Does your anus hurt after you poop?

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198 Comments on "Does your anus hurt after you poop?"

Bilgepump's picture
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I had to vote "Sometimes" but not for the reason mentioned...it depends on if the cat is declawed or not.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
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I would think it would depend on the type of cat too, Bilgey.

I'd much rather wipe with a freshly groomed Persian than a Sphynx. Although the Sphynx would be better for multiple usings between extensive cleanings...or is your kitty paper disposable all-around?

_______
No no, honey. Kitties don't sit on the potty.

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

Bilgepump's picture
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Couple of "swirlies" and let them air dry, Queenie.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Miss Simone Scat's picture
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Nice visual Bilgey.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Pantload's picture
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A lot of times I'll have to blast a few smarmy messes out over an hour or two. That can most assuredly make one's bung an uncomfortable place.


What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
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Ahhhh. Drip dry!

_______
No no, honey. Kitties don't sit on the potty.

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

Postman's picture
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Depends on the kind of poop. The other day I ate half a bag of Fiery Habenero Doritos, and the next day I took a dump that felt like flames shooting out my ass. My asshole burned the rest of the day, I'll tell you that.

Fudgepump's picture
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A couple of weeks ago, I passed something that felt like a chunk of stucco, and it did some damage on the way out. Not only did it hurt then, but for the next few days every pinch reaggravated the problem. I don't know if it was a stretch or a little tear or what, but it took about a week to fade away. A week and a couple doses of Miralax to ease the extrusion process.

shitwit's picture
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Fudgepump- you pooped out something that felt like stucco???? What have you been eating? Are you dehydrated? Holy shit!

I voted that my anus doesn't hurt after pooping. But only after my poor bum healed after natural childbirth. It's not totally healed yet... but close enough I guess.

But.... I suppose I should say it sometimes hurts. I've had "exhaust pipe syndrome" from eating atomic wings before.

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Fudgepump's picture
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Yeah, Shitwit: I probably was dehydrated. My colon and I have developed a very close relationship over the last couple of years (Intellectual Crap - "...The Brink..." 9/6/06). Unfortunately I'm back on goddamn chemo (again!) so my fecal functions can be shall we say...dicey from time to time.

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Fudgepump wins the cake for making me laugh today.

Anyway, I chose sometimes. If I have one of my fatty, post-gallbladder shits I often end up with a throbbing ass. I'm not sure if this is from the sheer for or from the strain of trying to get it out.

Otherwise, my ass behaves itself.

_______
What if everyone farted at once?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Medical Shit's picture
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The doctor gave me a very powerful anti-biotic.. it caused my asshole to burn every time I dropped a stink pickle.. Also lately while i am trying to Detox myself.. my shit has became super-smelly and super-big which hurts my asshole.

Frank2401's picture
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_Fudgepump, it sounds like a few weeks ago you passed a "fecaloma" -my cousin had this problem while on chemo and stem cell treatments. Anyway, she would take one day out of each week and just drink organic vegetable/fruit juices. This would prevent the fecalomas and also give her liver a rest. Sorry about the chemo, I know what she went through and it wasn't pretty.

Miss Simone Scat's picture
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MS, Stink pickle.. LOL Don't know why but that's funny.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Hi I have a question conserning two things, my stool and my head. I have had a on going headache for about four days. Its like a headache i have never had before. Its mostly in the back of my head and on my forhead. Then the third day it started to feel better and by the fourth it bearly hurt.I am a germ freak and afarid of germs. So i bought this brarret and put it in my hair without cleaning it. Then I took it off cleaned it with alchol and because of my stupidity I put some alchol on my head because I was afarid germs were there. Could this have anything to do with my headache? Then I had a bowl movement and it was like diareah and it was tan. Then on the toielt paper there was very lite pink liquid and a very little amount of it. That same day i had a fresh fig. I only had one could that happen to do anything with this? Oh I also have been constipatied my whole life.If any one knows anything please HELP! Thank you so much.

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
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Maybe you're so full of poop that it's filled your head, AC.

_______
No no, honey. Kitties don't sit on the potty.

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

Fecal Follies's picture
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"Sometimes" vote here.

At one extreme or the other of IBS, major pain in the O-ring.


_______
And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

healthy 1's picture
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Generally pain free on my end (no pun intended).
_______
"Thunder in March betokens a fruitfull year" .Or is it "Thunder in March, frost in June"?

