Ass cramps: a literal pain in the ass

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362 Comments on "Ass cramps: a literal pain in the ass"

AssBlaster2000's picture
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Okay, so a bit of background is needed on this poll. There is also a discussion going on about this in the forums. Some poopers get muscle cramps in their asses, and it seems to be skewed toward the female poopers, hence the options for gender in the poll. The male poopers seem to get these as well, but only when misplacing their garden tools in their buttcracks after a hard day's work.

Personally, I'm female, and have never gotten one. Or at least I don't think I have. I get painful muscle spasms around my eye but never in my ass.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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I've KNOWN a few Ass Cramps in my day, but the only time I've ever actually had them was when I would just get desperate to stop the runs and take too much Imodium. That really does give one the feeling that one has misplaced one's garden tool in one's buttcrack.

Interesting poll.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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Do you mean muscle cramps in the butt-cheeks? I've had that before.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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Ok, I just read the forum and we weren't on the same page. I've never had a cramp IN the ass but I have in the ass-cheek.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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I've gotten the same sort of weird phantom pain, just like discussed in the forums. Not often, but the description sounds familiar. I think it has to do with the level of exercise that day: either too much or too little. I'm not sure; I'll have to wait and see if it ever happens again.

For the record, I am female. :)

sphincter cramp's picture
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_This cramp is not in the butt cheeks but directly in the sphincter muscle. When I've gotten it, it was usually after some straining to poop.______
"Better living through Pooping"

"Better living through Pooping"

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points
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I get pains in my head similar to a migraine from pushing REALLY hard. But I often get the gas and bloating that comes from eating bad food. You know, the type that happens in your intestine/stomach, not the type that you can push out in a fart. So I haven't voted yet until I get some more info.

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Thank you Assblaster for posting this. It seems that many male peoples get ass cramps, so the menstrual concept is out.

But, at least I know that it's a phenomenon that others have expoorienced now.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Chick's picture
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I've gotten them...during my period when I've had really bad cramps. I don't know if it's related to bad cramps & tampon use or just straining too much on the toilet. Tho, they seem to get better when I dont use a tampon.

Victim's picture
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I have gotten these as well and I am a healthy 29 year old male. It seems to help when I urinate...for some reason the pain seems to go away.

Motherload's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Shooting pain in the rectum is known in the medical field as "Proctalgia Fugax", or "Levator Ani Syndrome".

This pain in the ass affects an estimated 8-18% of the world population, but tends to occur more often in women than in men.

It is believed to be caused by a spasm of the anal sphincter, or the pelvic floor muscles. Low-fiber diets and high caffeine intake seem to be the prevalent causes for the occurrence of these spasms.

While annoying and painful, these spasms are harmless and do not indicate disease.

_______
Always looking out for number two!

Always looking out for number two!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I took a humongous shit a couple weeks back. It was huge, rock solid, lumpy, and PAINFUL to push out. Afterwards there was an achy crampy kind of feeling in my butt. I felt traumatized by my own shit.

PoopDropperGirl's picture
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I used to have the worst ass cramp pains, they would travel down from my belly. I think my colon and spincter were convulsing..it used to happen when I was in school and wouldnt eat all day. Not sure why it happens.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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thanks Motherload, I've always wondered what it was called. Found some more info at wikipedia and from googling. I think caffeine could be a cause for me, as I tend to drink some strong coffee in the morning to get a bowl movement and occassionally get the proctalgia. the wiki entry also suggests an increased likelihood of proctalgia if you have sex after a movement and my experience corroborates that also.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I've had a few of these, but not often. I've noticed that they occur more when I have my period than any other time. Usually my asshole cramps up and I am unable to pass a stool. Or it's diarrhea and it comes out VERY painfully.

_______
"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points
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Wait . . . anyone notice how more MEN than WOMEN have gotten ass cramps? We are MEN goddamnit!!! We're not supposed to get cramps period (get it get it?)

