A couple 2-4 days is normal for me. Unless I get to drinking too much beer of coffee. I have very rarley had a problem taking a dump. I guess I'm lucky. I think my body like to build up a good log before dispersing it.
Also, any who answered 3 weeks - month has to be lyling. Your shit would come out of your mouth by then and you would probably be dead! _______Poop Shooter!
One to three weeks. Routinely. And then, when it comes, it's like someone's opened the gates of hell, and the most powerful, vile gas and liqui-shit comes blasting out, usually decorating the inside of the bowl with brownish butt water and oftentimes causing me to feel lightheaded and dizzy and out of breath. This will usually happen over the course of several episodes, lasting one to three days, with lots of gas pressure and bloating the entire time.. Then its back to being bone-dry constipated again, with only the occasional and welcome Lincoln Log to break up the monotony. _______"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz
I've gone for ten days straight without shitting. This was during one of my many filming/writing trips during the summer. I was dehydrated for a few days and when the damn shit finally did come out it was thick, hard, and painful. I filled the toilet bowl with blood from my ripped asshole two days in a row! _______"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille
The longest I have been constipated, 19 months, no shit. Every time I went, it was like steel. IBS and mental stress will block a person up in a hurry, not to mention, all those hard turds led to one hell of a case of hemmorhoids.
I assume you had a lot of big hard poops rather than not being able to poop at all. You couldn't live 19 months like that because it would start coming back up. At least I hope you were able to push out those big hard turds--something is better than nothing. _______Damnit, someone stole my signature!
Yeah, I would average about four poops a week (laxative assisted). I also had the occasional case of gastroenteritis to blow things out, and I mean blow things out. No fun shitting until my ass was raw, and throwing up at the same time. I'll get into my ordeal with hemmorhoids soon.
the longest i was constipated was only one time. my mom and i were on our way back from germany and we got laid over for three hours. plus the plane air and the lack of water were contributing factors. when we got to our hotel, i was in horrid pain. but luckily by the next day all was good and right in my bowels. now i poop at least once a day, and keep a bottle of water with me at all times. drink more liquids!
When I had my stroke, I could not poo for over a week. The really scary part was when I would start throwing up everything that I ate and after a few days I swear I was pooing from my mouth.
Sadly, I didn't ask poonurse. However, I did go to the doctor.
_______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
I think the longest I've gone without a dump was 4 days. It's happened twice as far as I know. Once while pregnant, and once while on antibiotics. But it wasn't too bad. I just didn't have the urge to go for a few days. But when I did get the urge again I think I made up for it by shitting several times a day until things were back to normal.
_______Brown tidings I bring to you from my ring
Three or four days as a result of surgery. Wrote it up as a story, 'Manual Disimpaction.' Otherwise, happens very seldom.
I just had a four day stint. Finally, after taking fibre everyday since Sunday, I went. My @$$ felt lighter and I had to light 2 incense sticks and turn on the fan. The cat left the bathroom once the solid turned to that farty diahrea and then hard again phase.
If you can't poop in like a long time, your colon should be examined, that must really hurt.
I hate meds: the new anti-headache one caused this. Now I am going to take fibre caplets nightly and maybe in the morning too.
At a hockey game. Myself and some buddies were in the upper levels of the hockey rink during a college game last year, and Harv announces he needs to take a shit. Harv is proof positive that humanity is devolving. He looks rather like a gorilla, and has manners that would embarrass one. One of the guys said, "Well don't tell us about it, go to the toilet." (Most people wouldn't require instruction, but with Harv you never know.) Harv didn't go. Some time later he announces again that he really needs to shit. We're all irritated that he's complaining rather than going to a restroom. "Shut up, moron." Silence again for a while. "Look, I really gotta take a shit," Harv says again. We're all getting pissed. "Why don't you go to the toilet instead of telling us?" Chuck asked. "I don't wanna miss anything." In all actuality this was the most boring hockey game I'd ever sat through, so I told Harv, "You're not gonna miss anything." So Harv gets up and lumbers to the back, and out the door. About two minutes later, dumbass Harv comes back. He don't smell so good. "Hey Harv, what did ya do, crap yourself?" Bill asked. "Nope." (with big shit eating grin on face) After the game we got up and went out the exit door to the stairwell. There was a big pile of Harv shit on the landing. The asshole had shit on the stairs so he wouldn't be gone from the game. What an idiot.
I'm like the reciprocal of IBS sufferers. When I travel or get stressed out my colon quits on me. The longest I've gone was 5 days, in Mexico! I even played Tijuana Roulette, where you go to random restaurants and drink the tap water. Nothing. I finally broke down and went to the doctor. He gave me some horse laxatives or something like that and told me to relax.
Who ever said that you would lie after a month doesn't know because I have emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and when i was small (9 yrs old) i thought that if i had the shits i would throw up. So i just wouldn't let myself go. And it was so painful. After a month a week they made me get a enema. But then i kept doing it bet never for that long. I stopped when i realized there was no connection.
I've been constipated for over two weeks now and I can't take a shit! I don't even have the urge! so, I will be going to the doctors tomorrow. Damn, I sure hope my colon isn't infested with worms!
If I'm really stressed out, I can't poop. Also once I was on a special diet and it made me sooooo constipated. I get REALLY grouchy when I can't poop, too!!
_______Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts
Two days at the most. Pretty rare.
i went 10 days when i was at my gfs because i didnt want to go it there toilet haha when i got home it was solid poo and wouldnt flush i had to mash it up abit in the end
i was afraid to poop as a child. Now i'm all about the dumping. The last time I was constipated was for three days, I ate about 1000 jellybeans.
All those jellybeans, all that food coloring, it must have been one technicolor turd. _______.....hugging bunnies since 1969 www.daphneszoo.com
never had this crap problem before. havent gone in 12 days, no bloating, no pain. so i have to take a laxative. very weird. also, if and when i do go, they are snake shits! weird new shape. went to the doc, need to have a colonoscopy....she must be ruling out colon cancer or something. anyone else like this?
Its common for me to only poop every 2 to 3 days, but the worst constipation I ever had lasted around 6 or 7 days. (This was probably due to a high protien/low carb diet I have been on.) Those last couple of days I was curled up in a ball feeling the pain. I couldn't even sleep the last night because of the agony. I couldn't stop thinking about all of the food I had eaten since my last dump and how it was all still inside of me. When I finally felt the urge to go after 6 or 7 days, I pushed and I pushed until I felt like I was going to rip open, but nothing had come out. I was ready to give up, so I reached back there to wipe just in case something slipped out undetected. On the first wipe I discovered a baseball sized lump of dried shit was partially out of my ass and was lodged in there stretching my sphinchter beyond belief. It crumbled a little bit like dirt when I wiped it, but for the most part it wasn't going anywhere. I wrapped a new piece of tp around my index finger and traced around the protrusion to get a better idea of the size. It had to be over 3 inches in diameter! I began to chip away at it a bit, then with a new handful of tp I squeezed it and it broke in half and crumbled into the toilet. Unfortunately, the other half was still plugging up my painfully stretched A-hole. I then recovered my index finger with tp and began to chip away at the sides of the mud plug. Finally I was able to push the rest out all in one cupcake shaped turd, creating a ceremonial splash. It took about 2 hours, 1/2 a roll of Charmin Ultra, 3 wet wipes and 4 flushes to finish the job. As I was thoroughly washing my hands, I felt the urge to go again. I barely had a chance to sit down before several waves of burning hot bloody diarrhea shot out of my injured anus, violently splashing the toilet bowl. After another round of wiping, flushing, and cleaning I was finally able to go to sleep for the first time in 40+ hours. All was back to normal after that except for the lingering pain and of course the trauma of the experience!
