Donkey, you will never last with all that old porn around. You will be gluing pages together by Thursday and probably have a hand lotion dispenser installed by Friday.

Maybe you could volunteer to clean the crapper in between janitor visits just to make some brown points with your new boss.

It might be a little cleaner and hygenic if you lined the stall walls with porno pages wallpaper. Can`t believe that the mangement don`t know about this well appointed toilet.

The only thing that puzzles me is the huge amount of pubic hair around. Do the guys jerk off that furiously that they pull out clumps of pubes? Or do some of the products the company uses or sells cause hair loss?

You could be bald in a few years as well as having a very well developed right (or left) arm. Good luck with the job, doniker...and pleasant shitting.

Of all the places we are forced to use the two that should be the cleanest are
the two that cater to opposite ends of our alimentary canal, food preparation areas and bodily waste disposal areas. Both of these areas should be kept spotless.

I am a great fan of the chef Anthony Bourdain. His TV show "No Reservations"
is informative, interesting, and, at times,
hysterically funny. In one of his books Anthony recommends that when you go into a restaurant for the first time you should pay a visit to the mens/ladies room before you order. His reasoning is that bathrooms are extremely easy to
clean while kitchens can be very difficult.
If the shitter is not up to standards the
kitchen in probably a cesspool of e-coli,
salmonella and various other unsavory
microbes that we are much better off not ingesting.

Doniker........If food is prepared anywhere in this building...DO NOT EAT IT. After you have been there for a few weeks and feel comfortable doing so I personally think you should approach the other employees with the suggestion that a five minute clean-up
be performed daily and the task rotated through all the employees.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I wonder how much time these men spend in the bathroom doing things other than #1 and #2 because of those mags? Wouldn't that make for a less efficient workplace? And although if a particular man were either extremely religious or gay and the mags would be of no interest to him, it's a bit over the top to provide such 'entertainment' for those so inclined. This place sounds like a fraternity house with paychecks.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Here's the Poop Reporter clique in full effect! This is a lame story with no poop event and comprised mostly of background info about doniker's employer and employment history....and not one negative comment. Yeah, so your bathroom is dirty and full of porno mags...ok, where's the POOP?!? Where's the STORY!?! Oh Chocolate Shark, where are you in our hour of need?

I am fairly sure the infamous shark has posted immediately above this comment.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I would be inclined to agree, Chief.

Good story, doniker. Unlike others who have recommended you remove the magazines, I suggest you approach your boss with the suggestion that he get an Internet accunt for the company; the argument being that, with so much free porn on the 'net, he could save a ton of money by no longer having to pay for magazine subscriptions!

Keep us updated on this place. I've got a feeling there may be more surprises to come.

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"You will spray oil when you fart. You will have diarrhea. You will be shitting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels." - Mr. Angry on alli

Is there a recurring name to the magazines, or is it to the company? B/c I agree, men touching their balls and most likely not washing their hands is-ew!
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

On the white subscription square, I mean
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Fear not PooperTrooper....We guys seldom touch our balls while going potty, just our weenies and butt holes.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I don't Chief... The older I get the lower they hang. Someday I might have to reel then in before I squat.

doniker, did you inform your wife that men will always interact with female employees with lust on their minds, regardless of whether or not there are titty books in the bathroom?

I would love a shitter like this where I work. Years ago, before I started working for the government, I worked in a small factory that was owned by the cheapest bastard you'd ever hope to meet. Not only did he pay just barely above minimum wage, but the only shitter in the place was a small hole in the wall. You'd walk in the door, and there was a toilet in the corner, a urinal next to it, and a sink next to that.

If you wanted to go take a shit, there was no privacy at all. There wasn't even a door on the outside. And there was a chop saw right outside the place. Anybody running that saw could see what you were doing

And by the way, there were no magazines, either.

fan of poop, you're an idiot. CEP's comment (the very first one) is clearly insulting doniker. you're just seeing what you want to see. i don't think that you are Chocolate Shark, but i do think you have an unhealthy obsession with her and her stories.

i also really wish people wouldn't take the name and tagline of this site so literally. no, this story doesn't involve any actual poop. but it does involve a bathroom, which is where a majority of people do their pooping, so it fits. not every story posted has to be a hilarious tale of someone shitting their pants!

anyway, that's kinda creepy, doniker. i know guys like to look at porn, but there's a time and place, am i right? i don't agree with your wife, though. guys don't need to have porn on hand to be leering pervs.
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i love poop.

