FART SOUP SEX ASS DAMN DAMN DAMN.

Just today I entered a stall at work adjacent to an occupied one, sat down and released perhaps the loudest, most resonant and longest fart in the history of this workplace. Not only did it seem to last for twice as long as should be humanly possible, it was doubly amplified by the echo of the bowl and the concrete walls of the bathroom, and changed pitch at various points in its lifetime as if telling a story which took its audience on a long and smelly journey.

Realising that I'd just unleashed this monster not four feet away from an (as yet unidentified) coworker I immediately had to stifle laughter. That would have been all, except then I heard choking sounds from the stall next door indicating that its occupant was similarly amused by the enormity of my buttbomb, and with that I couldn't help giggling like a little schoolgirl.

Embarrassed as hell, I shoved my shirt into my mouth, coughed, flushed the toilet, bit hard into my forearm, but could do nothing to quieten the little snorts that escaped my shuddering body. I was wracked with laughter for minutes, in complete agony with tears running down my face and desperately hoping that the guy sitting next to me couldn't identify me from the distinctive sneakers he may have glimpsed under the wall of the stall.

I peeked through the crack as he left the toilet to see who it was, and will henceforth have trouble making eye contact with him. I waited in there for ages even after he left, just in case he was lurking outside curious to discover which of his colleagues could be reduced to a snickering wreck by a fart, but hope that I have escaped undetected. Even now, sitting in the office reading poopreport and typing this up, I keep snorting at my desk like a fool. Flatulence can really make your day.

Laughing at others, was the funniest I ever !!

i always laugh hysterically at farts. mine and other peoples. i cant help it. they sound funny.

Today i woke up from a night at the bar and then i ate about a 1/2 lb. of baked ziti. Good Grief it couldnt have been more than 15 mins later i was rushing my tushy to the poreclain pedestal. There was a barage of silent fire farts which singed my browneye. Then I proceeded to spray mud. So obviously at this point the stench is peeling the wallpaper and melting the tub's grout. so i finish and look down.... it was your average "Bud mud" poop- (bud mud is the poop you take after a night of boozing) but i look down and ALMOST all the poops were in uniform in size and shape except this one lonely turd. it was perfect circular and almost black. i didnt know what to make of it. It looked like as I sawllowed a brown .25 cent bouncy ball you get from a gumball machine, and then i didnt digest it. In conclusion, my toilet shouldve been equipped with a seat belt for the duration of Dropping a Larusso.

I'll be back.

that's why the aerospace grade carbon fiber toilet seat was invented!

Good call JT, the acoustics of your average shitter within a small cubicle are what can only be described as a scientific anomally. How is it that a normally average sounding fart can be reverberated into a seemingly colossal passage of stale air that leaves the innocent bystander wondering how first aid is to be administered to one who has torn him-or-herself a new asshole? I have such a specimen captured on good old cassette tape, back in the days when a 14 year old walking into a toilet with a tape recorder didn't appear odd, nor was frowned upon socially.

In a similar desire to seek out natural forms of amplification for farts, so that I might entertain the masses better, I experiemented with the 'inner adjoining office wall' principle. Essentially, when you have an office with a hollow plasterboard wall separating it from your collegue, you can push your butt firmly against the wall (between wall studs gives the best effect) and let rip at the most opportune time, or as the 'bottled' supply dictates if you have no self control. The lower the frequency of the emission, the better the standing wave oscillations of the wall. Be very careful of the sub-sonic fart, which if resonant with the natural frequency of the wall, could cause structural damage. This could potentially be a further source of amusement: watching co-workers cowering under their desks in fear that the 'big one' is about to hit...

Farts are funny, no doubt about it!

I'm just dying here laughing... flatulence is so funny - especially when it's someone else.

Let me preface this by saying my co-worker is a nice guy. We are working is a project room of about 5 people.When my manager is in the room it is relatively quiet. However, when he leaves, my co-worker toots like the Star Spangled Banner. Thank goodness its not especially fragrant! The other day one escaped, and I could barely contain myself! One friend suggest I put a can of Beano on his desk. Ugggggh!

Wow, I have totally let out huge turd like that at my job, and I am usually one of those people who look at thier turds before they flush them, and I have to say, this thing was as big as my fore arm. Plus there was an unbearable smell. That's why I keep a book of matches in my bathroom, they come in handy for disgusting rectal explosions

Czeœæ jestem z polski a hip hop jest g³upi o czeœæ Darek

Good story. I can almost imagine the guy at the urinal.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

why is there an option for unregistered ppl to comment ( well I see ppl trying to cut down on cluttered registration list) but now I don't even bother reading them.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

The thing I hate are the folks that sound like they're getting off while standing at the urnal - the idiots that let out orgasmic sighs of relief while relieving themselves, or those who make ridiculous grunting and straining noises, as though they're urinating a colossal turd or something. Usually, if that crap starts while I'm in a nearby stall, I'll make it a point to start farting and dropping dook loudly, even if I have to fake it, to run said morons out of my sanctuary.

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"...you guys are missing the genius of Turdgutson's idea. We should certainly not be shitting in the sink, but why not invent a Toilet Disposal? Your tampon, giant turd, or some hooker's hand won't flush? Just flip a switch!" - SamDamnit

I was sitting in a college biology lab listening to an extremely boring lecture
when it happened. From the back of the room came the extremely loud blast of an anal trumpet. The lecturer looked up and then haltingly began speaking again. I was biting my tongue trying as hard as possible to contain my laughter. I looked around and everyone was trying to contain their laughter.

Finally the dam broke, we could contain our glee no longer. The room burst into one giant roar of laughter, including the lecturer. After a solid minute or so of
loud guffaws we wiped the tears from our cheeks and continued the class. The section of the class from which the fart had sounded forth was filled with girls only. To this day I still wonder from which of these lovely and shapely young asses had such a tsunami of a fart emerged.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

turdgutson, it nice to see you have such a high respect for your fellow shitters/pissers, maybe yourself should have been flushed away at birth?

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

bvc -

I apologize. I had no idea you were a 'urinal grunter.' I'm sorry. In the future I will show more respect for your feelings.

Love,

turdy

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"...you guys are missing the genius of Turdgutson's idea. We should certainly not be shitting in the sink, but why not invent a Toilet Disposal? Your tampon, giant turd, or some hooker's hand won't flush? Just flip a switch!" - SamDamnit

If they are in the bathroom, I must assume they are already smelling turd fumes. If I
freshen the air a bit with my anal potpourri
what difference could it make? My motto is,
let the whizzer beware. Damn.......I wish I could say that in Latin.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Roughly, Chief, it would be...

"Permissum whizzer caveo."

It's a motto I live by.

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"...you guys are missing the genius of Turdgutson's idea. We should certainly not be shitting in the sink, but why not invent a Toilet Disposal? Your tampon, giant turd, or some hooker's hand won't flush? Just flip a switch!" - SamDamnit

Nothing like having a blast at school. I bet a wooden desk would really create an echo platform for even a small fart.