When I was a teenager, before I figured out why I was so chronically constipated, I remember being plugged up for about 3-4 days one time. I finally got desperate and took a big dose of Milk of Magnesia (I hate that stuff) and got cleaned out. What a relief!!!
Right now for about 2 days I havent taken a real poo. I found out that the medicine im taking has a adverse side affect of constipation. When i further investigated i had a dried huge plug ball of poo all trying to come out at one time and every time it hurts more and more that i tried. Ive started chipping away at it trying to get it out and now going to CVS to find some tools and medicine to get the damn thing out because it fucking hurts.
this may sound hard to believe, but its 100% true. i've gone months without pooping. every time i have to go i just cross my legs and hold it. eventually, ill be really miserable and ill take some exlax and it comes out. these poops are too big to flush ive actually used a grocery bag and pulled it out of the toilet, then taken it directly to the trashcan. i think not im done with the constipation phase, ive been regular for about a month now. but im pretty sure ive spent like 90% of my life completely constipated.
Dear Constantly Constipated: What in the hell is your problem??? You need to see a psychiatrist before you kill yourself.
I've been a week when i was in my teens and early twenties, but i get really uncomfortable after three days now and i've changed my diet somewhat!!
'constantly ...' Please tell me why you do this - crossing your legs and holding?? You'll make yourself ill!! Get rid of it - somewhere!! - when the urge strikes you. Do you just not like using toilets or what?
I have been about 3-4 days without a poop before. I once had a Boss who hadn't pooped in 2 months. The doctor said it was stress-related. I bet when she finally did poop she felt like a new woman.Producing waste since 1967
MSS - I bet too!! There's nothing like the satisfaction of a job well done!
The Longest was about 3-4 months. When I was a kid to teenager. Because I had chronic constipation for so long my body could hold it for weeks without me feeling any problems (x-rays shows that my intestines were twice as wide then they should be. The cause was found to be mental. Because going always hurt rock hard, size of a softball and sometimes as long as a baseball bat, not being able to really sit on the toilet and having to almost disjoint your legs just to get it to pass. It was something I didn't look forward too and put it off even though I knew the longer I waited the worse it would be. This seemed to end when I started college, probably the extra greasy foods, perhaps made in less sanitary conditions, and the fact that it was a less private environment for me to suffer threw constipation, I have been regular ever since and I really feel it if I don't go every day.
It is going on 3 a lil over weeks now. I have always been constipated due to problems with my thyroid. Usually I can take a laxative and it helps. I took 4 in the past 72 hrs and it's still stuck. I get the feeling I have to go. Last night I felt like I had to go and tried as much as I could I had to stop trying to avoid some kind of internal bleeding. my stomach usually a 30" waist now looks as if I am 5 months pregnant. I called my doc and he sent in a prescription of which I got there to pick it up and they said it is just the over the counter laxative I have been taking for 3 days now. At this point. I do not want to eat any thing even if I did I do not think it would fit. AAAWWWWW GGGEEEEEE!!! I just want it to come out and it's still stuck.
I have a spinal cord injury, and I take a lot of painkillers that bind me up pretty good, normally I poop about once a week and it is normally pretty hard poo, I will pop about three stimulant laxatives and usually about 12 hours later I will give birth to a bloody mess of hard to sloppy poop.And I always have to plunge the toilet due to so much crap in the toilet.
I've had constipation for around a month. I ended up laying all day on the couch, my stomach was all swollen so I couldnt move freely without extreme pain. I ended up shitting all over my couch though, which was a huge relief, probably the best anal orgasm in my life. But it was a bit messy. Thats what you get for eating Burger King every day for a year. Well, dont try it at home.
Wow. Even thinking about this experience gives me chills. But I'm going to relate to you all. Partly, as a form of psychological processing and partly to help others who ever (God forbid) have to go through it. My parents were visiting me, helping around the house like they do once in a while. I'm a new home owner and my mom and pops drop in from out of town to help me with some of the tougher jobs. Everything was normal...meaning, there were no signs that things were about to go horribly wrong. I had been pooping a bit irregularly...once every two days and even then it was some rabbit pellets and very hard little poop stones. But I was feeling kind of nauseating and excused myself to head inside and take care of business. I did feel a wave deep within me like a major one was brewing and I was going to nip it in the bud, so to speak. So I sat. And sat. And sat. False alarm so I get up and go back outside and keep working. Wave hits again (second wave, for those keeping count) and find myself perch back atop my throne, this time with a magazine. I was going to wait the sucker out. After working my way back and forth, I was still holding. I had the nausea still but nothing was moving and nothing seemed to be close. It didn't make sense. I had the urge, I had the means and I had a magazine. Nothing was going on down there. It was like my butthole was dead or something. Back I go outside...working up a sweat, feeling very full and still kind of nauseated. Starting to feel that mean barbarian knocking at the gate. So in I go again (sorry for the redundancy but I feel it's important to report the prior attempts leading up to this...) I'm back down again...different magazine this time. I'm reading, pushing, reading, pushing. I felt like I was giving birth. Literally. But nothing was moving. It was a breech baby apparently..maybe it was trying to come out sideways? I had no way of knowing. I just knew I was so cramped and nauseated that I could barely stand upright. But still, I couldn't coax it out no matter how hard I tried. So I'm half limping, hunched over like Igor pacing the floors of my hallway. I decided to try the other bathroom in my house because I though the angle of the toilet had something to do with it. Like some kind of poo engineer, I was dissecting trajectories in my head and working out things like leverage, fulcrums and the like in an effort to lick this sucker and be gone with it. This time there was no magazine. I was in too much panic. Full anxiety at this point so I was having sweats, nausea, cramps and a panic attack. My heart was racing, I felt faint and dizzy and was hot. I thought it was some kind of vasovagal effect but I didn't care what was going on. I just wanted it over. I gave it my all....i was remembering watching old soap operas as a kid during birthing scenes...I was taking deep breaths and slow breaths and pushing with all I had. My stomach continued to cramp up beyond belief. It was unnatural. I continued for about 9 minutes until I was stuck (literally) with what can only be described as a baseball sized something that was halfway in, halfway out of my (what used to be) dime sized starfish. I was experiencing pain at every quadrant of my body...I had apparently found the rare asshole nerve that distributes agony to every corner of extermities. Short of breath, sweating, tremors, pain...I was stuck. Literally. I tried to scoop the sucker out with my fingers...I didn't care what the ramifications were going to be, the stench, etc. I was doing to dig it out inch by inch. I noticed that one side of my butthole was kind of blown out...like it was starting to prolapse. Which only made sense because of the unnatural size of what was trying to exit. I swear I seriously feared tearing my asshole wide open and experiencing a hemmorage and almost immediate death. So I called off the dogs. Sadly, I did what I could to push the head back up into my now loaf sized colon and stood up. Still dizzy, still sick at my stomach, cramping and in pain, I looked in the mirror. I was white as a ghost. Transparent, almost. I almost fainted as I gathered my pants and stood up. At this point, what I was doing couldn't really be considered 'walking.' I was hunched over, limping sideways and made my way to my door where I yelled for my mom. That's right... a full grown man who can't shit yelling for his mommy. She said I looked like I was at death's door and I explained the situation to her. I told her I feared the worst and thought I'd be taking a trip to the emergency room. She assured me there was no need for that but I reminded her that I was