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Trapped!

Posted 12.28.2006 by Dr. Strangeturd (47)
I refuse to poop in the men's room at work. Not because I am Shameful, but because for some reason men at my store can't seem to hit the toilet, but usually aim instead for the seat, the floor, or the wall.

So I normally poop when I get home, and rarely at work. But one night I couldn't take it anymore -- I had to take a shit. My co-workers know that if I poop, it"s common for me to do so in the woman's room, in the locking stall by the wall.

We had an electrical problem that night, so the lights were flickering in the bathroom, making it almost completely dark except for the light over the sink, which worked perfectly. I didn"t care. I hung the "Closed for Cleaning" sign on the door, went in, checked the paper levels, and locked the stall.

I was in there enjoying my poop as usual when I heard someone enter the restroom. I figured it was my coworker coming in to turn out the lights or something. How wrong I was. It was a woman!

The woman came over to my stall and started pulling the door. But I didn't say anything because I thought it might not be a coworker -- it could have been someone else entirely. Customers do forget to read those giant pink signs.

She gave up on my stall, entered the one right next to me, and unleashed hell on the toilet. I heard sounds I've only read about on PoopReport. Heavy breathing, straining, grunting, spraying, plopping... all of it. I was horrified. I had finished my own dump, but I had to listen to this monstrosity being born less than five feet away from me, by the opposite sex, in a place I should have never been in the first place.

I cringed on the bowl and waited until it was clear.

The manager's office is right beside the bathroom. After the woman exited the bathroom I went in there, called the front of the store, and asked if the woman had left. It was a pretty scary situation, because I almost got busted. Luckily it was never revealed to the customer why that stall was locked.

Anomalous Coward (728) -- 12.28.2006

Sounds like the woman had the same problem you had. Desperation for defecation knows no gender differentiation.

What the hell did I just say???

First post rules!

shitwit (609) -- 12.28.2006

Good tale of two shitters! She must have been just as desperate as you were to endure your stink while laying down her own! My husband and I have often shat in series (he's downstairs, I'm upstairs) or he blows up the bathroom and I immediately nuke it some more. He usually claims he's "erasing my stink" when he replaces it with his own. Ah, the joys of pooping together! I wonder what that woman would have thought if she knew a MAN was in the other stall.

Kam (30) -- 12.28.2006

This is actually one of the scenes from "Ally McBeal" that took place in their stupid unisex bathroom. For some unknown reason it was left on the cutting room floor and replaced it with Ally and that Chinese girl making out.

healthy 1 (1431) -- 12.28.2006

I can relate to this story. About five years ago, at my old job, the men would piss all over the seat, floor, and everywhere else.

Seeing that there was only one female employee, wo worked part time to begin with, I opted to use the ladies room.

I still can't figure out why some men don't clean up there doo drops when they miss the water???

_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

The Dumpster (2507) -- 12.28.2006

Doc, are you sure the lady in question wasn't C. Everett Poop's wet dream, the Fat Woman from over on the forums?

Great story!

DungDaddy (1460) -- 12.28.2006

Anomalous Coward is poetic without even trying.

Doctor, why did the woman pooping cause you to freak out so?

Deja Poo (999) -- 12.28.2006

That must have been one spectacular crap she was taking if she didn't notice the men's shoes with the pants around the ankle in the stall next to her.

On second thought, maybe she did (probably mid-crap), but was too embarrassed to say anything about it and decided to flee the store instead.

Deja Poo (999) -- 12.28.2006

DD, because HE was caught in the WOMEN's crapper. Maybe he could really mess with her head by impersonating a woman?

"Pardon me, honey, but do you have a spare panty shield that I could borrow? You know, one of those jobbies with the extra wide wings. If you don't, though, a tampon will do. I usually keep a spare in my wallet ...er ...purse for such emergencies. I was in such a hurry when I left the house today that i forgot. Please? I don't want to ruin my nice white panties."

Yep, I'll bet the poor woman would be so mortified that she would probably give it to him also. Either that or call the police from her cell phone.

The Thunderous ... (741) -- 12.28.2006

Ahhhhh my kind of woman that can take just as loud a dump as a man! She sounds like a keeper.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Queen of Sharts (87) -- 12.28.2006

This story was kind of anti-climatic. I mean, you didn't fall in love with the pooper, or get caught or shit your pants or anything.
Maybe the men at your work need to be re-potty trained. What's up with that?


_______
Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

werewolf poopin... (101) -- 12.28.2006

This is why we can never have unisex crappers. We women love to keep men wondering whether we actually crap or not... if you observed it yourselves, it would take all the mystery out of your simple lives.

_______
...and they all lived crappily ever after!

The Big Wiper (2287) -- 12.29.2006

I do think werewolf poopin...has a point. And actually, so does CEP in his comments about women and #2. There's plenty of time to get to discover the bathroom habits of the person you fall in love with. Until then, what you don't hear, see and smell can't hurt you.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Fudgepump (367) -- 12.29.2006

Doc: from what I've read on PR over the last 3 years, women's restrooms are just as likely to be decimated by bodily by-products as the men's rooms, especially those used by the general public. Any fantasies I may have had regarding pristine women's facilities were shattered long ago, never to return. Maybe you've just been lucky in your occasional moments of desperation.

Merc (111) -- 12.29.2006

From the sound of it, it was definitely Rosie O'Donnell on the next toilet. Do you work at 30 Rock?


