After having been with this site for a while, there are few things that actually make me go "ewww". This did. Go Chip!

My boss doesnt wipe his ass. He'll tell you he just went and took a dump and say he didnt wipe his ass and you know bc you can smell it....The worst is after a couple of hours he'll start scratching his asscrack with screwdrivers and stuff, then he will smell it...He's nasty, he tried grabbing for one of my screwdrivers one day, and didnt like the idea of having a pipe bender shoved up his ass sideways so he put my screwdriver down.

Sounds like my dad. A very large man who can't wipe his own ass. Is disgusting, and I'm so glad I no longer live with him.

Needs to have his ass sprayed with a fire hose...what a lazy fucker...so fat can't wipe his own ass...thats sad!

I had a lardass boyfriend for awhile, and I always wondered why he smelled like ass, even after coming straight out of the shower. This explains it all.

Hehehe. A firehose. That rules. Reminds me of a friend of mine. He was like 7 feet tall and had a stink to match. His house was a shithole. Use to find cat and dog turds all over the house. It was like a twisted form of furniture for him or something. Anyway, I passed out drunk one night on the floor of his house, rolled over on the floor the next morning, and there it was inches from my face. A big stinking log of love. I hurled.

I work at a medical clinic and we have this amazing spray called X-O. it's an odor neutralizer. Remember, that everything from hemorrhoid lancings, to Pap smears, to vomit and the occasional "manual constipation cure" happen in our lttle rooms. But I go in after, grab a (always within arms-reach) can of X-O, point and shoot. About 10 blasts into the air in every direction will completely remove any smell i've yet to encounter. It takes about 30 seconds but it completely neutralizes the odor- not masking it with some worse scent. they should call it "shit-be-gone"!

Know a guy so fat when he was at his brother in law's house and took a shit he accidentally grabbed the shower curtain and wiped his ass instead of the TP next to it. Fortunately realized it and took down the curtain and said he had had a "technical problem".... As in technically he should back off the Chilli Dogs!

Don't appologise for bashing large people, Chip. As your story demonstrates, there are some obese slobs out there who don't care what they subject others to.

They care more for their own gratification than they do for others ... and that's just selfish and anti-social. And pointing that out does *not* make one a 'fat-basher' -- it's just pointing out that some folks have chosen not to exhibit any common decency.

Spiff

The Rikishi - known to you perhaps as Sumo wrestlers - can't wipe their asses either, so the junior ones must do it for them.

David

I hope you all get too fat to wipe your stinky asses, then see how funny it is. Anyone, fat or not, can practice good hygene, or not.

Sorry Anon, you fat pig, but you don't just "get fat" by accident, you have to be a glutton like yourself.

I have never laughed so hard in my life..These stories are the funniest read on the net..Thanks:)

Who knows what evil lurks in the intestines of men...

The Shitter knows.

There is always one dude that seems to be the king shatter. No matter what time of day it is, he is always makin' trouser chili. We have two stalls on our floor, and when they are full we call it a PTJ or Poop Traffic Jam. PTJ's occur from about 11am-2pm at our office. I will never understand how one person diggin' for mud bunnies can make so much stank.

I voted for mastercrapper as 2002 poopReporter of the Year, but this is still one of my all time favorite stories.

i'm a ssbbw and i find this very offensive. i have trouble with personal hygene and its not funny. go to www.naafa.org . its a sight about fat acceptance, maybe we could teach you something. its not our fault that we're fat.

I love a good poop story.

There is this guy in our office building we call "Fecal Matter Phil." This guy is hurtin. He got those big, think glasses and the same hairdo as Poindexter from Revenge of the Nerds. Anyways, this guy must shit 4-5 times a day. Once, he was eating salad while on the throne deucing out. I was washing my hands and saw him exit the stall with the empty salad container. I am not talking about one of those McDonald's salads either. I mean one of those salads that you make yourself that set you back a 10 spot.

Another time, some of my fellow co-workers run into my cube and tells me that I have to see what FMP is doing. I enter the bathroom and he is on the crapper. All you see is his pants down around his legs. In his pants, between his legs, he had manila folders and papers. this guy was doing work while taking a shit. Unba-friggin-lievable!!!

oh man–the president of our company is the worst! This guy (Karl, haha F You Karl) has nasty gaseous indigestion or something that causes him to run to the crapper constantly-nothing like seeing a 60 yr old pretentious a.hole gallop to the bathroom chomping on Tums, holding his buttcheeks together. His shit fits can strike him at any time-especially when we are on sales calls. Everyone in the room can tell when its time for Karl to blow-he starts belching and shifting in his seat. Then he asks repeatedly where the nearest bathroom is, cuts the meeting short, and runs out the room. Twenty minutes he strolls back in like nothing happened.