going to rip my asshole inside out trying to disperse of this brown bomb. She reached into her purse and pulled out a single little white plug. A suppository. something I'd never used before so i doubted it's strength. I told her, 'you don't understand...that's like putting David up against Goliath. It's just not going to do anything to the baseball that is nestled up snugly and painfully in my hole.' She demanded I give it a try. The first issue was how do you get a suppository up a hole that is jam packed with impacted fecal matter like concrete, taking up every square inch of available space? I did it...I just found an angle and rammed it up there. More pain, more sweating, more cramps, more pain, more paleness. More hunching over. Finally, I sent my mom to a local convenient store to fetch more and get an enema because I feared the worst. The next stop was the Emergency Room and you have no idea how much I feared that situation. I pictured them having to actually cut my asshole open and remove the still born butt baby...I couldn't even bare the thought of it, even feeling like I was about to die. So she took off...I had more panic. I didn't know what to do. I mean this was like a turning point in my life...one of those situations where you've never felt closer to God. The panic, the pain, the embarassment, the sheer conundrum of it all. And so I felt it...a distinctive rumbling like I'd never felt before...like the thunderous gallup of one thousand horses running through my colon. I raced (limped, ,hunched) to the toilet and took my post. I still feared the pain, the possible ripping of my sphincter...it was a full blown panic attack. So I beared down. With all my might, I beared down, took a deep breath and gave the push of my life. SEERING, THUNDERING PAIN rushed from my ass to the tip of my toes and in an instant, it felt like an invisible force kicked me in the gut...like some kind of last minute Superbowl kick. A force that almost had me on the floor. But the deed was done. What followed was a feeling of what can only be described as a monstrous python sliding out of my ass that seemed to last for a full minute. I had blown out the plug and the python was blazing a trail out of my ass, posthaste. I sighed, locked up in pain. I gained my composure and balance and took a few deep breaths. I was afraid to peer around and see what I had truly created. I was almost in denial but I knew I had to. I had to check for blood and I had to see what kind of beast had ripped it's way out of my nethermouth. What I found was like a softball at the end of about 12" of a baseball bat. Thick, long and solid as hardwood. I was blown away. i was embarassed. I was relieved that there appeared to be no blood. I was relieved period. My battle was over. I had won. For now. Immediately, I considered internal bleeding and the possibilities of complications from passing such an enormous beast. Would my asshole ever be the same? Was my once virgin butthole now blown out beyond use? Would i have to have retightening surgery to give me back the traction and control I once enjoyed and prided myself on? All these questions swam through my head as I held my stomach in pain. I had to break it up in several pieces and it was very hard, very resiliant and tough. Eventually, after about 5 flushes, it went down to the pits of hell back where it belonged. I took another deep sigh. I was convinced that my nightmare was over. The beast was gone but I was traumatized beyond belief. About that time, my mom rolled up into the driveway and I met her at the door with the good news. No emergency room visit and no blood or complications as far as I could tell. It was the first time I'd ever really talked about poop to my mom, as weird as that sounds. It was just one of those things that never really came up. And what a way to introduce it for discussion. For the rest of the night and into the next day, I suffered. I had nausea and abdominal pain, the likes of which I'd never had. They lingered but eventually passed, like the traumatizing memories of that day. Everytime i shit now I thank God that things go through. And I know to keep them moving one way or another. There's no way to tell what caused the colossal blockage except to speculate it was a bad diet with a lack of vegetables and roughage/fiber. Either way, I was scared straight. I drink more water these days and eat better meals. And I've never talked about it since that day. I swear that this entire story is true. And I ask each and everyone of you to say a silent prayer right now that you've never been through it before like that. You may be sitting at a desk, on the couch or whatever...anything is better than being on the shitter with a baseball half in and half out of your asshole. Seriously. I shudder at the mere thought of ever being in that situation away from my home shitter. It could have been catastrophic had I not had immediate access to that suppository.
Dear pooptop,
Woah...
Oh my god! Pooptop's story was so fucking hilarious! But I've been constipated for like 2 days! I DONT WANT THIS SHIT TO HAPPEN TO ME!
Damn I am a real coward aren't I? I used to poop about two to three day's a week saying that is normal. After I left work I started pooping once a week. Then I got married and did not go to the toilet for number two for at least three weeks and I mean at least three. When I saw my husband go every single day I thought there was a problem with me but as I said I am a real coward, I did not go to the doctors nor medicine. I ate a lot of fruit and veg, drank a 1,5ltr bottle of water a day but nothing still seemed to be working. I put on 30 kilos in a few months! I got very angry and wanted to argue with anybody. I went to the chemist (really my husband went for me because I am embarrased to tell I'm constipated for about a month) they gave him two different types of tablets and a syrup saying they are very effective, good I thought started taking them as soon as possible, the next day I only pooped about 5 chickpea sized solid stool. The next day I went to my GP, he gave me an enema. As soon as I put the enema in I urged to the toilet, I could not hold it in for more than 2mins :*( Except for poop every thing came out. It has been a day of using a syrup begging God it will help :((
My longest was four days after an operation; the Percocet for pain kept me bottled up. Elsewhere on this forum I have told the epic story of final delivery, including manual disimpaction. I, too, thank God every time I have a normal bowel movement.
The longest I've ever been constipated for was around six months. No joke. I've had this chronic constipation condition all my life. It was uncomftrable, painful, and I was miserable. I didn't poop out my mouth like people say you do, but I gained lots of weight. I had to go to the hospital and there they put a tube that went from my nose to my stomach inside me, that pretty much flushed me out. I literaly shit for 2 days straight. I'm cured now. =D
There are countless times that I have been constipated. The longest I have been constipated as far as I can remember has been four days. When I am constipated, I am trying every 1/2 hour to go on the toilet, in the hopes that I will get much needed relief. Most recently was last week, and I was constipated for about a day and a half. We were at my in-laws' house, and there were a lot of people there, because my wife's grandfather died last week. Needless to say, there were 2 bathrooms, and lots of people using them. One of the bathrooms was in the hallway, and the other was in the master bedroom. Both of which have great acoustics, and paper thin walls. This was the recipe for everyone hearing every fart and plop. I first went everytime I felt an urge, but used the bathroom in the hallway. I am a shameless shitter, so I am not afraid to go and poop where and when I need to. One point in this ordeal, after a futile and fruitless trip to the toilet, my brother in law said to me, "your o-ring must really hurt." I just said that fortunately it didn't, and this came with the IBS territory. I was determined to rid my body of this massive brown beast. So, I went to the toilet every 1/2 hour until finally, the relief came. This time I decided to use the bathroom in the master bedroom, so I could sit there as long as I needed to. Within a minute, the plug came out with a big splash, and relief was had. That was followed by about three waves of much looser poop. I then got up, wiped, and as I was pulling back on my pants, and flushed;, another intense wave hit. I immediately pulled my pants back down, and quickly sat back down on the toilet, for another three waves of the same, and then I tried to get up another four times to join the group, when another wave hit every time i got up. When all was said and done I had a total of ten waves and flushed the toilet 14 times in a 45 minute period. Unfortunately, I have many other stories similar to that, but will save them for another time.
