There should have been an option to "pull out your trusty AssBlaster and blow the clog away"!

The closest option you had was neither poo nor pee, etc. But here's a little poem detailing what I'd do:

If on a clogged-up pot I'd stumble,
T'would take a lot to make me rumble,
For neither pee nor poop I'd give,
Such foulness gets me where I live;
Instead, I'd quickly go in search
Of some more pristine potty perch,
And I'd not stop until I'd spied
A place to grunt and plop with pride;
I'd feel no loyalty to a clog,
I'd never think to add my log,
Or even just to add my pee,
That's not the sort of scene for me;
All told, I'm sure I'd walk away,
And that is what I have to say.

Dang, you're good!

Have there always been this many polls? I guess I never noticed them before.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

No, there haven't been this many polls before, Sam. It's a new feature, and I think it's proving to be very popular.

Another option could be:

After youve let one log in the now-extremeley clogged crapper, you just KeepOnCrappin

It's just not right to poo upon someone elses poo in a normal flush toilet. It just takes the fun out of taking a wizz. On the other hand, it is fun to play "sink the torpedo" on rare occasions!!

KOC, you shameless self-promoter.

Anyway, to the business at hand. There's nothing I would hate more than having to download and coming across a a stopped-up john... nothing, that is, besides crapping my pants. If it comes right down to it and I have no other options, I'll add to the pile.

Crack, no one else seemed to get it, what was I supposed to doo? BTW I am shameless.

The only thing i like about blowing ass on a stopped up shitter is filling it up to the rim. DOn't know why it gives me pleasure.

But if it does come down to it, Ill assess 3 oter options:

1) Trash can

2) Urinal

3) Sink

HOw doo we sudmin a POO-ll (poll)

If you have an idea for a poll, write it up and use the personal contact form under my profile to send it to me. It has to be creative and have at least four options. One-word choices are boring; try to include some witty taglines or Logjam will whine at you.

Oh, and I can't condone crapping in urinals or sinks. That's why they didn't make it. The fourth option is for anyone who would not poop or pee in the toilet. That could include any place but the toilet. I just had to pick a name of a PoopReporter, and we don't have any PR'ers named "Urinal" or "Sink." I suppose I could have used "Trashcanman", because those of us who remember him would all like to poop on him.

Dumpster = Trashcanman. Nice goin' AB2K! Do you REALLY want me to try to live up to that reputation?

Oh, and TBW, I meant to congratulate you on your poetastic effort. Keep this up, and you will have to change your handle to "Edgar Allen Poo"!

Didn't you know? I've changed my pen name to Edgar Allen Poo so I can promote my latest novel, "The Fall Of The Outhouse Of Flusher."

Along with "A Cask of Amonturdiatto," "The Pit and the Pendulous," and "Quoth the Raven: 'On the floor!'"??

Good luck, Poo!

Ack! Dumpster, you're putting words into my mouth! I SO did not mean to equate you with TCM! Equating someone with TCM is one of the harshest things anyone can say about another PoopReporter. Maybe you've done a bit too much blabbing about my Mexican bathingsuit incident, but I would never equate you with TCM.

Oh, and TBW, that's hilarious. The Edgar Allen Poo thing. I also enjoyed your poem.

How about these: "The Tell Tale Fart," "The Poo-loined Letter" and "The ASS-ignation." Ah, I love Edgar Allen Poo.

Nah, lets get some alliteration:

The tell-tale turd.

BTW, a dumpster is liek a trash can. right?

No, a dumpster is a level above a trashcan.

Yes, I would have to agree with you AB2K, any comparisons between Dumpster and Trashcanman are positively Gwisdalian in nature and should be avoided. I mean this honestly and truthfully.
Sincerely
Bunga
Din

AB2K says, "[m]aybe you've done a bit too much blabbing about my Mexican bathingsuit incident...." How can you say that, AB? I've never been able to publish the details. Every time I start to tell it, one of the site moderators terminates my post. I guess you don't want the world to know that your

***POST TERMINATED BY PR MODERATOR***

No, I guess you don't. I get the hint.

This termination of comments by mods has got to sto

Bunga, you never cease to crack me up.

TBW, I swear, I'm not really terminating Dumpster's comments. Dumpster, maybe I should just clear the air and go tell the Mexican bathingsuit story on the forums. Would you like that?