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

scatdaddy's picture
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Motherload has it right. Proctalgia Fugax is latin for "fleeting rectal pain". It's just a cramp in the sphincter; no known cause, no cure, not a disease. Just a pain in the ass. Often happens at night, and I get it in waves; I'll go for months with no prob, then get it like four nights in a row. Some suspect that it happens more during times of high emotional stress. Warm baths are supposed to help, as long as it's still going on by the time the tub gets full. Massage or pressure might help, too. I'm wondering if a little extra potassium in the diet would alleviate the cramping...?

healthy 1's picture
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Thanks ML. I have had the ass cramps.

I usually get them after a long bout of constipation, or a few hours after a very large poo.
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

fireater's picture
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I always called them sphincter cramps

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always curtesy flush .... i mean always

always curtesy flush .... i mean always

crapper2007's picture
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this poll has saved my life! i've been having ass cramps for a year now...i lost my job, my wife, my kids won't talk to me...now i know its not just a stigma. thank you poop report!

TekWiz's picture
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Yeah I was wondering about those. I hope my account can help some of you fellow sufferers... Here goes....

I'm male. I get these once in a blue moon. I seem to remember that it's usually after a poop early in the morning. It seems to be around the anus area--more like inside.

It's like an unbelievably painful cramp. Maybe 10 on a pain scale. Like pure torture--hehehe like someone said like misplacing some garden tool.

It can last for too damn long--seriously like maybe 30 min. I believe that if I go into the bathtub and dip my butt in warm water and massage my anus it gets much better and resolves soon after. I tried that the last time--I think I just suffered through it the previous times.

The thing is that it so rarely happens that I don't remember exactly how long it took to dissapear--maybe I fell asleep with it and when I woke it was gone.

I always figured it was like a phantom pain from some muscle spasm or a damaged nerve, and since it's so rare I never worried about it. BTW, Many years ago I had an acute hemmoraged hemorroid and ran to a laser treatment where the whole vein was pulled out. (I remember the dr. showed me the vein after he pulled it out--it was like 10 inches long!!! Yikes!) So I thought maybe it was a sort of "memory pain" of the surgery. But now I see it's not only me...

But the main thing about it is that it really helped me understand the phrase "pain in the ass." I guess that's how that phrase originated. When I was little my evil cousin liked to kick me in the ass and while it would be hard to recall the nature of that pain I somehow suspect it's similar...

Interesting stuff--finally we can all discuss pains in the ass on the internet--when was that ever possible? Well at least that solves one pain in the ass...

asphinctersayswhat's picture
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Wow - I know people talk shit in forums but this one takes the biscuit!
Seriously, quite helpful tho.
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!! And now I am free to discuss my pain in the ass with strangers - huzzah!
Ok, so I only ever get then when I am on my rag (although I think this ground has been covered). If I need a poo or even just an innocent little parp, it starts in my stomach as a sort of gurgling, then goes into my abdomin - akin to period cramps then I get a shooting pain RIGHT up my ass - enough for me to cry out in pain. Then I have the most painful poo/fart imaginable.
Not a nice experience I wouldn't recommend it!
So all you people have it - does anyone have a CURE??!!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I'm female and i've had an ass cramp so bad that i fainted!

Fart Master's picture
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WOW! As many have said, "I thought I was the only one!" I'm male and have been having this problem for a few years now. It's only occasional and seems to follow some sort of stress or dehydration? Mine tend to hit me in the middle of the night. Shortly after it hits you'll find me sitting on a heating pad, taking an asprine and drinking a large glass of cold water. Within 15 or 20 minutes I'm back in bed sound asleep. Thanks for posting the information here and I'm glad to find that its nothing serious!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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My experience is exactly what asphinctersayswhat describes. Shooting pain up the rectum ONLY during menstruation. That's why I was so convinced it had to do with female hormones or something. Alas I could find nothing on google.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I've had these ass cramps the last few months and sat down tonight to look up what is causing them. I am so glad I can to this site. ML helped out a lot. Whenever I get one, it is when I am laying on my side. It is this horrendous pain in my sphincter and I go to the toilet to sit down. As I am there, my heart rate slows down without even pushing and I have almost passed out a few times. I am in the medical field and know that the vagus nerve is present in the anus and rectum and that is the cause of the slow HR and passing out. I just want to know what people do to get rid of the pain. I have had 2 kids and I would have to say that I rate labor a 10/10 for pain. This rectal pain is a 7 or 8/10.