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

MSG's picture
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Rarely I get what I think is a fissure in my anus, but even then what hurts is not the pooping, but the wiping. At least 95% of the time, probably more like 99%, my pooping and wiping are quite painless. Most of the time I am fortunate enough to poop where I can clean my anus well; at home I use a dab of Noxzema on the last set of paper when wiping, and at work I have some skin lotion that does almost as well. If I poop at a store, I just moisten the last paper with saliva, and it does decently. In all of those situations, no pain. However, if I do get one of those fissures, I notice it perhaps slightly while my turds are emerging; but even if I didn't notice it while pooping, it will come to my attention big-time while wiping. That can be a slow and painful process, improved at the end by the Noxaema if available. The worst part of that is getting poop in the open wound of the fissure during wiping; I don't like that at all. The poop itself, on the way out, doesn't seem either to widen the fissure or make it hurt. Aside from that rare occurrence, pooping is a pleasurable experience for me.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Wow I just whent for a 3 second shit and then afterwards it slowly started to hurt like I had pulled my anus or something and it got worse and worse for the next 2 minutes and its gone now. I thought about suicide five times in those 2 minutes. Hopefully that doesnt happen again.

Deja Poo's picture
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If it only took 3 seconds to drop, it probably wasn't a turd; it was probably a Solid Rocket Booster from the Space Shuttle.

And it hurt for 2 minutes after a 3 second crap? That means that it hurt 40 times longer post-partum than labor and delivery. Jeez, for one of those 30 minutes shits, you could be suffering almost a full day!

Crapping is a marathon, not a sprint.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Starleen's picture
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Just know that it is this site that sent me to the doctor, and guess what. Colorectal cancer. Caught in time, we think. I had a colon resection so things are much smaller in there. But, anyway, I'm going through chemo and my butthole hurts! I go to the bathroom between 6-20 times a day and it's fine when the stool is harder. Problem is, most of the time it is soft and sticky, so I must wipe and wipe and wipe. The skin "right there" is bleeding and it is excruciating. And my poo seems caustic-it burns all day long if I don't get it all off of my skin! Baby wipes hurt like salt on a cut. I'm in pain hours every day. Has anyone had this soft caustic poop/bleeding anus skin prob? Is the radiation I had 8 months ago still affecting the skin? I told my colon surgeon and he didn't seem to care. He got the tumor out and he's done, it seems.

prarie doggin's picture
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I voted "sometimes", but that was a long time ago. These days with my IBS, I am just shitting axle grease, and that does'nt cause any exit distress. I can remember one time that I ate a whole bag of pumpkin seeds, shell and all. The next day it felt like I was shitting barbed wire.

Dookie of Earl's picture
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A few weeks ago I went do "Don Pepe's" for some authentic mexican food. Started with a basket of tortilla chips and 2 bowls of salsa (moderately hot), then threw a couple of their chile rellenos on top of that (loaded with cheese and grease, then choked down a house special fajita plate (chicken, beef, and shrimp), with a generous portion of rice, beans, and guacamole on the side.

In retrospect where I really went wrong was smothering the whole lot with their habanero sauce (not sure the brand, but Habanero was the only word of "English" on the bottle).

Well, let me tell you, the next day was like something out of a "Hellraiser" movie. It felt like pinecones being shoved out of me with a wire brush, and I don't know if it was blowback or something, but the whole area burned. Not just my sphincter, but the inner 3 or 4 inches of rectum AND my cheeks as well!

I've never been hit with pepper spray, but I expect it's not that bad after what happened that cool winter morning. The pain came in throbbing waves and I couldn't wipe for about 15 minutes. I just kind of sat on the bowl drip drying keeping my tender cheeks spread trying to allow a little cool air onto things.

After the sharp burn subsided a bit I was able to mop up a bit with some TP, that really only spread the burn around more, another 15 minutes or so of intense burning, and I could stand. It was a couple hours still before I could sit down.

Eating at Don Pepe's is kind of like being a honey-bee. There's something delicious in your mouth, but always a vicious stinger in your tail.

Damn you Don Pepe.

prarie doggin's picture
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Splash that area with some aftershave, and you will be alright.

poopcrayon's picture
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i voted sometimes. because there are the days when it feels like the turds are wrapped in acid (for no reason) for their fun journey to the toilet. i tend to walk noticeably slower when that happens.