Would I like that? Do KOC and Bunga Din shit in the woods? You go, girl! Right now!!

I would have called it the Pit and the Pendoolum.
At any rate, it seems as though most of you agree that, if you're about to blow, you must add to the clog.

Better have a mess in a clogged toilet than a load of poop in your pants, that's what I always say.

Well... I don't always say that, but maybe I should. :)

Ok, from now on we should not have any moderators. So what if someone says somthing retarded. I want to read it.

DUmpster, I do shit in the woods, so fuck off.

KOC, Dumpster was being facetious with the moderator termination.

See, Dumpster? Now look what you've done. You've gone and confused KOC. What do you have to say for yourself?

KOC I don't think the mods delete retarded posts, just the psycho poop fetish ones. Those and the racist posts.

Believe me, KOC, you do not want to read some of the truly retarded posts that are deleted. They are a total waste of cyberspace or a bunch of nonsense or the alphabet typed or one letter typed over and over. Or one word profanities like, "Fuck!"

We mods let a helluva lot through the filter, BTW. You have to really be mental to get deleted.

Yeah, TBW, I would like to see this site without moderators for one week. There would be so many retarded posts on here, and it would be sad, like the old days before moderation. People would be crying for us to come back, dontcha think?

I think that's why I didn't participate on the main page before the new system. It's much better to be able to delete the completely retarded and inappropriate posts.

KOC, both you and I have admittted on this site to shitting in the woods, why are you getting upset over it? Where's that har, har, har and witty retorts you've become so famous for.

To the Moderators, maybe you could curry together a sampling of the dreck you're forced to remove to maintain a level of quality on the front page, post it in the forums under ill winds or something. At least the curious will be satisfied (that would be you KOC, har, har, har).

I think that's a good idea Bunga. Maybe I will start keeping a log to satisfy some curiosities.

Back when the ability to comment on stories was first added to the site, I pledged only to delete comments in the most extreme cases -- and, in the interest of full disclosure, document every deleted comment so no one would question my commitment to free speech. Ah, my youthful idealism... that was before spammers and trolls and perverts truly discovered this site, and deleted comments were few and far between.

I kept the archive for a year. In that time very few comments were deleted. The reason isn't because it was PoopReport's Golden Age Of Libretarianism, but rather because I didn't have access to the comments database, and I had to bug my systems guy (his name was Areth -- this is pre-Jaybowel days!) every time I wanted something deleted. That's why you'll see a lot of comments dated 2001-2002 that would never pass muster today.

Anyway, here is that inglorious and shortlived archive of perversion:
http://www.poopreport.com/deleted.html. Enjoy!

Haha, I was so young and naive!!
http://www.poopreport.com/policy2.html

Yes, Dave, you were so liberal! Fortunately we have all learned that being nice to trolls and scat fetishists just doesn't pay.

Bunga, the comments we delete today are mostly the same as those, except there are more illiterate idiots than anything else now.

What kids today are not being taught in English class floors me! Some of the posts we get on here look as if they have been typed by a chimp with his feet.

Anne Heche would make more sense writing as Celestia in her space language.

If you really want to see what an unmoderated thread looks like, go to Things People Have Searched For That Led Them to PoopReport and you will see what may be the most disgusting stuff on this site. I nearly threw up.

Try looking in the colostomy bag sometime, Dumpster.

I know this is a stupid question, but what is the colostomy bag? (I mean, as it relates to this site....)

When people have a colostomy (butthole surgery of some sort), they hook up a bag to catch all yer poo as it generates in your body. It's hooked up to yourintestines or something like that. Great for the truly shameful shitters!!

Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

On PR, it's what Dave used to call the site's mailbag. He'd post all the emails he got from less intelligent life forms.

Yeah, I have a couple of things in there.

Thanks for the info, PS, but I was asking about it in connection with this site. Unfortunately, I know what one is in real life. The one time I hooked up with a totally strange girl (at a legal seminar), she didn't look too bad. Until, that is, we went up to her room and, as we were getting intimate, she took off her wig, popped out her glass eye and false teeth, unscrewed her wooden leg, and emptied her colostomy bag. Since then, I've stuck strictly with Hermione.

