Where your poops normally rank on the Bristol stool scale

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153 Comments on "Where your poops normally rank on the Bristol stool scale"

AssBlaster2000's picture
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For those of you who don't know what the Bristol scale is, observe it here:



I'm a 4 mostly, or a 3. Personally, I think the scale is well-made, but it was probably made by some weird fuck because it associates poop with sausage and nuts way too much for my liking.
ThePoopMime's picture
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type one kinda look like whoppers and type five remind me of chocolate covered gummy bears mmmmm
im normally either 3 or 4 depending on what I ate

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

GottaGoGirl's picture
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#3. I prefer the term "dirt-pickle".
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daphne's picture
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The chart pictures are grossing me out today in a rare show of squeamishness. How embarrassing. I did pick 5 because lately, there are quite a lot of kids diving into the pool.


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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
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Thunderbox's picture
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Just dropped 15" of number 3 this morning after breakfast - a quality floater that broke into 3 bits.

The voice of sanity

healthy 1's picture
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Though I voted as a #4, I am an intermediate pooper.

My poops usually start out as a 2 or 3, but the majority is always a 4.
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shitwit's picture
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I'm usually a 3 or 4, but lately its been anywhere between 1 and 5! Pregnancy totally fucks with my guts!


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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Pantload's picture
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Definetly #6 and they come on quick and release violently. Especially after intake of mango. This is a big problem as I work in a warehouse in which the bathroom is usually at least a hundred yards away and in another building. I've had a few very bad experiences. Just the usual "I shit my self on the way" things so it would never get posted here. Maybe if I come up with enough witty sayings...


What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
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I remember being in a hospital room when I was a kid that had that chart on the wall...thank God I couldn't read at the time.

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daphne's picture
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Ha! You "read" poop pictures? Excellent comment.....


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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
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Deja Poo's picture
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You think that's funny. Imagine how MWoS would read it if she were blind. Squishy or lumpy?

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Bilgepump's picture
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I had to vote 4, since "Type 8 shaped like Baby Jesus smelling of Frankincense and myrrh, capable of turning other cheeks" wasn't on there.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Turdle Dove's picture
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This weekend I was a 2, but it's only because I didn't eat my normal fiber-full fruits. I'm normally an easy-going 3.

Bilgepump's category is much better than that gross chart.

Chuck's picture
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Thank goodness there is not a Bristol odor chart. Type 1: can't distinguish my smell from the potpourri to Type 8: (insert favorite PoopReport simile here). I am sort of bummed out there is no mention of corn nor peanuts in the stool chart.

scatoman's picture
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I've found the secret to maintaining 3s and 4s (for me, anyway): a bowl of natural yoghurt with wheat germ, grape nuts and oatmeal (add Splenda to taste) every morning. Try it - it's a great breakfast.

JamieTeal's picture
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I'm surprised so many people pass water snakes--I've never had this kind of poop, at least never on a regular basis. When my poop gets soft, it just gets fluffy around the edges and then turns to flakes and liquid.

Fart Poopie's picture
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This time last year I was almost always a 1.
Thanks to zelnorm, I'm mostly a 3, sometimes a 4.

Pucker Up's picture
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I voted for 6. When I haven't been eating much meat, my poop disintegrates in the water, like it has a self-destruct mechanism.

Depth Charge's picture
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I'm from Bristol and naturally am delighted that this old city is more famous for it's turd monitor than it's maritime, cultural or engineering achievements. There is allegedly a type eight relating to intake of alcohol or recreational drugs. My guess is everyone's who's done it is too sloppy fucked to draw it. Anyway, 1/2 this morning. Atkins diet.

Hanus Anus's picture
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Voted 2, but often 4, as well.
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Happy crapping! (_o_)

Happy crapping! (_o_)

loaf pincher's picture
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most of the time it is like half a dozen golf balls in something the consistency of clam chowder

turdfan's picture
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Fortunately, mine are usually type 3. If they are type 4, they are usually the sticky ones, which means I'm plugged up. Those type 4's are also the ones which always sink. (Not that that matters)

shithead type 7's picture
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my poop, for the last month has been type 7, after i got back from new york. then yesterday, it went to type 1. should i be worried???
and its not brown. its red and green. like christmas colors....

SamDamnit's picture
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Mine are usually between 3 and 4.
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Hamster's picture
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I'm usually 2 with a follow up of 3 or 4!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I'm a 1, and even Zelnorm (which is now off the market anyways) didn't help me get past a 2. I thought a 2 was GOOD, until I saw the chart and read what everyone else had to say. Go figure.

The Mattster's picture
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Shithead type 7 wrote:

...and its not brown. its red and green. like christmas colors....