_______
all aboard the farty train to pooterville..if you can't shit at my house, we aren't friends

all aboard the farty train to pooterville

Anonymous Coward's picture
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almost after ever shit i need to shower and wash my anus cause if i don't i get this griddy feelin between my asscheeks and it drives me nuts even though i wipe till the paper has nothing left i still get this feeling and it drives me nuts that i have to deal wit this cuase i can't poop unnless i plann to shower right after

prarie doggin's picture
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AC that post almost drove me nuts.

MSG's picture
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Try using Noxzema or some skin salve or ointment on the last bit of toilet paper. If my anus is almost clean, that will clean the rest of it and leave a nice feeling behind. This helps even after meals including hot sauce, hot peppers, and the like.

turdfan's picture
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Sometimes the skin around my butthole burns an hour or two after I've pooped,if I've passed some sticky turds and then had to wipe a long time. I found that applying some metholatum solves the problem immediately.

MSG's picture
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I had a different sort of pain about the anus yesterday. I had my normal morning poop, then during the afternoon, at work (school), I went into the men's room and had a quite large satisfying b.m. of several sizable turds. No problem then or with the wiping; but maybe three hours later, at home, I noticed a slowly-growing sensation of pain right in the anus, a fairly sharp, quite noticeable ache. I was seated on a hard bench at the time; perhaps that caused it. Anyhow, I soon got up, went into the bathroom, and massaged my anus (including the anal canal) with Noxzema. The pain went away quickly and has not returned. I had experienced that feeling a few times before, but very rarely.

heinzbeans's picture
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i voted sometimes, only whenever it is a huge one, normally not.

turdfan's picture
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Today, I had a really long dry type turd, and usually I end up having to pinch those off after the've poked their head out only about an inch, and then flush the remainder out with a bottled enema. This one was barely wet enough to pass on it's own, but I had to strain a while. My anus hurt for about 10 minutes after that one, but the pain was well worth getting rid of that thing without the enema routine.

Riding the pain train's picture
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I've never been to this site before but am I happy I did today! Yesterday I was working my job in an ER when I had that instant "oh-my-God, where's-the-closest-bathroom, I-can-hardly-think-straight" moment right before ED (explosive diarrhea) does his thing. Well ED has decided to visit for 24 hrs now - don't know if I have IBS, a bug, food poisoning, or what. But man does my anus hurt! Its been throbbing and writhing in pain since about 6PM last night. I don't have any Noxzema and the thought of going out into public to buy some makes me want to cry. However, hearing everyone's whitty one liners and sarcastic remarks has brightened my day and made me feel less alone. Thanks all! Happy pooping!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I just took the most painful shit. It actually felt like a gopher or small rodent coming out of my asshole. It hurts like a mother now.. Wow.. I feel like I want to commit suicide.

note to self: do not eat buffalo chicken pizza.

I am immortal, u r not! ha ha ha's picture
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I sumtime's feel like life ain't worth living anymore, basically cos this illness is so painful! The last time i did a poop (1 week ago), the stool wudn't stop comin out. I had 2 keep makin hot drinks & drink them while sat on the toilet!! I actually thawt i woz gonna get diahorrea, but i didn't. Thankgod! I don't know which is worse. The huge, hard, painful stool or the diahorrea! :|

MSG's picture
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I noticed the anal pain again a few days ago and immediately made a connection: I had been sitting on a fairly high stool with a small round flat wooden seat. I think the seat was too small to give adequate support, and the muscles around my anus were trying to compensate. I got up, walked around (my students were taking final exams), managed discreetly to massage the area (I'm sure it looked like I was scratching an itch back there, if anyone saw it), and felt the pain gradually lessen. I'll not sit on that stool again for any extended time.

David Brown's picture
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I wipe with cheap toilet paper that falls apart as it is grooming my ass and I wind up wiping with my finger that has broken through the weak tp fibers and my nail usually scrapes my friend.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I got major hang time when i jumped out of my window one time.

wtf gay...'s picture
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I just took a shit earlier, but as i was wiping I hit a weak sensitive spot in my ass while wiping and it started to bleed a bit. I got worried as not sure if I wasn't going to get an infection or not. Haha, but I think I'm fine.