_______In search of the ever evasive BM
The longest was 2 weeks, after I had an operation, the normal meds I was allergic to, so the ones they gave me blocked me up for a little over 2 weeks_______I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!
I just got over a 4 dy stint which I'm sure was caused by dehydration. I tried all sorts of random home remedies to get things moving..olive oil, lots of fruit tons of water...the fourth day I had some serious bloat and pain in my abdomen so I pulled out the glycerin suppositories and chocolate exlax. Decided to go with the glycerin first as it is supposedly 'fast acting' ...nothing happened so I broke off 2 pieces of chocolately exlax, popped them in my mouth and went to bed with dreams of waking up and taking a relieving giant dump. Woke up ...nothing...everywhere I have read said not to drink coffee...however I dont function mentally without it...so I brewed up a super strong pot of coffee took two sips and had to literally run to the washroom where I sat and showed the toilet no love. I have never felt better..seriously.
Poop shooter, it can happen. I couldn't go to the bathroom for over 2 weeks because of being on Trazadone (and already having IBS-chronic-C) and I finally staggered to the health center, holding my stomach. I was extremely bloated and felt like I had swallowed a bowling ball. They took an x-ray because they thought something was SEVERELY wrong with me, but no- my intestines were quite literally CLOGGED. They gave me milk of magnesia, and NOTHING happened. I had to come back and get this magnesium sulfate- the most horrible substance known to man. It tastes like very sour, salty melted lemon jello (and they claim it tastes like sprite.) A couple of days later I was in the bathroom for 13 hours with a nasty liquefied bloody mess emitting from me, sweating, feeling extremely nauseous, and having some of the worst stomach cramps in my life.
The lessons I have learned are: Do NOT take trazadone for Insomnia. Use Miralax and Stool softeners.
However I still have incidents of over a week with no poop. :(
I've gone an entire week a few times in my life. Recently it was due to surgery. The surgery was on my hand so I can only imagine it was the general anesthesia that slowed my system down.
I've also had issues stemming from long term antidepressant use. I have been off & on them for the past 18 years. Most of them constipate me.
The worst were the old tricyclics. I was literally shitting rocks once a week when I took them. Now that I am on SSRI's and take stool softeners, I go every 3 or 4 days. Still not as often as I'd like but I can live with it.
I've had the constipatory type IBS for a 5 years now and the longest it's taken to drop the kids off at the pool was 7 days. Oh, sure, there were the occasional few rabbit poop projectiles during the week that I thought were going to be diamonds by the time they made their exit due to the pressure required to eject them, but really nothing substantial appeared even though I was eating somewhat normally.
Finally, after including copious amounts of fiber in my diet after day #3 with no relief, and a couple of Colace after day #5, I felt the pain of a colon as enthusiastic about getting going, with all the pain of metal grinding on metal, as a V8 engine being started with no oil. I could just feel the train wheels breaking free of the track.
At the end, my o-ring was greeted by a hard wall of pellets which I'm sure caused the nice little split I felt open for each square wheel of Count Chocula's train to roll over on the way through the tunnel.
Relieved at last, the result required some admiration before flushing and the realization that a weeks worth of food had boarded up and was headed out. Relief immediately swung to apprehension and I was forced to complete my deliveries in pain.
Fissures, I thought, are only supposed to be around Volcanoes. I know now otherwise.
In response to: poop shooter's post "Also, any who answered 3 weeks - month has to be lying. Your shit would come out of your mouth by then and you would probably be dead!"
Well, I have gone 3 weeks without having a bowel movement and at no point was I shitting out of my mouth nor did I come close to dying! As of right now, it has been 22 days since the last time I took a dump. 22 fucking days and you had better believe that I am feeling rather shitty right now! The last time it went this long, I took a stimulant laxative and that made me feel so much worse than just being backed up. The bastard turd ripped my arse hole! Not only that, but I was vomiting and shitting for more than 2 hours straight following just one dose (2 tabs)! 3 days ago I started taking Phillips stool softener and laxatives together and so far nothing has happened. I swear, at night when I am trying to go to sleep it feels like I am being cut from the inside out. I can feel my shit moving, albeit slowly, and it HAS to be hard as hell for it to be cutting like it is. Tomorrow I am using a men's catheter and a cath syringe and running some warm water 2 feet up my arse to soften the shit that way. My husband keeps telling me to drink prune juice...been there, done that. I have MS and lupus...and am on some heavy duty pain meds. This happens about once every 3-5 months where I will get backed up beyond a week. Even though I only drink water (a lot of it too!) and keep up on my fiber intake, I still get backed up. It sucks! Anyway...I'm not dead and I'm not lying. The next time you go in for a doctor's visit, ask your doc if it is humanly possible to go 3 weeks without taking a shit. You'll be surprised! It happens more often than you may think! Just look at the votes for the question, more than 20% have gone 1-3 weeks without a shit!
More than a month. When I was a kid my sister kept complaining about the smell of my poops we shared a room connected
to a bathroom. Being the age I was. I wanted to be her best friend really bad she was my cool older sister!So I
started not pooping when I had urges till I couldn't wait any longer then I would go to the bathroom and let out as
little as possible to stop the urge. At the start I would generally go a couple days without pooping then I would let
out a little inch or two long ribbon of poop never completely emptying. After a while my poops got firmer and thicker I
remember it being hard to pinch through them to break off the ends. Also the frequency of my urges slowed down over
time. And my hunger level dropped way off as well. Till with out even realizing it I had gotten fully backed up.
I remember I was sitting in class one day and I had the worst pain in my stomach like something was ripping inside me
or being cut and at the same time I uncontrollable constant urges to poop. If the poop hadn't been so thick and firm
i'm sure I would have filled my pants in front of my friends. When I could sort of regain my composure and speak I
asked to go to the bathroom, I tried to walk out of the room normally but I was in severe pain. When I got to the
bathroom I still couldn't poop even though my body was pushing as hard as it could. For 25 mins I sat there till it was
time for my next class, I only had one more class so I went and sat there in agony with my body almost constantly
involuntarily trying to force the poop out till school was over.
I lived close enough to the school that I walked or rode my bike. I didn't want to poop at home because of my sister
phobia but I realized if I didn't poop I would probably need to go to the hospital. So I went to a park near our house
that had a pretty deep woods. when I had gotten pretty deep and found a fallen branch to sit on I started to push after
a while the log began to move a little but it was too thick to pass through my anus and I was beginning to feel like I
might tear so with all my might I squeezed it to make the mass small enough to fit through. It was so exhausting. For
over thirty minutes I pushed out a tiny ammount then squeezed pushed then squeezed. I looked down between my legs and
could see about a 2.5 inch thick dark brown clay looking mass hanging out of me.
After about 16 inches had been pushed out of me like that my body had a huge contraction I felt my anus stretch
painfully wide for a fraction of a second then the clay like part ended and a huge mass of slightly softer poop rushed
out of me. This poop was still quite solid but not so much so that my anus was being torn by it. I'd guess another 16
to 24 inches of poop came out of me in about 1 second.
