I work at a prestigious northeastern university with no common poo sense whatsoever. My office used to be in an old building on campus where most of the bathrooms were old-school single occupancy stalls. These were located in out of the way places, and were perfect for private pooping.

Recently, a brand new $30 million building was built and my department moved into it a few months ago. A bit anxious about moving so far from the prime pooping places in the old building, I scoped out all the bathrooms on the first day of our occupancy. I was horrified to find that all of them were soulless, multiple stall poopatoriums.

To make things worse, within the first week, it was reported from all the new occupants that these new bathrooms were woefully inadequate. An entire meeting that was supposed to discuss the operational issues of the new space was devoted to complaints about the bathrooms.

The men complained that the urinals sprayed water and pee outwards when flushed. The women complained that the toilet paper dispensers were too low to the ground, making it nearly impossible to get some tp without crawling underneath it. Both men and women complained about the fact that the paper towel dispensers jammed after the slightest glitch. And this was after just a few days. Since then, the latches on a number of the stall doors have broken off. I have also noticed that some of the potties flush so violently that poopy water sprays you if you stand in the way.

30 fricken' million dollars and a man can't take a decent dump! They call this place an institution for higher learning, but they can't build a decent place for someone to sit and think.

That's my office poo story. I also have a poem that I once saw written on the wall of a stall in high school. It isn't entirely appropriate but it is damn good:

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink.
Some come here to write on walls,
But I came here to scratch my balls.