Bilgepump's picture
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Who's shit did you take? Did you have permission to take that shit? Why would you take a shit? Were you out because you underestimated your need for shit for the weekend, so you borrowed one from someone else? Are you now in a shit deficit? Is there interest due on the shit you took?
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ass_onfire's picture
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you guys kill me

HERSHEY HIGHWAY's picture
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After a meal at my butcher friends house that entailed enjoying four kinds of meat, I woke up the next day feeling ill. To cut a long story short I had pushed my little hershey highway to the brink and ended up in hospital. I thought for years my abdominal pain was hereditrary as my anglo family shoveled down antacids after every stodgy meal. Turns out my pink and brown sock was shagged and doc on call souvenired a couple of feet. Ever since backing one out has been aan ordeal- going into labour with a bum baby after every meal. I used to enjoy a good sh*t now I am like a little girl on a first date all frigid.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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used to love a crap now too scared of that big brown bear jumping out of the cave

MSG's picture
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I haven't been able to wipe as clean as I'd like when pooping at work (school--I teach), and it now feels like I may have a tiny fissure; it hurts a little after pooping. I did my Noxzema cleanup afterwards, but I can still feel a slight pain maybe half an inch down and left of my anus. Maybe I'll get a little jar of Noxzema and take it to work.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Just take it in the ass a few times and it will be all fine.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i have had diarea fro the past 2 days and my anus is sore it feels like it is open all the time

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Perhaps the all-time funniest thing I have ever read:
http://www.zug.com/scrawl/analbob/analbob2.html

james shit's picture
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i took a dump the size of mount fuji my anus is bleeding and the prag is massive

Crap Muncher's picture
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how come when if i wake up really early in the morning to go somewhere or to work, my stomache hurts ALOT and i I sit for an hour, shit a little every 7 minutes or so? pretty wierd.. I think i need a colonoscophy

Imashi Tsqueezr's picture
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Mmmmm...
When I need to poop, I just sit down and it comes right out! Plop-plop-plop and I'm done! No troubles at all!

:D

diarrheenies's picture
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Usually, it doesn't hurt from the pooping, it hurts from the wiping. I wish I had a bidet. I use baby wipes, but sometimes that isn't even enough.

sittingpretty's picture
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I wish I had a bidet too. I tried to have one put in while my house is being put back together from the imfamous hurricane katrina. Butt I cannot. If I get the burny butt or it is too raw from wiping, I get in the tub. It's killer when I don't feel well and have to tub wipe post every frequent bm. It makes me cry and tremble. I haven't had the problem lately. However, as soon as I do, Poopreporters will be the first to know.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

yes, it does's picture
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every time i have at least one of the following if not all:
pain
blood
throbbing afterwards

i'm embarrassed about going to doctor; horrified at the idea of someone examining my anus closely. but this has grown from once in a while to every single time over the last 3 years.
right now, i can't even sit without discomfort because last poop hurt so badly. afraid to eat because it'll eventually have to come out. please suggest something that doesn't include having to go to doctor.

Bilgepump's picture
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my suggestion, "yes it does", is to not do anything but sit around, worry yourself into bleeding ulcers, whine and complain to complete strangers how embarrassed you are, and then die. Or, go see a doctor.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

hayley's picture
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If I poop a really large turd then I will have some pain afterwards. Lot's of wiping from diarrhea makes me hurt too.

Assaholic's picture
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This is such a vicious cycle for some people. With me, when I take a shit I know that if it's more solid than usual, then my anus will be throbbing and pulsing for at least half of the day. This is why I don't take shits that often, but then that just makes it even worse the next time that I want to go to the bathroom. I have found that really cutting back on the gross foods will help out, but I fear that my asshole problems are just beginning. I'm obsessed with my ass and how much it hurts.

holy shit my @$$ is on fire's picture
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damn!!!!!!!!!

well if you just clean it with gold ol' water and a few visits to the hand like... some indigenous people in north Carolina and the south Americans(Mexicans) do im sure it wont hurt and god damn people stay away from the food that hurts unless you have good reasons!!!!!!

I Shit Fire and Lava's picture
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Yeah, it hurts sometimes. I chugged down 5 bottles of tabasco sauce and shitted by intestines out. Fuck. This thing felt like a knife heated in lava being shoved in and out of my ass.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I contracted strep throat in our favorite (or second favorite) southerly region once. OOOH! That was a MOTHA'! DON'T TRY THAT AT HOME! It's bad enough to funnel air through an infected throat. Putting a train through that unhappy tunnel is unbearable!

