Beautiful! "What the fuck is your problem?" should be the standard question for all crying, pregnant women. I like the crop dusting reference too. I have never been to a White Castle. They must not have them in any of the places I have lived.

White Castle gives me a toxic gas like no other food can...I don't know what they put in that crap.

It has been several years since I have eaten from a White Castle; the only 2 stores left in the Cleveland area are both in ghetto neighborhoods. The employees are all dirtbags that I would never trust to touch my food.

An entertaining, refreshing story -- obviously with no embellishments. A guy who would so quickly own up to lethal farts, I'd hire in a minute, and assign to a floor well above me.

White Castle and Krystal are about the same. And they are classic stopovers after late-night drinking. I once met a young lady whose idea of giving people a tour of New Orleans was to get them drunk in a succession of neighborhood bars and then have them go with her to the Krystal and order and eat a dozen of those tiny little burgers.

The one time I went on one of these excursions I do recall having a very upset stomach the next morning.

White Castle+ Drinking= Killer Stuff

Very funny stories Beer Shits, hope you have more. The crop dusting was great. If I meet a crying, whining pregnant woman taking herself too seriously, I know now just to fart in her general direction.

Welcome Beer Shits. I'm glad to see some new people joining us.

You are a natural poopreporter. This is much better than my first story, and it's a great PR addition. Very very good job on this one!

What is White Castle? All I know is that it's a restaurant. Raleigh doesn't have any. Could someone fill me in?

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

http://www.whitecastle.com

White Castle, in my opinion, is a governmental experiment of some sort. Perhaps to test the lowest quality of food that people will eat or perhaps to test the aftermath of that food. Either way, this stuff is toxic as far as my intestines are concerned. A "slider" as they call it (the name means something totally different as an adult than it did as a kid) consists of 2" X 2" hamburger (it ain't meat they use in these things) smothered in grilled onions, pickles and cheese. The novelty is that because of their size, you can eat a "sack" of them in one sitting. For extra fun the next morning try their always delicious Jalapeno cheese burgers. I am not lying when I say that the odor that emits from my ass after eating these is unbearable.

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You ever take a dump that made you feel like you'd just slept for twelve hours? - Ricky Roma (Al Pacino) in Glengarry Glen Ross

Some interesting info on White Castle's web site. Included in their list of firsts are "First industrial-strength spatula. First mass-produced paper hat." I entered my zip code to find the one nearest me and was relieved to learn that there are not only none within my "radius," but none in my state (MA).

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teddy Hi Beer Shits let analize your farts.You said why does the hot ones stink more.Well its the gas.Now as for the odor well all the beer alone is enough for that but when you eat grilled onions and beef or what ever you said they are made of at white crystal i think meat.That meat rotts and the beer has yeast in it and together you have deadly gas.Sounds like you could kill a person by farting right in their face LOL i tend to agree...Teddy P.S i love the term crop dusting your a gas.....

suck down a few orders of White Castle's deep fried Onion Chips with the sliders for some additional toxic fun.

Love 'em!!

I'm gonna promulgate a new office policy on farting, entitled "respecting each other's personal space."

What about some of the shock-inducing perfumes and colognes people wear? Or extreme halitosis? These are also "invasions of personal space," and much more under the invader's control.

White Castle?!?!

[Music] Bum Bum BUMMMMM!!

I used to stop there alot and get 2 bacon cheeseburgers, onion chips, and cheese sticks, and the farts would be bad the next day.

There are a few White castles in the Detroit area

Beer Shits: 'Glengarry Glen Ross" is probably the squirmiest movie of all time. It makes your skin crawl when you see these guys sucking up to people to sell tracts of land. And Ricky Roma is the least creepy.

Creepiest character is, of course, Jack Lemmon, making calls from a phone booth to these poor schmucks while he yells to his imaginary secretary, Grace.

I have a love/hate affair with that movie. I really hate the way it makes me feel, but the writing is so lethal that I'm always mesmerized by it.

Nashville is fortunate enough to have both White Castle and Krystal restaurants. One can expect the same intestinal results from Krystal.