_______
Your Baby Ate My Dingo

Anal About Poop (240) -- 12.29.2006

You could have done what I did one time when I accidentally passed out drunk on the toilet of the men's room at a pub. I was so blind drunk I stumbled through the wrong door and sat down to take a whiz. I laid my head down on the toilet paper on the wall and promptly fell asleep. I guess I must have been asleep for a while because when I woke up there was much drool on the TP. Gross I know. Through the space between the door and the wall I could see the rest of the restroom and in my drunken state I could not figure out why there was a urinal in the women's restroom. When my inebriated mind finally figured out that I was in fact in the MEN'S room it was too late. Someone had just walked in and was pulling at my stall door. I did the only thing I could think of. I COUGHED and in so signaling that the stall was occupied. He move to the stall next to me, sat down and farted. Loudly. He then must have seen that I was wearing high heeled strappy sandals, because he started laughing and farted once again. I was so mortified that I pulled up my panties and ran out the door.

Fart Poopie (1258) -- 12.30.2006

You were lucky not to get caught, Doc. Next time, just lock the entire bathroom. If you can't do that, leave the sign on AND a mop and bucket blocking the door. People usually get the hint if they're blocked by the cleaning bucket.

Lame comment!
nycci wishihadsexypoopy (not verified) -- 01.01.2007

what goes in must come out so to all men why must u think that we can watch the same movies as u,listen to the same music as u and eat the same foods as u but magically make our dooky come out sexy...well we cant so stay in the right place at the right time

healthy 1 (1431) -- 01.01.2007

I don't have a damn clue what you are talking about nycci.

I think someone had one to many cocktails last night.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 01.01.2007

That, or a crime syndicate dealing in keyboard punctuation keys has hit his neighborhood.

Deja Poo (999) -- 01.01.2007

that is like so totally awesome nycci i can see why you would like think that but you know what i think i'm too sexy for my dooky so i will just have to stop deucing in front of an audience btw nycci what inner city public school system did you gradutate from well gotta run peace out

(Nycci must be pregnant because it appears that she's missed at least two periods. All the same, she does give great ellipsis.)

The Dumpster (2507) -- 01.01.2007

Little Dumpster and I were in a Wal-Mart the other day. I got something sticky on my hands and needed to go into the Men's Room to wash them. As I went in, who should be coming out but a teenage girl! I actually went back out and checked to make sure I wasn't walking into the wrong restroom.

Wonder why she was in there? LD and I speculated about this all the way home.

Lame comment!
Leon's Trotsky (not verified) -- 01.01.2007

Dr. Strangeturd! Look behind you! A mouse!

Gee, hope that didn't scare you into a heart attack. I mean, you're in a stall and the person in the next stall is grunting, farting, whatever, and you're "horrified"?

This really might not be the site for you, because some of the stories you'll read here - and lots of the comments - are pretty graphic. I mean it, I don't want to hear that you died of shock when you found out that people get worms in their crap, or disimpact themselves with their fingers, or like to squeeze their colostomy bags to ice cakes (okay, I made that one up, sorry)or - gasp! - grunt and groan and make splashy sounds when their diarrhea splatters the bowl, or .... well, you get the point.

Oh, the humanity!

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 01.02.2007

Dumpster wrote: "...who should be coming out but a teenage girl..."

Maybe the women's room was too horrible to contemplate. My mother used to send me into the men's room if the women's was full or too disgusting. She'd check, first, of course, and stand watch.

"You use the same one at home. What's the big deal???", Mom would say. She'd often bypass the line forming outside the women's room and walk into the men's room; I think she enjoyed the shock factor.

The Shit Volcano (3817) -- 01.02.2007

Amusing story, if short. I have to wonder what that woman ate. To be so desperate as to go into the men's room, closed for cleaning, during power problems just to drop ass must mean a hell of a load.

BTW, Strangeturd, I liked the scene the flickering lights set. I could almost hear the horror movie music as you entered the bathroom stall and sat down. You know, when the violins are doing that really quiet, high pitched squeal. The crescendo was reached when the woman entered the bathroom. When she dropped ass, someone started pounding on a piano in desperation.

I really should start writing sound tracks Poop Reports.

_______
If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

drivnNdrinkn (84) -- 01.02.2007

I worked at an office that had just two shitters. But they weren't labeled Men or Women, but we all knew which was which. They were identical bathrooms, single toilet with a sink, vanity and mirror. We only had one woman working there at the time and it seemed when ever the guys had to take a shit, they used HERS! Maybe didn't want to stink up our own, or just wanted to rouse her.

I even took dump in HERS. It just seemed that a woman's room would be a bit more sanitary. And sanitary it was. The TP roll was down to cardboard, so I went in the cupboard under the sink to scout out a fresh roll....that's where a spotted the huge supply of feminine products!

daphne (4406) -- 01.04.2007

Doc, I'm sorry I missed this debuting. Congrats on a front page story!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

clownfart (not verified) -- 01.16.2007

If I were you I would have been the one to write this story on here, or would it have been you as me?

Remington Stool (2) -- 05.16.2007

I swear Merc has a thing for Rosie O'Donnell


_______
Remington Stool
LIVE from Poopingham, where everybody feels better!

The_Mad_Shitter! (not verified) -- 07.12.2007

I'm sorry. I am new. I really like this site. awesome story!

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