Cheif, I meant with the porn mags, there may be more touching involved...
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

doniker writes, "Naturally I would never touch one of these magazines..." Liar. You certainly rifled through them the first time you went in there. And if it takes wearing surgical gloves or using feet to turn pages, there just is no way a horny male (excuse the redundancy) is going to be able to sit in there without checking out the tits, ass, and pussy. I don't think wonderpance could resist. I don't think even The Big Wiper could resist. And Bilge? He'd be turning pages with his tongue, trying to recapture that special ennui of the 80s.

I thought you said you're never coming back to PR, doniker. Disappointing.

I am leering right now, turning pages with my tongue...but I never lost that special ennui, I have kept it caged for the last 20+ years, fed and bathed regularly...I'm considering breeding it with one of Daphne's Whatnots.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

logjam, i most certainly would look at it! perhaps while wearing TP mittens, but i'd definitely look.

i like porn. there. i said it!
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i love poop.

Gees, now I'm all worked up.

Didn't Elvis Costello sing What's So Funny About Tits Ass and Pussy?

Wedgie likes porn, what a coincidence, I AM porn!!!
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Images of Al Bundy on his Ferguson come to mind.

I once worked in a truck shop. 7 trucks and 28 fork-lifts, damn little oversight. As long as stuff ran, they left us alone. Plenty of porn in the shitter, but the best was on the walls. Playboy centerfolds all the way back to the beginning, faded as to be unrecognizable to current and shinning. Larry Flint was at the time doing his life size foldouts, and they were on every wall. The only women that ever were in the shop are the truck stop lot lizards that the drivers would nail. (then run to the clinic!)

Quarterly, they would fire, then hire a new general manager. The old one was always an idiot, or a thief. The newbie would tour the plywood plant, but never show up at the shop. Do not know if they were warned, or apathetic.

It was bound to happen. A new, bright eyed, smooth talking, bible thumping, manager, with all his hand picked supervisors strutted into the shop. It was hilarious! He stumbled backwards like he was hit by lightning! Grabbing his chest as if having a heart attack, he spun away as to protect himself from this display of carnal femininity. Turning away he discovered another wall, much like the previous! The gasps, screams, stumbling, were too much for me. I was tearfully laughing my ass off! Regaining his composure, he began ripping and tearing, while speaking in tongues. This affected Bob (the hanger of all that paper) now he had tears. This person was destroying Bob's girls!

After a few months, it was discovered he was both a thief and a moron, so the plant hired another manager. Poor Bob... He was never the same.

Well I'm thinking is it a one toilet bathroom?
I mean surley there isn't more than one stall and you can hear men whacking away. Shamless masturbators? Walking out of the stall with a porno while you're washing your hands?
Hi Stan.
Oh hi Fred.
Good wank?
Oh yeah.

They should just let those pubes accumulate. After a few months the toilet will look like it has one of those shag seat covers from the 60's.

Hey Pnutty, sorry to hear your state has been invaded by Russia. I know you'll be ok. Do those good 'ol boys have enough ammo and beer? Chief, your state is next in line if they can't hold it.

My grandmother had one of those shag seat covers. Good thing those are no longer popular. Can you imagine coming home from a night of partying and yakking into the toilet with one of those? Chances are you'd get some of it into the shag and the next morning you'd go to sit on the can and you'd wind up sitting in your own puke.

No thanks.

Good toilet culture reporting, Doniker. Porno used to be common in factories, construction job sites, etc up until about the mid-80s but I don't recall ever seeing it in bathrooms. Good thing too because that would have made me even more skittish about taking a dump at work. Your co-workers are probably wanking in there and that's just wrong.

On the toilet being "the thinker" dropping a stinker and having a wanker is heaven to me even in the shitiest washrooms. Then, they supply the materials? It makes be so happy I could shit. These days, I have to look at small iPhone pics and it's a bitch to zoom in when your hand is on the crankshaft.

Apologies for the bad rhymes.

One more thought,
I bet a lot of the models in those mags were sportin' a Dirty Sanchez.