Blind Mullet's picture
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I voted for the "I don't poop" category, because, well, in a way, I really don't poop in the traditional sense. Since the surgery to remove the cancer from my quoit involved basically removing my quoit, I now have a charming thing called a 'stoma', which is a sort of artificial arsehole, near my navel.
Now, the bad thing about that, is that it is uncontrollable, therefore I have to stick a colostomy bag over it.
The good thing is that it has no nerve endings in it, so I'm now immune to chili-burn.
(Damn, I just realised that I've provided a serious answer to a poll.

Shit.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Blind Mullet's picture
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AND I didn't close the parentheses.

Shit, again.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

prarie doggin's picture
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Well BM, ironically you have no asshole but you're alive, and I know several assholes who shouldn't be alive. Bless you my friend.

Bilgepump's picture
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So, since Mullet ain't got no asshole, is he a surgically invented demodex? I'm asking, cuz the idea of a fully grown Australian man taking up residence in my eyelashes really creeps me out.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Constiriah's picture
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well I've been on antibiodics for my bronchitis, and it made my shit so dry because I'm dehydrated. I would shit like crusty dried up poop, my asshole burned so bad I can't even explain. I was in tears saying the rosarie on the porcelin throne. Then, as if this wasn't bad enough, I would shit just this foamy brown water. This killed my already beat up asshole. I couldent wipe fully cuz of the pain, so the residue dried on my asshairs and stuck them together. Now imagine trying to take a shit with your asshole glued shut by my nag nuts (poop crusted hairs), it practically ripped the hairs of... Worst ever

AvidWiper's picture
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Well, I'm an avid wiper and I find that the only kind of poo that leaves my anus NOT throbbing after a wipe is the CLEAN CUT. When you have a clean cut poo it's like the heavens open up and smile upon your sphincter! Anything else is cause for quiet whimpering in the stall at work...

aaartnaz's picture
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i've been eating frozen pizza and frozen burritos the past few days and my butthole feels like fire, ow it hurts to cough, sneeze or adjust myself in my chair, oooh ouch!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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my ass burns even when i dont shirt like its caustic whats the matter with it?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Oh my, sweet mother of god! I just crapped and then took a painkiller. It hurt so bad!

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Try wearing a shirt from now on there AC and see if that resolves the problem.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Leer's picture
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Well, I put sometimes. Once a month when I get 'the womanly curse', I end up stuck on the loo for about three hours every movement I take. It goes from normal, pleasant shits to "oh my god how am I still alive" marathons of liquidy pain. I don't see why the cramps have to bite me in the ass - LITERALLY. If I wanted to empty out all of my colon like that I'd take many, many laxatives.

And what's even worse is if the initial poop was too big and caused a rip to my poor arse. If that happens, everything that follows feels like hell's torture.

Habanero Hell's picture
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Thank you everyone for cheering me up! I have been in anal-agony the last few days due to an addiction to a "Hot Sauce". Ironically, its called "Pain 100%" made by Original Juans. OMFG! you certainly could get a terrorist to talk by torturing his anus with this stuff. My question: Can I build up an immunity to these firey craps? Or will I always get a Devils Doughnut Hole?

MSG's picture
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Hello HH: Everyone's system is unique in some ways, even if everyone shares certain aspects. My system doesn't mind hot spices, including habanero sauce; they make me sweat while eating them, but my bowel movements seem to have no change from normal. However, from comments elsewhere on this site, I am well aware that other people frequently have painful movements or diarrhea that they attribute to hot spicy food. Whether your reaction to hot sauce will change with repeated exposure, I don't know. I do know that the human body normally develops a tolerance for medicines (though not always), so it is surely possible (though not certain) with this too. If you like the hot sauce, keep trying it, to a point: If, after what you think is a decent trial period, you still get the Devil's Doughnut Hole, you could go to the doctor and find out what he says; or you could stop using hot sauce.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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HH.......I usually eat chilies or some kind of hot sauce three times a day. Years ago they burned my o-ring on the way out but over the years I seemed to have developed more tolerance. I have to eat a lot of really hot stuff now before I experience any discomfort at all. My favorite hot sauces are mostly made from habaneros. I think you eventually build up some tolerance at both ends.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Habanero Hell's picture
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Thanks for the help! I just bumped on to this thread through a google search, but maybe I should have posted it in the hot sauce section. I am 45 yo and should be smart enough to have figured this stuff out over the years. I love the endorphine rush i get off hot stuff, so I think I will just make sure I eat plenty of starchy rice anytime I wanna burn hard. And you know what funny? despite the painful poops the last few days, the afterglow high 20 minutes later is a good drug too!

