As I was walking to the bathroom, the receptionist shouted at me, "the toilet doesn't flush, so
don't take a big crap!"
As it turns out, the toilets are out of commission here at my company. Enjoy the following
company-wide email exchange:
(names changed to protect the innocent)
HILLARY C.:
|
The Mens and Ladies Bathrooms are unavailable immediately until 6PM tonight.
We will let you know when this issue has been resolved.
|
|
JESUS C.:
|
For #1 and #2? Or just #2?
|
|
HILLARY C.:
|
For everything and anything.
|
|
GEORGE W.B.:
|
Good thing I saved my snapple bottle from lunch.....
|
|
DICK C.:
|
I accidentally drank somebody's Snapple that was in the fridge. I
think it was mislabeled.
|
Incidentally, it is now the next day, and the toilets still aren't working. As you may
remember from this article, I'm incredibly regular, so in about an
hour, I'm going to have a BIG problem...
3:00 PM, the toilets are still down. I went to the bathroom to pee, and decided to check on the
stalls.
Now, a modern toilet has two distinct functions: A) To act as a receptacle for bodily waste, and
B) To dispose of said bodily waste.
I guess when I found out the toilets weren't working, I assumed that the toilets were unable to
perform either function. However, I realize now I wasn't "thinking outside the box." Because,
as many of my coworkers have realized (and demonstrated), just because a toilet cannot perform
Function B does not mean it is unable to perform Function A.
Have you ever looked in a toilet that has been used REPEATEDLY over a 24-hour period without being
flushed? I have, and I saw some stuff that I didn't know the human body was capable of.
It's times like these when I am thankful that PoopReport has a NO PICTURE policy. Because this
would be the worst picture you have ever seen. And I swear to God, one of the toilets has blood in
it.
By the way, for those of you keeping score at home, I went to a restaurant for my morning poop.
Upon exiting the bathroom, I told the receptionist, "Those toilets are DISGUSTING."
"Yes," she replied. "And I could probably tell you exactly who did it..."
