"Who among us hasn't fallen victim to that case of mistaken identity?"

I can name one person who has never shit himself (since diaper days). Me.

passed the audit with flying colors (brown wasn't one of them)

Jeans? You get to wear jeans to work?

Did you pass the audit...?

Yup, jeans won't prevent poo seep-through. That's what happened to me in the restaurant. Luckily my friend was behind me to conceal it.

Never take chances at work, just use the toilet!

I can't recall many stories in which the pooping party lived with the results for the rest of the day. Good job for not wussing out, and even better job for not getting caught.

"I don't care how sick you are -- you have to be here tomorrow."
My boss has said things like that as well. He once told us he'd have to see a death certificate for us to miss work. He was an asshole! Funny story, CG. Glad you got through the audit ok.

thanks Di...normally my boss is very cool (YES I can wear jeans to work) but on this day I was the ONLY guy who was going to get us through this audit in one piece...so they needed me...the "you have to be here" was partly an order & partly a compliment

I like when movies and stories begin in the middle or end of something, so you have to be caught up. You started your story nice.

I wonder what would have happened if you had been struck by a car on the way to work? This "I don't care how sick you are. You have to be here tomorrow" is not so smart if your company was relying on this audit. Who was your backup? Did you have one? Your company should have had a backup for you.

And, congrats on passing. So, do you have extra clothes in your office now? My mom is an executive, and she has pantyhose and stuff in her desk should she snag or worse.

I agree. the pacing of this story was nice. Most stories leave us wondering if he's going to crap his pants or not... this one started where the others usually stop.

as that annoying twat Graham Norton says, "good on you."

Amusing story. I can just imagine the itch from the poop stain in your clothes!

I need some advice here... Most of you well know that being sick, in the business world, is defined as "can't walk" or "in the hospital." Unfortunately, I had to go into the hospital to have my appendix removed, and I was FIRED for missing work! (This wasn't a minimum-wage job, either -- it paid $14 an hour.) Due to this extenuating circumstance of illness, would I have any legal remedy against the employer if he doesn't re-hire me?

Let me guess. You worked for the Forest Service, right? Those assholes fired me because they found out I was dyslexic.

Yes, JDL, I think you have legal recourse for this. Get yourself a lawyer and scare the hell out of this asshole.

Still, I would suggest looking elsewhere for a job. This guy sounds like a real piece of poo. And I don't mean that as a compliment.

TSV You should sue. Dyslexia is a medical disability. things like that really tick me off and make me want to reprsent you for free call me 1-800-EAT-SHIT

I'm thinking you should call the Labor Union. They helped me once.

And, get your job back, then quit with no notice. Leave it out of your resume'. I wish I had the balls to be that nasty.

God, what a relief - 14 posts (make that fifteen) and NONE of them RULE!!! Good story, CG. Daphne, the lack of backup for CG sounds to me like job security. Sometimes you take the good with the bad.

Moral of the story - if you wanna be the Man, sometimes you gotta wear the gravy.

Actually, I worked for the U.S. Postal Service, as a "Data Conversion Operator." Basically, I sat at a computer terminal and encoded mailpiece images. It's not like I was on salary or anything -- since I wasn't on the clock for two weeks, I got zip! They certainly weren't short on manpower either, as at any given time of the day, there's at least 300 employees in the building doing the same task.

I guess what the boss didn't realize was that I could have DIED if I just shrugged off my pains and went back to work. While I was laid up in the hospital, I did phone him to tell him my situation, but I doubt if he believed me.
(By the time I was on the table, the appendix had already ruptured and caused infection. Luckily, laparoscopic removal was still possible.)

Daphne had a good idea, but it might not work... They do WORSE than chew us up and spit us out... they wipe their asses with us, and flush us away, like we never existed. They'll bring in all-new employees, and bar the former employees from the building, in the name of HOMELAND SECURITY. I went up there and talked to the director of human resources, but she didn't seem to care what I had to say -- she just bum-rushed me out. I asked to speak with the union steward -- she refused to let me in! Now I can't even get the union representation that I paid good money for. I'd like to sue the shit out of them (no pun intended,) but how does one man go up against the freakin' government?