A guy's picture
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at about a 8 week period, I get what I call crap pains
throbbing right in the hole, after the dung comes out.
Lasting form a minute to a hour sometimes
Thought it was cancer like Farrahs, but after reading these
comments I see Im not the only one

MSG's picture
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Not to derail, but what about this cancer of Farrah's? Any ideas how she got it? What are the symptoms?

sittingpretty's picture
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MSG, I don't know how Farrah got her anus cancer. BUt my step-brothers' mom had anal cancer and her symptom was no poops. WE didn't know it, but she was only taking liquids for months and months and never went to the doc for not pooping. It wasn't until my stepfather, her ex-husband saw her doubled over in severe abdominal pain at one of my brother's ball games. He took her to the ER immediately. That is how she found out she had anus cancer. She is dead now. She was a great lady.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous shitter's picture
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I droped the biggest damn kid off at the pool I ever have and now it feels like I spent the night in prison what's wrong with my ass?

sittingpretty's picture
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AC, your ass needs some TLC. Pamper it. Gently clean it. Balneol is good. Ice it for 20 minutes. You didn't drop the kids off, you just delivered their baby brother.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole! MY ass is on fire! It is the Mg Citrate
, 2 bottles. I'm going to have to get something thicker than J&J diaper rash paste. This is just day 1 of 14 days of Mg Citrate.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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AC, 4/22/09. Don't do that anymore. THe pain killer is the reason it hurt so bad to have a BM. You are hurting yourself.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Postman's picture
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Yesterday I ate a plate of chicken wings from a local establishment that were cooked with habanero sauce. I'm pretty sure my anus will be screaming with agony by tomorrow.

VolcanicArse's picture
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i take easy and long shits sometimes over a metre long and feels refreshing after im done
i live in a country of spicy foods but it doesnt effect me,god bless my arsehole

prarie doggin's picture
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Hopefully Postman, you'll not be on your mail route when it hits. If it does, your only hope will be to dip your ass in every backyard pool, and pray that someone hasn't super-shocked their pool with chlorine that morning.

sittingpretty's picture
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Postman, is there fire in your hole yet?
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Postman's picture
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Not yet, but I'm just now on my way to the bathroom to unleash today's load. I'll report back later.

Postman's picture
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Okay, I'm back. No burning yet. The habenero spices must have been absorbed into my blood.

sittingpretty's picture
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Postman, you might have escaped this time, but it is still early, yet. i just had some drama. We(a patient and I) just caught a ground moccasin(baby) from the light. The patient killed it by stepping on its head. I haed to see the little snake get killed. But now I'm scared ther are more in the ceiling.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Shit Taker's picture
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hey people I've been having some serious burning of the ass lately and I've never felt like this but I started detoxing about 1week ago and since then its been burning like crazy and my shit is coming out light colors which is unusual for me so i figured i'd ask the experts here......

sittingpretty's picture
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The first night two nights of my magcitrathon my hineyhole burned like a mudda f***a then my aunt brought me calmoseptine and prep h cooling gel and tuck pads and chicken noodle soup. She made my hineyhole feel all better. Thank you sittingpretty's aunt!!!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
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SP, I have tried tuck pads and prep-h on a burning hiney hole, but never chicken noodle soup. Are you supposed to splash it on or use the noodles as a sort of brush?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Oy vey sittingpretty...Is your aunt Jewish?