I felt extreme relief at this point but I felt like I had more in me but when I pushed I couldn't get it out. I was
feeling so much better decided to pull up my pants and start heading home. The pile of poop I let out was huge I
couldn't believe it all came out of me. But I honestly felt 10 pounds lighter and my tummy was noticeably trimmer and
wasn't firm to the touch like it had been before.
That night while sleeping I woke up with another urge to poop. I didn't want to bother my sister but I got up to go to
the bathroom. When I sat down I thought about doing the pinch but after the relief I had felt earlier I just wanted to
be empty so I let it all out. And for the first time in over a year I was completely empty. I have to admit it felt
very strange after needing to poop at some level constantly for so long. when I looked in the toilet there was another
log that was basically the same as the earlier softer poop it was about 16 inches long and 2 inches wide. Luckly this
was before low flow toilets and our mega flush was able to handle it with out too much trouble. When my sister woke up
she said it stank like poo which it did, I was totally embarrased but I felt so much better.
After that my toilet habits for a long time were basically hold it till I had a bad urge which after that stretching
was about every other week, I continued going to that same woods to poop till I was done with high school and moved out
of my parents house.
At the time most of this seemed normal to me. Till high school when I started to realize it wasn't normal but I still
did it anyways.
To the best of my knowledge, I have been constipated for over 40 years._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
I have gone (or not gone as the case may be) for 19 days. I finally got some relief from a Gertrude Hawk sugar free peanut butter and chocolate santa. God bless sorbitol
2-3 weeks whilst at my aunts house one summer. I would not crap in her toilet.
Right now, it's been about 4 days and I am starting to get uncomfortably backed up. I just took 2 senna so I hope for some relief soon.
I also have constipation for days. And when the shit comes out sometimes my a-hole hurts. I have Excitement shits too they come out of me when I get excited or happy, and when the shits hit the toilet bowl water it will have a splash sound Psshh! And you can feel the water hit back up your ass! Ahhh what a nice feeling!
I thought that splash was nice... Until the other day when I had to shit standing (filthy toilet seat) and got hit in the mouth. _______I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!
I have been straining hard for days now ....and i just cant go ...ive tried biting on things ....tried pooping standing up ...but im bunged up solid and bored of sitting on the toilet waiting for something to happen , but at lest writing this while i am sat here plugged up and desperately straining to go makes me feel slightly better ....Is anyone else having the same problem ??
TSV, I really hate when someone just walks into the stall and hits me in the mouth while I'm trying to shit standing up. Can't even run after them.
PD, you can run after them. Just make sure you're not wearing any pants.
And hopefully not sporting a brown tail.
the only time i have been constipated was when i had surgery... i have had more liqued shits my entire life... it sucks
Ive just come down from the toilet after giving up !..I strained for about 30 mins to go ...but couldnt ...I am bunged up solid ...tried ex lax , tried sennecot ...but still i just sit there straining and grunting ...i was constipated for over a week once (ive almost got there now too)...we were on holiday and my wife was plugged up too ...we took it in turns to try
Just had a good idea! Ever snapped off a bolt in a casting? The only way to get the remnants out is to drill down the middle and insert an ezy-out (a kind of hardened steel tapered thing with a left-hand spiral on it), then spray the whole lot liberally with WD-40 and gently twist that ezy-out anti-clockwise. Now, applying the same principle. . .
...just bevery careful with the drill...
I have had quite a time with going #2. I have been cramping alot for about a month, and for the last two weeks I have not #2d, so my next attempt was to take magnesium citrate which really cleaned me out but I still felt a lot of cramping and stomach pain.so a week later I decided to go the Wally World and pick up another dose of mag cit but instead my good and faithful friend said " I think it would be better if you took the castro oil"... I agreed with him and as soon as I bought it and out of the store we left I opened that sucker and drank down half of the bottle so I could end the bloat and cramp feelings I have had to long. Well all was fine for about 2 hours while watching t.v. we heard a thunderous crack,we both looked down at my stomach and knew something was brewing. I soon jumped to my feet and the storm was here. I was up and down of the porcelin throne several times all the rest of the night and soon the next morning it was almost finished. I felt a sence of relief that I had nothing left to give. So I went back to bed..... slept for 2 more hours felt great the rest of the day except the pain started all over again this time I went to see a doctor and he said it could be my galbladder which I will have a ultrasound done this week. now I don;t have cramps anymore and my stomach feels better BUTT.... I can't go #2 again....Help what the heck is going on with my pipes? Should I take some more castro oil just for old time sakes or just let it come natural.........Thanks all comments welcome
as a child, i had some really bad liquidy shits. when i was at school one day i shit my pants in front of everyone. it was all in my pants and running down my legs. i tried unsuccesfully waddled my way to the bathroom but my friends caught up with me and said "caitlin why are you running away from us" and i had to flat out tell them "i have to take a shit! it running down my legs" it was the most embrassing moment of my life.
I have had some problems since I was really young. Whenever I have constipation I usually can't go for about 2 - 3 weeks. And when I do go it is a really big piece of shit. I am asisted by lactulose and some stool softeners. Glad I don't have to go through the trauma again!
Is it bad when you cannot remember the last time you took a dump....
I honestly cant remember and ive been scared to take one, because i dont want to blow my asshole out like pooptop *shudders*
Been chronically constipated all my life.
Right now im suffering bad stomach cramps, been bunged up for about a week, i'm taking movicol and senna *shudders*
Senna? WTF? That's the stuff I use for my hair...I think._______The Original Grasshopper
I am amazed to see sooooo many blog posts about constipation. Every day of my life that I can remember has been so engulfed by taking dumps...i do not know the meaning of constipation. Ive never held my poop in for an amount of time no longer than 2 hours..the second my ass touches that cold porcelain seat, my ass explodes in a super nova of extreme nirvana. If the most painful of poops are found pleasureful when the massive beast within is finally subdued to the murky depths of my toilet bowl. I swear...sometimes I dont even touch the toleit...just hover 2 inches above it and fire my super special ass cannon attack on the other unsuspecting turd like submarines that have already made their main voyage. The only poop irregularity that I have 100% in control is changing the color to green....How you ask? Eat a shit load of non-named brand captain crunch: wild berries. I swear there is some kind of science formula for the magic that paints my feces such a vivid green.
As i state again for all you constipated people who cant poop, poop out your mouth, poop out softball size turds...(go see a damn doctor) EAT SOME FUCKING FIBER...i swear you'll poop so damn much you'll wish you were constipated again...your ass raw from pushing so much, time and time again..until your asshole puckers out like a chimpanzee trying to kiss someone. But the satisfaction....is well worth it.....
Dear Very Much Amazed............You poop every two hours? Pardon me for saying so but I think that is considered somewhat excessive. Of course since something of a double negative seems to be involved in that particular sentence of your post I"m not sure that is what you are saying.
My daughter, who has been an RN for over twenty years, tells me that for some unfortunate people a change of diet does not cure their constipation problem. If you cut back to two or perhaps three dumps per day your balloon knot will probably stop looking like a chimp's lips looking for a kiss. I believe that look is called a prolapse and is in no danger of becoming a fashion trend.
_______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
Chief hedidnt say he poops q2h he said he never held it past 2 hours. and he didnt say his chimp he said if one goes alot one will have an asshole that looks like chimp lips. nevermind, what you said was funny anyhoo._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Good news for all of you chronically constipated. Miralax is a wonder drug for people with constipation, pretty much regardless of how severe it is. It says on the label not to take it for longer than 7 days without doctors orders, but if you read the reviews on the web (and according to my doctor as well) most doctors and nearly every user considers this stuff safe for pretty much all your life.