AB & TSV, where is "the colostomy bag" on this site? (Or does it still exist?)

Look in the link marked "reader feedback". Every used colostomy bag in PR history is there.

Many thanks, TSV. That is a room on this site I hadn't visited. If you know, why did Dave discontinue this?

Only because it took forever to assemble each page. I didn't want to let it go, but I don't have time to maintain it right now.

It's too bad we can't find someone else to do it. I stopped getting all the weird e-mails from some trolls on this site after my address was no longer posted. No complaints here, mind you, but it was occasionally fun to laugh at some of the weird shit I'd get.

Dave, the longer I stay here, the more I wonder at how you doo what you doo! Let me guess--you have a computer in your bathroom?

I read one of the deleted comments. This is how it ended:

"Now, every Friday we go for lunch and a meeting in the park. Some days people ask her after lunch "Hey, what's that in your teeth?" but it will always be our little secret."

Dave, thank you for deleting that stuff. I would not be frequening this site otherwise.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

More like, "hey, what's that on your breath?" Some things cannot be hid.

But I agree with Sam. I want "Eat Shit" to remain a term of opprobrium, not a description of an activity.

All Hail the delete key! Thanks, Dumpster, now I got to go look up another word (opprobrium).

in case anyone else is as illeterate as I:

opprobrium \uh-PRO-bree-uhm\, noun:
1. Disgrace; infamy; reproach mingled with contempt.
2. A cause or object of reproach or disgrace.

And my wife complains I read this site. If she only knew how smart I was getting!

Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Don't feel bad, Poop Shooter. I earned a 1200 SAT score but only because I guessed on half the weird vocabulary words.

TSV, I KNEW you were a genius. I'm glad you've got the papers to prove it!

If 1200 is genius, then damn, what am I? (I scored 1450.)

You are wasting your time, is what you are.

Damnit Assblaster! 1450! Maybe I could have scored it if I wasn't half awake when I took the test. Then again, who isn't?

I made a 1550 (including a perfect score of 800 on the math portion), but maybe the test was easier way back then.

The question remains: What are all of us geniuses doing sitting around on a poop site, instead of out discovering cures for cancer, etc.?

The thing that makes a genius is the ability to laugh.

With certain exceptions, like Hermione, who is clearly a genius but is somewhat humor-challenged. I guess if you had to date Dumpster, you wouldn't have much to laugh about either, though.

Dumpster: I am surprised you scored perfect in tne math, not the verbal. You're so well-read and literate.

I scored 770 on the verbal myself. Beat you. Haha. Anyway, I actually think the test was harder back then. They rescored it in the early 90's or something and made it easier.

Anyway, to bring it around, you wouldn't think smart folks such as ourselves would like poop humor so much, but I think the intelligent poop stories on this site attract other intelligent folks. Not to mention Dave and I and the other mods do a good job of keeping out the riff-raff.

"Not to mention Dave and I and the other mods do a good job of keeping out the riff-raff."

You can say that again! As to the SAT thing; what can I say? I'm just a left-brain person. Some people think I'm a lame-brain person. But I love PR! It is harmless humor, about a universal subject, and everybody (some of us more than others!) needs a dose of irreverence in our lives!

BTW, I noticed the change in the comments formatting as of today. We can now edit or own old posts. This is grate, as I am olways seeing typoos.

I was feeling bad at my 1250 sat score because I too guessed at most of the answers. This place is so nice because of all the genius's and sub-genius's contributions.

I mean could a dumb shit come up with such good crap??

Ahhhh.... to be among peers!

Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

If I see a restroom marked 'out of order,' I actually make it a point to use it, even if I don't feel like I have to go, just to teach the restroom's operators a lesson (I especially like to use restrooms that are out of order due to some kinda mega-clog).

_______
"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

I am with overwhelming majority of voters. Only in an emergency, would I poop in a broken toilet (I have before).
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

_______
juicyturds
i just add to the logjam they'll get out

My boyfriend and I both attend the University of Colorado and since we're both from the Chicago area, we travel together when we go home for winter and spring breaks. I don't know what it is, but we stop at several Interstate reststops and one of us is often inconvenienced by overflowing stools, "closed for cleaning" signs, and on one occasion in the Des Moines area, ALL five stalls on the womens side were clogged with water up to seat level and quite a bit of shit floating around.

