Gravylegs Uses The Restroom

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m 1+ points - Newb
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I worked in an Italian restaurant in Austin, Texas, in the late 1990’s. One Sunday, along with two other servers and a manager, I was inside the dining room setting up for the evening. The restaurant did not open until five o’clock that day; around four-thirty, through the windows, we saw a woman run up to the front door and desperately yank on the handle, trying to wrench it open. When she realized it was locked she banged on the windows, screaming something.

The manager hastily went to open the door; he thought perhaps she was in danger of some kind. When he opened the door, she attempted to push past him, yelling that she had a major emergency.

I hafta’ get the hell in dat bat’room NOW!” she had announced. Loudly.

The manager tried to explain that the restaurant was not yet open, and that she should come back at five o’clock. The woman paid no attention to him, and sped off toward the restrooms using a strange, shambling gait. One of the other servers gasped; I took another look and saw that this lady had thick, muddy poo running down the backs of her legs! My response was to laugh uncontrollably until my stomach hurt and I had almost peed myself.

The manager didn’t find it quite so hilarious, however; he knew that a problem was brewing in the bathroom, and that he would be the one who would have to attend to it. The restaurant opened for business at five o’clock, but the woman had not yet come out of the bathroom. A few patrons came in to dine, but we weren’t, as of yet, busy. The manager was keeping a keen eye on the restroom door, waiting for the woman to emerge. I don’t know what he was planning on saying to her. What would he have said anyway? I could only imagine something like, “Hey! How dare you crap in our bathroom?”

But as fate would have it, he never had a chance to say anything. When she finally came out, she made a beeline for the exit, keeping her head down and moving fast. The manager went into the bathroom and let out a little shriek. When I went to look, I saw that there was poo smeared all over the toilet seat, the floor, and the sink. There were poopy hand prints on the paper towel dispenser and streaks on the wall. The smell was unbelievable, the more sickening because it was mingled with the aromas of sausage, peppers, and tomato sauce from the kitchen. I am sorry to say that, once again, I lost control and laughed until I had the hiccups.

The manager, though, was not impressed, and he filled a mop bucket with water and put on a pair of rubber gloves, preparing to purge the noxious mess. I did not envy him. I returned to the dining room and attended to customers with what little composure I could muster.

I later worked in a bar where patrons would poop, and occasionally vomit, in the urinals, but I have never seen anything quite as cataclysmic as the foul cesspool left behind by Gravylegs.

23 Comments on "Gravylegs Uses The Restroom"

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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Ahh...spicy meatballs.....al dente.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Gravy legs ... What a great name. I once entered the bathroom at a store where I worked just as two adolescent boys left it. There was a rather foul smelling turd laying on the commode seat where one of the lads had backed up to drop his load and totally missed. I caught them immediately, gave them some cleaning supplies, and waited outside the door until the cleanup was completed. There were no repercussions so I don't guess they told anyone.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

junglistgirl77's picture
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Actually, I got the name "Gravylegs" from my brothers. When we were kids, there was a boy in school who used to poop his pants fairly frequently; idk if he had some sort of medical problem, or what, but my brothers called him Gravylegs. I still think it's funny.

Be sure to flush twice: once for the bulk, and then again for the remainder.

flushette's picture
l 100+ points
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With your laughter, I'm surprised the manager didn't make YOU clean it up! That's so gross though... people should never run into a food environment like that.. talk about a sanitation breach. The mess belongs outside! And then to not even clean up after yourself!? Too bad she got in in the first place.


_______

Never finish until you're done!

When you've got nowhere to go, and you feel it start to flow, diarrhea... diarrhea.

flushette's picture
l 100+ points
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PS: Way to go T-butt for making the boys remove their turd!


_______

Never finish until you're done!

When you've got nowhere to go, and you feel it start to flow, diarrhea... diarrhea.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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So I guess sitting in your own dook can now be called "biscuits & gravy."

Anonymous Coward 2's picture
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Or if you're a guy, sausage, buiscuits, and gravy.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I`m surprised Gravylegs stayed in there so long, most of the evacuation seems to have been poured down her legs already.

I guess she must have been focusing on her exit from the restaurant, and planning how to brazen her way out with speed.

