I like this story. I have been the manager in that situation, on more than a few occasions. I always cleaned up the poop myself, if I was there. One needs to lead by example. I usually wore a scented bandana around my face, to control the gag reflex.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

"Man ran like a bunny. Coward." Hey GGG, I resemble that remark! Sorta. I more or less lumber like an ox, rather than run like a bunny though. Its funny, but not if you've been there and doen that before. I used to work in a hospital in patient care on the night shift. I'm WAY too used to that sort of scenario. Does Bobby Bonehead really sound like that? What kind of accent is it? Hope tonight goes better for you.

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"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

I put Bobby's dialogue phonetically because part of what makes him annoying is his accent. His real name is Imram. I won't be more specific, to avoid offending his countrymen.

And thankfully, Lousy, I'm off tonight and going out with some friends.

You sure have some shitty co-employees GGG; slack, full of shoddy advice and unhelpful.

I liked the story - just hope you have a good CCTV system so that you can identify the terrorist and deal with him/her/it accordingly.

"...slack, full of shoddy advice and unhelpful..."

Yeah, that's pretty much the entire retail experience.

What fucking assholes those guys are.
A manager and an ASSistant manager that don't help?
What's with the manager ticking off that he had cleaned the bathrooms without checking?
As for Bobby, Karma WILL get him one day.
How could he eat an apple and complain about the fucking stench at the same time?
I would have kicked him right in the throat then shoved that apple up his ass!

I 100% commend you for taking charge of the shituation. You are definitely a trouper that didn't get any credit for what you did.
Now I'm mad. I'm gonna go slash some tires or something.

Wow, Di - you`re angry today, what`s happened?

Damn, Di. Thanks! Can I come work for you? :)

And you gave me a great idea. When my review comes up in November, if I don't get my full 3% raise, I'm going to bring up the poop incident! Maybe if I threaten to call... whomever it is you call to report hazardous working conditions, they'll think again about how VALUABE I am (*grins*).

What do you mean you had to look for a brush?? Aren't women born with them in their hands???

and if this doesn't get a great comment flag, just on temerity, there is female conspiracy going on here, and I protest!!!

Ahhh... the days of working retail! (and evenings and nights, and holidays and weekends and...) I feel your pain GGG! While working in retail grocery I had a turd terrorist strike, but the damage was so heavy we actually called in a professional cleaner! And one of the guys cleaning it up took photos with his digital camera! Maybe he's a poop reporter too!

_______
Brown tidings I bring
to you
from my ring

GGG, I'd hire you in a second!
Can you serve drinks and flirt with cute boys?
Oh, and you have to want to make at least $100/night in tips. Mm,k?
There will be absolutely NO cleaning of bathrooms whatsoever.
That's why we have a janitor's closet AND and a janitor.
BTW, if he gets $5 sometimes, he's happy.
Tip out the staff you need the most. There will be no resentment. This is the key.

But, I've never worked retail. Sounds like it sux big time! Stupid managers.

TB, I was angry for about hmm... thirty seconds... then I decided I was going to drink tonight and I didn't end up slashing any tyres!
The power of Beer!!!!!!!!!

GGG . . . good story. Like "Office Space" only shittier. "I'm going to need you to go ahead and clean the crapper before you leave, Mm'k?"

"Bobby" needs a urinal cake stashed in his lunch box.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Preferrably used.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

HAH ha ha hah! Daphne, that's a great idea!

Di, I'd love to come work with you, but I think the commute may be a killer! But I'll put you as a reference on my next resume. Thanks.

Thanks, everyone! Writing about it made me feel better. "Bobby is a poopy-head!" Yep! Feels great.

No news on what CAUSED this catastrophic mess? Nobody checked the morgues I take it...

DD, it appeared that someone, perhaps an older person wearing an incontinence aid, tried to back up to the commode and didn't make it. If their undergarment was already... full... it would make sense that it tumbled out and broke to pieces all over.

If they then sat down to pee, but were trying not to get the poop on their clothes, or if they just couldn't hold that long enough, either, the puddle on the floor makes sense, too.

Also, it could have just been an everyday citizen who plain old all around didn't make it.

There weren't any wheelchair-bound customers that night; it would have had to be someone who was there between 9 and 9:45, because I was in there just before 9, and it was fine.

I worked in retail. 3:30 rolled around, it was time for mr to go over to the Corporate Office, 3/4 of a mile away, for my internship. So like always, I entered my code into the timeclock, went into the lunch room, and doned my business clothes. On this particular day, I noticed the pungent odor of poop lingering in the air. I just assumed that somebody had a really smelly BM. I went into the mens room to change. As I opened the door, it looked like the toilet had a blender attachment at one time. There was crap everywhere, on the seat, all over the stalls, the floor. Not to mention the stench. It looked like a scene from Revenge of the Killer Turds. I passed on the changing util I made it to corporate. Not thinking, I closed the main enterance door (there was a hall door). I paged the manager and told her of the carnage in the men's room. Worst of all, the the lunchroom was directly across the hall from the bathrooms. And thanks to my stupidity, the terrible stench permeated the lunchroom. Thank god that the janitor was still on duty. By the way, I was only ten minutes late on my internship. The boos understood.

Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

If my manager ever tried to make me clean up some kinda assplosion like the one in this story, I'd give the sorry motherf*%@&r a swirly in the affected commode and then quit on the spot.
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"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

Several variations on that theme ran through my mind, and while quitting would have been quite satisfying, I need the job. Nice idea, though!

My experience is lots of people will say "I'm not doing that" but when push comes to shove the job gets done, a subtle reminder like "as I see it you have two choices, you do the job assigned to you or you vacate your position, what'll it be"? When they grudgingly begin performnig the assigned task that's when a manager offers assistance...not before.

Well stated, Bunga.

Years ago when I worked in the steel mill on the 4pm-12mid shift, one of laborers got sick around 10pm, headed for the can but didn't make in time. This dude blew lunch from the washroom entry way all the way to the stahl. It actually looked like some kids science experiment about a volcano erupted. And man did it stink! I mean if you would've walked in it was like a chain reaction. At least you'd spark a gag reflex. Now the steel mill foreman asks ME to clean it up...sort of chuckling as he spoke. Thank God I was in the steel workers union and blurted out "not my job". The union stewart said the only one that can clean this up is a "janitor" So they call this old geezer who should have retired about about 10 years ago in. He normally works the normal 7am-3pm shift cleaning the locker room and does a lousy job at that. This old coot came in all liquored up bitching up a storm. The janitor job was supposed to be one of those easy jobs the senior employees got while they waited out their time to collect the pension check.

I never saw this SOB work so hard in his life. Even though he was getting time and half and it only took him about two hours (he was guarnteed 4 hours + the o.t.)he didn't stop cussing as all the young guys in the labor pool continued to let the barbs fly.

I work in retail too, and I cannot belive what some people do to retail toilets. Luckily I am not in a position where I have to clean it up, but I have seen some real nastiness, including a shit trail that lead from the men's department all the way across the store into the men's room. I have seen discarded shitty underpants more than once...and the usual cum on the stall walls and vomit in the sink.

I usually see to it that the managers get a small reward for staying late and cleaning it up.

Occasionally it's an employee who decimates the toilet deliberately, to make a manager's life miserable.

At the dollar store I used to work at, the toilet was in the back and only maybe two customers a week would ever ask to use it, so the manager knew it was one of us when it got Upper Deckered. No, it wasn't me, but I would have done it sooner had I thought of it. That manager was terrible.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I work at a hospital and luckily I do not have to deal with bathroom issues because there is a lot more shitty messes than any retail store.

And I'm glad I did not have to clean the pool of dirreha on the floor of a room outside of it's bathroom.

Ahhh... in this regard i enjoy my job. I work in a restaurant, and since i work with food, i am forbidden to handle/clean up/do anything with any type of biological material. That includes piss, shit, blood, snot, puke, spit, or anything else that comes out of the human body.

Wow. You make retail work seem more and more appealing to me. Disgusting! Funny story, though!

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

Jesus. Mike is a DICK. He was the one who cheated on his sheet, he should've cleaned up the shit. End of story. Fucking pig, just standing around watching you work. I'd like to sock him in the gut.

Awww... I bet you say that to all the girls. :)

Mike's okay; just a little clueless. It's Bobby that needs a punch in the face.

Or a steaming heap on his driver's seat.

Coincidentally, I mentioned this scene to the head manager tonight, and of course, no one had mentioned it to her. I made sure she understood that THERE WAS SHIT EVERYWHERE AND MIKE AND BOBBY MADE ME CLEAN IT UP.

Review is next month; there better be some love!

I work at a large mall department store. We have restrooms on each of our two levels. We have high-quality products that appeal to an upscale adult clientele, but our problems with the restrooms come from what our management refers to as "mall rats"--teens and even pre-teens that should be using the mall's many restrooms in the commons areas but they instead come into our store. Teenage boys in packs of three or four will come in and head directly to the restroom. Within minutes, a customer or one of our male employees report that they peed all over the toilets, even into the sink! They don't lift the seat or even try to aim so what they leave is groooss!
The women's restrooms are especially attacked by pre-teen girls who run in packs of three, four or five. Whether they shit or tinker, they rarely flush and its common for them to dispose of sanitary products in the stools. Since thaat bathroom is close to my station, I use it rather than go to the otherside of the store where the GM offices/associates' bathrooms are. Last weekend, I refused to "sit down" to pee, even though we have toilet seat covers available. Three out of the four seats had urine on them; the fourth stool had a full load of shit that had not been flushed. I'm 25 but even 10 years ago when I was the age of these girls I was never that disrespectful of other people! I took the long walk down to the office bathroom. I'm afraid to go into one of the more public bathrooms in the mall commons which I'm assuming are worse that what our store is experiencing.
Mall Rats need to be exterminated! Any ideas?