Crop duster farting, hilarious. The next time you want to share the thick and pungent stench, try farting into the air conditioner return duct. The thick body of the gas you describe would probably survive the air circulation.

The new employee's horror was classic, yet expected. Why is it when people taste, drink or smell something terrible, their first impulse is to share it? "Here, taste this margarita. I think the mix is rancid." Or,"Take a gulp of this expired milk and tell me if YOU think it is okay."

White Castles are legendary in my neck of the woods, always a very BAD idea. Crop duster references are good, but with sliders, would'nt "depth charge" be more accurate. I don't know if I've ever had a "lighter than air" fart from White Castle. In fact, it's most always more like a load of stinky, rubber, poo-poo bricks; tumbling out of my ass-hole. As for the politically correct knocked up cunt: Fuck her! Deny that you're the origin of the smell...and tell everybody that it's HER stinky pussy. There, take that Gloria Steinham!

Ypu can buy a box of 24 White Castle Burgers in the frozen food section of alot of supermarkets.Twenty-four little burgers plus 12 beers equals one big stink.Beer Shits would have made a great partner working with me in a vault.

Try seeing the movie Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, it's pretty ****ed up.

Damn, I really wanna try White Castle now. Unfortunatly there isn't one where I live. I'd love to down a few bags before my next final.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Nine inch, if you tried White Castle your name might change to Nine Pounds Lighter. You were warned. Good luck in your quest for White Castle.

Not happening for me. There is no White Castle within 50 miles of 27607. In fact, the closest one is in Nashville. I ain't drivin' to Nashville just for gnarly poop.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

__I have also experienced the dreaded white castle ass gas, i found a box of them in the frozen food section, Drank a large quantity of a potent dark ale, And consumed the whole box (they tasted kind of like fake horse meat with copious amounts of dried onion powder) my farts were particularly stinky, and my ring had a burning sensation.____
turd banned it

C Everett, hormones are awful!!! While I was not a cryer during pregnancy, (I was the happiest prego in the history of the known world. I loved being pregnant.....) I can't imagine those women who do cry all the time do it on purpose.

My question for this writer is what did you drink? I have just recently found that while I love red wine, it gives me hangovers faster than anything else. I have switched to Jagermeister and wheat beer, and I'm good.

Be nice to pregnant people.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

"Be nice to pregnant people...." You get two for the price of one!

Me, I would have called in sick rather than go in and blast everybody. You are one foul mother effer, sir. Plenty of White Castles where I live but I've never been in one.

http://www.haroldandkumar.com/

I dunno, I think it has to do with other variables too. It must. I say this because I'm an IBS sufferer, for whom there is no "list" of what not to eat. The list changes regularly and randomly. Some things that have always been okay will suddenly be horrible every time I eat them, and some that've always been a bad idea will suddenly stop being a problem. And I have one-offs, the meal that upsets my guts for no apparent reason. Tabasco does it all the time, though - a single drop in a pot of soup, a bowl of which I end up eating, will set me off instantly. I ask "Was there Tabasco in that" and yes... there was.

As to how my IBS deals with White Castle... Somehow, it does. White Castle gives me very light gas that isn't very bad at all, and no bad shits. Same for Krystal. I live in WA, so none here save for the supermarket kind, but any time I'm in White Castle and/or Krystal country I buy 'em, and I never have a problem. 'Course, I also try to visit the stores in nicer neighborhoods, and don't combine them with alcohol (I have a feeling this syndrome is really beer farts/beer shits, coupled with grease, that's the problem, but I could be wrong) All hail the Slider!!

I don't have IBS, or so I believe, but I have noticed that certain foods affect me like that too. Anything "Mexican" runs right through me, while he Chinese buffet gives me mad gas and Japanese food just makes me feel full. On top of all this, foods high in grease content seem to slide right on through. Seems grease is a nice lube for the guts or something.

Not to harp on the points system, but this one will give me 666 points. AAAAH! Someome please post something I can reply to ASAP so I'm no longer evil!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Very good, straight-up story.

I've never heard of White Castle, but if I ever see one, I would like to go in, eat a couple pounds of food, and see what happens to my bum.