The voice of sanity

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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I'm guessing Murphy's Law was in effect here. With that big of a mess, there was probably one of those toilet paper dispensers in the bathroom that had one of those extremely high resistance spindles. The kind that no matter how hard you try, the paper tears before you even unroll an inch. Cleanup must have been something out of a horror film.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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CAUTION: THIS COMMENT MAY CONTAIN A SPOILER....The image I had of the post-mordem scene could possibly have trailings leading to a delightful bathroom scene in that masterpiece of poo-macabre...MONSTURD!!!! Those who have seen know what I mean..

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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Oh man, that is SO gross! I'm guessing the mess was a result of trying to clean herself up using nothing more than the TP you had in the restroom. I kind of feel bad for her, but she should have offered to help clean up. Although, she probably felt enough shame from the "incident" that she couldn't face anyone in the restaurant. I hope your manager washed his hands VERY well before coming back into the restaurant--otherwise, I'm guessing a lot of people came down with a nice E. coli infection after they ate there.

_______
An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

prarie doggin's picture
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I once worked in a gas station and saw some nasty messes left by customers as well as people who just stopped to use the bathroom. One day the owner walked into the bathroom and immediately came out cursing and said he was not going to clean up another f***ing mess. I panicked and thought he was going to make me do it so I hid behind a car. I then watched as he got a hammer and a handfull of nails and proceeded to nail the door shut. It remained like that until they tore down the building a few years later.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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prarie doggin....that's hilarious...reading the comment and seeing your name gave it an extra kick in the funny bone....
After the door was nailed shut, where did you go if you had to take a shift shit?

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

junglistgirl77's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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+flushette+ I know, right? I couldn't help it; it was either laugh or scream. Lucky for me it was, at that restaurant, anyway, management's responsibility to clean the bathrooms (sort of takes whatever perceived status there is out of being a manager, eh?). I suppose no good deed goes unpunished; she got inside in the first place because he thought she was in danger (turned out her desperate screams were due to a different sort of emergency entirely).

Be sure to flush twice: once for the bulk, and then again for the remainder.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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thin, the ladies room remained open for business as it seldom was defiled, due to the fact that ladies rarely used a gas station bathroom. As for me, I continued to pee behind the building where we dumped all the used motor oil. I used the ladies room for #2.

flushette's picture
l 100+ points
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Junglist, I know for a fact I would have laughed too. Anything regarding poop and I pretty much laugh. (although I say this having never changed a diaper before...). I wouldn't want to clean up someone else's poop, but the ONE THING I would rather get fired for not doing than clean it up, is puke. I can handle poop and think it's funny, but I don't think puke is funny and I have a horrible phobia about it. I know, doesn't make much sense, does it?


_______

Never finish until you're done!

When you've got nowhere to go, and you feel it start to flow, diarrhea... diarrhea.

CC also known as Coach Crap's picture
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Looks like I won't be able to sell my tickets to The Pukeomania Hard Rock Festival.

flushette's picture
l 100+ points
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You are correct, sir.


_______

Never finish until you're done!

When you've got nowhere to go, and you feel it start to flow, diarrhea... diarrhea.

GROSSMAN AND GREEP's picture
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eww *laughs head off* GRAVYLEGS!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points
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Man that was a nasty, nasty, really great story junglistgirl. Good job--keep'em coming!

Gravylegs is funny, but I'm still laughing at "sausage, biscuits, and gravy." Well, suppressing vomitous laughter, I should say...

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

personal hygiene man's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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You're killing me!
The term "gravylegs" and the description has me in tears and bursts of giggles.
I know it's late and the three beers might be having an influence...
Thanks for the laugh junglistgirl77!

"personal care for your derriere"

personal care for your derriere!

junglistgirl77's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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yw, personal hygiene man. I laugh every time I hear, read, or say "gravylegs." I'm with IBS NO MORE on the "sausage, biscuits, and gravy" too; so sickeningly hilarious. However, I'm afraid it may put a damper upon my enjoyment of dinner this Thanksgiving.

Be sure to flush twice: once for the bulk, and then again for the remainder.

Firefighter46's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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hey @junglistgirl77 i really hope we can be friends :) do you have facebook or anything where we could keep in touch and talk on? :)

JonC