The Second Half Of The Mess

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m 1+ points - Newb
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Editor's note: I can't remember ever posting a story sent from someone who actually had to clean one of the messes up that we have been reading about for years. This may not be the first time that one of these brave and unfortunate souls has told us his story, but it the first one we have received in a long time.




Years ago, a customer in the grocery store I work at told me that someone had made a mess in the Men's restroom. I told the manager, but since I was still pretty low on the totem-pole back then, he told me to take care of the problem. I walked in the bathroom, and right away the smell of shit hit me in the face. I gagged, ran for a stall, and opened it, and what I saw was horrifying! Someone had shit on the floor and made a finger painting in it. He must have been an aspiring artist with the amount of work he took to make sure it covered the floor of the entire stall. Then he smeared it up and down the walls of the stall and behind the toilet, again taking the time to cover every square inch.

I was amazed at what I saw when I looked up, because this bastard had actually picked up a turd and threw it up on the ceiling. Little pieces of shit were hanging off the ceiling tile. By then I was struggling for fresh air and had to walk away for a minute. I just had to show somebody this, because I didn't think anyone would believe me.

At that time, the manager walked into the backroom to see what was taking me so long. He came in and a grotesque look came over his face, and he instantly turned green. I've never seen anybody
run so fast in my life.

I eventually got the nerve to grab the mop and get to work. After about fifteen minutes, I managed to get the floor mopped up. Of course, a good share of that time was spent gagging and coughing and trying not to yack all over the place. After repeatedly changing my rubber gloves, I managed to get the walls cleaned up, again without yacking all over the clean floor. Then, I was able to address the toilet.

Staring up at me was a whole roll of toilet paper (they took the time to unroll it all). Knowing there was no way to flush this puppy, I had to take the head off the mop to sift all the paper out and into a bucket. As i was doing this, I saw a Fruit of the Loom label amidst the blob of toilet paper. (Yes, he had stuffed a pair of shitty underwear down there too.) It occurred to me that this guy has done this before. Finally, I was able to fish enough toilet paper out to flush the toilet without it overflowing. To my surprise, there was a turd still floating down there and I flushed it down.

I had forgotten about the shit still up on the ceiling. Thank God none of it fell on my head when I was cleaning this mess up.

I put on my last pair of gloves and got as much shit off the ceiling tile that I could. After about forty-five minutes, I finished. I think I earned a lot of respect from my boss that day, because we got along pretty well after that. The shit stain remained the ceiling for a couple of years until it was painted over.

It is fourteen years later, and I still work there; I became dairy manager about two years after this incident. No matter how much times passes, though, I will never forget the how I walked into the bathroom at the grocery store and saw shirt art.

8 Comments on "The Second Half Of The Mess"

Cat-Ass-Trophy's picture
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Damn, what a shitty shituation. I gagged a little just reading your story.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Doniker, do you know anything about this?
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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I worked in many different grocery stores during my career as a meat cutter. The large chains I worked for had the foresight to build their bathrooms with a tile floor that had a drain. Messes like this were easily handled with a hose.


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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The madness of turd terrorism. I hope karma got the bastard who did it. I hope someone upper-decked him.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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No wonder some bathrooms should have keys or tokens to be used.

Drop A Deuce's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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If you had to put in a dime to get to the throne I betcha a lot of these turd terrorists would simply use the urinals or sinks! I have seen it. Steamy, stinky coils of freshly dumped shit rolled up around the breath mint at the bottom of a urinal. I blame it on the weak economy.


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Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made!

Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made!

MR Mcpoopypants's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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what was the turd art of?

"It sounded similar to a dog barking underwater" JuniorHoss

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points
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How on earth did this guy walk out of the store without being noticed?!All the generic handsoap and sink water in the world would not cover the stench that had to have been radiating from this brown Picasso!
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More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.