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make it a brown christmas

Wastewater Potpourri

Posted 04.09.2002 by Chip Brown (201)
When I used to work at a wastewater treatment plant I had to clean and maintain the sludge pumps. Occasionaly, condoms and stuff would clog up the pumps and they'd lose suction. I had to go in there, shut 'em down and open them up to remove the debris.

The stuff inside was a black and slimy watery liquid. It had a terrible smell because of anerobic decompostion (much worse than aerobic). Once you open the access plate you stick a screwdriver in there and dig out the condoms.

Normally, you can release the pressure through a valve, but on that day it wasn't working. My boss was showing me a "special trick" to get the job done. His special trick backfired on him as he unbolted the access plate and was sprayed with pressurized liquid poo. He was drenched from his head to his waist. He then took off his shirt and wiped the shit from his mouth and eyes and continued to work. He got sprayed about 5 more times as he showed me his little "trick."

We didn't have showers at the plant and even though the guy only lived 5 blocks away, he didn't go home to shower. No, he spent the whole day smelling like shit. The next day I could still smell him. That foul stench permeated his pores like garlic.

If you want to know this smell you can recreate it at home, here's a simple recipie:

  1. Get a small bucket or pan and place it under the trap of your bathroom sink.
  2. Using a wrench carefully remove the trap below the sink. It will be full of water, so open it carefully allowing the water to fall into the bucket.
  3. Once the trap has been removed stick your finger inside the pipe and rub it around in the grease that accumulates on the surface.
  4. Smell your finger.

    NOTE: If you don't want this smell to stick on your hand for 3 days regardless of how often and how vigorously you scrub them. use a latex glove.

  5. Enjoy!

-- Chip Brown


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Dave (11657) -- 04.09.2002

Having recently read all sorts of books regarding the dangers bacteria that live in feces, I cringe at the thought of this guy's shit bath. Not only is it disgusting on its own, but it's so incredibly unsanitary... I'm surprised he didn't get cholera.

Did these shit baths happen often to him? He seemed to take it pretty much in stride...

Chip Brown (201) -- 04.09.2002

"All in a day's work" he used to say. The guy is a "Yooper" from Michigan's Upper Penninsula. They raise some tough people up there.

ThreePly (not verified) -- 04.10.2002

One time is bad enough, but the fact that this guy took 5 sprays of liquid crap scares the hell out of me. There's no trick in the world worth getting painted with crap.

Logan (not verified) -- 04.28.2002

I am not shy to say I'm a pretty tuff guy, but being bathed in shit, is so far beyond "OK" that I would've left the whole job after the first time it happend.

Di Uhreea (410) -- 10.02.2002

My dad's friend works at the sewage treatment plant here and he told my dad these two things:

1)The worst possible thing for a sewage treatment plant would be for a lacrosse ball to somehow get in the system. It would fuck everything up beyond belief.

2)Don't ever tell anyone this.

Your Ass (not verified) -- 03.16.2003

My friend used to work in a sewage treatment plant and his girl wouldn't have sex until his next dayoff and only after 2 showers. This is cause he got sprayed once and continue to work without bathing or going home.

Question what's the worst smell? A) unwiped fermented ass. B) Body odor which smells like cheese. C) Female which smells fishy from trich. or period on a bad day. D) Feet

slim jim junkie (not verified) -- 05.15.2003

I'd quit on the spot if I saw a shit bath

Wenton C (23) -- 08.03.2003

Holy Lord I f*in hate people who leave condoms all over the place, which is pretty stupid since one could do a DNA test on the evidence.

The Shit Volcano (3740) -- 02.10.2004

Ew! Say, Chip. What do they call those things that fling poo water around like a big fountain? I just call them poo throwers.

healthy 1 (1427) -- 12.06.2006

Wenton, why would someone do a DNA test on flushed rubbers?

TSV, I think the "poo throwers" that you are talking about are called aerators.
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

LeandraCullen (389) -- 07.31.2008

He never got sick or anything after that? That's disgusting.
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

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