"It's Bobby that needs a punch in the face."
I'm not logging in as myself since I'm giving advice that is tantamount to encouraging assault, but make brownies and give him some. With exlax in them. Also visit grandad or someone and 'borrow' a lasix tablet. Dissolve said tablet in a small amount of water and dump it in the prick's drink. After doing this, lock all the toilets. Then prepare to laugh at the asshole as he pisses and shits all over himself.

That's a very funny idea!

Our bathrooms don't lock, though, so he'd still have access.

But it might be fun to watch him keep running to the pot. Although he's such a weenie that he'd probably just go home and leave more work for the rest of us.

I do love the lasix idea. I wonder how I'd get him to drink something... (*pondering/plotting*)

GGG - Is the *pondering/plotting* accompanied by a malevolently maniacal laugh? You get that sucker, girl.

I'm going to community college part-time and paying my own way by working as a clerk at a convenience store. We're 24/7 with 12 pumps so there's no shortage of customers. However, we are within two blocks of a high school and four blocks of a middle school and right across the street from one of the largest public housing projects in the state. The problem is as Yvonnda has found: keeping the restrooms clean.

We have school students in here as early as 6:30 a.m. and for a good hour after classes end at 3:05. They are paying customers and a lot of them have much money to blow. The downside, however, is that they leave the restrooms a disaster area. Although we are only two years old, each bathroom has a single toilet stall and wash basin. If they get too dirty--actually WHEN they get filthied up--the customer has few alternatives.

The problem of misuse/vandalism started on August 15, the first day of public school, and seemed to escalate. I approached our owner and recommended that locks be placed on the doors and that the key be kept at our checkout counter. He agreed and the installation was done. Instead of just giving the key to a student, I walk them to the back of the store and open it for them. The girls especially come in groups of three or four but I only let one in for each entry. You should hear the names I'm called when I tell a 12-year-old that she has to wait until her friend comes out! I also know that when I go back to the counter, one will open it and bring her friends in. I have gas and indoor food customers to wait on and I can't watch the restrooms any closer. I do almost hourly checks and three times yesterday I had to wipe urine off the seat and plung the bowl--a contribution created by at least three of them and a Dr. Pepper bottle. For my personal needs, I've started using the men's toilet because it gets less overall use and vandalism.

I've suggested to our manager/owner that we not offer the key to any middle or high school student. He agrees with me that it's a great idea, but said it could lead to a lawsuit. I would also think having to sit in someone else's careless pee or pile your shit on top of theirs must violate some type of law, ordinance, and definitely common courtesy and sense.

Fellow PoopReport.comers, what advice do you have?

Anomalous Coward (253) -- 10.19.2006 :
...Is the *pondering/plotting* accompanied by a malevolently maniacal laugh?..."

What do you think? >;)

Employees of mall stores such as Yvonnda have a justifiable issue about the problems associated with keeping the mall rats out of their individual store's bathrooms. However, they need to be thankful because they get less of the total traffic and often a much more mature and well-off clients than we typically see in the restrooms right off the mall areas.

I work mall security for a private contractor and get quite a few hours on weekends, an arrangement that works well since I'm a full-time graduate student. My regular beat includes a walk through hourly of the large womens room just off the middle and food court area, and also adjacent to a 1,500 square foot game room--a very popular congregating attraction for mall rats.

My on-line reports to custodial services include almost hourly requests for special cleanup of the bathroom which has 12 stalls and almost that number of wash basins. Specific custodial requests commonly address urine and sometimes feces on the toilet seats, stools deliberately clogged up (bowls literally full with two or three persons contributing shit to a clog and more often or not, toilets that have overflown due to 20-ounce pop bottles, crushed drinking cups, styrofoam sandwich holders, papers, etc. being tossed into the bowls.

While I'm aware of incidents such as Yvonnda describes in our store bathrooms, a much broader and more difficult-to-correct problem is more difficult to control in the larger and more frequently used/abused public bathrooms.

When I have to pee or shit, I go into one of our higher-end department stores. The chance that I will sit in something suspicious or quickly have to evacuate due to a fast-rising bowl of flood water is greatly diminished.

I work at a DQ located in a mall food court that has about a dozen other vendors. It's the third job I've had since I started working as a sophomore in high school two years ago.

I agree with Yvonnda that the problem is the mall rats--both male and female and preen up to college age--that don't give a damn about anyone else. I work a split shift which includes lunch hours during school break periods and I've had adults of all ages and especially senior citizens complain to me about the upkeep of the public restrooms which are located right behind our window.

