories in middle school centered around this gang of boys. One of them that was obviously a follower of the ring leader was obsessed with shit. I remember he would take a stick and an empty bag of Doritos chips and push some animal shit from the school yard into the bag. Then like a nice guy he would go around the courtyard offering unsuspecting victims free "chips". Even if you said no he would insist and go on about how kids in Africa are hungry and you should eat the chips cause to waste them would be worse than eating something you really don't want. Then he'd pour the shit in you hand and laugh as it took you 1-2 seconds to figure out what was going on. That was Dorito boy.

Another really screwed up kid at my middle school in 1992 was this guy obsessed with fire and toilets. He'd set fire to rolls of toilet paper and throw them in the bowls. One time the fire system was triggered, the school evacuated, and the fire department called. the administration constantly wanted to know who it was but no one ever told casue of gang intimidation. Those stupid shit punks ruined restrooms for us. I hope they are in prision these days.

Yeah Hector, what happened next? Now that you're "family" with these people have you had a chance to look back on it and laugh with them?

When I was in college, I lived in a fraterinty. We had the usual covey of cheapskate girlfriends that would hang around the house all the time eating our food and coying our homework (which , of course, we had dutifully copied from someone else).

Anyway, one evening we were in the bar we had in one of the downstairs rooms - a real, full bar - not just a room anymore - when the call to dinner came over the all-call. As we filed out to go upstairs, I hollered into the propped open door of the bathroom accross the hall as was custimary to let those "in progress" know it was tme to eat.

As I glanced in, I saw these little, white tennis shoes, barely tiptoeing on the ground in the front stall. Men's bathroom. Women's upstairs. Anyway, I knew it was Beaver's girlfriend because she was pretty small, had been hanging around a lot, AND I confirmed the shoes.

Of course we gave her a little shit at dinner since she was dropping a log in the guy's john - repleat with industrial toilets and a vast array of crispy smut magazines and not upstairs in the beautiful women's john repleat with carpet and rag-box.

So. Dinner finished. It was time for house duties. One of my great friends had lower johns that night. I don't remember if it came over the all-call, or if I just found out, but what I saw caused me to double over in hysterics. The bowl was a swirl of skid marks. You could tell that in her panic, she just kept flushing. Hoping. Flushing. It wouldn't go down. It couldn't. It looked like a soft ball with two points. It was huge. That little girl - that giant turd.

We didn't know what to do. You touch it. Not me - YOU touch it. We called our friend accross the street at the rival fraternity - he would be worthy of the job. He just took pictures.

We made HER stuf it down the bowl. I just can't help wondering what Beaver was doing to that little girl to enable this kind of masterpiece.

hey KS838, either you smoked too much crack in college or you attended "Dumb Fuck University". Your spelling and writing is awful for a college educated person!!

I worked in a clothing store, and may manager called me in to the restroom, and said "Take care of this" and pointed to a stall. I walked in and saw shit smeered all over the walls, the toilet, everything. I said Fuck This" and walked out, never to come back.

Doniker, in case you didn't notice, this is an informal message board where informality rules and grammar takes a back seat to humor and fun. Perhaps a strong laxative (laxitive, luxitive, laxative...) would help you and diminish your judgemental spewing. Or perhaps you are just an asshole.

CD

Once I was at the beach with my friends playing frisbee and out of NOWHERE i suddenly had the urge to crap. I said to Rob, "man i gotta shit, now!" He said dig a hole and squat, so I did and frapped in the sand. IT was great.

One time i was out with my guy friend that ihad grew up with and we went to his aunts sisters house and i wouldnt use the bathroom so i just sat there and shit in my pants but its okay now everyone likes me again...LOL...

*~*!*OCULARUS*!*~*

Hector your story had me in tears! HAAHAHAHAHAHA thanks man.

Hector a very truly funny story (stiry) lol

Anywhy what happened next don't leave us

hanging

Ok Don't cry or no shit - it ain't that way. But on the day of my mums funeral, I was runnin a little late, not because I overslept or anything, but the usual.... On any day where things might get emotional or the proverbial Butterflys might fly, I tend to need a shit more than usual - I was nervous and upset. And late for my poor mothers fuckin funeral - but I needed a shit, of course all the family was at my house, but I had to shit. No Lock on my bathroom door. My uncle burst in on me in the middle of a squatting episode before my mothers funeral. I know this situation will never come up in conversation as long as I live and until now only two people knew about it.

wow!

Hopefully, the hotel has replaced tose low flow toilets with ones that actually flush.
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

I am glad I rarely clog the bowl.
Producing waste since 1967

I was falsely accused of clogging once...Bastards.

I used to clog the bowl a lot, and I feel rather guilty now!! More practically, I've improved my diet a lot so I don't do it as much!

There are some quality stories here - spandex man's dildo and the attractive blonde in particular. KS838 with the story of Beaver's little girl friend reminds me of a recent journey on a crowded journey to Cardiff. I and my colleague were standing in the vestibule near the toilet as there were no seats. The guard so helpfully directed a sweet demure and innocent-looking young lady to this toilet. She was in only fairly briefly, but when she emerged, she released a stench that was truly appalling - it ranked with the most obnoxious shitters I've encountered in my entire career. Quite astonishing!

I meant a crowded train of course - sorry!

Haha Great story
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!