oh no she didnt's picture
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HOLY SHIT this is the absolute worst, most painful thing in the book! I don't get them often but when they strike (mostly waking me from my slumber) I am rendered completely helpless in the fetal position for at least 20 minutes. It feels like somebody is literally stabbing you in the ass and twisting the gigantic knife at the same time. My girlfriend also gets these and has some very weak nitroglycerin ointment to relieve them (relaxes the ol sphincter). A generous schmear of that stuff and it's back to bed. We thought we were the only ones....haha! Should've known better than that! :D

Assinda Pain's picture
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Me and my missus also get them, in fact only today we had one each, within a few seconds of each other, while out walking. Needless to say it brought a few funny looks from passersby. I've suffered with this for years, so much so, I'm afraid to say I secretly enjoy them. ;-)

Dave the Warrior's picture
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I get those cramps too. They usually strike while I'm asleep or running on my treadmill. Today I got one while just watching TV. YIKES!! Getting one while awake but sedentary is very rare for me. Long term treatment?,...potassium, LOTS OF IT!! Bananas and citrus fruits are good sources. They will reduce the severity and frequency, but not eliminate them. Short term cure once you've got one?,...lay on your side and pull on ONE asscheek, not both. Also, lay on your stomach and let gravity take the pressure off a little bit. If you're in a place where you must remain standing, try squeezing your butt cheeks together (without touching them) just use your glute muscles. These won't make it go away, but should bring the pain down from "excruciating" to "manageable."

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I am a middle-aged woman and have suffered from these for years (mostly in the middle of the night). My solution has been to take a Tylenol or similar OTC pain reliever immediately and just keep walking around until the pain subsides. I have found that taking a pain reliever definitely shortens the length of the episodes to 10 minutes from the usual 15-20. My father also suffered from these and he died from colon cancer. While there is no correlation between proctalgia fugax and colon cancer, get those annual exams just to be sure. If you think these cramps are painful I am sure he would have told you that colon cancer pain is five times worse and doesn't go away. Don't go there!

Crunchy Frog's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I've had to plump for "what the hell is an ass cramp?" I've had shooting pains up the arse, is this what an arse cramp is? I've had them so severe that I've cried out in pain. It's sort of like someone shoving a screwdriver up your behind and sort of moving it around up there. Very very painful.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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uh...Crunchy? You've actually had a screwdriver rammed up yer bum and stirred a bit? Otherwise, I don't think you can really use that analogy, interesting as it may be.

Yes, I'm just being a wise ass...thats my job.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture
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well i think this is really helpful.
I thought it was collan cancer or something.
I'm going to a doctor but it helps to no that there are other likely possibilities.
I have had pain around the anus on either side on different occassions. it feels as if i'm holding up a shit but it pains like i got kicked with a steel toe shoe. It may be because my dyet contains a cup of coffie in the morning for the last 15 days or so as ML surgessted. It doesn't really pain all of the time since i got it about 4 days ago but in the mornig while i urinate or just stand up the pain intensifies so much that i hold my but checks and suddenly stand straight as if i had just been shocked. Keep in mind the pain is around my anus, but i won't hold my anus so insted i squeeze my checks. the intense pains end in like 2 seconds but the ongoing light unnoticeable pain hasn't ended yet this is day 5.
When i return from the doctor i'll give ya'll the diagnoses, the cure/help for the pain and the reasons. shiting seems to help.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I just took a shit and piss and when i pissed it seemed to move from somewhere close to my anus hole between my anus hole and my back to somewhere between my balls and my anus hole, about evenly distributed in that area. I dont feel it but for a beter discription, before now it felt like something i could shit out so i thought it might even be a worm.