The problem is that certain groups of preens and teens are always fooling around. I've seen them deliberately spill another's soda, spit or fake spitting into their food, and actually take food and drinks with them when they accompany a friend into the restroom. Is it any wonder why I find our 16 and 32-ounce cups floating in the toilet or ice melting on the seat when I want to sit down and pee. One of our male workers who goes to my school told me that the other day all three stalls in the mens bathroom were deliberately trashed: french fries were smashed onto the seats, large beverage containers were floating in the toilets and apparently a large group of guys collectively shit in one stall so that the dump left was almost as high as the toilet seat. He was so grossed out so instead of calling maintenance he called mall security!

The troublemakers are loud and vulgar when they come to our food court and the guys especially are shoving and slapping at one another. I remember one elderly lady left her banana split and left after a group of the girls were ordering me to hurry up with their order or they were going to pee on the floor. I had my break 10 minutes later and five of the six toilets had pee dripping off the seats and two toilet paper rolls had been tossed into the stools.

Our manager wants to mall to do a better job policing the restrooms, but mall security says that would take more people and would be hard to do without violating the privacy of the mature customers.

In the meantime, I've decided to make adjustments. Today, I walked almost two blocks down to the other end of the mall to take my shit at Sears. Later, I went into Toys 'R Us to pee. The condition of the toilets there are better, although not perfect. What can be done to get rid of the mall rats? I'm open to suggestions.

Some of my friends say I'm crazy, but I wouldn't mind a camera in the mall bathrooms if it was being watched by a female. The deliberate acts of vandalism by the preen and teen mall rats would be easier to stop and there would be a video record of the activity.

Today, I was peeing in the center stall and at least four of five teenage girls came in. They were using very vulgar language, one slammed the stall door so hard all the stall partitions shook, and, of course they didn't notice that there was another person in the room.

One girl had a softdrink with her and she stood up dropped some ice over the stall petition onto her friend on the adjacent stool. The girl swore and kicked her friend under the stall partition and the other girl accused her friend of being a lesbian. The girl in the end stall complained that she had no toilet paper so one of the other girls took an entire roll off the holder and lobbed it over to her. Only problem was she missed and it hit my shoulder. Another girl pulled a toilet paper role off the holder, dropped it into the stool when she was done, flushed an then joked about vacating the stall as the water level raised and started to spill over into my stall.

I repositioned myself so that my shoes didn't get wet until I heard the girls leave. I don't know where she found the lever, but one of them turned the lights out on me, but after I got my dress up and found my way to the door (as a regular shopper I remembered the direction from which I had come in) and I stopped at the security office to complain. While the attendant was very nice and filled out what he referred to as an "activity report", he said such incidents are pretty common.

"There's too many of them and not enough of us," he said. He also said when shoplighting suspects' parents are called, all to often the parents take the childs' side and sometimes threaten the mall if they follow through with their policy and call police.

Again, cameras in the bathroom seem to me to be a deterrant to what the mall rats are doing. Otherwise, they will continue to be out of control and running all over the law abiding and serious shoppers.

UPDATE!:

This evening, close to closing time, I went into the bathrooms to see if they needed attention (delegate, delegate!). I had to do a double take when I opened the handicrapper.

The toilet had been MOVED! Those rusted-over floor-bolts I told you about in the story? Obviously Mike didn't call the plumber like he was supposed to. Evidently those bolts rusted all the way through.

My theory is: someone tried to stand up, pulled on the handrail for support, and the bolts gave way. The entire commode shifted off it's base and turned 6 inches toward the wall! I've never seen anything like it!

You could SEE the hole in the floor underneath. Unbelieveable. And did someone ADMIT to doing it? Of course not.

The fun part was, it was Mike on duty again, tonight. Gleefully, I paged him: "Mike to the restroom, please. Mike to the restroom.", which caused no little hilarity amongst the young fry working tonight.

Already reluctant to accompany me into the Ladies' Room, his reaction to the displaced depository was even more satisfying. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?" I actually clapped my hands and did a little happy dance.

The absolute cherry-on-top to my evening was watching Mike put butt-gaskets over his hands, hunch over that toilet, and do the plumber-waddle, placing the throne back over the hole.

I had to hold onto the door to keep from falling down, laughing. Better than any raise (which I got, by the way!).

_I can't understand WHY patrons are so nasty in public restrooms. I understand people have accidents BUT not ruining public restrooms for thrills? I don't get it. Maybe someone who does this can enlighten us. I can think of better ways to get off. ______
Producing waste since 1967

In our over-intellectualized human way, we consider this humor. In any other species, this would be called territorial marking behavior. Such tales serve to demonstrate that some of us really aren't that far removed from the animals.

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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.