Furthermore, it does not create any urgency or give you the "runs." It just restores your ability to produce normal, comfortable turds, provided of course that you also consume the recommended amount of fiber and water. Try it, and I can pretty much guarantee you are going to love it. If you are concerned about extended/continual use, ask your doctor. (Also pretty good for IBS sufferers according to reviews on the web.)
I've been constipated for about three weeks now, and it hurts to even go poo._______Russell the shitting queen
Its been two weeks.. I thought at first that I was prego, but since coming back from my OBGYN that is crossed off the list! I've gained about 8 lbs since (probably all food I've been consuming!) It all started when I woke up one morning with what I thought was diarrhea, but nothing much came out, that happened three times. The third time it felt like all my nerves were on end... my whole body just hurt! Then I started to go numb all over, I could hardly feel my body. It was at this point I called my hubby cause I was scared I was dying. I wasn't in pain anymore because of how numb I was. Then my sight started to go! I was completely fine the night before and had been "Regular" before. I tried to go into our bedroom to get a robe on, but I fell down and saw my reflection in the mirror.. I looked like I was about to die! scariness. It was over in about an hour. Feeling came back to me, breathing was normal. But now.. And its been two weeks since then.. I haven't gone to the bathroom except maybe a tiny tiny bit twice so far. I have a small achy feeling on my left side. But everytime I try to push something out, nothing will come out. I set up an appointmet to see a Gastrologist. Lets hope they get me to normal soon. I've been reading about obstructed intestines and it sounds deadly.
one day I was at a party, and I had to take a shit very badly. So I went to the restroom.. but right when i sat down. My asshole exploded with shit like a fountain. It wasnt your regular type of hard poo that comes out. Mine was watery and sounded like piss. It was hot. When i came out i had some dripping from my leg. It was so embaressing.
A little worried. Why didnt you go to the er when you felt numb all over. You could have had a stroke. If it happens again call 911._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
I've had bowel problems since I can remember. All through my youth I would go months without pooing..which would result in the poo coming out at a very slow rate..directly into my underwear. I had shit in my underwear every day almost. My mother would eventually force me to use enemas and suppositories which would result in huge dumps. They took me to doctors and all they ever did was tell me to take milk of magnesia or suppositories. I had this problem up until I was probably 13 or 14 yrs old. Crazy thing is that I don't even know why or how I did it. Now I only get the urge to go about every 2-3 days on average. I'm kinda scared I have stretched my intestines or desensitized my colon, as I always hear people say that once or even twice a day is the norm. Anyways, I started eating less AND healthier and excercising about a week ago. I haven't shit since. I just took an enema today and finally shit, but it was no where near the amount of food i've taken in in the past week. Plus 3 days ago i ate corn...no sign of corn.
I don't actually know the answer to this question. I have gone without shitting for so long once that I forgot when the last time it was I went. I'd say it was a good 2 to 3 weeks._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
This is especially true when flying across several time zones and eating different foods.
Analimpact, go to a Gatroenterologist. Ask for a clonoscopy and jumbo biopsies. it has to be JUMBO biopsies. You might have Hirschsprung's varient. Your symptoms sound like mine and i went improperly diagnosed for 49 yrs.(im 49 now.) I believe if doctors would do jumbo biopsies on chronicly constipated patients, then they would find Hirchsprung's varient is not really as rare as it is assumed to be. _______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Yesterday is when it happened. I just felt the thing just pushing to come out, so I went to the bathroom. OH MY GOD. Friggin hurt like hell. I was sitting on the toilet for...about an hour? Anyway, I just felt hot, sweaty, sick and ready to faint on my bathroom floor. I whimpered, I groaned, hell, I even cried. I could feel it tearing my ass so bad, so I used a tissue to help break it apart with my hand. The thing I hate about it is how HARD it feels. I couldn't even break it. Now, I've had constipation before, so, I knew how it worked. Last time I had it, It was so bad that I had to fill the tub with warm water and sit inside. I had to do the same those time. Except, I was in the downstairs bathroom, so I stood up and literally wobbled upstairs with a brown tail. I turned on the water and waited until it was at a good level before I jumped in naked. Now, it is disgusting to sit in your bathtub with poop in stuck in your ass, but I didn't give a damn at that moment. I think when someone is severly constipated, they'll go through great lengths just to get it out. That's what I did. The water softened it, so all I had to do was stay on my hands and knees (whilst still in the tub) and waited for the sucker to come out. IT HURT, but because it was softening, it came out. Unfortunately, my body was...pulling the turd back inside my body...so only a chunk came out. But that chunk alone was comparitive to a baseball. This morning, I had to pee, but the poop decided that it was gonna come out. SHEER pain! I mean, my asshole didn't even recover from last night's episode! Luckly, the tub was right there, so without even thinking about it, I filled it up and repeated the same thing I did yesterday. Ugh, soon, it all came out. Finally, right? Yeah, except I felt EXTREME dizziness and nausea. My ears felt hot, too. Anyway, I'm in slight cramping pain now, but as I'm laying on my bed and reading these stories (which made me feel slightly better), the pain has subsided. I'm on a mission to drink lots of water and prune juice right now, and my stomach is growling so I'm gonna eat some fibers. I have a feeling that I will gave another painful time tonight, but, damn it, I'm gonna prepare for it. I also heard some people on here talk about mirilax, so I'll look into that now. Wish me luck.
...By the way, in case you were wondering...I DID shit in my tub and had to clean it up. Then I had to heavily sanitize my tub and my hands. Gross.
Dear sick, I have had to poo in tub water before because it kept me from feeling the burn. I haven't had to do that in a couple of years. There is no fire in the hole presently, but this time tomorrow I'm positive that I will be burning from mg citrate._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
i have ibs, i went 3 months without pooing and no one beleives me but it's true....this time i'm trying to do the same..i won't take lactulose and see how long i can go without the urge...
Anon.....Sorry but I must question the possibility of going 3 months without pooing, unless you also went 3 months without eating.
Anon, if you have gone three months without pooping then you have a megacolon, my dear one._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
I've gone a whole month without having a bowel movement [it was august] I was hot and sweating because the head and in pain from not being able to use the restroom. god that was the worst fucking month of my whole entire life.
when i went it felt like the gates of hell opening. you couldn't even imagine the feelings I felt.
LOL....I am confused....this is August the 8th, if you had a bowel movement in August it would have been within 8 days, not a month. Why did the head make you hot and sweaty? God should be capitalized even if you don't believe in him, especially if you start a sentence with his name.
It's been 3 weeks since I have gone. I am hypothyroid but constipation has never been this bad. Maybe max, a week. Here's what I have tried:
Fiber One and Activia- taking it everyday for 2 weeks and nothing
Milk of Mag- took it for 4 days but only watery brown liquid. No solids at all
Flaxmeal- 3 TBSP a day for a week. Nothing
Enema- took it once, just shit liquid with a few rabbit pellet poops. But not much.
Miralax- taken for the past 7 days. twice a day and nothing. The occassional semi-solid snake poop but very small. Starting tomorrow the doctor said I can take it 3 times a day. I have killed a "14-day" bottle in 6 days.