The Mattster's response:

Too cool. ONe time, I dropped a turdy in the toilet that was red and green. But there was a definite line of demarcation between the two colors. No mixing or blurring. One part was bright red and the other was green. Both colors very defined and separate from each other, yet still on one turd.

How cool is that?

turd turdgutson's picture
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My turds are almost always explosive liqui-shit (type 7).

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"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

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The Dumpster's picture
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Just like your comments, TT?

Post-Grad Michael (PGM)'s picture
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Mine is usually 4 on the Bristol scale. I think that is how I prefer it - gives me a nice sensation. 3 is OK, but I wouldn't want 1 or 2. But the higher the number, the more time it takes to wipe, and the more paper I use.

Postman's picture
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Normally a 4, but the other day, after eating a can of refried beans, it began as a 4, became a 5 in the middle, and finished as a 6.

Has anybody ever done all 7 in one sitting?

Regi's picture
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Changes daily by a heck of a lot, average is 2 or 5.

Hamster's picture
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Dumpster - I wish I'd thought of that!!!

But seriously, for some reason, I really worry that he's English.

RoboCrap13's picture
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What are we saying? Poop is always a #2!!!!
(I can't believe nobody made that connection...)

Mine are usually 2/3/4.
I have had the unmerciful 7's during a hospital stay. They dosed me with an anti-biotic in the afternoon. The next morning, I was screaming for the bedpan.
Right in front of a really cute nurse. B-(


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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Hamster's picture
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Robo - I should not let that worry you!! I'm sure she is used to that sort of thing. I feel sure that your other charms will have outweighed that image in her memory!

RoboCrap13's picture
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Read my post in "Your most memorable poop experience occurred in a/an" for a more detailed version, Ham. I was mortified!


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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Hamster's picture
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I just have Robo! I agree that must have been rather embarrassing, particularly as you were likely to see those lovelies again!!

Think I was coming from the angle that the need to use the bedpan is very natural - but I can see an accident is mortifying in those circumstances!!

B. Day's picture
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Do they do a braille version of this chart?

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Where is the option for "all of the above"? My ass likes to surprise me with a random number draw.

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Hieronymous Bowels's picture
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Not sure about poop that smells like almonds, mine smells more like Frank's Red Hot and cumin, definitely a dietary thing.

shit-for-Brains's picture
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I have had all 7 at once and It hurt like hell and smelled god awful.I had to flush 4 times.

TIP dont eat Italian ,Chinies and french food at once . If you do get ready for the ride of your life.

happy poopin

MSG's picture
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As a younger man, before my surgeries, I usually had a 2 or maybe a 3 on the scale, large, long, and hard. After surgery for kidney stones (pain!), at first I had no movements at all, then had a sort of 1 after a few days, then finally used manual disimpaction to get out a gigantic 2 with some blood. After that, I had to go on a high-water diet, minimum 64 oz a day, and my poops slowly softened up, so that now they are a nice comfortable 4 most of the time, rarely beginning as a 3 and melding into a 4. If I really get too much water, or if I eat something that wants to get through me too fast, I can morph to a 5 by the end of the sitting. This morning I managed a long single turd (about 16") that started as a textured 3 and changed to a nice even 4 for the rest of it, followed by a couple of 3"-4" softies (would that be a bit of a 5?)

prarie doggin's picture
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I swear I've seen that chart at a Mexican restaurant somewhere in Tijuana. It was in spanish.

The Poo Misterrr =)'s picture
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Oohh I Love My Poo Hahah .. I Never Knew There Was So Much To Know About Shit!! Hope Yourr All Havinn Hapyy Crappin Days :) Loveage <3

MSG's picture
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Now that I know about this scale, I apply it, not only to my own stools, but to any I find in toilets I visit. At work last week I found a nice #3 that had unfortunately broken off in 3 pieces (but the texture was there). Over the weekend I went shopping and used the men's room in the store (Home Depot, I think). Next to me someone was dropping little plunketts, obviously hard nuggets (#1), 8 or 10 of them. My own continues as #4, occasionally beginning as #3 or progressing by the end to #5.

familiar faeces's picture
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mostly #3, but i have memories of pooping each of those types and possibly others not on there? i find my more sticky poops are shaped a lot like #3 though not firm (but not soft enough to be a #4 either) enough for surface cracking, yet they also tend to break off prematurely into larger, stickier, variations of the pebble-type shit.

SL's picture
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It varies with me, generally 3-ish, but I am not too worried, as long as it aint 1 with the consistency of concrete.

prarie doggin's picture
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Since my IBS started, I have been on the lower end of the scale. It varies from #5 to #7. I think I may have actually had a #8 once or twice.

Fernando's picture
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I am mostly on the constipated side but ocassionally I pass mushy stools.

turdfan's picture
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Type 3 has to be the perfect turd.