What my boyfriend encouraged me to do was simply use the men's room. It was 11 p.m. at night and Chad stood in the doorway to stop anyone who might drive up. The stalls had no doors, the seat was cold and I had to wipe some pee off it before I sat down, but I got my business taken care of without having to leave the Interstate and find an open truck stop. About five hours later Chad had to shit, the mens room was closed for cleaning, and he used the womens side. And I watched the door for him. He complained that the seat was cold, that he had selected a stall with no toilet paper available (his choice, remember!)and that the sinks didn't have any hot water.

Both of us tried to make the best of an otherwise bad situation. Chad feels the womens bathroom was the cleanest overall; I feel the mens was cleaner and told him the urine on the seat is often the norm on the ladies side too.

Peeing, however, without a door is new to me. Chad said he got use to it in both middle school and high school. I don't think I ever could.

Dumpster - "I'm just a left-brain person."
Me too! I left my brain somewhere but can't remember where.
As for the SAT scores, I'm truly impressed and humbled. Hell, I can't even spell SAT. On top of this I learned a new word today "opprobrium"!
I salute the intelligentsia of PR!

My friends don't agree with me on this but when we're out at a college or pro sporting event,and there's a stall or two that no one else is using because the stool is clogged or like last week when the seat is partially off its hinge, I will still use it. The fact that two other people have their crap already deposited is of no deterrance to me. This is especially true if it is still under water because there will be less smell. Also, I don't mind someone else's pee in the bowl. I don't sit down any longer than necessary to do my thing. I've totally eliminated my bladder in 45 seconds or less, and as long as there's toilet paper for me to wipe, I can get it done in just a few more seconds. Also, something tells me that less people will be sitting on that seat if the stool if clogged or otherwise out of order. However, I do have a couple of "standards" I go by: 1) I never use a stall with a broken latch, no latch, or worse yet, no door. (Some of my friends do however!). 2) I always wipe the seat of (some of my friends sit right down without doing that). 3) If the flusher or pipe is leaking I am somewhat skeptical because once at my junior high back in the '80s the floor was so slick, that when I went to get off the stool, my shoes slipped out right from under me and my head came down hitting the front of the bowl. Although I only bruised my neck, one of the grossest things was that some of my hair got into the bowl. It was only my pee on it, but it still was gross!

I agree with Kimberlee. In situations like she described, I too will use the nearby bathroom of the opposite gender. The only requirement I have is that I ALWAYS put down an ass gasket (if its available) or use toilet tissue to cover the seat when using a mens bathroom because, well, its a mens bathroom and I know from my younger brothers (I was the only girl in a family of eight)that the seats will be nowhere as clean! When I was in high school several years ago, the seat for the bathroom my brothers and I shared at home was often so wet that I would "hold" my morning bowel movement and pee until I got to school. Sometimes the stool would be clogged and I didn't want to take time to use the plunger. Also my school was only four blocks away. It was good, though, that my bowel movement came early in the morning because by the time I went in the pee on my lunch hour, at least a third of the stools were plugged--some overflowing. However, some girls I knew did the same as Dumpin' Debbie and would still use the stall. I guess once we lock the door, sit down and produce, there's something which causes us to just walk out and think nothing of what we're leaving behind. I guess the "thinking" is passed on to the next occupant!

Debbie, like me, doesn't like to use the plunger and clean up from a clogged toilet. I, too, have a large family and the problem is my dad who has gigantic stools occasionally and they need to be broken up with the plunger. Especially in the morning, he's in a hurry and he flushes fast without looking at what's in the bowl. Then I get up and have to pee. What I do when I see it is just turn around and leave so that my elementary school sister has to report it to mom. She's too young so mom will do it for her. I have friends ask me why I head directly to the first floor bathroom closest to the entrance at my high school each morning. It's a great feeling to drop the seat and be the first to use the toilet each day. I haven't been able to do that at home for a number of years.

whats wrong with shitting in the woods?!?! when you gotta go you gotta go! There have been a couple of time where i"ve had to crap in the woods during a hike. On to the subject I would have to pick neither cause the whole idea of sitting on a toilet with someone else's shit floating mer inches away from my ass is not cool at all.