Stalking The Shameful

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It was just another Wednesday at the office for Chip Brown. There I was, standing at the drinking fountain, filling my coffee mug with water. Suddenly, I heard the unmistakable roar of an anus letting loose in the men's room.

The door to the men's room, which has a set of small ventilation louvers near its bottom, stands within ten feet of the drinking fountain I was using. Being a radical Shameless Shitter, a curious PoopReporter and a rabble-rouser, I recognized a golden opportunity. Nonchalantly, I finished filling my mug with chlorinated water and decided I had a few drops of urine in my bladder that I might as well void before heading back to my cubicle.

The instant that I pressed my left hand against the men's room door and began pushing it open, I heard another thunderous roar echo off the tiled walls and floor. It sound like an angry raccoon on steroids tossing galvanized trashcans down a set of bleacher seats. A wry smile cracked across my face as my coffee mug and I entered into the room, hunting for Shameful co-workers.

Upon entering, I knew immediately I had cornered a real trophy -- the ass blasting stopped instantly as my unlucky co-worker cowered in the stench of the handicapped stall like a young boy. Breaking taboo, I addressed the urinal directly to the left of the occupied stall, the only thing separating predator from prey an aluminum stall divider painted a sickly ochre color. I let my prey notice my black leather engineer boots as the fluorescent lighting glinted off of the silver boot ring. I made sure he knew exactly who I was.

As I stood there, the Shameful dumper sat in absolute silence. Not a cough, sniffle nor rustle of clothing to be heard. Although I was standing and he sitting, I was clearly in the driver's seat. I took my time shaking the last driblets of urine from my pecker and slowly zipped my zipper. I then sauntered over to the sink and began to let the water run warm. Still, not another sound from the stall. I began methodically washing my hands; still no sounds from the stall. I then walked over to the towel dispenser and began drying my hands. Still no sounds from the stall.

At last I tossed the damp hand towels into the wastebasket, grabbed my coffee mug and headed towards the bathroom exit. I opened the door slowly and stood for a moment at the threshold, listening for signs of life from the occupied stall. Still, nothing.

I finally exited the men's room and stood just outside. Suddenly the raccoon returned with a vengeance -- a cacophony of sounds erupted from behind the bathroom door. I could literally hear the entire contents of the poor soul's lower GI erupt and echo in the porcelain bowl. An audible groan of pain and relief was released from my cornered co-worker. The joy he must have felt at finally having the room to himself to do his Shameful dirty business!

He thought he won, but I am no fool. I quickly re-entered the men's room, loudly dragging my boot heels across the floor. Once again an eerie silence enveloped the facilities. I returned to the sink and stared into the mirror. I saw a hint of evil gleaming from the eyes of my reflection.

The stench of a Shameful Shitter began blinding my senses, but I stood my ground. After another moment, I again left my prey to marinate in his juices of shame. I headed back towards my cube, feeling the exhilaration of sighting in a trophy buck but letting it pass for another year. I possess both power and mercy. Let he knoweth my name.

-- Chip Brown, Shameless Revolutionary

44 Comments on "Stalking The Shameful"

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper
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PoopReport does not condone the militant acts of Chip Brown, Shameless Revolutionary. In case of his capture, we deny all knowledge of his mission.

ThreePly's picture
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Your workplace description sounds all too familiar. The water fountain by the men's bathroom, the vent on the bathroom door, the ochre-colored bathroom, and the fact that many engineers at my workplace wear black boots. And one of the guys I work with takes a rip-roaring shit every morning in the same bathroom, but mutes his actions once someone walks in.

Chip, you don't work for PBS, do you?

Shat On's picture
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That's mean, You should have opened the stall door, give him a big hug and let him know that it's ok to let loose....

"we only become shameless through the help of others"

Amen

Jack Scat's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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That was mean, man. Funny, but mean.

Dromiceius's picture
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That was pretty funny, but if you want to make him uncomfortable, why not just throw a trashcan at the stall door next time?

Slim Jim Junkie's picture
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Meh, I would have just ignored hiom, or I would have said it was okay to let loose.

PooperGal's picture
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Really mean would have been to wait outside for the co-worker to emerge, and give him a knowing wink as he scurried to his cubicle.

pooQueen's picture
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Poor Shameful Man, imagine the plight of his sphincter trying to hold back. It's people like you, Chip, that make us Shamefuls the way we are.