HurtSoBad's picture
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I am a middle-aged (~ 50) man and have suffered from these for years, mostly in the middle of the night, while some did occur during the day. Intensity does vary and have been strong enough to make me pass out a few times, including the first time when I was about 25 yrs old. Over that period of time, frequency did vary a lot; sometimes years could pass without getting any, but there have been months during which I could have a few each months.

What does surprise me the most is that this is a known medical problem. Over the last 20-25 years the problem was disturbing enough for me to ask a few doctors, and none of them ever provide any clue on what this could be. Finding from this website that what I have suffered from for many years is a known medical problem ("Proctalgia Fugax" or "Levator Ani Syndrome") which does not seem to be that rare was good news to me. While there does not seem to be any cure/solution for it, I know understand I don’t need to worry much about it.

Thanks a lot for providing an answer to a question that has been bothering me for years.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I get these. The first time I got them I thought I needed a poop. I sat on the loo (and was straining so hard) I did not breath properly and blacked out for a few seconds - this is a true story. Now I know what it is I try and massage the sphincter with a finger if I can - but usually you just have to wait the pain out. It's good to read I am not the only one.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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thank god for all ya'll.. i'm a 53 year old male and was awakened with one of these last night..with me it started as a pain in the inetestines and moved down until it reached my anus . i was half asleep until my anus started twitching and cramping and the pain was intense enough where i was moaning loud enough to awaken my partner. the thing was i was in so much pain i couldn't bear to be touched or comforted. i couldn't even move for about five minutes.. it was like a leg cramp but in my asshole.. when i finally could get up to go to the bathroom.. i let out a huge buttclapping fart on the way.. but once i sat on the pot and let go a dump the pain subsided and i was able to go back to sleep. i was pretty worried until i found this site after googling anus cramp.. and i'm glad i did.. i will speak to my doctor just in case.. oh.. and i too had a triple shot espesso earlier after not drinking coffee for a few weeks..coffee ( and dehydration ) seems to be a common factor in what i've found about this on the innernet

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I get these all the time while on my period. They are absolutely awful and i thought i had something wrong with me! They are so bad that sometimes i can't even take a dump for the first few days of my period! Every time i try the shooting pain comes and my muscles clamp up so nothing can come out. It also happens when i pass gas but atleast i am able to do that. The past two days have been the worst of these i have had and thats what made me look it up. and since i can't take a dump because of them, it makes my stomach hurt because i feel like im holding back. these suck!

Achy Breaky Fart's picture
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Thanks everyone, I also thought I had something more serious to worry about. It feels like what I can only imagine menstrual cramping feels like(I don't envy you ladies). In the past it has only happened after slight constipation or firmer than normal stool but last night I woke up with a miserable pain that seemed to last hours. No poop, just pain. I just started drinking coffee again and I have felt less than hydrated the last few days, maybe I'll lay off the bean again. Thanks again.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I have had some pains in bladder, groin, stomach etc. doctor suggested I go off caffeine as it could be irritable bowel. So I did for a month. Went on decaf for one cup, had those ass pains in middle of night. Went off it for another week, today I tried 1/2 decaf, then had a big dump that had to be forced out. 1/2 an hour later, those shooting pains up the butt. Could be caffeine/irritation related? Anyone have these pains not on caffeine?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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yeah all sounds very familiar. hate going to work while im on my period because i am literally clawing the walls in agony.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I get serious spasms up my butthole. They happen suddenly, and don't last long. The pain is so severe it spasms me up off my feet and contorts my body involuntarily. It happens 2 to 5 times a year, lasts about 10-20 seconds, and does not travel in packs. I've never passed out, but I look like I'm having an ass seizure.