JDL, if the company you were working for is large enough, I believe you have a good potential lawsuit on the basis of "wrongful termination".

And TSV, you have a clear ADA violation going. The Feds, of all people, should be very sensitive to federal laws on this matter. Hell, I know of an IT guy who suffered a brain injury in a motorcycle accident and the company has to keep him on, at his same alleged job and salary, even though he's now a drooling vegetable. Well, come to think of it, he is better than most of the IT folks they've got.

Both of you should be able to collect the big bucks. There are attorneys out there who specialize in just this sort of case. The local hospital here, due to their complete ignorance and refusal to learn from their mistakes, supports a veritable cottage industry of lawyers who make unending piles of dough representing former employees of said hospital. It's as if the "Human Resources" department was on the payroll of the local trial lawyers' association.

Go for it!

Oh yeah, Great poop story, Chickengravy!

Even if I'm "no longer good enough to operate the computers," I will NOT let the government condemn me to a life of slinging hash!

Now, where would I find a decent attorney, for not a lot of money? (Oxymoron alert!) After losing that job, I can't afford to pay a lawyer $500 an hour. If I understand correctly, a lot of lawyers demand LARGE payments up front for their services, in addition to taking a cut from any cash winnings.

Sometimes I have to wonder if all this hub bub about these types of jobs is why I'm estatic to be a writer, and hope to groom and work with attack dogs. I think, while we need these types of people to make the world run, the reason I don't get all this is because I wasn't supposed to. I will always naively believe that there should be fairness in the world and your asshole boss should understand if your appendix has burst.

However, from my standpoint, I wouldn't have called. I would have had my records faxed to my boss's office from my doctor, signed with record of surgery, and a copy would have gone to my home.

if you have a problem like this, wear camo pants. all the colours in camo will disguise it(I'm talking about army camo, I don't know about hunting camo)

Bad news! I recently went back and asked to speak with my old supervisor. Turns out he was called to Iraq. There's a 50% chance he will die over there (either he will or he won't), but in any event, he has escaped judgment.

If his life was consumed by the Army Reserves, he shouldn't have become a supervisor. And now, he shouldn't be defending our country... he should be behind bars!

That little fucker (well, he ain't so little) has cost me EVERYTHING in my life.

***First thing, I asked him to cut my hours (as was promised to all full-time college students.) He said NO! Forced to work 30+ hour weeks, I failed my classes, and my scholarship, which paid for 50% of my education, was LOST.

***He gave me the pink slip, when I needed the money the most. He also lied about my reason for discharge, saying that my "overall images per console hour" weren't high enough. Bullshit -- I exceeded all the quotas.

***My first-ever girlfriend LEFT ME when I lost this job! And we were pretty damn serious.

***During the past 8 months that I haven't been working for the postal service, I could have earned over $13,000. There went my hopes of finishing college, or buying another car.

As I've shared with you all... my surgery may have had something to do with it. Never mind the fact that appendicitis is a once-in-a-lifetime illness... they just continue to punish me for it, by not re-hiring me.

The H.R. lady told me that it's not a matter of how far down my name is on the list... the supervisors vote on whether or not to re-appoint particular people (which is wrong on so many levels.)

I did tell my supervisor what had happened (and provided a doctor's excuse,) but the other supervisors simply didn't see me for two weeks... so they could have thought I was just some disgruntled jackass who got in his car and headed for the city lights.

What was I supposed to do -- attempt to remove my own appendix with an X-Acto knife -- only to be put in a "super-max" prison for possessing a weapon on federal property?

I don't think ANYONE who has survived a ruptured appendix has paid this much for it. This has GOT to be a human rights violation of some sort. But like I said, how does one man challenge the freakin' government?

Hope you get in the big bucks, but in any case, just remember that when most Executives have a session on the throstling pit, its their equivalent to having a conversation with a friend.

Didn't that poo stain bother your skin at all?

Very intriguing story.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"