Unfortunately, I have been caught at the urinal or in the stall when BigK comes racing in. One doesn’t have a shot to avoid him b/c he’s too quick. He hits the stall, closes the door, drops the pants and unloads his reeking assault in one fluid motion. The poor bastard grunts as his liquefied crap pummels the porcelain. Dude sounds like he’s standing over the bowl with a chili filled super soaker. Just think about that, its enough to give you nightmares. Awful, its just awful.

My favorite radio guy "Bubba The Love Sponge" Is one faaaat dude. he used a bath towel to wipe his ass. he used a flossing motion

This site is better than www.bloketalk.com for sure...

BRAVO CHIP BRAVO!!!

Here is a difference between two fat people.
First, my mom. She takes very good care of herself, walks every day, and is so anal retentive about her diet that she counts calories. However, because of a medical condition she is overweight. She still has pride in herself and keeps herself clean. That includes WIPING HER ASS!!!
Second, my dad. The pig of all pigs! The only reason he is fat is because he eats three kazillion pounds of food a day and refuses to exercise. He would rather have everyone in the house feel sorry for him. At one this slob weighed nearly 400 pounds!
Anyway, he also doesn't keep himself clean. He smells like a combination of dirty pussy and rotten meat. When he does shower the stench is reduced to a mere hint of B.O. As for his ass wiping, he doesn't. I always know when he's used my toilet because he leaves this gross scum on the seat and a dick smear at the front. And he never cleans up afterward.
For all you people who are offended by the fat jokes, get over it! Some people cannot help being fat, this is true. Others can, like my dad, and choose to be dirty, smelly, giganitic pigs! It think it's disgusting!

There was a fat guy in my office as well who ate horribly bad-for-you food. And yes, he was also the "shitter" in the group. He would be in there for 45 minutes, and omygawd. . . the STENCH! Two shits a day. He should have had his pay adjusted to accommodate those extended shits, but I guess it's too awkward to ask someone not be in the shitter so long. He would fart just walking around, unable to control even that function.

Anyway, just over a year ago he had a stroke and worked for only a couple of months longer in a wheel chair. Half days, so I never saw him actually wheeling himself into the can again until his took an early retirement soon thereafter.

I should feel bad, but the guy brought it upon himself with his lifestyle. In additional to himself, the guy inflicted it on all the other guys who had to use the bathroom when he was in there (it's hard not to be able to pee for like 45 minutes when you really hafta pee, after all).

That makes me think now... I have come across a few over-weight people in my days that have had a horrid odor to them. Not a body odor, but literally smelling like shit. I wonder if there are people that normally don't wipe and just tough it out.

Nothing worse than a fat chick who not only cannot wipe her ass but not wash the heavenly crevice as well, I used to be in a service company which would sometimes pertain me to work below the work spaces of others. Even though the folks would leave to let me do my duty, the foul gut wreching stench of ass and dirty crotch would make you hold your breath to the point of passing out. I could only imagine in my worst nightmares what the up close true odor would bring to the average indivdual. Hmmmmmm..... Couldn't pay a person to eat that beaver if you covered it in catsup and claimed it to taste like chicken. I would rather lick my dogs balls on a 100 degree day with a shit chaser.:( NOT!!!!!!!!

That's OK, I know people who wipe their shit ass with TP, and throw the shit in a can rather then the John! Talk about gross! And the fuckin splatter is truley disgusting as well.

I agree that some poeple can't help being a LITTLE overweight, but I also know that some NASTY people don't even TRY to act like civalized, rationl human beings, and I truly find that beyond repulsive.

I mean, for gads sake's, at LEAST flush the shit in the toilet, not the trash can. Some people I know belong in a third world country, hell, they don't even seem to try to be clean. That's one thing I truly cannot understand.

I'd like to talk to them, and advise them of their "problem" and how to correct it, but then, how exactly is one supposed to start that particular conversation?

I just keep it to myself, and try not to think about it too much, but it really is sickening.