DueceDropper's picture
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I get them at Lowes while shopping. Of course I'm at the front of the store and the crapper is in the rear, no pun intended. When I do get to the John it's like a train runnin' out my butthole, I get cramps if I try to stop. I'm laughing, the guy in the next stall is laughing. FunFact- I am currently taking Bentonite Clay and Psyllum Husk shakes to clean out the backside, works so good it demolished my golf game a herendous dump on the 16th hole, could not concentrate afterwards. Peace

cheeny's picture
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i experience the pain in my rectal inside and i think it is my muscle. I suffer this pain this year it happens everytime i got i period and i want to poop. Is it because of my period? Sometimes i get abdominal pain too. Is there anybody knows what is this?

Whatever's picture
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This has been bothering me for a couple years now. I'm a 36 year old male. For a while I had severe constipation which caused some pretty angry hemorrhoids. I'm pretty sure my constant vodka fix helped contribute to the constipation, which introduced me to proctalgia fugax. I've cut way back on the drinking and have been taking fiber supplements. It has definitely helped and I highly recommend getting lots of fiber in your diet, but sometimes when I take a crap or after I have sex, I still experience the "migraine in the ass." It makes my whole body cringe in pain. It can last anywhere from a few minutes to a couple hours. The first few times it happened to me I was on the toilet and I almost passed out from the pain after moving a bowel. I had to lay down on the bathroom floor for a while. I've seen 5 or 6 doctors about it and the only conclusion is proctalgia fugax - supposedly there's not much we can do to prevent it. Now when it happens, I take acetaminophen and diazepam (muscle relaxer). Right now I'm sitting on a bag of ice - something a doctor recommended a couple years ago but I never tried. Feels pretty good ;-) He also said if ice makes it worse, try something warm instead. 'Spose this will be my method until I can find some ancient Taoist exercises to prevent it...

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I had butt cramps for several years. I just had a colonoscopy just because it was time (I'm 55). I ended up with emergency colon surgery and a major colon resection. No cancer -- but still scary. Butt cramps mean something. Be careful and look into what it could be.

Anuskramp's picture
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I don't know what I did in my past life to deserve this hellish Fugax. Probably during Spanish Inquisition I was sticking hot metal rods in innocent people's asses. First 2 times I got it - I fainted. No I am used to pain and just suffer through it, but arting usually helps.

P.S. I never drink coffee.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Wow. I'm glad that I read this. I get these too, usually at night while sleeping but occasionally during waking hours, usually in the evening.

It feels like a huge hard, shapr mass is moving down the colon and won't make the bend in the rectum. Although the pain is along the rectum it's most severe at the area around the pelvis. For me, though, it's clearly not the sphincter, but farther up inside of me. And it is painful! Not passing out painful but doubled-up, moaning painful.

When this happens, it's usually lasts for 30 minutes to 2 hours. Pacing helps. Surprisingly, crapping helps as well. I haven't tried pain relievers, warm baths or massages.

I've talked to the doctor about this and his reaction was pretty much that it happens and there isn't much you can do about it.

I'm saddened that other people experience this, but I'm also glad to find out that I'm not the only one.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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let me join the chorus... I thought I was the only one!! When I'm on my period - and ONLY when I'm on my period - I get shooting pains in my butt. Sort of like normal menstrual cramps but lower. Much lower. My asshole literally spasms. It lasts less than a minute but is incredibly painful.

Anonymous male Coward's picture
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I'm 50 now and have had them since my 20s. Intense cramp in the sphincter which wakes me up at night. I've never got one during the day. They're unpredictable, happens not very often but several times a year and I can go for months without one. No link with coffee. The pain gets eased by pushing my buttocks close togerher and sitting on a hard surface eg a worktop. I agree these cramps are harmless, but boy do they hurt.