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oxypowder

The Story Of Shitty

Posted 09.21.2007 by Svendowney (20)
Every time my foreman Jay would go on vacation, Lou would take over for him running the fab shop. It was on one of these occasions that disaster struck.

Picture this: hottest day of July, seven AM. Rob and Sean are in the shit house doing their morning ritual when suddenly and without warning -- shades of Pearl Harbor -- someone flings himself into the stall between them and volcanically explodes all over the place.

Now, mind you, I was not there -- but the incident was very graphically described to me. Apparently, and with good cause and foresight, both Rob and Sean fled for their lives, while this person who we shall know for now only by the moniker of "Shitty" proceeded to erupt brown lava all over the walls, floor, and anything else within a twenty-foot radius.

No one saw this individual enter or exit the bathroom. However, shortly thereafter, the shop foreman, Ron, happens into the vicinity. He quickly calls the unfortunate circumstances to Lou's attention. They stand there gagging.

Ron: "You know, someone's gonna have to clean this up..."

Lou: "Don't even look at me. I'm serious. Don't even think about it, because I swear to God, I'm going to puke!"

Ron ended up with the misfortune of this duty. Ron is a devout Christian. In all the years he worked there, the guys said it was the only time they ever heard him "motherfuck."

So the day goes on.

Lou is standing at his desk, and he keeps catching whiffs of shit.

So he starts thinking that it's all in his imagination. But just in case something might be rotten in one of the garbage barrels, he has Eric empty all of them.

But the smell persists.

So now he thinks: "Well, sometimes when the oak pallets get wet, they smell really foul. That must be it."

So now everyone is tasked with throwing away old pallets.

But this doesn't help, either.

Finally, Lou assigns a new task to this one brand new apprentice, a guy who was on his second day of work. The task takes said apprentice to another area of the shop.

Suddenly, the smell disappears.

This piques Lou's curiosity. He walks over to where this apprentice is working, and the shit smell hits him like a brick wall. There is also a very suspicious-looking brown trail down the back of the apprentice's pants and into his shoe.

Can you believe this kid worked all day in hundred-degree heat like that? Better man than me, dude; I would have definitely thrown myself in the river, thrown away my clothes, and gone home. Naked. With newspapers on the seat.

So: henceforth, in certain circles, this apprentice was known as "Shitty."

One day the next summer, I happened to be working for another company in the local. My boss at the time just so happened to be Shitty's dad.

So somehow the subject comes up in conversation at lunchtime.

I tell him the legend of his son. He promises to buy him a personalized baseball cap with "Shitty" on the front. What a victory!

I'm actually friends with Shitty now. I've worked with him on several occasions, and he always rabidly denied the story. Finally, however, he eventually confessed to me that yes, he in fact was the culprit on that day.

I swear: if Ron ever found out that we know who Shitty really is, he would come out of retirement solely for the purpose of kicking his ass.



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The Thunderous ... (651) -- 09.21.2007

It amazes me how someone can lose control like that. Now mind you, I have had shituations myself. For example KNOWING a turtle was on its way out and continuing to stand at the kitchen sink and suddenly the brown turtle makes its escape onto the floor. Or being in such agony squeezing my ass cheeks together in dump prevention and detonation of a twenty or thirty megaton dump. BUT I have never lost such control that I would shit all over a stall or a bathroom floor. I guess I should consider myself fortunate. Do people really hold it in to the point of complete loss of control?? I guess I cant because its too painful.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Fudgepump (366) -- 09.21.2007

It's all a matter of timing. The last time I had some kind of intestinal "bug", I got the first feeling that something wasn't right while we were out at a restaurant. I felt this odd abdominal and lower-back pain, and lost ALL interest in my meal, but that was as far as it got...until I got back to my apartment. Within a half-hour, I was exploding into the toilet and barfing my brains out into the bathroom trash can - simultaneously.
If that "bug" (or whatever) had been quicker with its assault, I could easily have been erupting uncontrollably in the can at the restaurant.
As for wearing the shit-soaked pants for the rest of the day...DUH!!

doniker (1517) -- 09.21.2007

second hand poop stories are usually weak...this one proves it.
It was also very scattered...it barely kept my attention..

Deja Poo (606) -- 09.21.2007

Gawd bless, Ron. And gawd bless you too, for not holding this against "Shitty."
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Chip Brown (201) -- 09.21.2007

I hate fiction.

Hamster (579) -- 09.21.2007

Doniker - 'it barely kept my attention..' Truthfully, how many do?? For me, there are some real pearls amongst much trash.

Maybe I'm lucky - I've never had the sort of uncontrollable urge that many reporters seem to have. Yes, I've been bursting - but in control. I just can't empathise with it at all.

daphne (3325) -- 09.22.2007

I'm surprised the boss didn't put shitty on some sort of toilet duty for the month because he left a mess for other people.

Losing control of your butt is one thing, but it's just not right to leave that mess for other people.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Edgar Allen Poe (not verified) -- 09.22.2007

This was a witty ditty about a man named shitty.It's a pitty his pants became shitty.

pnuttycorn (189) -- 09.22.2007

Man I bet his ass was rawest of the raw that day. It chaps mine just thinkin about it

Mary Queen of Scats (387) -- 09.24.2007

I agree with daphne - total turd terrorist at work.

_______
Man who stand on toilet seat is high on pot.

DungDaddy (1364) -- 09.24.2007

I'm with Doniker. It was hard to read this crap.

Blind Mullet (180) -- 04.06.2008

Well, I don't know about you fellas, but it made me laugh pretty hard. Maybe because I've worked in places like Svendowney described, and I've worked with poor bastards like Shitty. Its the sort of story I could believe, and I really do feel sorry for young Shitty, whose work ethic overrode all else. He was probably so embarrassed by the morning's episode that he thought he might be sacked if he owned up to it, and thats probably why he high-tailed it out of the shitter and didn't clean up.
(And as we say down here- The poor bugger might not be the full quid, either).

makaziwe biko (10) -- 05.09.2008

Lol, and yes its possible to hold it that long and completely lose control of your ass contents. I to feel sorry for the unfortunate shitty.
_______
"I'll shit when I please, not when you tell me to." Nelson Mandela

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