There are a few bars I used to frequent back in the day that had nekked men pictures decoupaged all over the doors and stall walls. The Men's rooms in these places was said to have the same but with Hustler and Playboy pics of nekked women. It always made me feel funny to pee in front of these guys, in their stupid black bow ties and Speedos, all oiled up and waxed as hairless as the day they were born.

doniker, I'm glad that you are working in a place that at least is giving you a good paycheck. Good for you.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

PD, hopefully the kudzu will keep them at bay.
If not we will get them wasted on corn liquor and feed them poisoned boiled peanuts and grits.

Well if the poison doesn't kill the commies, send them up here to NJ. Our air will do them in.

Yeah, I can vouch for the air in NJ being shitty. Mr shitwit let one rip so badly it probably still stinks in our old apartment - and we moved out 4 years ago!

pnutty- I love all those things you mention about the South (except kudzu!). Each time we visit I make sure to consume them all. And I try to get to the Piggly Wiggly to buy them there.MMMM... boiled peanuts....

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Eeew! Eeeew! Oh, yeah, and eeew!

I'm not a prude about porn or anything. If you want to look at pics of fugly chicks with busting sacks of plastic sewn into their chests, more power to ya. But, jeez! There's a time and place!

Much like Thunderbox, when you mentioned all the pubes (dry heave) and then revealed the part about the porn, I couldn't help butt imagine guys furiously jerking, sweat dripping, with pubes flying in the air. Yuck!

And yes, bathrooms should be immaculate! Really, how much can it cost to hire a janitor to come for 15 minutes a day?

Oh yeah, and modern PCs and the internet don't cost that much either.

Congrats on the job, but yikes! Feel a little sorry for the poor ladies there. Sounds like some 1950's type place.

Shitwit and Pnutty..........Don't think bad thoughts about kudzu. It is here to stay so we might as well find uses for it. Nutritionally it is a
very high quality forage for herbivores. It's nutritional value is comparable to that of alfalfa. The late Jerry Clower said that farmers in the Mississippi Delta discovered years ago that if their cows munched on Kudzu, milk production went up.

We can eat it also. Do a Google search for kudzu recipes and prepare to be surprised. The Japanese make a powder from the roots, called kuzu, that can be used as a thickening agent, You can stuff kudzu leaves like cabbage or grape leaves.
Young leaves can be cooked like spinach.

The bad things about kudzu are that it shades out and kills valuable trees and once you get it you are pretty much stuck with it.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I don't know how the above SNAFU happened. I added (& Pnuttycorn) as an afterthought but only posted once.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Can someone explain what kudzu is? Sorry if I sound stupid...:)
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

GPT, its a fast growing foreign plant that has overrun parts of the South. I've seen pictures of it completety covering cars before the parking meter has run out.

Chief, that's ok that you are repeating yourself. The mind is always the second thing to go.

Pnutty, I heard that there is a cease fire and the Russians will soon pull out of Georgia. Keep an eye on them though, they might pull a fake and head straight for Tennessee. Capturing that Moon Pie plant would be a real strategic coup.

Greenpoopertrooper. Not knowing what kudzu is is not what makes you sound stupid. It's not knowing what Google is or how to use it that makes you sound like a total idiot -- like a John McCain.

I haven't read the other comments, but what does a plant have to do with porn in a bathroom, unless I missed the part where the plant overan the bathroom...
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Welcome back LJ. How was the rafting?

The rafting was fun -- but what was incredible was moving slowly down the Grand Canyon, and sleeping in it at night. I started an account of the "facilities" on such trips, which I hope to post here sometime before I start taking the flush toilet for granted again.

Logjam, could you explain who is John McCain?

According to Bush, he's a guy that doesn't know how to use "the internets."

Art, he's a wrinkly, old white haired man.

Paris, xxoo

You were in state, and not even a phone call....you treat me so poorly, LJ, its a good thing you have such a nice...uh...whatever it is I like about you.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Phone call? I stopped by your trailer to surprise you with a dozen roses. I assumed when you yelled, "Get the fuck off my porch before I sic Teddy on you" that you didn't care for the way I wiped drool from my chin, so I just buggered off.

I stopped by a couple weeks ago, and was greeted by the foulest smelling cats you could imagine. I had to leave before I blew my lunch on one of the tires.

Those were tires? I thought they were flower pots.

No the ones standing up straight, right below the 3 inch pipe sticking out the side are still bolted on.

The Russians will never take the Moon Pie plant, we Tennesseans have our water cannons loaded with RC cola to repel their invasion! Now if I may be excused I must put on a pot of kudzu for supper.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Thank you Chief. I'll be able to sleep tonight knowing you have my back.