Thunderbuttstein


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sittingpretty's picture
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I have noticed that I haven't had the fire in the hole from the magnesium citrate with consecutive use. I'm procrastinating again. I took a break from the mg cit and miralax yesterday as my body felt depleted and I had the h/a(headache). Today I must drink 2 bottles. Ugh.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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Chief, why do you ask if my aunt is Jewish? My mother and my aunt's grandfather was orphaned at the age of two. His mother and father came from Alcase Lorraine. His name is German- Jewish but he was put in a catholic orphanage where he was abused. We can't prove he was Jewish because his ancestry was lost in Alsace Lorrainne in the first world war(or second, I'm not sure which war) Hence, I believe my am Jewish by race through my mother's father's bloodline. PD, I used the cicken noodle soup as a poultice frozen. Ha ha. Not really. I ate it!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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sittingpretty.....Have you never heard chicken soup referred to as 'Jewish penicillin'?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Bilgepump's picture
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Judaism isn't a race, SP, its a religion, although as a religion, the Jews do believe that it is passed on, through the mother's side. Ie: a gentile man and Jewish woman, by Jewish tradition, produce Jewish children, whereas a Jewish man marrying a gentile woman (his mother would kill him first, of course) would produce non-Jewish children, although that can be fixed unless you are Orthodox.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
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I disagee, Bilgepump. Jewish is a race as well as a religion. I'm aware of the rules. Eventhough I am not Jewish by religion, I am part Jewish by race because Jewish blood flows through my veins. So does French, Spanish, Scottish, English, Dutch, German and Russian blood. You can be Catholic religion but there is no Catholic race although there should be since the Vatican is its own country.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
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You are free to disagree. In fact, I fully expected it, from a woman, whom is sadly endowed with a scientifically proven smaller brain than a man (me). Its a matter of semantics, and not worth arguing about. Many feel as you do, that the Jews are a race, and it doesn't bother me a bit, although I often wonder why people want to continue seperating themselves from each other, rather than grow together.

Now, since I took a tongue in cheek shot at you, SP, and women in general, I shall proceed with the running away screaming like a little girl.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
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I'm going to kick in here and I may be wrong. Race/ethnicity would be such as Caucasian, Asian, Black etc. Religion would be such as Catholic, Jewish, Muslim etc. Nationality would be such as American, Israeli, German etc. Jews will often state that Jewish is both race and religion.

No matter how many races, nationalities or religions flow through your veins SP, your blood is still red. Unfortunately that concept is not always accepted.

Just a note SP, you can get that French blood out of you by adding a little soap.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Recently I read a statement (I can't remember who made it) that if we woke up some morning and were all the same race, religion, etc., by noon we would have discovered some way to discriminate. Google Dr. Seuss's 'Sneeches on Beaches'.

I listened to a great song by Tommy Smothers a few days ago, "Who do I Have to Hate to Make You Like Me"


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Bilgepump's picture
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I keep things pretty simple in my life....while I have a pretty mixed heritage, I only belong to the human race (much to the chagrin of many humans).


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
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So you are telling me Hebrew is not a race? And you are telling me my brain is scientifically smaller than yours, Bilgepump? Yeah. You better run like a girl, Bilgepump, because this caucasion girl is coming after you, mercilessly. I see your point, PD. I should have said nationality, mabe.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
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bring it, girly-girl...uh....wait...um...PD...need a little help on this one....
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
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Bilgepump is a big sissy baby! He runs like a girl from a girly-girl...and he asks for help because he is a wussie wuss. Nannie nannie boo boo, You're a big noonnie baby!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Bilge said..."I keep things pretty simple in my life....while I have a pretty mixed heritage, I only belong to the human race (much to the chagrin of many humans)."

I am not religious but if I ever buy a bumper sticker that asks for God to bestow blessings, it will say 'GOD BLESS EVERYONE'.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
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Shhhh Bilge. She has a weakness for Milk Duds. Just drop them behind you in a pile as you run away.

Bilgepump's picture
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SP, I am afraid, very afraid, given your current bowel problems, that once you caught me, all that exertion would cause you to explode, and I would be the unwitting recipient of an SP shitbath.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
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If I could explode I would want to explode all over you. I can see you now, standing there dripping in shit. Hahahaha ha
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
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You really are kind of mean...unbecoming of a girly girl.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
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You are making me mean.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
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oh right...forgot...small brain...

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
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You see how you keep saying things like that to piss me off. It is your brain that is small. Not mine.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
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I'm not trying to piss you off, honey, I'm trying to get in line for the spankings!!!
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
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Oh, then, in that case, just say so. Brannie is doing the spanks for me. Spanks hurt my hand. Since you are a peeper, you aught to be in line behind the other peeper, Prairie Doggin.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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Uh, Bilger...are you there? I...uh...want to say I'm sorry for being mean...you said my brain was little...and well...it hurt my feelings. Really...I'm sorry...uh uh...I get defensive sometimes...will you forgive me. I misunderstood where you were coming from.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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Chief. No, Chief I have not ever heard that about chicken soup. I still learn something new everyday. Tell me about how chicken soup became Jewish penicillin.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, Chief. Bilgenheim was looking for a spanking.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
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Peeper! I beg your pardon SP. I am a window pane security analyst. Can you remember the last time your window panes were stolen?......I didn't think so. Your panes ever catch fire?...... I'm guessing no again. I'm deeply hurt.