Miller drinking chicken eating dress so fly
I got friends in high places that are keeping me high
Down with Mike D. and it ain't no hassle
Got the ladies of the eighties from here to White Castle

"Hold it now - hit it!" - Beastie Boys

Daphne at the time I was very much an MGD drinker and consumed lots of Jaeger bombs. I have eliminated both from my drinking routine. These days I stick to Sam Adams and I can honestly say I have noticed a difference. No late night meal following binge drinking will result in anything pleasant the next morning but White Castle is by far the most unforgiving.

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You ever take a dump that made you feel like you'd just slept for twelve hours? - Ricky Roma (Al Pacino) in Glengarry Glen Ross

There's a trick for the frozen gut-bombs, you've gotta use a little spicy-brown mustard, and A LOT of ketchup. There's no other way to get'em down. One more thing, I've been hearing a lot about this irritable bowel syndrome, and I don't believe in it. I think it should be re-named Bad Food Syndrome. I used to have "it", diagnosed and everything, and now it's magically gone. Same thing with Mrs. DeCrapper, changed our diets to no grease, no sugar, very low salt, lots of whole grains. Presto- problemo solved. Sliders are fun to talk about, but no fun to eat...er a, to shit.

My live in girlfriend is disgusted by how the toilet looks after one of my IBS episodes. One time my ass exploded so hard and with so much force I ended up having to wipe shit off of my nut sack. That being said, I am a true believer in IBS. Now, I am also an idiot. THE most aggravating factor for me is beer and I make no effort to avoid it.

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You ever take a dump that made you feel like you'd just slept for twelve hours? - Ricky Roma (Al Pacino) in Glengarry Glen Ross

Well, maybe I should revise what I wrote. I believe that certain foods do not agree with certain people. If that's true, then it would stand to reason that if you quit eating the troublesome foods, you would stop having adverse effects. That's why I say that I don't believe in IBS. To say that something is a syndrome almost makes it sound like it's a disease, or some kind of maladay. I believe that this "syndrome" is nothing more that a poor diet. You said it yourself Beer Shits, beer is aggravating, and you make no effort to avoid it. Don't mean to offend, but I think I'm on target.

No offense taken, but I do think my reaction to certain foods and/or beer is a tad askew compared to other people. Typically what sets my digestive off are rich foods (terrible experience with lobster bisque), pork (love ribs, they don't love me), lower quality food (Denny's, White Castle etc) and of course beer. That being said, I am a firm believer that there are higher risk beers (this means you Budweiser) as well as higher risk beer serving establishments (clean your lines once in a while!). Micro brews aren't terribly kind to me either.

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You ever take a dump that made you feel like you'd just slept for twelve hours? - Ricky Roma (Al Pacino) in Glengarry Glen Ross

O.K., that's cool. I just know what I found out for myself about certain foods. Plus, I've been on a kind of campaign for fiber as of late. I did like your story though, and can totally relate, many a late night carrying sack-fulls back to the dorms.

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teddy Hi everyone i too was told by a doctor that i have IBS but right after that i was on a lot of meds that i could not tell did anything for me.So a little while later i quit taking all of them and found fiber laxitive.Now i don't want anyone else to follow me in doing that but it works well for me.They say stress has a big role in how ibs affects you. I believe that.Food too.Also i had the worse case of stomach cramps from ibs while on meds 3 days of pain not just cramping but a dull kinda pain that drives you crazy.I was with in minutes of going to emergency room.Thank God we have a 24 hour walmart i went there and chugged a bottle of pepto bismol.That saved me end of story...P.S it was 1am at walmart..Teddy

Next time anyone goes to a gas inducing establishment, take special note of how the place smells when you first walk in. I love eating at all of these places. I challenge anyone to test this theory (well, more like fact for me). the fart will smell exactly the way the food smells. I suggest taco bell to test this. 1 - beef burrito supreme , 1 - soft taco , 2 - mexi melts. order it to go, smell the bag as if your trying to get high, and remember. you will smell the exact same thing leaving your bung.

Well yeah, I agree that the fart will smell almost exactly like the food if you add on points for decomposition and decay.

