The story was great, but a question keeps nagging me: did the toilet eventually flush itself?

I dunno... that doesn't make sense. Even if the toilet wants to encourage you to not to flush liquid waste, what happens if you pee in it a lot? It will never flush? What about toilet paper? How can it "detect" the consistency of poo, anyway?

Also, have you ever smelled a festering tailpipe of a chinchilla? You'd have to to be reminded of it.

Great story.

This sort of tale is among my favorite type of PoopReports.
I enjoy stories of being in a fecal dilemma in the workplace because it can be a real embarrassment when you have to deal with coworker after they know you had a pooping mishap.
I also enjoy stories about fecal dilemmas on first dates and stories about gluttons who pack there bellies with insane foods and drink and pay for it dearly in the end.

The sensor on the toilet in this story was probably just broken or turned off. I have seen many a toilet (with a sensor) that did not flush.

You know, this kind of reminds me when I started working at a Catholic School Board. I rarely poop at home... something to do with my digestive system, and that day I took quite a large, long, dense dump in one of the two small toilets in the very small bathroom on our floor, and flushed. As I was exiting the stall I noticed the turd was still in the bowl; it had not followed the tp and water down the ubend. I exited the stall and stood for a moment, trying to figure out what to do next, and my boss walked in and made a bee-line for the stall in question.
I didn't have time to say anything, don't think I could have said anything anyway. Oops. I've always felt bad about that.

Nice one. Sensory toilets should always have a manual override. When sensor toilets first started coming out, there were fewer with manual overrides, but almost all of them have it now.

Good story!

I hate the sensor toilets. My job has them. The damn things run on batteries. Even the manual override doesn't work when the batteries go bad. One time I had a foul bowl of satin brew that wouldn't go down because of the battery going dead. I prayed for the energizer bunny to come drumming along the stall floor so I could get some battery power. I was able to leave it and act like nothing was wrong though. If my boss was waiting for the john, I too would have been unemployed rather quickly!

Almost as annoying as the battery going dead in them is the fact it flushes too soon sometimes. The toilets we have seem to have a "mist" feature. So while I'm on the crapper and suddenly the toilet flushes I can feel the nice mist of my freshly poop-spoiled water hitting my behind.

I could go on about these automatic flushers from hell, but I think the original story shows, nothing beats a old fashion flush handle!

My advice to anyone, never use the executive bathrooms! We have them at my job. Nice floors, sinks, even the paper towels at the sink are nicer then you're grandmas Sunday dress. Don't let that fool you! Avoid that area at all costs!

Young man.....didn't you know you could get rabies from bat turds?!?! Seriously I am blessed with very clean washrooms and options galore to boot working in a casino. This is a major perk for me!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

This is definitely a Meet the Parents type of bathroom experience. I agree with doniker. These types of stories are the ones that usually leave me saying "ooooh shit." at certain passages and paragraphs, almost fearing what's to come.

Good job, Seth!

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

"You can use the executive room" he said. Then he dropped the deuce."
Are you saying he took a dump in the conference room, and then followed you to the bathroom?

After I got to I need to go myself, I thought exec. bathroom meant an exec. b room with more than one stall and you guys were gonna tandem poop and have some bizzaro male poop bonding experience, where he really likes you and get all those promotions no one can explain. But still a good story.

prarie doggin and pnuttycorn both pointed out flaws in this story that I also noticed.

I (for once) didn't dwell on the mistakes because I really enjoyed this story and the great way it was written.

I don't know who is editing these stories these days; dave was always real good at making these stories perfect before they got posted.
Either he has someone doing it or he is too busy to care.

"...more than one stall and you guys were gonna tandem poop and have some bizzaro male poop bonding experience..."

Nah. This is a story about an executive washroom at an aerospace supply company, not a public washroom at Minneapolis-St Paul International Airport.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Seth, did you work during the summer while in college overseeing the trustees on the chinchilla farm at a Mexican prison? That's the only logical explanation I can come up with that would give you first hand knowledge of the smell of a "melted jar of Mexican prison-issue Cheez Whip" and the "festering tailpipe of a chinchilla"?
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

DP, you can experience almost exactly all those smells at your local Taco Bell. Ya' just gotta sniff around.

I like this one too. But I've just gotta know: did that toilet ever flush???

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Very amusing story with a surprise twist. The minute I read that your boss had to go to the bathroom himself, I was almost CERTAIN what was going to happen. You would find yourself assaulted by a horrible stench of stomach flu dook in the bathroom, or else it was a 2 seater and he would be in the next stall dumping rancid ass fruit into the bowl while you had to endure it. Instead, I got a story about another innocent victim of the auto flush, obviously one without the little black button for manual control. Next time, scoop it into the garbage! (The poop, not the story.)

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Born right the first time.

This story is bunk. All auto-flush toilets have a secondary manual flush button. My story is much better, and not fabricated crap. First day on the job at a large Boston-based money management firm. I was starting off in the saltmine, lower than the mailroom and hit the head after having a sandwich at my desk. Nobody was in the men's room and I walked right in to a stall to drop a biscuit...I walked in and turned and shut the door and realized something was wrong...looked down and realized I'd stepped right in the middle of an 8-incher on the floor, a foot and a half from the hopper. As I was processing this the door opened and the after lunch rush piled in. So, here I was with a big shit on the floor and if I just walked out I would get fingered for putting it there...the new guy shit on the floor. So I got a load of TP and picked it up and wiped the shoe off and tried to clean up the area and went back to my desk, all the time thinking how fucked up it all was. I told my boss, Jr. Assistant Salt Mine Supervisor about the whole thing and he almost pissed his pants laughing and told me that in a month I'd be able to name at least 10 people at the firm capable of shitting on the floor. He was right, I could probably ID more than 10. The place was totally fucked up. That story is real, unlike the bullshit story above. All toilets have manual flush buttons, A-Hole. Rock on.

DP, I said this because My Mom's co. had an exec b-room and it had more than one stall,and you had an exec key to use it. It was real nice, with a cool lounge with doors to the actual potty and sink area, so I just thought that's what it was. I don't venture into the corproate world, I's just a grunt. A mgr. but a grunt just the same.I miss my Mom's cool exec potty now that she's retired.

Good luck with that constipation problem, BigShitter. You might try some stewed prunes. I've also heard bok choy soup works well. Best of luck!

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Born right the first time.

There's definitely stuff you want to let your co-workers/boss know after you get to know them a little bit and nasty steaming coffee dumps would fall into that list.