Bilgepump's picture
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SP, honey, nothing to forgive, you are entitled to react any way you want to. Just a hint, though, I'm almost never to be taken seriously.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
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You are not going to twist this around on me Mr. Peepin' Prairie Doggit! Your petty peeping operation is what got you in trouble last time. Your bad behavior negates any good that has come of it. Now get back in line, behind Pump, for your spanking.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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Bilgenheim, I often can't tell when someone is teasing me. It is not something new.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
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Uh...Bilge isn't feeling well today and has....uh authorized Mr. Doggin to accept his...uh spankings. Thank you so much.

Uh...Bilge's mom

sittingpretty's picture
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That's double spankings for you, PD. Wait, since you like spankings so much, I'm not going to spank you. Instead, I'm going to pluck out your scroto-hairs, two at time.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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sittingpretty....Chicken soup is the Jewish penicillin because doting Jewish mothers make it for their loved ones at the first sign of virtually any illness.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
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And don't forget to get a side order of schmaltz just in case your soup doesn't have enough grease floating on top.

sittingpretty's picture
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So the Jewish roots shine through, in my family, as chicken soup is always on the first line of defense for any ailment.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Only when I forget to take the husk off the chestnuts.

Blind Mullet's picture
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...the Aussie brain struggles with a dozen different concepts here...
A Jewish bilgepump...
A 6'4" ex-trucker peeping tom (with or without plaid shirt, cowboy boots and big brass belt-buckle)...
... a dominatrix with IBS...
A Tennessean Buddha with a Jesus bumper-sticker...
...a postman dipping his swollen o-ring in people's back yard pools...

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

prarie doggin's picture
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That's what makes America great BM. Oh, and also apple pie.

pottymouth 13's picture
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I am diabetic and take metformin 2 x daily. It causes a great deal of intestinal distress. Doc says deal with it, the medicine is doing a perfect job of controlling my blood sugar. Some days I do butt coffee all day, sometimes it is fairly normal. The pooping is ususally not painful, in fact kind of relieving. It's the wiping that is torture. Especially when I am on poo # 12 or so. Sensitive skin or naturals baby wipes help. Numpercainal cream helps numb the bum too. Nuts and seeds makes it feel like I am pooping out gravel. Very bad...

LeandraCullen's picture
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*Is moving to...akjfhjakhstan*
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The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

assholedemon's picture
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I have acid reflux so bad that i have required surgery to fix problems with the esophagus. Don't know if that's why i have the insane movements, i should get it checked out but don't like going under anymore "another story". Sometimes i have diarrhea so bad that i cant sit still on the toilet it burns so bad i swear its like the fire demon from lord of the rings is trying to get out of my asshole.
I have it so bad that i sometimes think to fill the tub and go in cold water and see if that will help.
Today i had it bad the worst ever and when i came out my 5 yr-old asked if it burned and i said yeah when i went to wipe the tp burst into flames lol he was shocked.
But still this is so not normal to have liquid fire squirt from your ass so fast you could hit a fly at 300 yards and incinerate him.

sittingpretty's picture
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asshole demon, it sounds like you have alot of acid in your stool. Are you on Protonix or something like that? Prilosec is over the counter now, so you might want to try it. I highly recommend telling your GI doc how it burns that bad. In the past, I have had to poo in a tub of tepid water due to the intense burn also.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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Leandra, is abcjdjackikstan between lmnolikstan and qrstuvikstan? Will you be able to get on poopreport from there?
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

myASS's picture
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i just passed a BIG one just now it hurt like damn hell and it still does it even had claws it ripped my hole apart goddamn shit

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Dear myASS......The next time you are passing a huge turd you can read a book on punctuation, that will take your mind off the pain.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

AsIfI'dTellYou's picture
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IBS can be a bitch when it comes to toilet routine. Can swap between chronic diarrhoea and infrequent logs. Now, the logs hurt. Lol, seriously, it feels like giving birth through my ass. Tbh, I'd take the diarrhoea any day. :\

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I've been having very watery diarrhea every hour or two all day. It's starting to burn and I threw up once before the diarrhea started. What's wrong with me heeeelp!?!?!?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I was on the toilet for about an hour..near tears from the pain of passing what felt like the titanic comming out of my ass. Think there was a tear or something because i just did another one and it was painfull as well. thank god not as painful as the other one. i think i need to drink more water or something cause that was killer.