While I agree to some extent, I also know I have never smelled a food product that resembles the odor my ass emits after a long night of drinking. If I did I sure as hell would not ingest it.

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You ever take a dump that made you feel like you'd just slept for twelve hours? - Ricky Roma (Al Pacino) in Glengarry Glen Ross

Agreed Beer Shits, I would never let anything (and before there are any wise cracks, I`m talking about food) in my my mouth that tasted anything like my foul farts.

Or any fast food burgers - why not just buy some minced beef, season it, roll it into balls, flatten it and put it under the grill? Proper food. And cheaper.

I think that what most people, myself included, smell more than anything is probably the onions. They seem to linger on both ends.

Started a high-protein diet on Monday, and MAN are my farts bad. I deliver bread with my dad every day, and he almost fired me when I dropped a bomb in his truck yesterday, the hottest day of the year! I felt that soggy gas in the air before I even smelled it. Is it powerbars? Whey? Beef jerkey? I thought exchanging junk food for veggies would have a positive affect on my bowels, but alas, er, al-ass.

Normally when someone in a cube farts - you can pretty much narrow it down (and they usually pin it on the fat guy, ...me)

Well, my absolute favorite working environment ever was when my cube was right next to the men's bathroom.

Throughout the day, when everyone started looking around trying to determine who had just busted ass, I would put an equally disgusted look on my face, wrinkle up my nose, and wave towards the bathroom. And we all would snicker at whomever came out of the bathroom next.

Two of my cube-mates ended up asking to move to another division just so they could escape the horrid smells emanating from the bathroom.

like my husband says about White Castle's cheeseburgers: "eat em by the stack, shoot em out the back!"

Poopaloopas...... "I felt that soggy gas in the air" Priceless. I know exactly what you are talking about, but never found the words to describe it.

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You ever take a dump that made you feel like you'd just slept for twelve hours? - Ricky Roma (Al Pacino) in Glengarry Glen Ross

I remember growing up, constantly referring to White Castle burgers as "sliders" until my friend's old man corrected us. They are now universally known among my friends as "Rectum Rockets! Thank you, Beer Shits, for the great crop dusting story.

I just heard a local radio spot. White Castle wants your story. www.truecastlestories.com . Sliders unite.

HAH ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! I don't think ours are the kinds of stories they're hoping for! :P

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Mmmm...Fiber: Nature's Broom!

White Castle is a weekend only food. An absolute no-no when you have to go to work the next day. Although, I found the White Shitbox doesn't make my farts smell, it certainly...without failing, gives me diarhea. WTF do they inject in that steamed beef product? I want to add one food product not to eat the night before you have to work on a cube form, raw broccoli. Holy crap man! Any time I ate a sizable amount of raw broccoli, my insides turn into a hotbed of sewer stench. And yes, I have noticed when I have a hot, airy gas burst, the smell is horendous. Blinding. Anyway, I fart regulary in my cube. You are not alone. Just make sure you have a well-padded chair (an old school variety) and a small desk fan.
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Corporal Corn Kernal

yes-anyone who knows White Castle knows its toxicity-it has quite the reputation! It is just one of those things you don't admit to eating if you are a woman and only eat on a weekend if you are a man. I have only eaten it twice and it did not have that effect on me though-just sent me RUNNING for the toilet the next morning both times I had it. Good thing I didn't like the taste much.
The burgers are like half soy and half beef and soaked in onion juice-it must be the soy and onion juice that does everyone in.

IBS is just another fake malady that bigt pharma uses to sell snake oil to the masses. Don't believe the hype.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

I think IBS is from stress and a bad diet. Ever notice how it clears up when you change your life for the better?

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Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

"and during my walk I managed to crop-dust the entire region."

lmao, my drunken stomach is roiling with laughter this fine drizzly morning. Where is White Castle, anyway? We don't have any in Texas or on the east coast.