Pinch Shitter's picture
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Chip, great story and good job. Your description of the facilities also sounds like a place I used to work. The location of the drinking fountain made us wonder about where the 'chlorinated' water really came from.

Poop Diddy's picture
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My favorite story on PR.. Well done Chip

guy with ass trumpet's picture
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chip...how could you...do u have any idea how painful it was for me to hold my bellowing ass together whilst you mocked me...

cruel man...i will never forgive you or your damned devious nature...

Dookateer's picture
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You need to expose the shameful shitter. When you walked in you should have said. "Mother of God, Did a racoon Die in hear." you shouls have made noise and then exposed the mystery pooper.

Insane Wayne's picture
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WOW! what a wacko, dude you got some serious problems.Sure, its funny when someone drops Hiroshima, but to make a return trip just to torture some poor bastard? you are definatley some kind of turd terrorist.

Me...'s picture
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Hm. How can you guys find it amusing to come here and abuse people like that? That wasn't nice. I'd hate to be that guy. How would YOU feel if you just had bad gas one day and then you were broadcasted on the internet for it?

Uncle Chunk's picture
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This story reminds me of a time when I was at a gas station in Spokane. I was filling up on gas, and the bathroom was just off to the side of the main building. I'm not sure if one needed a key to get in, but I saw one gentleman enter, and a few moments later a very aggressive looking man with sunglasses, cowboy boots, tight jeans, and a cigarette got out of his huge pickup and walked over to the door. He started jiggling the door handle to know avail. I couldnt hear if words were exchanged between the the agressor and the victim, but suddenly the agressor started kicking the door and within seconds had it kicked open. I drove off and through my side window all I could see was the agressor standing in the doorway just as the door kicked open. Never knew what transpired.

brown eyes's picture
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hahhahaha "broadcasted on the internet for it"

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Chip, just masterful.
Bravo. Nothing else need be said.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Shameful_Shite's picture
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Honestly, people who do this horrible deed need to go to shit hell or something. If a person needs to drop trou and are shameful, don't torture them by sitting there and making them wait. Just be polite and let them do their business. What if it was someone homicidal? He would've killed you for making him wait to shit or something :|

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Why is it horrible? The point being made is that there's nothing wrong with taking a crap. The whole point of this website is to celebrate shameless shitting, Shameful. Have you read the Shameless Shitting Manifesto?
I am wondering, is this something someone has done to you?
I do remember, as kids, we all giggles like mad in the girl's room if someone dropped a load, but we were kids. I hope you have no bad memories like that, but hey, poop, like I said, is like masturbation. Everyone does it. It's just a natural thing. What comes in must go out.

But, the homicidal thing.............man, that makes me YEARN for a fiction section of this website. What a crazy-ass Stephen King short story that would be. Some victim of Chip's game comes back to get him, hiding in the alleys, slinking like a soft, black turd down the drain of the night after our protagonist/antagonist as he unsuspectedly goes about his life of turd stalking, unaware that he has a stalker of his own. Page-turning, butt-wiping excitement.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

nunyabizz's picture
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LOL, Daphne, maybe you should be the one to write that story! I think you could do it. Just the description was enough to make me want to read it!
The whole time I was reading Chip's story I thought he was gonna open the door and pretend to exit the restroom, but really just stand quietly inside and wait. Now that would've been terrorism!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I was hoping for the same thing, nunyabizz. If it was me this is what I would have done.

Cruel, Chip. Cruel!

He he he he he!!!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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What's funny is that I also thought, for sure, I would read him closing the door in front of him and doing that same thing.
My dad used to tell me that when one of his shameful pooping buddies at work was in the shitter, he would bang on the door loudly and yell,"Hey! How's the crap going?"
Of course, the best way to get fired would have been to do what we did in high school, and that was take a Polaroid camera in your hand and hold it over the door and scream, "Cheese!!!"
Come on, Chip, rise to the occasion before Donniker does!!!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Captain Crapmypants's picture
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Chip, have you considered that the shamefull dumper peeked between the crack of the stall and door and recognized you and your re-entry into stenchland? Maybe he told a few of your coworkers and now they're avoiding more than just bathroom visits with you? It might be him that is enjoying the last laugh. Deservedly so i might add.