Some people are afflicted with a metabolic disorder that makes them smell no matter how how many showers they take or how many times they wipe thier ass.
anonymous cowards. If your boyfriend was smelling even after he took showers, it was probably somethinbg unrelated to hygiene, or lack thereof.
This disorder is caused by the body's inability to properly metabolize a certain compounds found in certain ingredients of foods, namely soy, choline, and lecithin.
People who are afflicted with this are usually percieved as not having god hygiene. The irony is that they take many more showers a day and are a lot more hygenic than those than their accusers.
The disorder by the way is known as trimethylaminuria.

What a bunch of immature losers on this site. ALl of you are obviously stuck in the anal stage. Grow up, get lives, and start searching the net for some real information. Havesome acceptance.

Alot of chefs are fat and eat alot of shit. Especially after a 15hr shift tasting so much rich food and drinking so much coffee. Some dudes shit real bad on hte side of the dunny bowl. Crist there's alway one sick cunt.

Man look some peolpe just don't know how to look after themselve and its fucking unreal in this day and age, there should be no excuse, even as I sit nnow in the public library someone stinks really badly its only 10:00am its not hot here why the fuck should anyone stink in public, its very selfish at the very least. It's got fuck all to do with metabolism don't give me that shit, if you're a lard arse eat healthy food in healthy amounts and exercise for fucks sake, its about a bit of self disiplin and motiv8ion. Americans you have the fats nation in the world you've got serious health concerns fix you're selves and your nation up. You're a nation of fat arse turd making machines.

I agree with chefy... nice one mate.

ShitVolcano,

What is a "dick smear"????

Wow, chefy...you truly are an example of narrow-minded stupidity. Some people cannot help the way they smell no matter how clean they keep themselves! Is it really that hard to believe that? Are you so obtuse to believe that just because it doesn't happen to you that it's not possible at all?? Yeah, that's not very self-centered or selfish at all...idiot.

And indeed, what IS a dick smear!? hahaha

I've read this story so many times and 4 years later it still cracks me up....Chip was one of the great founders of PR.

This is indeed a fantastic story. I was reading this the other day and I pissed my pants laughing. One of my all time favourites!

I had a chemistry teacher in high school, Mr, C------, who always smelled--literally--like shit. We could all sniff the aroma of Mr. Brown emanating from his fat-backside (wonder he didn't leave a smear on the chair), but his breath also smelled like a direct line from a sewer. We decided he had originated a new form of recycling--he would simply scoop his shit out of the pot and eat it to save on groceries.

So the last day of school our senior year, a couple of us broke into the building early and put some Butric Acid in the A/C system--made the whole building smell like Mr. C------'s ass/breath. Then we hung a banner from the front of the building proclaiming it was "Mr. C------ Day" at the school.

They had to let us out early, the building stank so bad, and it was a great beginning to summer vacation. Mr. C------ did not come back the next year, so we also left the school a great legacy.

Captain's Log, to answer your question, even though I'm sure you're not here anymore, a "dick smear" was a slimy substance, resembling clear gel, that came off my dad's dick and balls when he used the bathroom. I think it was sweat, but I certainly wasn't going to take a closer look and find out. Anyway, Dad has since passed on and we think it was a product of some sort of blood sugar disorder, like diabetes. He was not doing well in his last few years but instead of saying anything, he just acted like a dirty pig all the time.

_______
If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I freaking love this story, five years later and still going strong. Every time I read it I picture this huge fat pig rubbing his ass on the wall. Awesome.

"The stall wall as a rubbing post"_Maybe The Shitter was on to a new form of "ART"? Sorry, That's my poop humour and I'm sticking to it.______
Producing waste since 1967

I am a large man. last time i weighed myself i was over 300kg and that was a year ago. My diet consists of burgers and pizzas and about 10 liters of coke a day. i cant wipe my ass so I just squelch all day until I have my weekly shower. My farts clear a room. I used to like leaving upper deckers in the cistern but now I can't reach so I just leave them in the top drawers of people I don't like. when i get on a bus people always make plenty of room for me. i wear brown trousers and it hides the shit stains unless i have a bit of the old 'anal gravy' which happens quite often and I end up leaving a muddy trail in the carpet.

I once had a teacher who wasn't exactly fat (though she did have a beer gut), but she always smelled like shit. Her smell diffused through the classroom and sometimes into the hall. We found brown stains on her chair on several occasions.

She would also make orgasm noises when the rest of us were dead silent doing work. She'd be reading a book and start grunting and moaning, then act like nothing happened and get mad when we started snickering. Mind you, this was a 60 year old woman with a beer gut who smelled like shit and alcohol. She didn't make much sense when she talked either.

gross
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!