I am reminded of some Coasters lyrics: "Bent down and turned around, and gave her a wink, she said I'm going to mix it up right here in the sink. It smelled like turpentine and looked like India Ink, I held my nose I closed my eyes! I took a ____"

Don't really want to finish that line...

white castles sure as hell is my drunk food. and not going to lie my farts and shits REEEEEEEEEEEK after i eat this stuff the night before.. it is almost unbearable.. just when it is dripping out of my but i can smell it before it comes out.. and also!.. it is NEVER a solid shit.. its always runny .. they must put something in that burger... someone should get a job there and gank a burger so they can see what it is made out of...

Why not just buy one?
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"NEVER. ENOUGH. BACON!"--GoBoy

hahaha White Castle though delicious but is also deadly. Once a group of us were heading out of town (me being the only girl in a group of 7) We were waiting for our bus around 2 am and got hungry so we went to a White Castle. That had to be the worse idea we could have come up with. We were on that bus for 5 hours and let me tell you it was hell. I was in hell not only was I trying not to fart in front of all my friends cause I knew they wouldn't let me live it down but they were just farting it up and nearly killing me with the smell. We finally get to the Hotel again 6 guys and me all in one room. I had to take a shit after eating those little burgers so I made a cover I said I was going to take a shower. So I shit with no drama of any kind and hope in the shower afterwards. Minutes later a friend comes in the bathroom screaming sorry and I cant help it and just runs in and takes a massive shit while Im in the shower. It smelled horrid and with all the stream and heat it was bad. I was screaming and you could hear all the guys in the other room laughing they're asses off. But not only did my friend leave me marinating in the bathroom I also go a floater to greet me once I got out of the shower. One of the millions of memories White Castle has left me with

Beautiful! "What the fuck is your problem?" should be the standard question for all crying, pregnant women.

Now that's just mean. I wish men could get pregnant and see our plight.

Yes. I agree. But, if you read this story closely, what you see is that this guy isn't too classy. He was happier when his office was a f-bomb infested stinkhouse.

Of course he's going to the type of person who's going to ask "What the fuck's wrong with you" to a pregnant woman instead of "Hey, are you OK?"

Let's hope he grows out of it.

(Not that I mind vulgarity - but I respect other's rights to work without it.)

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I totally agree. Although it is kind of amusing the way she responded.

Usually far worse than Castles for me is anything containing the "beef" they use at Taco Bell (aka Toxic Hell). I once made my college roommate throw up by stinking up our room after eating Bell food and drinking the night before. She couldn't even make it to the bathroom...she threw up in the trashcan. I can't believe she's still my friend.

Ate about 8 white castles today because I was hungry, and the farts smell so bad that I looked up and found this website! No Joke. My roommate thought that a sewer main had broken in the apartment the farts hung around so bad. My room smells like a fucking white castle or more like white asstle, and I can't stop farting stinkers. I can't go into public like this....oh...my....go.......

Oh, dude. "White Asstle" would be a really good PR handle.
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Hey! Don't touch my wenis!

I learned my lesson in one visit many years ago. White Castle is not my ass's friend,has never been my ass's friend and will never BE my ass's friend.
Producing waste since 1967

doniker was mistaken when he claimed there are only two White Castles left in Cleveland and they are in the ghetto. There are around a half dozen in the area and they never closed locations here so saying how many are "left" is misleading plus they sure are not all in "ghetto neighborhoods". The first White Castle ever in Cleveland is still there at Brookpark and Pearl right on the border of Parma. Not in the ghetto!

yes there are exactly half a dozen locations and they are all in shit neighborhoods, in my opinion.

The one at Pearl and Brookpark may be on the Parma border, but everybody that works there are lower West Side scum.

The store on W. 117th near Lorain, forget it. My friend owned a bar at 98th and Lorain so I am very familiar with that neighborhood that is only getting worse.

Bedford Hts....Miles Ave. scum work there.

Broadway....East Side scum.

East Cleveland....the ultimate ghetto.

Akron...ghetto.

None of you office dwellers should be surprised to find out that cubicle farms are like Mid-Western cattle feed lots: a lot of mooing and a lot of methane.

Everybody's got to eat and everybody's got to fart. The only question is whether or not you can make it to the bathroom, file room or communal kitchen before you let fly.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Whatever happened to GranniePanties? Possibly my favorite PoopReporter of all time, next to Elvis Fanatic.