Jack_the_dripper's picture
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i wouldve told him how much it stank ang had all of my friends enter the bathroom and tell them that the man was a shit legend

KRUSTY KRAPPER's picture
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OH POOP DECK WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE KRAP I LEAVE...AND YES IT WAS LONG DUST. CHIP WAIT TILL YOU COME TO WORK I HAVE A REALLY NASTY ONE BUILDING UP...PS DAPHNE I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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That is because you are an imbecile, and you seem to have stalking tendencies, also.

My advice is to drink heavily.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Chip Brown's picture
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two words Krusty, caps lock.

KRUSTY KRAPPER's picture
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DAPHNE, DO YOU KNOW THAT IAM A WOMAN BITCH... I AM NOT A STALKER BUT I THINK YOU ARE...I AGREE WITH A LOT THINGS YOU SAID...BUT STEPHEN KING COME ON TRY DEAN KNOOTZ... AND BY THE WAY I HAVE BEEN DRINKING VERY HEAVILY.

Krusty Krapper's picture
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I know Chip but you have yours off.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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KRUSTY KRAPPER, YOU DID NOT PUT A COMMA IN BETWEEN WOMAN AND BITCH, SO YOU CALLED YOURSELF ONE. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

Anyway, I'm not the one going to Chip's job to unleash the dogs of war, you are, you little stalker, you.
Plus, Dean Koontz uses the same plot over and over again.
However, since you are drinking heavily and have balls the size of Massachussetts, woman or not, I just can't hate you. I can, however, send you spellcheck. I will make sure to get the Dean "Knootz" uses. Hehehe.
Lighten up, Krapperlady, it's only poop!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

KRUSTY KRAPPER's picture
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oh!poop you'er right. it's only poop!

Newbe's picture
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I am with poopegirl waiting outside, or making a Coment like, man what did you eat? Or say something while hes on shiter like Dam that rekes I have to cherp but I'm thinking of going someplace else. That wood have messed up that pore farting shiter.....

Krusty Krapper's picture
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Thanks Newbie! I had lots and lots of beans a long with lots of beer!

AyeSheetMiDrahwerz's picture
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Chip - was there rustling of newspaper? I can't stand co-workers who just take a 30 minute break on the dumper with a newspaper. For God's sake, just poop and flush. Don't let it stew! And don't get me started on cell phone poopers. I make sure to flush excessively when someone is gabbing on their phone while they are communing with nature.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Krusty,
I'm waiting for you in the forum. Dive in and join the fun!!!!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I make sure to fart and grunt excessively when someone is on the cell phone.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Slim Jim Junkie's picture
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LOL, good idea TSV. it would be even more fun to use the bathroom acoustics so that it annoys the guy on the other side.

porclin pony boy's picture
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it,s the dung beatles lol

Dan L Smith's picture
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I went to the toilet an found no paper,there I was in a real tight scraper.Late for class but did not linger.Look out asshole here comes finger.

Rick's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I agree with the cell phone crapper. I was in a hotel bathroom and there was a guy in the last stall on SPEAKER PHONE. I mean the arrogance!! One of the people was a woman and you could tell by her tone of voice she was put off by it. Hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I could have started flushing or doing something obnoxious to get this asshole to stop.

nameless's picture
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THAT WAS YOU???????? LOL

Karl Mundt's picture
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You sir, should be put to death. Shitting is a horrible act designed by god to make us suffer and remind us of our mortality. There is no greater human dignity than to make #2 in solitude. Having to make a doody in a public place is a crime against humanity.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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It stands to reason that if folks out by the fountain can hear what's going on in the Gents', then the opposite must be true, as well.

I would have sang into the vent cover, "We-ee ca-an he-ar yo-ou!" He'd probably never come out of the bathroom, then.

_______
I CAN'T go to work today. The voices said to stay home and clean the guns!

Farthur's picture
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He He!! I love that Idea, Gottagogirl!! My favorite is when some dude lets rip a tidy bowl fart while I'm pissing, to let a fart of my own rip and then say "right back atcha!!"

Even if they don't fart, the urinal is stuck way in the corner, so You're trapped between the wall and a stall. I always try to fart loudly on any dude layin cable! I'm a champion belcher, too, and the acoustics of most public shitters are PERFECT!

I also like to yell " God DAMN it fucking STINKS in here!!" when someone is doin the crapper proud!