LJ, you buggered off alone? Now I really feel bad...I had no idea it was you, I've been plagued by Jehovah's Witnesses lately, and only the threat of siccing Teddy on them in the nude seems to keep them away. A sad and untimely misunderstanding, and its all my fault. I'm truly sorry.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Bilge, to make you feel better, he wasn't alone. Daphne, Wonderpance, Di, LJ's son Jimbocc and myself were with him. We wanted to surprise you.

yeah, it was gonna be fun! and you ruined it. way to go.
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i love poop.

I love how, eventually, the comments on a thread turn out to be totally unrelated to the story page they're on.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Greenpooper ... what are you talking about?

Like, this story started out how Doniker wasn't going to be a Shameful Shitter at his new job...and now the last couple of comments are a conversation about a collection of people going to Bilgepump's house, encountering vile smelling cats, and being threatened by a dog named Teddy.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

And Logjam coming back from somewhere, I can't remember, I have to read the comments again.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

precious

Now it's my turn...LJ, what are you talking about?
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

ROFL!!! Teddy isn't a dog...he's a mind reading idiot savant that can fix outboard motors, washing machines, and cook the best pizza in West Virginia, all the while planting evil thoughts in my brain. I seem to be the most susceptible to Teddy's thought invasion, and I haven't discovered the correlation, yet.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Greenpoopertrooper, we derail all the time. In fact, some of the funnest threads on this site were derails. Derails are like the commercial breaks during your favorite show. You can watch them (read them) or use that time to go to the bathroom (skip down to comments on the story).

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

LJ and Dodger, I can explain who John McCain is: Your next president.

Okay, so what species is Teddy, is he one of the foul smelling cats? Of course, in addition to all the wonderful adjectives listed in your comment.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Teddy is human (we think). The cats are feline, and as far as their odor, well Bilge will have to explain.

He has already explained, much to my dismay (Joking again! :D) But I thought to sic something on someone was referring to an animal. Hmmm.I just went back to the comment and it says something about Teddy in the nude, so he must be human. Maybe he is an extremely hairy human with the qualities Bilgepump already typed...
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

If the hairy quality is the case, do you use him to wipe your ass too?
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

As far as I know, Bilge has tried dogs, badgers, porcupines, armadillos, Tasmanian Devils, and Gary Coleman. He preferrs cats.

Imagine if he tried porcupines... no, never mind, I really don't want that mental image.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

And logjam, I do know what google is, that's how I discovered this site. I didn't think to use it since i figured people here could give me a much more entertaining description, like prarie doggin's.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

GPT, porcupines work fine, there's just a lot of work involved, because you have to turn them inside out, and getting them to cooperate with that dance is a fucking bitch.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Doniker, I wouldn't worry too much about the porn mags in the bathroom. Who the hell can get off on 1980s porn? It's so... tame.

Anyway, congrats on the new job.

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Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

TSV: 80's porn was great . . . pubic hair had not yet disappeared.

And doniker loves a big bush - he`ll be into those mags quicker than a Frenchman can surrender.

Thank you for that image, Bilgepump. :)
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Wish there was comlementary porn in the bathroom where I worked, I'd be taking frequent bathroom breaks.

Bilgepump, my Whatfor is going to be going into heat soon. Logjam and I are discussing a new litter. We'll have to find a furry convention to obliterate, of course, but that's just part of the process. Let me know if you're really interested.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I bet management's bathroom is spotless and has much higher quality porn.

I quickly scan the post from daphne in which I see "Logjam," "going into heat" "discussing a new litter" "furry," and I get all excited. But then I see the dreaded little word "Whatfor," and the blood drains right out of the sail.

In the words of The Foundations, "Why do you build me up, Buttercup, baby just to let me down..."

Didn't the Temptations do that song, LJ? Oh no they both did it. Tabbed browsing is the best thing ever!
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Bravo, GPT. Now you're the one sharing the info and helping to educate us -- and also feeling free to forget all about whatever story was at the top of this mind dump.

Yay? I hope that's a good thing...:D
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

How fortunate, Daphne!!! My special ennui has been dry humping everything in sight!! I wonder what we could call this interspecies breed we're about to create?
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Might I suggest, "The Logjam meat grinder?"

While functional, LJ, I was hoping for something a little more exotic, it is going to be half Special ennui, after all.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.