My belly is getting bigger and bigger and pants aren't fitting. Not nauseous anymore- I was week one. I am drinking a lot of flaxmeal and Miralax smoothies because they go down easy.
I need suggestions! Help!
Just wanna shit.....When you say "the doctor" are you referring to a general practitioner or an endocrinologist? If you are hypothyroid you really would be better off seeing a specialist. This information may be helpful.
A fellow thyroid sufferer.
FIRST OFF. these stories make me feel right in place. i go poop like once a month, cloggin' up the toilet every time i go. every month i go for 3 days straight, taking huge snake poops that poeple call "moons" b/c of the cresent shape of the moon as the crap goes around the shape of the bowl. this last month of constipation was the worse, i didnt necisarily start gaining weight but i shure did look fatter from just above my belly button down.( i actualy lost 10pounds) if i touched my stomach i could feel the poop flowing around it was horrible. but i was too much of a coward to go b/c of the fear of DESTROYING the toilet i went in. finally i got some pills and it made me poop and i started eating fiber and i couldnt contain it..i litterally DESTROYED the toilet i used and had to take the poop out with a plastic bag =) haha. but now im better and i go everyother day....finally after 10years of only going once a month.RELIEF!!!!
pooptop sorry to laugh at you BUTT your story was so funny you have a great way of putting things ive never laughed so much i my life anyway ive been constipated for five days now this happened last week too 5 days before im too scared to eat now i keep thinking my belly is going to explode
Im pretty fukin scared to go to the toilet atm cause ive been constipated for about 1 week at a time for 3 weeks now. Feels like im shitting bricks to the point where i cant wipe cause i ripped my asshole out. Took some ex lax and having a constant flow of water all the time, until i need to piss, then back onto the water. I eat plenty of vegetables and go to the gym 3 times a week, but dont eat much fibre and drinkign things like coffee, tea and stuff like this that dehydrates you so tryin to stop that now.
Thank my lucky brown star I am not alone. This site almost makes me feel normal, 3 weeks has been the max for me with just the occasional rabbit dropping. Years ago I could go and my log would touch the porcelin pond before it broke off, I'd be really pissed cos those type are a real bitch to clean out of my hairy crack. Well I got my wish, now they are solid little chocolate drops which feel the size of a Mars bar but generally easy to clean up. Been about four days now... . . .feeling bloated, out of breath and a bit light headed. Doctor put me on Movicol, the recommended dosage is 1-2 per day, took 6 in a day to clear the last turd trap.
For most of my life I've been constipated. It's never been painful, but I never have felt I take a full dump, always been just pellets. I'm an athlete, (always have been) working out nearly every day of the week, eating well, enough fiber, water, but I can't seem to poo. When I was younger, I did hold it in (I'm not sure why) and I remember one time straining on the toilet, sweats and everything (must have been around 7 years old). I felt the massive hard poo slowly coming out, then, it was stuck. I tried squeezing it off or back up, but I'm guessing my anus was too weak or the turd too hard. I panicked and yelled for my mom. She sat on the bathtub and had me push, but to no avail. She put on rubber gloves and picked the pooball out of me. I swear to god the embarrassment could have killed me. After she got that part, she felt around and asked if i could get the last part out, and I tried, but failed again. I remember literally crying because of that poo. Anyway, it's not that I don't take some form of shit for any long periods of time, its that I never have taken a good, healthy shit. ever.
Perhaps you need to drink more water. I myself get dehydrated very easily, and it has all kinds of unpleasant effects on the body._______Every poop is not to be told to every body.
Or you could always just stick a garden hose up your ass to water those little pellets. Who knows you may have a chia ass and you'll grow a lovely lush garden back there._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Yes, that sounds like a good story for PoopReport!_______Every poop is not to be told to every body.
The longest I've gone without pooping is about a week. All I know is... weird things happen when I travel, and the beast broke free almost immediately upon my return home.
Psychosomatic? or just psycho? You be the judge. _______How I beat IBS
I was just looking for a picture of chimpanzee poop when i found this site......this is crazy!!! Happy pooping folks. By the way I think a giant monkey is loose in my neighborhood!!!
If you find out he is flinging poop come back and tell us about it!_______Every poop is not to be told to every body.
I still have a strong memory of being about five or six years old and having it half in and half out, and not going anywhere. I remember my parents made me drink something (castor oil?) and once I finally got it out a couple of hours later (yes I sat there the whole time), I was on a daily dose of Fletcher's Castoria for a very long time after that.
Tooth extractions cause me to get constipated, too. The soft diet and the pain killers. I remember my naturopathic physician telling me that you need to go every day or toxins will build up. She told me to try *unsweetened* probiotic yogurt (at least five cultures listed on the label).
Well, this was in September when I had my last tooth extracted. I did not go for four days. I decided to take an Ex-Lax. No joy. Took another 12 hours later. No joy. The next morning, I had my hubby get some of that yogurt she was talking about. In the meantime, I had taken yet another Ex-Lax.
I remember watching a program on the couch and noticing that the 12 hour time lapse for Ex-Lax was about up. I got up and thought, what the heck? I will just open the huge container of probiotic unsweetened yogurt hubby had graciously gone to the store to get. No more had I gotten the lid off when it hit! I dashed in and shot those missiles right out!
Hubby looked at me strangely as I exited the bathroom, the sound of the swirling water in the background, open container of yogurt on the counter. "Damn!" I exclaimed. "That yogurt works faster than I thought!"
Another one was a travel story. Last March meant a 12 hour trip over snowy mountains in Oregon from Idaho to go to a memorial service. I was so nervous (I have IBS) the day before we left, I did not go. I did not go the day we travelled non-stop for 12 hours. I did not go the day of the memorial service. At the memorial reception, I did not want to eat anything served just because I was afraid I was going to explode. I politely nibbled on cashews in a dish next to where I was sitting.
Went back to our hotel and I sat in a tub of warm water, cheeks held open, hoping some of that water would travel up there and do its job.
Nothing. Went to bed. Had trouble sleeping but did get some sleep.
It was the next morning and time to leave. Right before we checked out, it hit! I went enough to cover a week's worth in a variety of shades.
I have since figured out that it was the magnesium in the cashews that moved me and to this day, if I skip more than two days, I resort to those.
By the way, nothing like having your father upon meeting your co-workers, tell them about the day when you were five or six calling out to let your parents know "Help! The poo is stuck between my bumps!"
I've been constipated for pretty much as long as I can remember. Since I was in elementary school my friends used to make fun of me because I would always clog the hell out of the school toilets.
My frequency of crapping back then used to be about once every three days. Since I've gotten older, it's steadily gotten worse. In high school it was about once a week, in college, it became about once every three weeks. I'm now 38 years old and I only crap every ten weeks.
I'm not joking about this either and it's not funny or amusing at all. I realize this website is just for jokes and having fun, but this is really a serious issue for people like me. Whenever I feel a crap coming on, I start to feel it about two weeks in advance. In the first week it's just like a settling sensation in my gut, and I start getting a lot of nauseousness whenever I lie down on my side or change the orientation of my body. For that week, I can do no physical exercise without causing me to just throw up profusely.
The week before the shit, I start to get the shakes and cold sweats. They come on worse and worse as the days go by. Three days before the crap, I usually can barely move my body and I am confined to the bed. At this point I'm usually trying everything in God's name to get the turds out of my body. I've tried taking ex-lax, fiber, probiotics, everything, you name it, I've tried it. I've tried a bunch of %&^^%& things like laying on my back and having my girlfriend drop a big sack of potatoes on my stomach to try and loosen things up. So far I haven't found a solution.
The day before the crap, each second is like an eternity of pain and at that point I am usually just praying to God that the shit will come soon and that it won't kill me when it happens. I usually spend a good 24 hours or so just sitting on the toilet, just waiting for it to happen, holding prayer beads (I shit you not), just praying my ass off, saying Hail Maries over and over, everything to try to prepare myself for I know what's coming.
When the urge to pass the turds finally comes, I am usually tremoring so bad and sweating and coughing so much that I have to hold on to the toilet seat with both hands just to retain my sense of balance. Then when the shit comes, well... there's nothing that can describe it. I've had my toilet retrofitted of course to where it's more like the size of a small bathtub, with a kind of disposal type device in the bottom that they use in zoo and other industrial settings for disposing of the feces of large animals, horses, giraffes, elephants, you get the point. This toilet isn't even really a toilet, it's actually an industrial waste disposal unit, so it doesn't have a seat or anything like that, just a hard steel opening.
The first few turds that come out are the worst -- absolute behemoths, usually as thick as my ankle and as long as my forearm. These guys come out one by one, and I have to stand up and snap them off against the lip of the toilet seat to get them to disengage. After a couple of these, I start unleashing an incredibly long torrent of frozen yogurt style poop. These snakes uncoil from my bowels for usually ten to fifteen minutes, in which I flush basically as frequently as the toilet water can keep replenishing itself.
This is all capped off at the end by a thirty second, high pressure spray that paints the bowl black. For the past couple years I have learned to wear a kind of plastic pancho with a hole cut out for my ass so that the inevitable shit backsplash doesn't soak my entire body and bathroom. I make sure to do a good job of pressing my ass against the opening of the toilet to try and make a vacuum seal, but it's fucking horrendous because the spray always manages to shoot out. It always winds up covering the entire water holding unit and the back and side walls around the rear of the toilet.
At the end of this I've usually lost about 20 pounds and I'm completely exhausted and fatigued, I usually draw a bath while this is going on and then just throw myself into there, as I find it helps me "warm down" from the excursion.
Fortunately, I guess since the constipation has been going on so long, my asshole seems to have adapted and it seems to come out through this process intact --- no fissures, no surgeries, and a minimum of blood (although there's always a bit of blood for the first few behemoths.) I've learned to make the process a little easier lately by rubbing KY jelly all along my asshole and asscrack right before the shit comes.
At the end of the crap, I've lost so much weight that it takes me another day off work to kind of regain my inner equilibrium and my stomach has huge cramps as it kind of readjusts back to normal. Whatever, I've seen doctors, I don't know what else to do except hope it doesn't get worse.
Dayam, hogabman, you've got it bad. Way worse than me. Have you ever been tested for Hirschsprung Varient?_______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Wow, after reading everyone's stories about being plugged up, I have to consider myself really lucky. I poop at least once a day, sometimes twice and they're always really nice easy ones that are painless and make your belly all flat when you're done. However, I went to Mexico on a group trip with my family and some people from church three years ago and I think it was a combination of the food and the unfamiliar environment...I didn't poop for 4 days. Plus, I usually go for a run first thing in the morning, which tends to shake everything loose and I wasn't able to run as often down there. Fortunately, when I finally DID go, it wasn't immensely painful or anything. I drank plenty of water and ate lots of fiber the whole time, so I just ended up producing one very very large turd and then I was back to my regular schedule.
And for anyone who claims you can't be constipated for 3 weeks or more, be aware that the colon is large and can stretch. You can definitely go 3 weeks without pooping, but when you DO eventually go, be prepared to have your pants fit at least 2 inches looser. _______An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!
hobagman - for the love of all that's holy, and for the sake of your holey, please look up "food combining" on the web... and then actually try it.
I am thrilled to find out there that are so many others that will share stories about this serious issue. It's like finding out that there are s many that are bi=polar and are willing to share about this "closet" problem. I am a long time person with a poop problem and am loking for solutions. I am not happy with the stool softeners or any other otc products.I have a cronic, major "plug the toilet" problem. Any suggestions????
I can't shit when I'm nervous or in a hurry to shit....but whenever I take a shit I get nervous so it doesn't work out. The only time I can shit is if I have complete privacy.
About 6 or 7 days, but that was after having a baby so I think it was because of the stitches or something. No amount of lactulose (yummy stuff) or fybogel (that stuff's vile) would work. When I finally pooped, it was the weirdest smelling poop of my life!
Sorry hobagman but I think your main problem is an overactive imagination. There were certain elements in your story that seemed to be attempts at humor and were entirely (at least to this hillbilly) unbelievable. You only shit five times a year? Come on, give us a break.
G Ras only pooped once a month for years. I fear to consider what it would be like to poop less than half that much.
_______.....hugging bunnies since 1969 www.daphneszoo.com
I am constipated ever since I was 11( now I'm 16) and I generally don't eat much through the day. My worst cases of being constipated are 1 month, it happened 3 times of which once I ended up in the hospital getting drilled by the doctor(when I was 11).
Now last year I had 2 more cases of getting constipated for 1 month and trust me, DO NOT CONSTIPATE AND DO THE UPMOST EFFORT NOT, REGARDLESS OF YOUR MEDICAL CONDITION. First I've drank 4 cups of green tea, then got a rubber glove with oil to drill my ass. It's gross, bad and The only stuff I used my life were supositories(those bullet-like meds), no laxatives, no enemas. I- wonder how am I alive.
Please don't categorize this stuff as funny, ever since I 've read this stuff I didn't laugh knowing that others suffer 10x mre pain than me(example the guy with the 12" poop, I was amazed how he got that size in just 1 week) Me after 1 month I sometimes do abit smaller than the hand's diameter.
Right now as I type this I felt the need to fart but I pooped liquid shit in my pants -_-" I just pray to God this liquid shit will lubricate/erode/soften the big log 'cause I don't want this feelign again in my life and I'll do the biggest effort not to constipate myself.
May God help you all.
The longest I went without pooping was about five days. Stupid me, I took a colon detox product called Colonix and didn't drink enough water. All the psyllium bulked up inside of me. I kept taking it, because that's what they said to do. After about three days, the cramps were sooooo bad I stopped taking it and started drinking alot of water. It still took a couple more days to get it out of me.
Never again will I take those BS products.
Random Guy -- God won't help us with this, we have to save ourselves (or each other--that's my mission).
Liquid poo tends to move around the stuck logs, not erode them... although maybe if you jump around a lot you might knock them loose so the liquishit can propel them out.
Not really, that was a joke, because this IS a poop HUMOR site after all. Really, you can fix your problem permanently with nothing more than regular old food. Since you don't eat much already, this should be VERY easy for you!
Contact me if you would like to learn more.
I used to "hoard it" when I was a kid. I remember having to get enemas, clogging the commode, and being ashamed. I think the longest I went was 3-4 weeks and I am going to write a report on it, because after that debacle I learned to crap more regularly.
I am fine now, but from about ages 5-11 I really didn't seem to understand the importance of pooping regularly.
_______the dapper crapper – shitting in style.
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